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Messages By: sweetness12x26

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October 6, 2006, 3:43 pm CDT

Cheated on and wants to starts life over

 I am 25 years old and I'm newly divorced. I found out that my Husband was cheating on me with  a woman on a Christan chat room. He was talking with heronthecomputer as well as the phone he did not see her until Sep t9,2006.Ihad confronted him with the ideas of that I had a gut feeling that he was cheating on me and he said no and got really angry. Then onSept 12,2006 he confided to me that he had been cheating on me foroverone month.His excuse was that he was not in love with me anymoreand didnot know how to tell me. He was or still is a Christian as well as a man of God he was called to preach and lead music. He lied to both me and the other woman he told her that he had been divorced for two years and that his Dad died of cancer. Of course he denied all of that.My Ex has adisorder it is called Bi Polar. I lived with it forfour years.He wasabusive both physically and emotionally.  He bashed my head in the wall few times and slapped me and pushed me andcalled me names. And finally could not take it anymore. Divorce was my only option. I am doing good with everything. I am moving forward and not looking back and I feel good about myself. I would like to meet a nice single white man who will treat me with respect and be loyal to me and treat me like I as a woman should be treated. If anyone fits this description and lives inMissouri around Ironton,Bismark and Farmington please contact me through this e-mail message.
Sweetness12x26
 
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November 3, 2006, 9:02 am CST

I know how it feels

Quote From: addiandcade

Two months ago, I finally ended my marriage.  We got married young, we were both into the party mode.  I got pregnant and I stopped.  He didn't.  I don't know how many women he cheated on me with- I never will.  He won't admit any infidelity.  But I've had girls call me tell me they slept with my husband, so I know he cheated.  He was emotional, physically, and mentally abusive to me.  Two weeks after our second child was born, and him comming home only 4 of out 14 days and being broke, I ended it.  I never thought I'd have the courage to leave him.  Now, I am happy.  It doens't even hurt anymore.  I'm glad it's over.  I'm glad he is gone.  He hasn't seen our children since we seperted nor has he helped me finically - but that's OK.  He'll get his soon enough.  I want to be an encouragement to other women who are stuck in dead-end abusive relationships - IT CAN BE BETTER - You Deserve Better!  Sure I get lonely occasionally, but compared to the last 5 years of my life I'm estatic!!

 Two months ago I also ended my marriage to my Ex-Husband of almost 6 years.We were married young I was 19 and he was 23. I married right out o high School. I met him when I was 15 and fell madly in love.You see he was a Music Director at the Church where we attended and filled in fo rthe Pastor when he was away. He was a Pastor in training. But there was a dark side to him he has a disorder it is called Bi-Polar, when I married him he was on medication for seizures and various other medications.  He did not feel the need to mention that he had a disorder, I went through 4 years of not knowing he had Bi-Polar. He would get angry and his eyes would glass over and you had to move or you would get hurt. He emotionally, physically and spiritually abused me. I had my head beat into the wall, I was shoved and called names. I wanted to leave but I was scared that he would hurt me if I did leave him.He claimed that if I left he would kill himself fso I stayed because I loved him. Also during our marriage he was flirting with other women. I put a stop to that. In July 2006 he said that he fell out of love with me but instead of telling me he decided to go to a Christian Chat Room and talk with other women. In September 2006 he decided to finally meet this woman. I found out about it 4 days after he met her. The only reason that I found out is because her phone number was still in my cell phone that he had taken with him over the weekend. I talked with her and she told me that he stated to her that the had been divorced for 2 years. What he did no know is that her sister worked at a church and decided to call the church where we attended to check him out the Pastor called back and it hit the fan,the Pastor called the lady he met and told her that he was married. My Ex did call her and admitted the truth to her she told him that she did not want anything else to do with him. In the meantime he lost his position in the church and later that night he lost me. I told him that if I ever caught him cheating I was gone it did not matter how much I hurt. We never had any children together for that I am grateful although I would have liked to have one. We filed divorce papers on September 15, 2006 the divorce became final on October16,2006.The worst part of it is that today November 3, 2006 would have been our 6 year anniversary.  But we are good friends now. I like that much better because I don't have to worry about his moods. I do miss him but I know that I made the right decision. Others please let me know if you think I made the right decision.
 ~ Sweetness~
 
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November 23, 2006, 6:32 pm CST

Have you tried?

Quote From: movingonthen

My ex had a porn addiction and while that was not what destroyed our marriage, it certainly made me feel less than adequate.  I thought woman were beautiful and that "looking" was no big deal, even though it tore apart my self-esteem.  We eventually divorced due to his dishonesty and manipulation. 

 

In the first few weeks that my new husband and I dated, we talked about my ex's porn habit.  My new husband said that looking at porn (or other woman, period!) was cheating.  He swore up and down that he would never look at porn and it was amazing how he never looked at other woman when we were out on dates.  About six months after we were dating, I saw an email he had written to a company that their website "did not show any pregnant woman having sex - therefore, do not charge my credit card or I will report you to 'The Hun'".  I was shocked, but he explained it away as sheer curiosity from a pop-up and that it would never happen again.  Unfortunately, I caught him again six months after that on a site called hush-hush.com that is impossible to find, unless you know what you're looking for.  It is filled with webcam clips from woman in the privacy of their own rooms doing whatever you can imagine.  I found out his user name and password and opened his account.  He had joined the site previously (two other times for a month at a time) and knew exactly what it was.  I confronted him after a week of knowing about it.  Of course he denied it and said everything from "I would NEVER do that to you - that would be cheating on you!!" to "You're crazy.... I think you're just making things up in your head!"  I let him go on like this for about 10 minutes before I read him his user name, password, subscription dates, etc.  He then admitted to it and said he was only curious... which I pointed out was not true because it was documented that he had been there before.  He ended up saying that he should never have said that looking at porn was cheating... that all men did it.  Anyway, to make a long story shorter.....

 

After much discussion, apologies and his renewed commitment to our relationship, we married in July of this year.  We have seven children between us, our families and lives were so intertwined, and I truly, truly loved him.  He said he would live the rest of his life making it up to me.  Instead, he just gets angry when the subject comes up via a TV show about cheating or porn or whatever.  I can't let go of it - it comes up a lot because I HATE the hypocrisy when he judges other people, (and the fact that I'm an idiot!).  The foundation of our entire relationship was destroyed and his attitude when we get into it is "I don't need a recap of what I did in January."  He says every argument that we get in, I throw it up in his face to win the argument.  I do not think this is true, but I do bring it up if it is relevant.... especially with trust issues.  Is it possible to just forgive and forget what happened???  Any tips???  Im floundering over here and there are a lot of people involved.  I want my happy, peaceful life back.

 Have you and your husband ever tried counseling? It is very helpful although my ex and I did counseling for a month it was very useful. It helps figure out why they are watching porn and how you can help them overcome the habit. Here is a pornography website you can look at it futher help you out. The website is www.afa.net  I hope that it will be helpful to you in the future. 
You can always forgive what has happened but you will never forget.When you two are fighting over something silly you might bring it up and make him angry all over again.  I know that first hand, it is not always simple as you think it is.
You will have trust issues for awhile but with counseling you can overcome that. Let me know what you decide to do.
 
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September 15, 2007, 4:07 pm CDT

Does Age Matter?

 I am with a man that is 10 years older than I am. First of all we don't look at our age difference. Our age difference does not matter to us. First of all we are happy and in love and that is all that matters at least to us. Our age difference may bother others but they have to deal with that not us.

 

As long as the two people who are in the relationship are happy that is all that matters. Age is just a number not a feeling. As the old saying goes you can't help who you fall in love with. And that is true. I am happy and in love with my man. And that is all that matters.

 

As long as both of you are happy that is all that matters.

 

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