Messages By: beenthere16

Quote From: tootsielarue

I think she has to see there is something she is getting from his neediness, that she likes or she would not allow his behavior. I believe once she matures she will not see this as anything fullfilling.

 

I think he does not really love her and maybe has not ever been in a complete sharing and loving relationship. I think she is his trophy and if he were involved with a woman his own age she having more wisdom would not put up with his neediness and childish behavior.

Quote From: angeltiff

 I never quite understood before now, just why so many abused women (and men) stay with their abusers but I do now.  Although the situation is not exactly the same, I have been afraid for my 16 year old daughter and myself for the past two months.  She ended her relationship with what I found out was an obsessive boyfriend about two months ago and since then we have been living in constant fear and stress.  The bad part is that the laws in the State of Alabama have nothing to cover these types of situations.  She's 16 (a legal minor) and he is now 18 (legal adult).  The abusive phone calls and threats we have endured are considered a misdemeanor here in Alabama and you would not believe the hoops I had to jump through just to get an arrest warrant for "harrassing communications" brought against this punk.  His "condition of bond" on that charge after he was arrested and bonded out was to have no contact with her and immediately after he makes bond he starts calling me and her again.  After numerous calls and trips to the police station I had another arrest warrant served for violating the condition of his bond and he was finally arrested and spent 7 days in jail but is now out.  He went to court and pleaded not guilty and we go to trial in July.  He told me in one phone call that if he couldnt have her then I needed to get him in prison because he would see to it that no one else did either.  BUT because I didn't record the conversation it was my word against his and nothing can be done without recorded conversations.  I can only imagine how hard it is for abused women and men to get arrest warrants and how much time it requires emotionally and time off from work to get the legal paperwork started.  The amount of paperwork and time off from work I have taken has been unbelievable.  Hopefully if this was actually what they call "domestic abuse" things would be easier but I'm not so sure.  My heart goes out to this woman and other women like her.

Quote From: never_again

perfectly said.....i was a battered wife....WAS!  not anymore and you said it perfectly.  thanks

Quote From: catryan13

Of course Connie should throw Richard & the Grandchildren out! How else can she prove he's an unfit Father and get custody of the Grandchildren??

Quote From: bddmymatt

My 35 year old son took his life last year as a result of suffering from the symptoms of BBD.  He was my only child.  College graduate; created/owned successful international business; 6'2", 'buff'', very good looking chick magnet, wonderfully witty and outstanding personality.  Respected, generous, loving, 'life of the party'; so many friends.  Was so good at hiding his torment until it was too late.

 

Looking back, I can track maybe 3 years before his death that his behavior was changing.  His last year he was obsessed with wanting to talk about his 'gross appearance'.  No longer wanted to be seen in public because he knew peopled were grossed out by his looks.  Had one minimal surgery on his eyes; wanted more and began seeking out top plastic surgeons who fortunately were suspect of his obsession.  Would become so angry with us, workers, and friends for not agreeing he was disgustingly ugly.

 

He hid his torment so well until his last year...until he couldnt fake it anymore.  He was ashamed about not feeling normal, the emotional distress from this obsession just wore him out.  He never acknowledged that he had a disorder....just that he was grotesque.  

 

This is so heartbreaking for the person that can no longer reason and for the family and friends helplessly watching the demise.  While he secretly saw a therapist, it was difficult for us, including his therapist, to find a medical doctor that 'got' what was really going on with my son.  Finally we did and told that my son was so far  advanced in the BBD world tht it would  difficult for him to 'return' and warned that he was at high risk for suicide. (My son never met the doctor, but did meet with his therapist, me and his father). Without out my son's knowledge, we were in the process of obtaining a court order that would mandate a long term hospital confinement.  It was too late.   I miss him every second of my days..