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Messages By: tiffany_2007


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January 2, 2007, 4:21 am CST

Real Life or Internet Chat

We have all done it, when we have been hurt, cheated on, lied to. We, men and women, talk about the person that has done us wrong. The only difference now is its 2007 and we have the internet to now tell our problems too. What is the different between a ex girlfriend telling everyone at her ex boyfriends work what he did and telling the internet what he did. She just now can wrong so many more women about this man that has done her wrong. Or in some cases females that have done men wrong. I personally will not sit here and throw stones at anyone, we have all done immature and stupid stuff in the past, but now with website’s like dont date him girl.com maybe people both men and women will think twice about how they treat people they claim to care about.

 

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March 19, 2007, 12:54 am CDT

Where your child should sleep?

Answer: Anywhere you feel comfortable with.

 

In the end its what you are willing to do for your child. I have a 7 week old baby boy. I would do anything for him to make him happy and be a succeeful adult. I do think alot of that post pardum depression is caused because to many "experts" are telling you what you should feel and do with your child. You should always be up to hearing people out about what should be done with children but don't be upset cause you cant breast feed, or simply don't want too. Or that your child sleeps with you instead of his own bed. Or you spank when others says its horrible. You should always keep your child healthy, happy and well mannered in my opinion.

 

My son sleeps with me and will sleep with me until I or himself feels he is ready to sleep in his own room. And I dont let others make me feel bad or guilty for doing that. Nothing wrong in showing your child you are there for them. I also rock him back to sleep in the middle of the night after a feeding, and talk to him while I rock him. My touch and voice makes him comfortable and I think its the least I can do for him, after such great joy he has filled my heart with. Its a little selfish too I enjoy his touch as well, I love him sleeping next to me as I had loved him sleeping in my belly. I miss that closeness as much as he seems too, and sleeping together helps. But co-sleeping has to be agreed with both parents, fathers need to be on board as well, fathers have just as much say in your son or daughter as you do. But don't let others make you feel bad cause your not doing it there way.

 

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March 20, 2007, 12:41 pm CDT

Its not real love

Quote From: julie1418

I agree. What if someone posted....."I REALLY LOVE my husband. the problem is, about two or three times a month he puts a single bullet into the chamber of his gun, spins it, holds it to my head and pulls the trigger. I don't know what to do. He claims he loves me, and promises to stop, but nothing has changed. I really want my marriage to work. What should I do?"

 

I wonder how many people would answer, "Well, if you REALLY love each other, you should be able to work it out"????????????

 

I think Dr. Phil gets it right when he tells people they are not really "in love" their partner....they are in love with the fantasy or person they WANTED their spouse to be.

I agree with what you are saying, some people doesn't get how serious cheating is. I love my husband with all my heart, but I honestly don't think I could forgive him or ever sleep with him again. I don't understand how some of these women put up with it, not just a mistake one night stand from there husbands, but one affair after another. I look to my husband for support and love, but I know it wouldn't be there if he was banging other chicks every week.

 

Maybe these men do it cause they know there wives will not do anything to stop it. I'm not just talking about men that like there porn and have 50 porn dvds and every dirty magazine out there, I'm talking about just the cheaters. Cheaters turn my stomach, men cheaters and women cheaters. It shows me that person has such little respect for there mate and themselves to do that. Ladies and gentleman kick the cheaters out there not worth the time, and please don't start a family with a cheater its not going to change them at all.

 

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March 22, 2007, 9:17 pm CDT

Porn

If your husband or even your wife is viewing less then 4 hours of porn a month, and you still complain about it. Its not them that has a problem its you. And sorry for the women and men that have spouses that are addicted to it, but do something to stop it like taking money away so they cant spend it, cutting your internet connection so they cant view it. If your spouses had a drinking problem you wouldn't keep a fully stocked bar in your house now would you.
 

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March 22, 2007, 9:23 pm CDT

Co Sleeping

Quote From: ticamana

Greetings to whomever is reading this message!

 

I have a question about stopping co-sleeping.  My sister and I live together and she has a wonderful daughter who is 20 months old.  My niece has always slept with her I assume because (in the beginning) it was easier to feed her and then became permanent over the past 20 months because there was no room for her to have her own space. 

 

In May, our roommate will be leaving and we plan to make that room into a bedroom for my niece.  I believe we may have a difficult time training her to sleep alone.  Alexis (my niece) sleeps a little wildly.  She will only stay asleep if there is someone in the bed with her.  She will wake several times throughout the night and will sleepily shift positions so that she is laying right next to my sister (or me - if she is with me), this is the only way that she will go back to sleep.  If she wakes and no one is there, she will cry which makes her wide awake.

 

On times when we are planning to stay up late and we put Alexis in the bed, she will get out of the bed and sit on the floor right by the closed bedroom door and cry and tries to peek underneath the door.  She remains there (awake) until my sister is ready for bed and returns to the room.  A crib will not help in this situation because she can climb out.  Both of her parents are over 6 ft and she is tall herself.  She is able to climb out of cribs and playpens. 

 

Who knows, maybe the transition to the new room will not be a problem at all, but it is highly unlikely.  I am sure that we are in store for many nights of "crying it out" (which we personally do not mind either way), but is there some other way to break this habit?  I've been reading several of the posts on this topic and many of the suggestions provided are for older kids (she is not at an age where she can understand the words "this is mommy's room and you have to sleep in your room."  I feel that she might just see it as a punishment/time out, or that she might feel like we are just isolating her for some reason unknown to her)

 

I would appreciate any feedback anyone has about stopping the co-sleeping and getting her to cope with the transition to a new bedroom. 

Have you guys thought about doing steps, like having a toddler bed in her mothers room and getting her first to sleep in that, and then next step move her into her own room. Even a 20 month old can have alot of stress, and having to sleep alone is stress for a 2 year old. Its not like if you dont break her of this now that your sister will always have a daughter that sleeps with her, but if your sister is willing I would try slow steps to not put too much stress. Just my opinion.

 

Just to let you know I too have a older sister that went through the same thing, this is what she tried and it worked great.

 

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March 24, 2007, 12:52 pm CDT

Better point

Quote From: ohdang13

I have to agree with everything you posted.  I have read several of the posts in this room and keep seeing the words "manipulate and control".  If someone is in a marriage and they feel they need to manipulate or control their spouse then there is something very wrong.  You do not marry someone to change them or try to control them in any way. They are adults and are allowed to make up their own minds.  Maybe if people would look through those "rose" colored glasses BEFORE they marry the person they love and find out everything they can about the person, they could make informed choices about the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.  It's not like that man or woman got interested in porn AFTER they got married.  I'm pretty sure they were watching porn long before they got married. So instead of B******g about your spouse looking at porn, maybe they should have spend a little more time before the marriage getting to know that spouse better. I'm sure they would have discovered porn mags and internet sites. And if that was something they could not deal with in a marriage then they should have dumped the person and moved on.  And for all the people who just can not seem to get past the fact that your spouse is watching porn...you have 2 choices you can make.  1.) Learn to deal with it...you married that person the way they were so don't try to change them now.  2.) Get a divorce...there is no point staying a marriage if you feel like your being treated unfairly.   All the B******g in the world will not change anyone....in fact it will just drive them farther from you.
I totally agree, one should know there spouse before they marry. Really all one would have to do is open there eyes to whats around them. But after watching the show of I hate this marriage, I saw how the first couple, the women caused the whole problem she changed and he was still having fun and didn't want to change. People really need to stop and think about there actions before doing them, like having 3-somes very very bad idea. People need to stop bitching and start taking control of there lives, like Dr Phil says " well we know what you want him to do, what are you going to do"
 

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March 24, 2007, 6:22 pm CDT

being truthful

Quote From: survivor43

First, I thought you had a great point with "why are you putting the onus on the WIFE only??? Seriously...that is unreal to me! Why doesn't the husband have to know who he's getting married to? Shouldn't he be very clear that he likes to use porn and she has to be ok with it because he won't stop?" Unfortunately in real life most men hide their porn and masturbating from their future wives and (including me) don't have the nerve to be honest before the marriage.

Second, as for how camangel_07 knows which of her customers are lying and which aren't, there is no way she can actually know that. I think she realizes that it's very unlikely that 100% of these men are actually being truthful given the circumstances.

Third, is webcamming cheating? I did Live Peep Shows sometimes if I was alone in a city for some other reason. My rationalization to myself for why this wasn't cheating on my now ex-wife was that there was no physical contact because of the glass wall between us. And it was never the same woman more than once. But somehow I knew that it wasn't the same as porn, it was something more. I think webcamming could be much more serious if a husband keeps going back to the same "performer" over and over again. Then an actual emotional cyber-relationship could develop.

Why not be truthful to the person your about to marry? If you really cant be honest with them then you shouldn't marry them, as you can see its your ex wife not your current first wife. If you have to lie about looking at porn then you must think there is something wrong with it, or knowning your future spouse dislikes it and in turn you lie to them so you can keep doing it behind there back. This is why the divorce rate is so high, people think its okay to lie to the person they claim to love. But really its not love unless you can be truthful to the person your about to marry. And I don't mean you have to sit there and tell that person your whole life story for over time they will learn it. But you should be honest about the current stuff you are doing. Dont try and hide things unless your willing to give those things up after the marriage. That or marry a girl/guy and have them hate you after it when they learn what kind of things your into.

 

I personally don't think looking at a peep show on the net is cheating. But then I don't even allow my husband to go to strip clubs and I would be annoyed if he spent money on peep shows on the net. But then I have a husband that feels the same, and by the way he knew I how I felt before the marriage and I knew he liked his playboys, which don't bother me at all. So really talk before marriage or you only have yourself to blame.

 

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March 24, 2007, 6:41 pm CDT

WOW Really

Quote From: glorytogod

Perhaps your husband falls into the minority category, but for the most part, most men who use porn live their lives and behave exactly as I've described.  You can believe it or not, it's your choice.  Just because your not a jealous person and don't feel threatened by him seeking out the images of other naked women to become aroused from and to masturbate to until he ejaculates, that doesn't mean what he's doing isn't wrong!  You are still together after 17 years not because you guess you both are doing something right, but because your husband is having his cake and eating it too. He has a wife he can go to for one kind of sexual outlet and he also has pornography he can go to for another kind of sexual outlet whenever your not available or whenever he prefers a variety of sexual stimulation.  What man wouldn't stay married to a woman who would tolerate such perverted behaviour? You seeing a cute  man walk by and you looking at him is not the same thing as your husband seeking out images of naked women!! How can you even compare the two? I think it is you that has tunnel vision, dear. You think that your husband loves you and desires only you sexually when it is the images of other naked women in pornography that he sexually desires!  You are kidding yourself. But if this is your way of dealing with being married to a perverted man such as your husband because of your hesitancy of leaving him and being on your own, then it is your cross to bear. In a way, it is a blessing that you will still stay married to this man!  You will spare alot of other moral and decent women the horror of having to deal with a sexual deviant whose main interest in life is masturbating and ejaculating to pornography!  You are doing the women of the world a huge favor. 

 

 

I think you are jealous of these women in playboy, which there is no need too. Lets face it we don't go blind just cause we fall in love and get married. While you were married you must of seen good looking men, men you might want to be with if you had never meet your husband. That doesn't mean your "perverted". And if you knew anything about men you would know they don't need dirty pictures to masturbate too. You do know men even your ex-husband and future husband will masturbate, its nothing wrong its very normal. Most women even masturbate while they are gettting a decent amount of sex from there husbands/boyfriends. Sure photos and movies can bring on the sexual desire, but if your jealous of those things how about you make some, give your future hubby some nudy photos, or make a sex video so when your not around he can watch it, which will turn him on just as if he was watching a Adam & Eve porno.

 

So stop being childish about this and grow up, porn didn't ruin your marriage maybe the lack of love and lack of respect was what caused the marriage to end. Just something to chew on.

 

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March 26, 2007, 1:18 pm CDT

Strip Clubs

Quote From: camangel_07

 

 

You "don't allow" your husband to go to strip clubs?

 

 

No I don't. I don't down others if they allow it, I just dont it bugs me for some reason. Maybe its more the fact I will not go with him and we usually do everything together and that is just something I will not do. I think most strip clubs have low class people in them (not meaning the strippers) I have friends that are strippers they do it for the money, but the men the people that usually go to watch most are low class and I don't want to be around that. Plus there is no need for my husband to go to a strip club.
 

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March 27, 2007, 4:58 am CDT

Stripping

Quote From: camangel_07

There's 'no need' for your husband to go to a strip club? So then, does that mean that you strip for him and provide that visual outlet for him? If you do, then that's awesome. If you don't, then uh oh......

 

 

I don't need to strip for him for that visual outlet lol. But I'm not a chick from the 50s either and gets undressed in the dark so my husband cant see me lol. Watching strippers isn't a need in life, it can be a enjoy meant for some but its not needed, porn isn't needed to be happy in life it can be fun and again enjoyed but its not needed.

 

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