Messages By: ashes83

Quote From: neesa111

hi, I am a 25 year old mother of two girls, I have been through a lot in the last 8 years , One of them being abused by my oldest daughters father and after him spending 4 months in jail and doing anger management we are back together and he no longer hits me but now he is so unaffectionate and he blames him going to jail on me.  while he was in jail i had had another daughter from another guy and we lost touch while i was pregnant, and when i found him he had a girlfriend but i still care very much about him and have asked my oldest daughters father to leave but he won't and i don't want to get the police involved as my children have seen enough of them how do i make this man understand without a confrintation that this relationship is over and how do i help my kids to deal with him moving out i need him gone asap, as i need to move on with my life. Please help i can't take the insanity anymore and my kids don't need to start seeing us argue.  

Quote From: brownark

 I have three questions: 1) Was Nicole ever married to Ethan's father?  At 18 Nicole should have known what caused babies and that she was not equipped to raise a child;  2) Does Nicole have anything to do with Ethan's father?  If not, perhaps the father is the one that needs to be taken to court and forced to pay child support; 3) Is Nicole married now?  If not, she definitely isn't capable of raising Ethan... Having two children out of wedlock proves that she is not capable of raising Ethan or the unborn child.

In this day in time getting pregnant out of wedlock seems to be the thing to do. Also depending on your parents to subsidize your lifestyle is using your parents and immature.  Our welfare systems are going broke supporting children born out of wedlock and their unmarried mothers.  They also get a monthly check , food stamps, housing allotments, free medical, etc.

After working 30 years in the academia, I can tell you that working in an admissions office at a University doesn't pay enough to take care of yourself, much less a child (and another one on the way).

Too many grandparents are guilted into subdizing their children so their grandchildren won't suffer. I would hate to think where the Ethan's of the world would be without grandmothers like Barbara!

Quote From: jewelsf

  Am I really reading this? Because a woman has 2, yes 2, children out of wedlock she is not fit to raise them. If that is the case then all unwed mothers need to have their children taken away. Let's see, how many millions of children would that be in foster care? I agree that would be better for the children and for the government and taxpayers. Actually, maybe we should go back to the days where these women should be forced to wear something like a scarlet A, maybe a scarlet U (for Unwed), to clearly show her shameful deed. Maybe we should go back to stoning? Post's like this remind me of the Salem witch trials. What about the children that are being raised by single mothers because the sorry choice for a husband took off the minute the baby was born? Should she be included in this? Where do we as society draw the line in telling others how to live?

  Maybe you are approximately 98 years old and I can overlook your old fashioned views, but this is not the 50's where one is judged by having a child (or even 2) out of wedlock. As a matter of fact I take offense that this should even be mentioned. My sister had a child out of wedlock and I for one do not feel she should have been forced to marry a man that she did not love just because of it. Too many marriages have sprung from this particular situation only to end in divorce down the line. Does that really make it easier on the children?

  Yes, I agree that any young woman should know about birth control in this day and age, and use it responsibly, but these things do happen. It is NOT a valid reason to lose the right to raise your own child.

  To be very honest here, I am so tired of people on this board feeling they have the right to tell other's how to live. Just recently I have been told that I am not allowed to own a pickup truck and live at the country club due to the fact that my choice of vehicle is larger than others, a gas guzzler, and because this "other" person is tired of having to support my husbands and my way of life. Funny, I had always thought we were supporting ourselves? I had no idea that a stranger was providing all of this for us! Until someone is actually doing something "wrong", such as hurting another or placing another's life in harms way, we have no right to tell others what they can and cannot do. I thought this was still America and that we were still a country of freedom, a country where we are allowed to make our own choices.

Quote From: atowns

 I think it was courageous for the young mother to admit she was overwhelmed by taking care of her two young children. Unfortunately too many people do not seek help and their children suffer the consequences.  Parenthood is not for everyone.

 There are many loving homes in the U.S. that can give these girls what the mother feels they are lacking. We would gladly take these girls in under an open adoption plan.

Quote From: mellain

You got it. That was ALL I was trying to show in coming on the show. I wanted other young mothers to know that it is not easy and that all the responsibility is on us. The men can still be free and it's okay because it's the social norm, but if we even feel like we need help look at how we are treated. I asked for help and half the viewers ridiculed me. Where is my family you all ask? I have none within 4 hours of me. Neither can I move closer to them. Even if I did, there isn't much they could do.

I don't want to give them up. I wanted help. Now I have DYFS (children's services) at my door asking me if I abuse or neglect my children, wanting to take them from me. I do not hurt them. I take extremely good care of them, I am nice to them, I put them before myself. I am finishing up my second semester at college right now and I have enrolled in next semester as full time again. I will not be giving up my education. Even if 'miss nevada' in the audience thought I was selfish for going to school and she thinks 'it's all about me' it's not. My children need me to do this, they need me to take this opprotunity and be in school and get a degree so I can at least do something better for them than I could without it, working wal-mart and waitressing just to make ends meet.

The father of my first child is almost 30 now, I just turned 20. I did not know what I was doing at 16 as well as I thought, but he did. With that said, I know I made mistakes but I am doing the best I can. None of you are going to adopt my children. I can do this. I just needed help.

But I want to say something to all mothers everywhere:

we don't need to give up who we are as individuals for our children, we don't need to be isolated in order to raise productivechildren. We CAN go to school. We don't need to work 2 dead endjobs to bring in an income. We can suffer for a little to get aneducation and use it to have careers, and this short period of timewith less money will not permanently damage our children. It's for thegreater good, and not just for ourselves but for the welfare andfutures of our children. We don't need to be silently suffering inbetween the walls of our homes, decorating and baking, afraid to have anight out once a week because we will be looked down upon for not being'real mothers.'

A real mother is someone who balances herself AND her children.

I'msick of society telling me what's going to make my children happy. I'mnot saying we be selfish, but we cannot lose ourselves. Our lives arenot 'over' or given up for our children. Certain activities, yes, butnot all. Certain ways of acting, yes, but not all. We can't move alongas fast as non-parents but we CAN get a degree, we can earn a position,we can.

Just because you work a full-time job at, say, Pizza Hut, does this makeyour life devoted and revolving around the company? Or do you getbreaks during shifts? Don't you get vacation time? Don't you have otheremployees working with you at any given time to get the job done? Howis being a full-time parent any different? We need breaks, we need asupport system, and when we aren't working we need to take off our'aprons' and honor student bumper stickers and be who we are as PEOPLE.

Without society telling us we're terrible human beings for it.

Youdo NOT need to isolate yourself just because you had children. But thisdoesn't give you an excuse to be out partying more than you are home ordoing activities that can hurt or influence your children in a bad way.This does not give you the right to total freedom from yourresponsibilities. That is not what I am advocating. I am speaking for the mom's who are scared of being themselves, whohave tried to go out once a week and had a man or an old-fashionedmother tell her she is selfish and uncaring of her children.

Ifyou isolate a mother, you take away her light. Without that light shecan't lead her children in the direction of happiness. You keep amother feeling trapped and she WILL take it out on her children, shewill lose her patience, she will raise troubled people. More often thannot.

I want to change this. For all the real parents out therewho love their children, who did give up their life. You don't need togive up all of it.

Parents are people, too.

Quote From: ssemeraldseas

I just want to say to Melissa I would like to adopt her children if she wants to give them up.  I have been very happily married for 14 years and have been through 8 miscarriages and several fertility treatments.  My husband and I want to have children badly.  I am now 42 and my husband is 41.  We were considering adopting but financially we can not adopt now until we save more money to do it.  I am scared about adopting from another country and I am scared to adopt in the US because I do not want my child taken from me in case the original birth parent wants the child back.    All I know is Melissa is very fortunate to have 2 children.  I would give anything to have 2 children or at least 1 child right now. Holidays are very depressing for us because we cannot share it with anyone so we usually leave town and go somewhere to get away from the fact we cannot celebrate Christmas, New Years, Halloween, Thanksgiving with a child.  We would give a child a terrific loving home.  My husband and I are both the only child and he only has his mom left.  Both of my parents are deceased so I do not have anyone.  My husband's mother desperately wants to be a Grandmother before she dies.  I do not know if this will ever happen.  By the time we have the money saved up we will probably be to old.  I love children very much and I am disappointed that I can not have any on my own.  That is all I have to say..