Messages By: j_d_oe

I had a problem with video game addiction (but with just regular video games rather than anything played over the Internet) for several years before I found and joined On-Line Gamers Anonymous (OLGA) at http://www.olganon.org/ something over a year ago.  Note that, despite the name, they provide support for people (and their family and friends) who are addicted to all types of video games, and even virtual/social network type programs like Second Life.  At the time, I was only playing for about 4 hours per day on average, but that is mainly because it was part of a larger problem of my procrastinating most days playing games and doing other things rather than what I needed to do. However, it was only with playing video games that I had a major problem of limiting my time and that I felt that I had a specific addiction to.  Since then, I have stopped playing video games and have begun to work on some of my other problems, such as procrastination.  Anybody who is interested in details about myself and my gaming recovery can read them in my progress report thread "My Unchangeable Past, the Present, and Desired Future" at http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/5066 .

A month or two after I joined OLGA, I did quite a bit of searching for other similar sites but found that this problem is still so relatively new that there is not yet very much support available.  The only other site that I found and joined that provides forums with threaded posts and general video game support is the Video Game Addiction (VGA) Support Group of DailyStrength at http://dailystrength.org/c/Video-Game-Addiction/support-group .  DailyStrength itself overall is quite large (it claims to have over 300,000 members and over 500 support groups), with it being a good choice for people who have multiple problems that are interrelated and need a more comprehensive approach.  However, compared to OLGA for gaming addiction support, the VGA community there is quite young (I was one of the very first people to join it), small, with relatively few posts and specific information or support (e.g., no on-line meetings, support for a 12-step type program, etc., that OLGA provides).

There are also several other sites that provide quite good, although more limited in scope, support.  A few of the best ones that I found are WoW Detox at http://www.wowdetox.com/ , WoW Widow at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/WOW_widow/ , EverQuest Widows at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/EverQuest-Widows/  and GamerWidow at http://www.gamerwidow.com/ .

For anybody who has a problem with video game addiction, or has a family member or friend who does, please realize that there are resources available on-line that can help you.  I hope that you decide to use them and are able to successfully deal with those issues.

I am a member of that organization, OLGA, mentioned in the summary.  My own situation is not very typical of most gamers, and their family and friends, that come to the site.  Most people have a problem with on-line games, especially MMORPGs (Massively Multi-Player Online Role Playing Games) like WoW (World of Warcraft), but I just played regular video games like 3-D Pinball and Minesweeper.  Also, I was able to limit the time to about 4 hours per day on average (most other people play more, often a lot more), but I would often play when I least should, like when I had client work to do (I am an independent contract computer programmer).  In addition, the video game playing was just part of my overall problem of procrastination, that I am still working on fully resolving now.

Although I was not as addicted as many other site members, I still found it quite difficult to stop playing, so I can appreciate how difficult it can be for many people.  I have read more than enough stories of excessive/compulsive playing to realize that this is a significant problem for some people, as well as those around them.  OLGA has helped me to stop playing and I am confident that it can help other addicted gamers, their family and friends.

P.S. There is a typo in the website address from Lizwool in an earlier post here.  The full address is actually http://www.olganon.org .

Sheryl, I am glad that you and your husband are so happy together, with both of you playing Everquest so much.  However, that is not the case for many other couples, especially when only one of them wants to play so much and the other one feels completely neglected.  Also, the person who plays so much may often not eat properly and otherwise take proper care of themselves (e.g., showering every once in a while).  It is even worse when there is children involved who may also feel neglected and unloved, including sometimes even not being fed or clothed properly, as well as being yelled at or even struck when they interrupt the gamer's playing.  Also, for young children, the lack of proper supervision can potentially result in dangerous situations such as them wandering out of the house to become injured or even killed.

As for "the guy who shot himself", I assume that you are referring to Shawn Woolley.  You also say, "that guy's issues had nothing to do with Everquest".  How do you know that?  Did you ever meet him or otherwise get to know him in any way?  Were you psychic and able to read his mind?  If you are interested and want to get to know a bit more about his situation before being so judgmental, I suggest that you read, if you have not yet done so, the Wikipedia entry for him at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shawn_Woolley and some of the associated references.

You also say, "quit blaming the game".  I, at least, don't blame the game for my problems.  Most of the people who I know with a gaming addiction problem, mostly from what I have read on the OLGA website, also do not blame the game for their problems.  It is like alcoholics blaming alcohol for their addiction.  To me, the issue is not to assign blame but rather to recognize that there is a problem, but only for those with a problem, and then to do something about it.

I don't know anything more about you than what you wrote in your post, but I have found that most people (including myself) tend to lash out at other people mostly when they are not happy about something similar in their own lives.  As such, I am wondering if you are trying to defend your own lifestyle, when nobody here is actually attacking it, because it is not quite as happy and satisfying that you make it out to be?  Once again, however, I am just asking and not trying to judge you and your husband.  If you both are truly happy with your life now, then I am also happy for the both of you.  However, if there are some problems, I hope that you both will admit that and try to address them, including if it means reducing or even completely stopping your playing.  Regardless, I wish you both a long and happy life together.

Your last sentence of "Think of it this way, if you watch sitcoms on TV for over an hour, then would you say you are addicted to sitcoms on TV?" indicates to me a lack of understanding of what addiction is.  Until I became addicted to video games, to be honest, I did not really understand how people could become addicted to anything.  One of the things, to me, that defines an addiction to video games is not so much the number of hours per day that are spent playing, although that is often an important indicator of an addiction problem.  For example, I only played about 4 hours per day, which is less than quite a few people spend on a hobby.  However, the important difference is the issue of control.  I only spent that much time because I had some limited control over myself but even that much time, in addition to my other procrastination methods, caused a lot of problems for me.  Although I have stopped playing now, it was not an easy thing for me to do.  People with just a hobby or a pastime, like watching T.V. occasionally, even for over an hour, can usually easily change the amount of time involved if they want to.  Nonetheless, as you say at the start, almost anything can be addictive to certain people.  However, too much time spent doing anything, whether or not it is truly an addiction, is a problem if it causes a person to ignore their real life responsibilities to themselves and those around them.

If you are interested in learning more about the issue of addiction, I am sure that there are many excellent books and other references.  However, one book that I, and at least several other people that I know of, have found to be very helpful is "The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior" by Craig Nakken.  A link to it on Amazon is www.amazon.com/Addictive-Personality-Understanding-Compulsive-Behavior/dp/1568381298/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221858013&sr=1-1 .

redfeathers, I don't know where Dr. Phil's "checklist" is.  However, another checklist of 20 items, in a thread called "&: Computer Game Addiction Signs", is located at http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/474 .  I don't know how it compares, including any overlap, with Dr. Phil's checklist, but I hope that you find this other list to be helpful to you and your boyfriend in determining whether or not he has a problem.  If you believe that he does, then keep in mind that the OLGA website has a wealth of information and tools that can be of help to both of you.