Messages By: ange04092

Thank you DrPhil for giving this serious issue the attention it deserves.  For so many people including myself I have watched the destruction parental aliention and parental alienation syndrome can cause a family.  My ex, who is the father of our son,  has gone through this nightmare for 12yrs with his daughter and his ex wife.  They have been divorced for over 10yrs and constantly his ex wife is trying to break apart his relationship he has with his daughter.  These people brainwashing their kids think they are hurting their ex's (yes it hurts them deeply) but they never stop to realize they are abusing their own kids.  My heart goes out to anyone that has to deal with PA/PAS.  Spread the awareness...PA/PAS=abuse!!

The people that are convinced PA/PAS is a "myth" are the same people that have no qualms about brainwashing their kids without realizing the psychological affects.  It is much more than a disgruntled ex trying to "get back" at their ex.  The problem lies much deeper. Just because it isn't recognized by the APA doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  I'm more concerned about the people living in denial about this condition.  Condoning and pretending the behavior doesn't exist is a grave misjustice to all the families and more importantly the CHIDLREN that have to face this on a daily basis.
 

Frankly you have to watch out for anyone who wants to control a child for any reason.  Whether it be a father, mother, grandparent, step-parent, etc.  PAS takes on many forms and doesn't discriminate.  A normal parent wants what is right for their child despite the history between themselves and their ex.  Teaching a child to hate the opposite parent because they simply love them,  is not parenting, it's abuse. 

It's amazing to me how people want to just sweep PAS under the rug like it's America's dirty little secret.  When my ex called his daughter's school guidance councilor to voice his concerns about his daughter being affected by PA/PAS, the councilor actually laughed at him!  I'm sorry but someone in the position of working with children should lose their job if they are laughing about a child being abused. 

No one would tolerate a child being physically abused.  No one would tolerate a child being sexually abused.  However people tolerate a child being emotionally abused?  Where's the sense in that?  Then when a concerned parent brings it to light they are told PAS is a myth or are laughed at.  Go figure. 

My ex is an able bodied parent, has joint legal custody of his daughter, pays child support, has never missed a visitation, school function, birthday, holiday or anything that has to do with his daughter, however 10yrs later after is divorce is still fighting tooth and nail to keep a relationship with his daughter.  The five years he and I were together I witnessed the obstacles he had to face daily we knew brainwashing was going on but we had no idea how severe.  It wasn't until a couple months ago after researching and learning about PA/PAS when I could finally put a name to his struggles.   Not only are the children victims the targeted parents & the extended family are as well.  It just seems like a never ending battle.  I tell my ex all the time to keep fighting no matter what, never give up on your child.  The one thing the ex's can never destroy is the love that parent holds in their soul for their child.
 

I'm so glad DrPhil did a show about this topic.  Now I wish he would do a show about the next step, the aftermath, and what to do when you are powerless to help a child in the hands of an obsessed alienator. 

My ex and I are trying to figure out how to help his daughter, but it's difficult when he has a bogus restraining order filed against him.  When he went to court three weeks ago to fight the RO he took the 'deal' which was that he could have phone & email contact with her, get to go to all her school functions, and sports functions (which he always did to begin with anyway), he lost his overnight visitations until the next court date in December.  A GAL was assigned to the case.  It was either take the 'deal' or risk losing fighting the RO and having no contact at all for a year.  Of coarse my ex's attempts to get a lawyer before the court date were all dead ends. 

Our son is only 4yrs old and doesn't understand why his sister is unable to come to Dad's house.  He is confused and that tears me up as much as it tears me up that his daughter is severely alienated against her Dad and his extended family.  My ex has been calling her regularly and amazingly enough getting through (probably by the advice of his ex's lawyer to comply with the RO terms), things seemed to be going alright but the other day he spoke with her and she was cold and distant. 

Seems like every time he gets one step in the right direction something happens to make it 10 steps backward.  My ex is frustrated he is powerless to help his daughter and it's so heartbreaking.  I am uncertain of the next step so all I do is pray that things will turn in our favor, that we will get her out of her mother's grasp of abuse and get her professional help before it's too late, if it's not too late by now.