Quote From: movingonthenMy ex had a porn addiction and while that was not what destroyed our marriage, it certainly made me feel less than adequate. I thought woman were beautiful and that "looking" was no big deal, even though it tore apart my self-esteem. We eventually divorced due to his dishonesty and manipulation.
In the first few weeks that my new husband and I dated, we talked about my ex's porn habit. My new husband said that looking at porn (or other woman, period!) was cheating. He swore up and down that he would never look at porn and it was amazing how he never looked at other woman when we were out on dates. About six months after we were dating, I saw an email he had written to a company that their website "did not show any pregnant woman having sex - therefore, do not charge my credit card or I will report you to 'The Hun'". I was shocked, but he explained it away as sheer curiosity from a pop-up and that it would never happen again. Unfortunately, I caught him again six months after that on a site called hush-hush.com that is impossible to find, unless you know what you're looking for. It is filled with webcam clips from woman in the privacy of their own rooms doing whatever you can imagine. I found out his user name and password and opened his account. He had joined the site previously (two other times for a month at a time) and knew exactly what it was. I confronted him after a week of knowing about it. Of course he denied it and said everything from "I would NEVER do that to you - that would be cheating on you!!" to "You're crazy.... I think you're just making things up in your head!" I let him go on like this for about 10 minutes before I read him his user name, password, subscription dates, etc. He then admitted to it and said he was only curious... which I pointed out was not true because it was documented that he had been there before. He ended up saying that he should never have said that looking at porn was cheating... that all men did it. Anyway, to make a long story shorter.....
After much discussion, apologies and his renewed commitment to our relationship, we married in July of this year. We have seven children between us, our families and lives were so intertwined, and I truly, truly loved him. He said he would live the rest of his life making it up to me. Instead, he just gets angry when the subject comes up via a TV show about cheating or porn or whatever. I can't let go of it - it comes up a lot because I HATE the hypocrisy when he judges other people, (and the fact that I'm an idiot!). The foundation of our entire relationship was destroyed and his attitude when we get into it is "I don't need a recap of what I did in January." He says every argument that we get in, I throw it up in his face to win the argument. I do not think this is true, but I do bring it up if it is relevant.... especially with trust issues. Is it possible to just forgive and forget what happened??? Any tips??? Im floundering over here and there are a lot of people involved. I want my happy, peaceful life back.
