Messages By: children911

Let's look at the facts.  95% of the time the women gets custody, 15% of the time the men gets custody, 10% of the time there is joint custody.  Conservatively since 2000 there have been over 1 million divorces each year with an average household of 2.3 children.  This means that mothers have gotten custody of over 17,000,000 children and fathers have gotten custody of less than 3 million children in the past 8 years.  This is outrageous and an atrocity to our children to force the father out of a child’s life to play a lesser role.  Anyone that denies this and tries to say that 85% of the men in a divorce are domestic abusers or do not want equal physical custody in there child’s life is self-serving.  I continually hear people say it is about the money.  Yes, they are right, but they got it wrong on whom it is about the money.  Do your research.  The state encourages the courts to have a winner (custodial parent) and losers (non-custodial parent and children), so the state can get more funding from the federal government.  The custodial parent is extorting the children and money from the other parent.  This is not good for any child and any caring parent that put their child first would want this for their child.  I am a victim of paternity fraud by our first child (This is how she got me to marry her) and a victim of parental alienation of my second child.  I only have one biological child.  My ex has 5 children by 4 different biological fathers.  She has gotten custody every time.  It is time for the states to stop their funding at the expense of our children and it is time to stop victimizing fathers and their children with PAS, visitation (visitation – a term used when someone visits someone in jail – can it be anymore obvious what the state is doing – they just come right out and say it), etc.  Those of you that dismiss the facts and the numbers in post are self serving and I pity you and the children that you may have that are being victimized.  There is so much more to say.  For all those that really care please do your research and find out the truth.  Please do not be oppressors or ignorant of what is going on with our children.

• 63% of youth suicides. (Source: US Dept. of Health & Human Services, Bureau of the Census).
• 71% of pregnant teenagers. (Source: US Dept. of Health & Human Services)
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children.
• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders. (Source: Center for Disease Control).
• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger. (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26, 1978).
• 71% of all high school dropouts. (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools).
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers. (Source: Rainbows for all God`s Children).
• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons. (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992).

I appreciate the publicity that Dr. Phil has given to this issue, syndrome or what ever you want to call it.  I think it is very evident from the other postings that this problem is widespread and it happens to both men and women.  However, another show or maybe several shows are needed to discuss the underlying reason for parent alienation and how to solve the problem.  We need to discuss and explore the fact that there needs to be a presumption of joint shared custody of children for fit parents.  This would go along way to dramatically reducing parental alienation and a lot of other issues facing children and society as evidenced by the statistics posted.

These are my thoughts and I certainly do not claim to have all the answers, so constructive criticism is always welcome.

The parents should try to work out what is best for their children first.  They will need to discuss and change the way they do things as the child gets older, because their needs and responsibilities change.  With that being said, there are always going to be parents that wish to be difficult and vindictive and have to make everything a conflict.  There needs to be accountability.  When the parents cannot agree then they must see a parenting coordinator.  The coordinator will meet with both parent and let each parent discuss the conflict without interruption from each other.  Here is the accountability part.  The coordinator will bill both parents, if the conflict is legitimate (i.e. religious preference) then the coordinator will charge both parents for the coordinators time.  If the one parent is creating the conflict then that parent must pay the coordinator.  The coordinator must be properly licensed and adequately trained regarding family issues and to both a mediator and arbitrator. 

Coordinator integrity:  If the parent is having an issue with a coordinator then they may request an independent review board to decide if there is bias or discrimination.  The coordinator will pay the independent review board if they are found to be at fault and filed in the coordinators record.  The parent will pay the independent review board if they are found to be at fault.