Messages By: caradia

I have an odd issue.  I am overweight at 235 lbs and 5'3.  My boyfriend/fiance is also overweight, but much more so, at 350 lbs and 6'2.  I think he weighs more and is lying, because he is just expansive.  He flesh doesn't even know where to go anymore, it just folds everywhere.  I, myself, have self esteem and body image issues due to my weight and now I exercise (walk or bike) everyday for an hour.  I have lost 15 lbs since I started and weighed 280 a little over a year ago.  However, he says he is losing weight and I'm just not seeing it.  What I see is him bringing home groceries and rushing a bag to his room as if I don't know he has sweets in it.  I find wrappers of Ho-Ho's and other bad-for-you trash in his room.  He tries to hide it more, but it is obvious.  We went to mom's house and he made two types of dips (he's a great chef) and then devoured three plates of it, then went back an hour later to snack on it, barely leaving any for my sleeping brother.  We are sexually active, but it is getting difficult for his eating habits and weight to not affect how I see him sexually.  I couldn't even get turned on after giving him a massage because I made the mistake of asking him to shed his clothes in the light and saw every bit of him in the unforgiving illumination. I know I am fat as well, but I am just completely disgusted by him. I love him, and I want to marry him, but I don't know if I will be able to stay with him if he does not get healthier.  He thinks his work is enough exercise (wrapping DVD's at a factory) and I've never once seen him physically exercise (I work from home).  I also don't see him maintaining a habit of eating small portions unless I am up his arse.  This is getting tiring, I don't want to look at him, let alone talk to him because I am so angry and disgusted.  I have always had hot, lean men and he is the first big man I've ever been with.  I keep trying to look past it, and in every other instance of our relationship I can, but I can't when it comes to sex.  I just can't. I don't care what anyone says:  I know I'm fat, too, and that he looks past it, but I'm just not that good of a person.  I wish I could get Dr. Phil's opinion on this. I've been trying to be nicer about it to my boyfriend and not nag him on his eating habits as much, but then I just see them worsen instead of improve.  Does anyone else in the world have this issue, I know I cannot be alone in this.

Just like anything, gaming can be addictive. So can shopping, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc... If a person has an addictive personality, he/she can be addicted to anything.  I game between 8-14 hours a day, sometimes less.  What I had to learn was balance.  Now, when I had nothing in my life it was sleep, wake up, game, go to work, come home, game, sleep, and repeat.  I could not imagine losing a job for it; however, I can see where it gets in the way of relationships.  What is ironic is that I met my current live-in boyfriend in an online game over a year ago.  Now, he is here and has no interest in gaming because he has me (which confuses me), while gaming is still my favorite hobby just like it was when I met him.  I guess he had other reasons for gaming.  So, I still game.  I did have problems spending time with him, but now I make sure that other areas of my life are met before I cross to the void of gaming.  Gaming is my way of relieving stress.  Work, him, and life in general incur stress.  So, you know, you do what you gotta do.  I feel some people think it is an addiction if people actually pay to play online and/or spend over an hour a day on the game.  Wrong.  Just because it is not understood does not make it addiction.  Think of it this way, if you watch sitcoms on TV for over an hour, then would you say you are addicted to sitcoms on TV?

Thank you for that completely enlightening response.  Should I say that I am fully aware of your obvious statement already?  Oh, I just did. I was just responding with my opinion.  Hellllooooo....everyone has one.

Aw, thanks, but I fought a real life addiction to drugs for five years and beat it about two years ago.  But, maybe you are right, I don't understand addiction at all.  Thanks for the comprehensive link, I'm sure it will teach me everything. You people need to learn that opinions or e-pinions are just that - opinion.  Everyone has em and they won't change em.  Get over it.