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Messages By: mogawaii

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November 6, 2005, 11:01 am CST

moochers

I am a 38 year old who has a 36 year old brother that is the mooch.  Our mother passed away 22 months ago, before she died she asked me to look out for him.  "he is not as strong as you are" she said.  Well he has been living in my house for 14 months now, not working, he is attending technical college but has a year to go before he is finished.  He was injured on the job January  2001, and has not worked since.  Before mom died she gave him her entire social security check to pay his bills while she lived with me and I paid for everything.  I would not take her money because I wanted her to be able to spend it on herself, she only got $550.00.  I also helped him with bills so that he could stay in his apartment.  After mom died I just couldn't keep up the extra $1100.00 each month. 

  

I am now working 80-104 hours a week to stay even with the bills because of my brother.  I no longer have savings because I have spent it all on him.  If he doesn't stay with me he is homeless.  As his only living relative I can't just give him the boot but I also can't keep up the schedule I currently have.  Any suggestions? 

  

  

 
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November 7, 2005, 7:30 pm CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: betsypoo

 Whose needs are being met? Your mom's? Did she not teach your brother how to be an adult, and THAT's why he's "not as strong as you"? You did not say what type of injury your brother has. It seems he's able to get his body out of his bed without assistance to attend a technichal college, good. Then he is also capable of getting at least a part time job. I did it, my husband did it,my kids did it, all when we were much younger than your brother. "Looking after " someone is different than devoting your entire being to them. You need to set some boundaries. 1. what would he do if  you(strong as you are) wind up disabled because of excessive work to provide for him? 2.What kind of living expenses ARE you providing, that you have to work that many hours? Are there others in the household as well? If not, you both need to look over your spending.3Have either you or him contacted social security, if his injury does not allow him to work, he is eligible for disability, which will provide for some of his living expenses. There are many programs available for the truly disabled, your brother needs to make contact. If he is unwilling or unable to make the effort, then You need to make a tough love decision, because from this perspective, you inherited Mom's 36 year old baby boy who may never choose to grow up unless he's forced to do so.

I  apologize my brother has had an indutrial injury to his dominant shoulder and arm.  It is rather murky because the surgery fixed the problem but the resulting nerve pain is rather ambiguious.  He is currently involved in a lawsuit for this but that has been going on for nearly three years without much result.  I am a private duty nurse and did exactly what you did( worked 40 hours a week and attended school and took care of my ill mother).  He has no idea what he would do if something happened to me.  He would be homeless, without funds, wheels ect. 

  

As for living expenses I pay everything, rent, utilities, food, auto insurance, cell phone, storage for his stuff.  You name it and I am probably paying for it.  My basic budget is 2,000.00 monthly without food.  That is just barely covering it.  I do have a student loan that I am paying for.  I also have 4 pets to provide for that I will not give up.  But their expense is minor in the scheme of things. 

  

Because his injury is so nebulous he isn't eligable for any disability assistance.  The best that I can do is get him through school so that he can support himself again.  That was a fairly hard sell 

I really find it interesting that prior to this injusry he was a good worker and had pride in his job.  Now each day is a struggle.  I understand what long-term injuries are like I have a spinal injury that has plagued me for 18 years.  I hurt nearly everyday but get up and keep going, nobody owes me a living I have to be willing to go get it.  Why doesn't he see it this way?  My mother did. 

 
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March 15, 2007, 11:08 pm CDT

having a meltdown

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum but hope someone can understand why I am alternating between fit s of crying, sobbing and an intense need to pick fights(verbally) with my brother.

 

My mother passed away 3 yeas ago fom a prolonged illness,leaving me with a brother who had no idea how to cope.  I took it all in, internalized my grief and rage and kept moving.  Literally, which has always been my coping method.  I became a workaholic, 120 hour weeks caring for other people.  I love what I do for a living.  I have been a professional caregiver for 15 years. My brother has attempted to take his life twice since my mom died.  He is in trouble with the authorites regularly since.  Nine months ago my best friend died.  I was the one who found her, made all of the arrangements, and held her family together. She and I were extremely close, we talked everyday, sometimes for hours.  

In january I finally stopped working at such a breakneck pace.  Actually I was forced to slow down because I became quit ill.  i have recovered but am not ready to go back to work because I have been such a basket case.  I began crying for no reason, sometimes silent tears, sometimes huge sobs.  These sem to alternate with an aggitation I have never experienced.  I just seem to be looking for a fight about half of the time.  Recently I have noticed that I am behaving like a hermit.  I rarely leave the house, I don't answer the phone; instead I sit and cry. 

 

Am I having a nervous breakdown?  I have always been the strong one who everyone else comes to for help, but right now I don't think I could help myself out of a paper bag.  I feel alone and unsure of myself which has never happened before.

 
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March 28, 2007, 5:14 pm CDT

and now what

First let me say thank you to the people who posted replies and wishes for my last posting.  I have been coping a little better but had a huge set back today.  I found out that I have been the victim of a money scam.  I deposited a check for 4500.00 on monday that apparently is counterfeit.  This is after I took it to the local branch of the issueing bank earlier that day.  My account has now been seized and none of the bills I payed and mailed will be honored.  I can't catch a break, now I am even more depressed.  all I want to do is hide in the closet and let the world tear themselves apart.  But the cats won't stay in the closet with me so that probably isn't going to work.   Any suggestions?
 

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