We have been broke so the economic meltdown isn't new or suprising to us. My husband pays almost $600 a month in child support to children he isn't allowed to see. Because of crippling debt, we haven't been able to challenge anything in court. Money from second jobs goes to pay our bills or feed our children. He is behind on child support by an awefully big amount. I make no excuses for him. He shouldn't be behind and he will have to make it right. Those kids deserve to be supported and we are doing our best to catch up.
I have mounting debt with hospital bills. I have no credit cards and even if I could get one, I wouldn't. I had one when I was 18 and knew no better. I wouldn't touch one now for all the rice in China. But we are still in a ton of debt from those hospital bills and from student loans.
We fight about money all the time. I control the money I make and sometimes the money he makes. I make no apologies. He went to jail for 13 months for writing bad checks. It happened before I met him but he lied about the severity of it and I was left alone to have our son. I nearly died and the baby was 8 months old before my husband got to come home. When he controlls money, he spends like he is a millionaire and leaves me nothing to pay the bills. He can't stick to a budget. I consider having $25 left in the checkbook broke. He considers .25cents in the checkbook broke. I never bounced a check in my life until we got together and he wrote checks with me. After that, I took over the money. He resents it. I resent it. I want a partner to sit down and pay the bills with me, to tell each other it will be alright, to formulate a plan together. What I have is someone who is angry everytime I bring up a bill or a due date and screams at me to get off his ass about money. Further, because so much of his paycheck is taken away, he quits his jobs often. He has been through 6 of them in the last 2 years. When he quits, I put pressure on him to get a job because We can't make it without his income and because his other children NEED his child support. He gets angry and resentful and tells me that I only care about money. Funny because I havent been able to buy myself new clothes or even underwear in over a year!! My dad doesnt like him because he wont support us and my dad has had to bail us out constantly. He wants my dad to hand over the help and shut up. It is frustrating and draining on our marriage.
To help matters, I have suggested that he get an account at the bank and put his paycheck in it. We can then decide what bills he will pay and which I will pay. If it works out that way, then we can talk about getting a joint account again. I have also told him that he must have a job before he quits one. I draw a line in the sand and he crosses it. Why? Because I want to keep our family together. Ouch. Guess I needed to see that in print. And, I try to not borrow from my family, even at the cost of late bills and shut off notices.
I hate being so controlling with the money but I need to know the bills will be paid and the kids will eat. He runs us down to the wire and then tries to borrow from friends or come up with some scheme to make money. I am constantly worried about finances. I am resentful that he won't be responsible or at least support me when I am being responsible about money. I feel like I am married to a teenager with no concept of money management. And, I feel untrue and like a bad wife because I feel resentful and angry toward my husband. I want him to take more of a lead but I can't lose my home or anymore of the flimsy hold I have on our finances. I will absolutely be watching this show. Because I am afraid of what will happen if things don't change.
