Message Boards

Messages By: starsong14

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
October 16, 2005, 8:38 am CDT

false witness

Dear Dr. Phil:  I can't think of anything worse one human being can do to another, than to "bear false witness," a direct violation of the 10th Commandment.  How dare anyone create or perpetuate a rumor (true or false) against another person.  And, then to add insult to injury sully the person's good name.  I could quote from the Commandments to Shakespeare ("he who steals my purse steals nothing, but he who sullies my good name takes all I have) paraphrasing,  to "The Crucible" and the Salem witch hunts.  The message is the same.  Take a pillow and let all the feathers blow into the wind.  Taking back a reputation-destroying falsehood is like attempting to get each and every feather back into the pillow.  False witness leads to corrupt ideology.   History has taught us where that leads.  We simply need to find the graves of six and a half million people whose murders were justified by others bearing false witness against them.  Then look at the genocides in Africa of ten years ago and now Al-queda.  Read "The Children's Hour" and see that those who are not killed by others, die by their own hand.  You get my drift.   

  

If there is hope at the end of the tunnel, it is to say to those whose reputations have been ruined:  walk with dignity and rise above these small minds.  It always amazes me that those who are so ready to cast the first stone always seem to be living in houses made of glass.  Jesus died in order to prove to those who would sully him that love is the way .  Pray for those who would ruin you for the doors of Heaven are closed to them.   Starsong14 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
October 24, 2005, 2:03 pm CDT

God Bless You

Quote From: rhonda4744

rhonda4744 

Dear rhonda4744:  Thank you so much for the "God Bless You."  I could sure use a barrel full of those.  So, right back at'cha.!  starsong14
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 13, 2006, 10:43 am CDT

Is She Kidding?

Surely she can see clearly what the problem is here....or can she?     

One, Mr. Fiance doesn't even consider this lady a person.  He sees her as property.     

Two, the old adage: "the man who looks under the bed, does so because he himself has hidden there' applies here because    

Three, it's not her love he doubts, it is his own.  He requires perfection in his mate in order to accommodate his own inner feelings of self-loathing and self-disgust.  He has to prove over and over again to himself that he is worth something by imposing pefect loyalty and devotion and other levels of perfection on this young lady.  While the only crime she is guilty of is wanting to be loved.   

Four, in order to abuse her (and thats what this is, abuse...it just hasn't become physical YET as far as we know) he must first devalue her.  In order to devalue her, he must have what he considers "EVIDENCE"  by 'catching' her in some imaginery infraction.  Ergo, he stalks her.  I'm sure he questions her constantly and she had better have the answers.  If she doesn't come up with answers that satisfy him, he can then justify to himself all manner of disgraceful behavior toward her.     

Five, I'll lay 25 to 1 odds that he has tremendous 'mother issues.'  A mother who was abusive and at the same time, seductive.     

Six, and the most tragic component of this volatile cocktail is he picks women who are passive agressive, display an ego the size of the grand canyon and a self-esteem one could slide under the door.  Once he has removed her support system; i.e., friends, family, etc. she's doomed to a life of fear, emotional distress, physical abuse for herself and her kids....   

I REPEAT... IS SHE KIDDING?  IS SHE REALLY TRYING TO TELL US THAT SHE IS SO BLIND THAT SHE CANNOT SEE WHAT THE SIMPLE ANSWER IS TO THIS DILEMMA?  SHE IS TO RUN (AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER)  AND DO IT SO QUICKLY THAT HE'LL CATCH PNEUMONIA FROM THE BREEZE FROM HER COAT.   THE NEXT STEP...SHE MOVES FAR, FAR AWAY WHERE HE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND HER AGAIN.  She'll be older, wiser, maybe a little sadder, but she'll be alive.    

   

   

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 14, 2006, 5:58 am CDT

Perception Shapes Our Behavior

Quote From: twizzlers

I had some similar experiences in my life to which this lady is currently going through.  Fortunately, I wasn't engaged to either of the psycho guys.  One of the guys who from my past which was very similar to this stalker guy, I had never dated though he was so obsessed with dating me and I wasn't even allowed to live my life normally without having the fear of him being behind me at all times.  This guy who was just a friend, not a real close friend, had gone as far as calling the operator to do an Emergency Break-thru because I had been on the phone (no call waiting) with a my best friend making plans to go shopping together.  He would call my friends and family and threaten them into telling him where I was living and how he could get in contact with me after I had moved to another city.  His parents had called me "jail-bait", but I was nothing close to being so-called Jail bait as there son was the one so obsessed with me and all I wanted was to get as far away from him as possible. 

Now the 2nd guy who I was involved with had been a nice guy in the beginning.  As time went by, he finally worked his way into my life and the longer we had been together the more controlling he would get.  He would make me have caller ID service so that he could screen all my calls and told me who I could and could not speak to.  My friends and family all disliked this guy, but I at the time I was young and stupid with tunnel vision and didn't see anything that everyone else would see. 

He was a Con-Artist, conned me out of so much money, would make me think that I was a horrible person and that I was doing the right thing by supporting him by paying his bills for him.   

As years progressed, things only got worse.  I was afraid to leave him because I had seen what he had done to other people who didn't make him happy.  Finally nearly 5 years of being with the guy, I had the nerve to leave him, scared out of my mind wondering what would happen next.  He went as far as calling the police and filing false police reports on me and constantly hanging out in the parking lot of my apartment building and yelling/whistling for me. 

He tried several attempts to ask people who lived there to let him in as he was worried about his "fiance'", many people didn't by it as they thought if he had a fiance' that he was actually worried about he would have a way to get into the building. 

I feared for my life every time I would go out, I had a hard time leaving my apartment after the break-up without having a friend with me because my ex would always hang out either in the parking lot in his car or behind a tree waiting for me to come out. 

Needless to say, he had a better time getting the police to do things for him then I ever did, which I felt was so unfair.  I was the victim in this relationship not him, he was the one who wanted to control my ever move in my life, tell me when I needed to be home, curse me out when I didn't call him to tell him where I was.   

I no longer live in that state, so he has no way of ever finding where I live. 

When I hear things like this happening to other women, it makes me remember of what I once had to live with and deal with.  It breaks my heart to think why a woman would want to stay with a guy who is such a dirt bag and doesn't deserve her love. 

No woman and I mean no woman deserves to be treated like a piece of meat by some guy who thinks he is all that and feels that he can do anything to a woman and not give a damn about it and how she feels.  

No man who is like this ladies fiance' deserves to have a woman to love him in return. 

My advice, just get as far away as possible.  You have so much evidence of what he has done to you, that you have every right to get a restraining order against him. 

I beg you, from a woman who has been in a controlling abusive relationship, its not worth the headache and long term pain, just get out before it is too late.   You can find love and happiness with a guy who deserves to have you in his life. 

Don't be too hard on yourself.  Young girls are vulnerable to men such as the one you describe.  What I'm concerned about is you say you had TWO such relationships.  I had a habit of attracting alcoholics.  After the 3rd one, I thought, "What AM I doing wrong?"  I realized that God was going to keep sending me Mr. Wrong until MY EYES WERE OPENED TO MY OWN FEELINGS OF POOR SELF-WORTH.  FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY, I realized that the sameness of my behavior was going to get me the same results.  If you even suspect something isn't quite kosher when you meet a guy, walk away before you have to run.  These men are terrorists and cowards.  If the cop on the corner, the green grocer or the postman angered him would he act toward them the way he acted toward you?  Not a chance. So, don't look at what a guy says to you.  They know flattery will get them anywhere with some women.  Look at what the guy does and particularly, how he treats others.  Anyone can be a model citizen for a few hours an evening.  AND MOST IMPORTANT, DON'T CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT A WHOLE PERSON UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A GUY IN YOUR LIFE.  MANY WOMEN LOVE THEIR INDEPENDENCE AND LEARN TO LOVE THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY LET SOMEONE INTO THEIR LIVES.  And if the guy NEVER comes along, NO BIG DEAL.  We have a saying in my ethnic heritage:  "YOU'RE BETTER OFF ALONE THAN IN BAD COMPANY." 
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 14, 2006, 6:02 am CDT

Perception Shapes Our Behavior

Quote From: twizzlers

I had some similar experiences in my life to which this lady is currently going through.  Fortunately, I wasn't engaged to either of the psycho guys.  One of the guys who from my past which was very similar to this stalker guy, I had never dated though he was so obsessed with dating me and I wasn't even allowed to live my life normally without having the fear of him being behind me at all times.  This guy who was just a friend, not a real close friend, had gone as far as calling the operator to do an Emergency Break-thru because I had been on the phone (no call waiting) with a my best friend making plans to go shopping together.  He would call my friends and family and threaten them into telling him where I was living and how he could get in contact with me after I had moved to another city.  His parents had called me "jail-bait", but I was nothing close to being so-called Jail bait as there son was the one so obsessed with me and all I wanted was to get as far away from him as possible. 

Now the 2nd guy who I was involved with had been a nice guy in the beginning.  As time went by, he finally worked his way into my life and the longer we had been together the more controlling he would get.  He would make me have caller ID service so that he could screen all my calls and told me who I could and could not speak to.  My friends and family all disliked this guy, but I at the time I was young and stupid with tunnel vision and didn't see anything that everyone else would see. 

He was a Con-Artist, conned me out of so much money, would make me think that I was a horrible person and that I was doing the right thing by supporting him by paying his bills for him.   

As years progressed, things only got worse.  I was afraid to leave him because I had seen what he had done to other people who didn't make him happy.  Finally nearly 5 years of being with the guy, I had the nerve to leave him, scared out of my mind wondering what would happen next.  He went as far as calling the police and filing false police reports on me and constantly hanging out in the parking lot of my apartment building and yelling/whistling for me. 

He tried several attempts to ask people who lived there to let him in as he was worried about his "fiance'", many people didn't by it as they thought if he had a fiance' that he was actually worried about he would have a way to get into the building. 

I feared for my life every time I would go out, I had a hard time leaving my apartment after the break-up without having a friend with me because my ex would always hang out either in the parking lot in his car or behind a tree waiting for me to come out. 

Needless to say, he had a better time getting the police to do things for him then I ever did, which I felt was so unfair.  I was the victim in this relationship not him, he was the one who wanted to control my ever move in my life, tell me when I needed to be home, curse me out when I didn't call him to tell him where I was.   

I no longer live in that state, so he has no way of ever finding where I live. 

When I hear things like this happening to other women, it makes me remember of what I once had to live with and deal with.  It breaks my heart to think why a woman would want to stay with a guy who is such a dirt bag and doesn't deserve her love. 

No woman and I mean no woman deserves to be treated like a piece of meat by some guy who thinks he is all that and feels that he can do anything to a woman and not give a damn about it and how she feels.  

No man who is like this ladies fiance' deserves to have a woman to love him in return. 

My advice, just get as far away as possible.  You have so much evidence of what he has done to you, that you have every right to get a restraining order against him. 

I beg you, from a woman who has been in a controlling abusive relationship, its not worth the headache and long term pain, just get out before it is too late.   You can find love and happiness with a guy who deserves to have you in his life. 

Don't be too hard on yourself.  Young girls are vulnerable to men such as the one you describe.  What I'm concerned about is you say you had TWO such relationships.  I had a habit of attracting alcoholics.  After the 3rd one, I thought, "What AM I doing wrong?"  I realized that God was going to keep sending me Mr. Wrong until MY EYES WERE OPENED TO MY OWN FEELINGS OF POOR SELF-WORTH.  FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY, I realized that the sameness of my behavior was going to get me the same results.  If you even suspect something isn't quite kosher when you meet a guy, walk away before you have to run.  These men are terrorists and cowards.  If the cop on the corner, the green grocer or the postman angered him would he act toward them the way he acted toward you?  Not a chance. So, don't look at what a guy says to you.  They know flattery will get them anywhere with some women.  Look at what the guy does and particularly, how he treats others.  Anyone can be a model citizen for a few hours an evening.  AND MOST IMPORTANT, DON'T CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT A WHOLE PERSON UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A GUY IN YOUR LIFE.  MANY WOMEN LOVE THEIR INDEPENDENCE AND LEARN TO LOVE THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY LET SOMEONE INTO THEIR LIVES.  And if the guy NEVER comes along, NO BIG DEAL.  We have a saying in my ethnic heritage:  "YOU'RE BETTER OFF ALONE THAN IN BAD COMPANY." 
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
happy
May 23, 2006, 4:49 pm CDT

Courage

Rob, you're a courageous guy and a credit to our society.  If ever anyone used his authority, knowledge and training on behalf of the average American family, it is you.  God Bless you for having the sheer guts to confront these sick s.o.b.s.  As a woman it encourages me to know that there are people like yourself out there so I, my daughters, nieces, grandchildren and friends can walk the streets a wee bit safer.  Thanks. 
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 27, 2006, 4:46 am CDT

Walk A Mile In My Shoes, Loser

Julie has only one problem and it's not her weight.  Who wouldn't be overweight trying to live under the stress of Kelly's impossible demands.  You notice he doesn't have too many expectations of himself, because he thinks he's just the cutest thing in lace panties.  Yet he has 'CERTAIN REQUIREMENTS' of his wife.  Just who in hell does he think he is?  Let Kelly try being married to Kelly.  The best thing that could ever happen to Julie is that after SHE IS SATISFIED WITH WHO SHE IS AND HOW SHE LOOKS, is that she lose another 210 lbs. of ugly fat by cutting loose the loser she's married to. 
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
June 24, 2006, 8:20 am CDT

YOU'RE THE ENABLER

Quote From: astrain

 

I am at the end of my rope.  My son is 35 years old and lives at home.  He helps very little around the house and when he has a job, he does not spendhis money responsibly.  He has a 4 years old child who is he supposed to pay $362 per month child support, but he knows if he doesnt pay it that I will because I dont want to see the child suffer.  99% of the time I pay the child support. He says" dont pay the support" but I know if I dont it wont get paid and the law will be coming to my house.  What makes it worse is that I retired from our local Social Services as the Child Support Supervisor, and have a son who is a dead beat dad.  I cant stand the embarassment of anyone knowing the doesnt pay his support, so I pay it.   My husband died 8 years ago and left me some money and for some reason my son feels he should share in that money.  I furnish him with a place to live, food, clothing and spending money.  I have the responsibility to get him to and from work because he doesnt have a driver's licence.  (Three DWIs)   

 

I have given him money to move out and he spent it on other things.  WHAT AM I TO DO???? 

 

What you are doing TO your child amounts to nothing more than the worst form of emotional incest a parent can inflict upon a child...OF ANY AGE.  The sad thing about your behavior is you think you're being a good parent.  Well, toots, I've got a newsflash for you, just in case you haven't taken a good, hard look at this situation.  YOUR SON IS WAY PAST THE AGE OF PARENTING SO THE NEED IS WITHIN YOU.  You have the need to be "Parent Of The Year,"  you're terrified of what "others" will think, if you don't keep supporting this leech of a son, and most importantly, he gets his weakness from your lack of strength.  Additionally, you are the one who's afraid of being alone.  WHAT ARE YOU TO DO?  Stop paying his child support.  Maybe a few weeks in jail will straighten this loser out, since obviously you've never once allowed him to be accountable for his lack of responsibility.  Just why do you think his ex-wife divorced him?  Or, did you plan it that way, so he'd never leave you.  You've got a whole bunch of lousy motives of your own.  So, honey, pack his bags, confront him and throw him out.  If he won't go...sell your house out from under him and take the money and go and enjoy your life.  In short, MOVE AND DON'T TELL HIM WHERE YOU'RE GOING.  I can't think of a worse heartbreak than a mother who cannot point to her child with pride. 
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
worried
June 25, 2006, 9:00 am CDT

Take A Stand, Now!

Quote From: titusj

I am married 6 years,  2 years ago I was living in a horrible night mare. My husband's cronic alcoholic father almost (but unfortunate not) drank him self to death, he was hospitalize 2 months and then my husband moved him into our 2 bedroom home,(we had 2 kids) He was unable to care for him self so my husband took on that role with out my concent. His father  had no money no desire to help out ever, even when he was able too, He just laid around all day for 1 year eating and sleeping and never appreciateing anything we did for him, it was all an expectation. And then to top it all off I found out my husband was having an affair and she was pregnant 6 months and to top it all off he(MY HUSBAND) was also addicted to METH!. 

I looked to GOD for my strength because no way could I do this on my own, I demanded my husband find other care for his father, seek conceling from our church for our marriage and watch him like a hawk in every step he takes, It's still a rocky road but each day we are rebuilding a little stronger. 

I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU.  You are between a rock and a hard place and because of your love for your future husband, you are hesitant to take a stand. However, life rolls on and the choices we make dictate the way we live our lives....perhaps FOR THE ENTIRE REMAINDER OF OUR LIVES.  And while you and your fiancee` may be kidding yourselves that you "can handle this" take it from me:  YOU CAN'T.  YOU AND HE ARE ADULTS AND THINK YOU HAVE THE GOODS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY...BUT WHEN YOU START TO SEE YOUR CHILDREN SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOUR DECISION TO TOLERATE THIS NUT JOB (AND IT'S ALL BASED ON GUILT, MIND YOU...AND BELIEVE ME, YOUR FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW KNOWS JUST WHAT BUTTONS TO PUSH) YOU'RE GOING TO REALIZE WHAT A DISASTEROUS MISTAKE YOU'VE BOTH MADE.    Your brother-in-law, if his motives were clean, would have sought professional help a long time ago.   Your brother-in-law to be is not your responsibility nor is he the responsibilty of your future husband.  You don't need to expose your children, once they come along, to this kind of family situation.  They deserve a stable, well-adjusted home atmosphere.  They can't get it if they are constantly exposed to a "depressed" uncle.  What if he suddenly "snaps?"   

  

Children learn what they live and when they see the attention this guy gets, they will think that that's the way to get attention too.  I BEG YOU!  EITHER TAKE A STAND NOW, OR GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.  There's many a fish in the sea and you WILL marry.  Don't think for one moment that your fiancee is the only guy out there...because he's not.  The way you found him, you'll find another WITH NO BAGGAGE.  DON'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS MARRIAGE IF YOUR INTENDED IS EVEN REMOTELY ENTERTAINING THE IDEA OF BEING A BABYSITTER FOR HIS BROTHER.   

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 27, 2006, 8:08 am CDT

whatajerk

 Shame on Nagin for his insensitive remarks about New York's "Hole In The Ground" when he referred to the WTC site.  Unfortunately, he seems to have very little recollection about the many New Yorkers and others around the country (still mourning the loss of their brothers and sisters in arms and loved ones)  who dug deep into their own personal pockets and forwarded donations of time, money, talent, expertise, knowledge and materials.  These people went to New Orleans, leaving their own families behind to help with the devastation there. Nagin owes New York and the rest of the Country an apology.  Without an apology forthcoming, should their be a repetition of the storm event of 2004; how many people does Nagin think will respond? 

 

'm worried that Nagin is still in office and that the people of New Orleans reelected him.  He seems to have a penchant for blaming others for his lack of leadership.  His vision seems to be hindsight.  In that regard, it's 20-20 all the way.  If he could be so callous as to refer to what the Country regards as the "sacred ground" of the World Trade Center site, where thousands of Americans lost their lives, as a "hole in the ground"; what could he possibly have to say to redeem himself with the people of New Orleans.

 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next | Last
Return to Message Board