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 After only 6 years of marraige, my daughter is going thru pure hell with her husband.  He is an alcoholic, and the blame gets put all on her.  In the meantime; they have 2 small children ages 5 & 3 that do not even BEGIN to understand what is going on.  Alot of times after the 5 year old comes home from spending time with daddy, she is miserable to her mom-will not listen, is mean to her, an down right horrible.  She even so much as came out and told her that it was her fault daddy left-apparently when she goes to visit, there is talk that it is because of her mom that her dad left.  He ws very mentally and emtionally abusive to my daughter; and he is court ordered to Domestic Violence classes.  He is playing the game with them to get thru the classes but when it comes down to them being togethter he is still the same way-he still puts her down, and critizies everything she does; so nothing has really changed.
My feeling is that she does not take him back.  They may change for a short period of time, but the old ways are so engraved into their heads, that they really are not going to change.  They say they want to, and in their own way, sometimes in some cases, I think they want to-but statistics show that more times than not, they really don't.  Just like I told my daughter, and that was after she gave her husband 2 chances after he was in jail 2 times!!!
I personally think she needs to cut her loses and move on, find a man that really cares about her and forget about her husband; an her mother.  Her mother has also caused her mother an enormose amount of pain over the years, and it doesn't sound like she is willing to stop now!  Just by her actions of late!!  Good luck to you.
Helen
hchilds@stny.rr.com

 I think Michelle's anger is targeted at the fact of what Jamie did toward her daughters if it is common knowledge within the family!  But, by the same token, of staying there and just constant fighting and screaming is ludicris  Her best bet would be to take her daughters and get out of there and make a life for the 3 of them.  And, as far as Holley goes, I do not understand how she can POSSIBLY expect those 2 girls to forgive her father for what they did to them?!    Maybe with some counseling they can come to terms with it for their own sake; to learn to live their life's better-but forgive him; I think that is a bit much to ask.   How are they suppose to forgive a man that took their lives from them?  Unless you have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a person you trusted, I do not believe you have any idea  of how to talk on this subject.  Nor, if you have not been the parent of a child who has been abused by someone you trusted completely with your child!!!!  But, as I said, there is no point in this woman staying in this situation; she should remove her and her kids completely from this living situation, and just start over!!!
Helen Childs
hchilds@stny.rr.com

 You see alot of women complaining about men that are controlling; but I have seen women that can be just as bad.  I have been in Mental Health Groups where there are women that can be just as controling as men, and they are as afraid for their safety.  I have heard of women beating their signaificant others up also.  I personally feel just as bad for a man that goes thru that as a women does.
But, I do very much feel sorry for this woman that is going thru what she is going thru.  I know how she feels, I have been thru it myself.  I couldn't leave his sight when we first got together without him calling EVERYONE to find out where I was, and what was I doing!  Trust me, it did not last long!!  I made it very clear to him, just because I had a diamond on my finger-it can come off just as easy as it went on; I am NOT putting up with that type of bull_ _ _ _!!  I have friends that I had a LONG time before I ever met him and if he thought I was giving them up, he was dead wrong!  Not that I did not love my fiance, but I was NOT giving up MY PERSON-the person I was before we were together.  He fell in love with the person I was-outgoing, friendly, caring, and passionate about my friends; and I was not about to change to satisfy him.
He tried it again one time after we were married, and again-it did NOT work!!  We had a beautiful daughter, and I was not about to let her see that it was ok to let a man treat her that way!  I had let her see other things in our marraige that I shouldn't, but that was one thing I drew the line at-do not let him alienate you from family or friends!!  If you do, then he has you under his complete control, and you have lost the total person you are.
Good luck honey, and please-STAND UP FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE; AND KICK HIM TO THE CURB!  I realize with him being a former police officer it is harder because they all seem to stick together, but get away from that area where he has no infulence over the law!!!
Take care of yourself, please!!  If it has not gotten to the abuse stage, do not hang around for that because trust me-it WILL eventually, it will!  Take it from a woman that knows for sure!!!

heren44@hotmail.com
hchilds@stny.rr.com

 I HAVE BEEN THROUGH WHAT THIS MOTHER (CINDY) IS GOING THROUGH WITH MY OWN DAUGHTER-WHO IS 23 YRS OLD.  AND IF ANY OF YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE THINK YOU CAN STOP THEM WHEN THEY DECIDE THEY WANT TO DO DRUGS; THEN BE MY GUEST AND STEP UP TO THE PLATE!!!!  IT DROVE ME INSANE; I WAS SO UPSET I LOST ALMOST 60LBS OVER ALL OF IT-AND IN THE END; THERE WASN'T A D--- THING I COULD DO ABOUT IT.
FINALLY; WHEN SHE HIT ROCK BOTTOM, AND ADMITTED HERSELF INTO REHAB, I GOT HELP I NEEDED ALSO!  I REALIZED THEN, THAT I WAS NOT TO BLAME; AND IF I BLAMED MYSELF ALL I WAS DOING WAS ENABLEING HER!  THERE WAS NO POSSIBLE WAY I COULD STOP HER; FIRST OF ALL BECAUSE OF HER AGE-SHE COULD HAVE ENDED UP TAKING OFF AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHERE SHE WAS.  I'M NOT SAYING I CONDONED IT FOR THAT REASON; NOT IN THE LEAST.  I'M JUST SAYING DUE TO HER AGE, I COULD  NOT DO A THING.  EXCEPT; I DID TURN IN SOME OF THE DEALERS I KNEW SHE WAS GETTING IT FROM-THAT WAS ALL I FELT LIKE I COULD DO!!
FINALLY; WITH THE HELP OF MY COUNSELOR, I REALIZED ALL MY TEARS AND BEGGING WAS NOT WORKING-SO I HAD TO PUT ALL MY FAITH INTO GOD; AND BEG HIM TO WATCH OVER HER AND KEEP HER SAFE.  I ALSO SPOKE TO MY MOM & IN-LAWS & FOSTER FATHER THT HAD ALREADY PASSED AWAY, AND ASKED THEM TO PLEASE KEEP AN EYE ON HER AND KEEP HER SAFE.  NOBODY KNOWS, UNLESS YOU'VE GONE THRU IT HOW MUCH IT TEARS YOUR HEART OUT!  BESIDES FOR BEING A CRACK ADDICT, SHE IS BIPOLAR-AND HAD BEEN MIXING THE DRUG WITH HER MEDS; UNTIL SHE JUST GAVE UP HER MEDS ALL TOGETHER.
I ALSO AM BIPOLAR; SO I WAS TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, AND TRYING LIKE CRAZY TO TAKE CARE OF HER ALSO-AND YA KNOW WHAT; IT WASN'T WORKING VERY GOOD.  SHE IS BIPOLAR 1 AND I AM BIPOLAR 2; SO SHE IS ON LITHIUM-NOT A DRUG TO BE MESSING AROUND WITH.  EVERY NIGHT I WENT TO BED; I BEGGED GOD THAT NOT BE THE NIGHT I GET A CALL FROM THE HOSPITAL OR POLICE THAT MY DAUGHTER WAS DEAD OR OVERDOSED; BUT I JUST COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.
WHEN SHE FINALLY WANTED TO  GET CLEAN; I WAS THERE FOR EVERY MEETING-EVERY CLASS-EVERY FUNCTION THEY HAD UP AT REHAB; NO MATTER IF I HAD TO WALK.  I JUST WANTED HER TO KNOW I WAS BEHIND HER 100%; SO PLEASE; DON'T BLAME CINDY-IT'S HARD ENOUGH ON A PARENT TO WATCH THEIR CHILDREN AND KNOW THERE'S NOT A DARN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!
I PRAY FOR THIS FAMILY THAT EVERYTHING WORKS OUT 100% FOR THEM, BUT I KNOW IT'S GONNA TAKE ALOT OF WORK; AND I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THAT BABY THAT DID NOT ASK TO BE BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD LIKE THIS!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
HEREN44

 I AM REPLYING TO THE LETTER FROM GENNY2.  YOU WANT YOUR STEPSON TO FACE THE FACT HIS MOM IS DEAD-THAT HE CAN'T CHANGE THAT?  YOU WANT HIM TO STOP USING HER DEATH AS AN EXCUSE TO ACT BADLY; "PEOPLE ARE BORN, THEY LIVE AND THEY DIE EVERY DAY. WE MOURN FOR A SHORT TIME BUT THEN HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE."  YOU FAILED TO SAY HOW OLD YOUR STEPSON WAS......WAS HIS AGE LEFT OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION INTENTIONALLY?
PERHAPS; HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH HIS FATHER AND YOU BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT LET HIM GRIEVE IN THE WAY HE HAS TO FOR HIS MOTHER?????  YOU ALSO NEVER MENTIONED; IS THIS AUNT HE WANTS TO LIVE WITH HIS MOTHERS SISTER?  IF SO, THAT WOULD MAKE ALOT OF SENSE ALSO-THAT WOULD MAKE HIM FEEL CLOSER TO HIS MOTHER!
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I WAS 13 WHEN MY MOTHER DIED.  I WAS IN THE 9TH GRADE; SHE PASSED IN FEBRARY AND I DID NOT ATTEND SCHOOL EXCEPT FOR MAYBE A MONTH AFTER THAT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!  CONSEQUENTLY, I FAILED THAT YEAR OF COURSE-BUT BY 10TH GRADE; THEY ALLOWED ME TO DOUBLE UP ON THE 2 COURSES THAT I FAILED, AND WAS BACK UP IN THE CLASS I BELONGED IN.  BOTTOM LINE IS, I CARRIED MY MOTHERS DEATH AROUND WITH ME UNTIL 2000; UNTIL I FINALLY GOT COUNSELING FOR IT!!!  MY MOTHER DIED IN 1970-I CARRIED THAT FOR 30 YEARS!  BECAUSE NOBODY BOTHERED TO GET ANY HELP FOR ME; NOBODY THOUGHT ENOUGH OF WHAT I MAY BE GOING THRU!!!
I JUST THINK YOU ARE SO WRONG IN WHAT YOU ARE DOING, AND HOW YOU ARE HANDLING THIS POOR KID-GROW UP; AND THINK OF HIM FOR A CHANGE-INSTEAD OF HOW YOU CAN CHANGE HIM!!!     INSTEAD; HELP HIM!

 I FEEL SO MUCH FOR THESE CHILDREN WHOM ARE VICTIMS OF BULLYING-ESPECIALLY IN THE SCHOOLS; AND THE WORST PART IS, IT JUST GETS WORSE YEAR AFTER YEAR. 
MY DAUGHTER WAS 12 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER; AND HOSPITALIZED FOR THE FIRST TIME.  WELL, OF COURSE NONE OF THE STUDENTS WERE TO FIND OUT WHERE SHE HAD BEEN.  BUT, THANKS TO THE BIG MOUTHS OF THE TEACHERS THEMSELVES-THEY FOUND OUT AND IT SPREAD OF COURSE LIKE WILDFIRE!!  OH YEAH, MY DAUGHTER WAS IN "THE LOONEY BIN"; "THE NUT HOUSE" "WHERE THEY PUT  CRAZY PEOPLE" ETC.  SHE TOOK SOME OF THE WORST BULLYING POSSIBLE.  AT ONE POINT, HER COUNSELOR TOLD HER; WARN THEM ONCE WHEN THEY GET UP IN YOUR FACE SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT TO YOU-TELL THEM THAT "THEY ARE BULLYING YOU, AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT!"  SO SHE TRIED THAT, AND THEY LAUGHED AT HER-THE COUNSELOR TOLD HER NEXT TIME, TELL THEM THEY ARE IN YOUR SPACE; AND TO GET OUT OF IT; IF THEY DON'T TO HAUL OF AND LET THEM HAVE IT ANYWHERE YU CAN!!  SO WHEN SHE DID THAT; I GOT A CALL FROM THE ASSISTANT PRINCEABLE SAYING THAT SHE HAD TO DO SATURDAY DETENTION'S FOR 3 WEEKS-I TOLD HIM I DID NOT THINK SO; I ASKED HIM WHERE THE BOY WAS THAT WAS TERRORIZING MY DAUGHTER CONTINOUSLY?   WELL, HE WAS THE ONE THAT WAS ASSULTED.    THESE SCHOOLS DEFEND THE ONES DOING THE BULLYING; NOT THE PERSON BEING BULLYED!!!!
IT BECAME SO BAD; THAT MY DAUGHTER QUIT GOING TO SCHOOL COMPLETELY WHEN SHE WAS 13-WE HAD A WOMAN COME IN AND HOME SCHOOL HER; THAT WORKED FOR A WHILE, THEN THE WOMAN SAID SHE THOUGHT MY DAUGHTER SHOULD GO BACK AND "MAINSTREAM" AND ATTEND REGULAR SCHOOL.  SO, OFF WE WENT AGAIN-AND THE SAME CRAP BEGAN AGAIN!  AND THE WORST PART WAS-MY DAUGHTER HAD LOVED SCHOOL, AND GOTTEN EXCELLENT GRADES.  BY THIS TIME, IT WAS SO BAD FOR HER-WE HAD TO MOVE TO A DIFFERENT STATE.  AT THIS TIME; SHE HAD SO MUCH ANXIETY JUST WALKING INTO A SCHOOL THAT I HAD TO HOMESCHOOL HER.  UNFORTUNATLY, SHE DROPPED OUT AS SOON AS SHE BECAME OLD ENOUGH; AND IT TEARS MY HEART OUT EVERYDAY!
ALL BECAUSE A BUNCH OF KIDS COULDN'T KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT-AND WERE NOT EVEN MADE TO KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT BY THE LOUSY NO GOOD TEACHERS DOWN THERE; MY DAUGHTER GAVE UP GRADUATING AND GOING ON TO CULINARY ARTS SCHOOL LIKE SHE HAD WANTED TO DO.
PERSONALLY, I THINK THE SCHOOLS DO NOT CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER IF KIDS ARE BEING PICKED ON OR NOT-AS LONG AS THEY HAVE A WARM; BREATHING; BODY THERE THAT THEY CAN GET STATE AID FOR, THATS ALL THEY CARE ABOUT ANYMORE!!!!!

 I may not be what other people think giving you the best advice, but here goes-I think you need to go through with the divorce from your husband and get that over with.  I lived in a bad marraige for 12 yrs.  I left several times; and went back thinking I could make it work: well guess what, it takes 2 PEOPLE TO MAKE IT WORK!!!  No matter how hard you try, it doesn't sound like he really is-it sounds like all he wants to do is control you so you are not happy with your former boyfriend, or anyone-even with yourself and your children.  Its a case of control big time; and he has it all!!!  My daughters husband did the same to her until she stood up and told him she wasn't going to take it anymore; that and his alcoholism.  Then he threatened to blow her brains out; light their home on fire; and everything else, because he had lost control!  He smashed EVERYTHING in their home-and when i say everything, I do mean everything! 
Please do not let it go that far for you.  Make up your mind and get your divorce; before things do get out of hand someday.  I'm not saying jump completely into another relationship right off the bat; but having someone close to surely does help!!  I know that from experience.
Good luck to you honey; I'm 51 and I suffer from Major Depression; and Extreme Anxiety Disorder w/ Agoraphobia; and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder-and alot of that is due to the fact I did NOT get out when I should have; especially the PTSD!!
I hope things go well for you.  You can write if you like.
heren48@excite.com

 I can relate to this horrible treatment; but I finally met a person that made me realize I did not deserve to be treated that way; that I was better than that; that helped me get control of my self-esteem to a certain degree.  At least enough to know, that I was done being treated like a "dog" by my ex!!
My ex was an alcoholic; I did not realize it until after we were married.  When we met, I was young-single, and partied also, so I never dreamt he was what you'd call an alcoholic!?  A week after we were married, he moved me to Florida-1500 miles from my friends and family; and I was 6 months pregnant.  We never had a telephone, so it was almost impossible for me to contact my family; which now that I look back was all part of the control thing.  He was a piano player, so he never got done work until 1 am; so after he would get done work, he would never come home-he would always go into the city, (Orlando) and go to the all night bars where all the hookers hung out.  Most of the time he wouldn't get home until 5 or 6 am.
After I had my baby, after her 6 week check up-I wanted to go back up North to see the family and let everyone see the baby.  The second night I was there, he had some girl spend the night in my home!!!!  The only reason he got caught was him & her came out at the same time my girlfriends husband was leaving for work.  From that point on, it was nothing but cheating; and beatings.  He would wake me up-after he'd been out with some other woman; just to use me as a punching bag.  I left several times, and he always begged me to come back-things would be different-he'd quit drinking; he'd never touch me again; he'd never cheat again.  So fool I was, I'd go back.  I was hell bent to make my marraige work!
Then, there were 2 things that happened that really sent me over the edge, and made me think there was nothing left to try to save.  1) I was working 3 jobs to try and pay bills for me & our 2 daughters while all his money went over the bar where he was working-and he had the nerve to cheat with his singer the night before our youngest daughters 1st birthday~!~  Then, 2) It was my birthday of the last year we were together, and we were supposed to go out to dinner and then out afterwards-instead, he was in a bar in another bar trying to pick up women(my friend seen him).
I honestly do not believe that once they start cheating; they ever stop!!!!
I'm sorry, but that is just my opinion!!!!!  God Bless alll of you; and take care of yourselves; and remember to put yourselves and your kids first!!!!

 THE MORE OF THE STORY YOU HEARD, THE MORE SHE WAS HAVING A HARD TIME KEEPING TRACK OF HER LINES!!??  WADE, THO HE MAY NOT HAVE PASSED THE "TESTS" AS FAR AS INFIDELITY SEEMED TO BE ABLE TO KEEP HIS STORIES MORE STRAIGHT THAN SHE DID!!!
AND AS FAR AS HER STAYING IN THE HOUSE FOR "BAIT" THAT WAS ABOUT THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD OF; AND IF YOU EVEN HAVE A CLUE ABOUT THE LAW-THAT IS RIGHT UP THERE WITH THE TOP 10 NO-NO'S!!!  FOR JACK TRIMARCO TO HAVE HER STAY IN THE HOUSE WITH A POSSIBLE MURDERER WAS DEFINATELY WRONG!  IF HE HAS A MENTAL CONDITION, AND THERE IS SOMETHING THAT HE CAN NOT CONTROL THAT MAKES HIM DO BAD THINGS, WHAT IF HE WOULD HAVE DONE THEM TO HER & THE KIDS?  HOW CAN SHE SIT THERE AND SAY SHE WASN'T SCARED FOR HERSELF; THEN CONTRIDICT HERSELF ABOUT WHY SHE COULDN'T LEAVE HIM?? 
AS FAR AS TRIMARCO GOES, I THINK I'D CONSIDER REAL HARD BEFORE USING HIM AGAIN.  I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF WADE FOUND HIMSELF A GOOD LAWYER, HE COULD PROBABLY SUE HIM FOR PUTTING HIS FAMILY IN HARMS WAY!!!!  AND I THINK HE SHOULD!
THE OTHER THING I FOUND WAS QUITE ODD-IF SHE TOOK OUT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST WADE, WHY WOULD SHE GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM IF SHE TOOK TO MANY AMBIEN?  SOUNDS LIKE SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO SET HIM UP AGAIN.  WHO IS REALLY PLAYING GAMES HERE; AND MAKING YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL DR. PHIL???   I HAVE A FEELING IT'S THE WIFE AND THE FBI RETIREE/LIE DETECTOR MAN.  MAYBE HE SHOULD HOOK HIMSELF AND HER UP TO THAT MACHINE!!!???