Messages By: wendydarlingtx

  What would be considered "cheating?"  There was a man who actively pursued me when he would come in for customer assistance. He listened when I needed someone, and I listened when he needed someone. I am married and he is married. So many times I told my husband that I needed more of hiim - not just the leftovers after he finished with his busy day. I told him I wanted to have a heart-to-heart with him and I told him my needs were being met somewhere else (I was on the way out the door to meet a girlfriend and go bar-hopping). He looked up from the TV show he was watching to say..."have a good night tonight, don't be out too long."  He even had dinner on the table when I would come home at night so I would "have a full belly" when I went out that night. Again, I tried to tell him that we needed to address a few issues,  and he insisted that I was making a big deal over our "perfect marriage" After all, he was happy. He never came out with me even if I asked. He has never touched a drink to his lips, nor does he ever have the desire. So....one night he asked me point blank if I was seeing someone else, and I was flat out honest and said yes. I told him that I wasn't sure I could give this person up -after all, neither one of us wanted to break up our marriages - we just needed someone to listen. He forgave me within a few days, and he has never wanted to talk about it. I have never been sexually involved with another man - I just wanted my needs to be met by HIM. I can't make him "get it." We live in this world of "I'm ok-you're ok...."  I insisted on counseling to try to work through some things.....he was apprehensive. Can't figure him out. We have been married for 11 years now, and I still find that I am persued by men who "want to listen"....but once they discover I will not begin a sexual affair, they split.  So....what do you think?  Am I crazy? My husband insists that *I* have the problem and therefore, he doesn't  need to be couseled.........

In the mean time, I broke my relationship up with this other person, but I find myself in this same position with another person who wants to get to know me.  So, can anyone tell me whether or not this was considered being unfaithful?? It doesn't even matter to him.....any advice??

I think, in a perfect world, there is no such thing as too many cats...or dogs...or other animals that are cute and fuzzy. I remember a time when I came home from college we had 4 cats, 6 dogs, a persian guinea pig, a welsh pony staked out in our front yard, two ducks, a number of acquarium tanks from school (my dad was the science teacher), a cormrant took up residence by the pool and a blue parakeet flew in from nowhere...and we lived about 200 yards from the town bowling alley. On the other hand, the pony found a home on a horse farm down the road, one of the ducks went to live at Homossassa Springs, the parakeet died, the cormrant decided it didn't like chlorinated water and cooked fish so it left, and the acquariums went back to school once the holidays were over.

I love animals with a passion and I understand that lady deeply. I have two cats at present, having just found homes for three strays this summer. I tend to take in every stray that shows up  and find a home for it. Mom used to say we ran a halfway house for strays. I understand the need to take care of them and the heart break at the very idea of letting them fend for themselves in cold or bad weather, go hungry or unloved and it breaks my heart to see this lady do this. While I do, as stated, understand how she feels, she needs to see that unless she can afford to hire people to help with feeding, watering, grooming, vaccinating, spaying, neutering, etc., she is doing these babies a grave injustice. Contrary to popular belief, cats are not as independent as you might think. They need love and attention and they need brushing on a regular basis, especially the long-haired ones, because of the fur balls.  She needs to either move the cats to another, legal area and hire people to properly take care of them, or find homes for most of them, though I wouldn't limit her to four if she can handle them decently.

On the other hand, if her neighbors are calling Animal Control behind her back or feeding them antifreeze to poison them, then her neighbors ought to be made to drink the stuff and see how it makes them feel. I may agree that she has too many cats and too little assistance to take care of them, but I do not hold with any kind of animal cruelty at all. You think it's okay to poison animals just because you don't like them? You drink the poison. Do you beat your pets? Let somebody beat you and see how you like it. See how you would like being tossed out a car window or left out in 30 degree weather in the rain.

So while I agree that the lady needs to get some help with her cats, I also strongly say that her neighbors better leave them alone and not hurt them. For one thing, this lady obviously feels that nobody can take better care of them than she can or love them more.  I understand that feeling because I feel the same way and lose sleep over any I see that I think need loving.;

I also have a "hoarding" problem.  It's not that I don't want to get rid of most of what I have piled in my home, but I just don't know where to start, so I don't start at all.  I have started and stopped so many times!  I'm great at lists.  I feel like I have to have a plan in order to start.  My children are now grown and are embarrassed by our lifestyle.  They don't want to bring their girlfriends over, and who can blame them! 

If I clean one area, where do I go with the things that need to be kept?  I have bought tub after tub to organize my stuff, but my family says that all I'm doing is shifting piles. 

I don't want to live the rest of my life this way, either.  I wish that there was more compassion for this problem.  This message board itself shows that there is more compassion for a bunch of cats(who are great, mind you) than there is for a human who wants help, but does not know how to get it.  My own family is an example of this.  "All you have to do is get rid of everything!" They don't understand that the reason we have anxiety getting rid of stuff is that we don't know ourselves what we would be getting rid of!  What if it IS important! 

 Also, the embarrassment is so hard to overcome.  This is something that I thought I would know how to do by now.  I am 46 years old.  This should be easy.  Most people can keep there houses reasonably clean.  What is different about me that I can't?

 I am so tired of hearing about how women dream of their wedding from the time they are 5 years old and, therefore, they should be given whatever they want.  Instead we should demand that women move their focus from one big party to the marriage. 

While I am a woman, I did not spend my whole life dreaming about being princess for a day.  To me, the wedding is the one day when the bride and grooms families and friends mix.  In this day and age when people move all over the country, the wedding may be the only time this happens.  So it is an important day. 

But the point of the wedding is the marriage.  This means the day is about both of the parties equally (sorry brides, you have to share the day equally).  This also means the wedding event itself should have the stamp of both the bride and the groom (sorry grooms, you have to be equally involved).  It is a major test of how you will behave as a couple whether you look out for each other's wants, whether you will be a responsible manager of the family's budget and whether you have the same priorities.  It should be treated it as such.

And Dr. Phil and Robin, please stop acting like it is okay for brides to make this day all about themselves.  Admittedly, it has become acceptable, but it isnt right.  It is a shame, and we dont need to encourage it.