12/05 You're Not Who I Married
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Posted by: carous
Posted on: 2002-12-05 10:03:34
hi dr phil i watched you show today about iam not who you married!!i got to tell ya i can relate to the woman who ia dealing with her husband the cross dresser i too married a man in just a very short time from dating i was right out of high school and had problems at home dealing with a step father that sexually abused me so marrying this man was my way out to my surprise about 2 yrs into my marriage i found out he too was a cross dresser i too was a fool i had to children and stayed with this man for ys just so my children had a dad well guss what my son found him one nite dressing in our garage at the age of 16 i lived with pain day in and day out i also called his mother to talk to her about this and what she told me was just ignore this it is his way of taking out stress hunnnnnn not my son and i lived with the pain about 4 yrs ago my son at the age of 24 my son became sick with lewkemia can you beleive this he came to th hospital dressed in my clothes what a shock we were so imbaresed painnnnn we know what that is my husband died 3yrs ago and doi you know what i felt no grieve and still dont the only thing i grieve now is the lost of my son and the hurt he did to my daughter so please tell this lady to GET -OUT PLEASE GET-OUT THE HURT AND CROSS DRESSING NEVER STOPS
Posted by: carous
Posted on: 2002-12-05 10:03:34
hi dr phil i watched you show today about iam not who you married!!i got to tell ya i can relate to the woman who ia dealing with her husband the cross dresser i too married a man in just a very short time from dating i was right out of high school and had problems at home dealing with a step father that sexually abused me so marrying this man was my way out to my surprise about 2 yrs into my marriage i found out he too was a cross dresser i too was a fool i had to children and stayed with this man for ys just so my children had a dad well guss what my son found him one nite dressing in our garage at the age of 16 i lived with pain day in and day out i also called his mother to talk to her about this and what she told me was just ignore this it is his way of taking out stress hunnnnnn not my son and i lived with the pain about 4 yrs ago my son at the age of 24 my son became sick with lewkemia can you beleive this he came to th hospital dressed in my clothes what a shock we were so imbaresed painnnnn we know what that is my husband died 3yrs ago and doi you know what i felt no grieve and still dont the only thing i grieve now is the lost of my son and the hurt he did to my daughter so please tell this lady to GET -OUT PLEASE GET-OUT THE HURT AND CROSS DRESSING NEVER STOPS
transgender
Posted by: garisheila
Posted on: 2002-12-05 16:40:09
I'm really sorry for your son and what you went through. I guess you really think that your ex was a real pervert. I can understand why he didn't come out to you. I can see that you were very embarressed about you ex coming to see you son in the hospital in drag. I don't know the cercumstances to that, but I feel that he probably should have changed. That wasn't right and he had no business doing that to you. Crossdressing doesn't have to be something that you get a divorce over. Lots of people have really nice marriages and long ones and the spouses crossdress(male and female).
Sheila
Posted by: garisheila
Posted on: 2002-12-05 16:40:09
I'm really sorry for your son and what you went through. I guess you really think that your ex was a real pervert. I can understand why he didn't come out to you. I can see that you were very embarressed about you ex coming to see you son in the hospital in drag. I don't know the cercumstances to that, but I feel that he probably should have changed. That wasn't right and he had no business doing that to you. Crossdressing doesn't have to be something that you get a divorce over. Lots of people have really nice marriages and long ones and the spouses crossdress(male and female).
Sheila
Been There!
Posted by: snoogans
Posted on: 2002-12-06 11:35:48
Sheila, you seem very pro-crossdressing and I agree that in some circumstances it can work in a marriage. But, if he is no longer interested in sex with his wife because of these perversions, there is no place in the marriage for it. If he is dressing up in private and masturbating or if he is masturbating to x-rated websites while his wife sleeps in the other room this is a problem. Sometimes these men prefer this other stuff to actual sex with a woman (their wife!). I completely understand what Dr. Phil was getting at because I have been married to one for 7 years. When we do have sex, he is not making love to me but just "getting us both off". There is no intimacy in that. He has not admitted to anything yet but I have found the porn he looks at on the computer and he does have some clothing items "hidden" in the house which I have come across. His preference for these other things makes me feel like a failure as a wife and a woman and I am close to leaving. I plan to ask him to watch the show to let him know how I feel to see if there is anything we can work out. He says he loves me and I believe him. He also says he is attracted to me but his actions speak otherwise. Just letting you know that many of the people posting here are not making snap judgements, they are dealing with years of pain caused by their husband's preference for porn and womens clothing and self satisfaction. Their lack of desire for their wives is killing their wives inside and their marria
Posted by: snoogans
Posted on: 2002-12-06 11:35:48
Sheila, you seem very pro-crossdressing and I agree that in some circumstances it can work in a marriage. But, if he is no longer interested in sex with his wife because of these perversions, there is no place in the marriage for it. If he is dressing up in private and masturbating or if he is masturbating to x-rated websites while his wife sleeps in the other room this is a problem. Sometimes these men prefer this other stuff to actual sex with a woman (their wife!). I completely understand what Dr. Phil was getting at because I have been married to one for 7 years. When we do have sex, he is not making love to me but just "getting us both off". There is no intimacy in that. He has not admitted to anything yet but I have found the porn he looks at on the computer and he does have some clothing items "hidden" in the house which I have come across. His preference for these other things makes me feel like a failure as a wife and a woman and I am close to leaving. I plan to ask him to watch the show to let him know how I feel to see if there is anything we can work out. He says he loves me and I believe him. He also says he is attracted to me but his actions speak otherwise. Just letting you know that many of the people posting here are not making snap judgements, they are dealing with years of pain caused by their husband's preference for porn and womens clothing and self satisfaction. Their lack of desire for their wives is killing their wives inside and their marria
crossdressing Husband
Posted by: rachelle57
Posted on: 2002-12-10 13:03:23
Snoogans
Let me tell about being a crossdresser for over 57 years. It is pure hell. I know people will not believe this, but we are born this way. I am convinced of it. I started at 7 or 8 yrs of age and have loved wearing womens clothes ever since. I would suggest you and all the other wives of crossdressers Tforum.com or Vickierenee.net to see how many other men are trapped because our wives think we are perverts. We are not perverts. At those two sites[there must be a couple of THOUSAND WEB SITES DEALING WITH CROSSDRESSING AND THE TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITYBESIDES THESE]you will find the men who feel trapped and find the internet as an escape to find others like them and IS able to talk about their life experiences with this situation. Wives feel we are not interested in them because when it comes to sex all we can think about is dressing en femme. I HAVE TRIED NOT THINKING ABOUT IT DURING SEX. IT DOESN'T WORK. In my case, I went from fantasizing about my mom's clothes, and wearing furs and velvet. The older I got the more I wanted to wear ladies clothing. I even got up the nerve to ask a cousin if she let me try on her velvet skirt, silk blouse and fur coat she had worn that morning to church when I was in jr high. I originally had a lot more to say but the sake of brevity- crossdressing will never go away no matter what you try and the counselor tells you to do. We are born this way and I sure as hell can't just kick it out. Wives, education is the best thing you can do to
Posted by: rachelle57
Posted on: 2002-12-10 13:03:23
Snoogans
Let me tell about being a crossdresser for over 57 years. It is pure hell. I know people will not believe this, but we are born this way. I am convinced of it. I started at 7 or 8 yrs of age and have loved wearing womens clothes ever since. I would suggest you and all the other wives of crossdressers Tforum.com or Vickierenee.net to see how many other men are trapped because our wives think we are perverts. We are not perverts. At those two sites[there must be a couple of THOUSAND WEB SITES DEALING WITH CROSSDRESSING AND THE TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITYBESIDES THESE]you will find the men who feel trapped and find the internet as an escape to find others like them and IS able to talk about their life experiences with this situation. Wives feel we are not interested in them because when it comes to sex all we can think about is dressing en femme. I HAVE TRIED NOT THINKING ABOUT IT DURING SEX. IT DOESN'T WORK. In my case, I went from fantasizing about my mom's clothes, and wearing furs and velvet. The older I got the more I wanted to wear ladies clothing. I even got up the nerve to ask a cousin if she let me try on her velvet skirt, silk blouse and fur coat she had worn that morning to church when I was in jr high. I originally had a lot more to say but the sake of brevity- crossdressing will never go away no matter what you try and the counselor tells you to do. We are born this way and I sure as hell can't just kick it out. Wives, education is the best thing you can do to
Posted by: dixie_d
Posted on: 2002-12-11 12:38:21
Rachelle - your last sentence sums it all up. If more wives - EVEN THOSE WHO AREN'T MARRIED TO CROSSDRESSERS - would take the time to educate themselves about it, society would eventually come to understand that we do NOT have a choice in this matter any more than someone who is born with a physical abnomalty. The problem is that people can SEE and sympathize with someone born with an obvious defect, but they're quick to condemn those of us who are predisposed to somethig that's not as obvious. Education is the key and it should be pursued with an open mind, compassion, and a tender heart. One in ten men IS a crossdresser. Think about this, people - what if YOU were in that 10%? How would YOU feel about it? Solid "G" rated information is available at http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd
Dixie
I'm Frustrated
Posted by: marymeet
Posted on: 2003-03-06 18:26:33
I met my most wonderful husband almost 12 years ago. We started off as friends and then my oldest daughter suggested we were perfect for each other.
I found this rather funny since I was 39 at the time, and he was 23. After all, I was a grandmother! I decided since I lived alone that a little Mrs. Robinson action would be ok for a few weeks.
We talked about the fact that I was not interested in a romance and was interested in a physical relationshiip.
He shamefacedly told me that I would NEVER want to go out with him because...
I finally got the because out of him. He was a "pervert". He liked to wear women's clothing.
I laughed out loud. I was afraid he was into something much darker like children or animals. After we talked some more, I convinced him that I was not repelled by him and we proceeded to have a wonderful affair. I helped him fulfill his fantasies in any way I could and found I enjoyed them as much as he did.
We married a month later and have been happily married for 12 years with one child.
This is my point, if more people understood and accepted heterosexual cross dressing as acceptable more men would be comforatble enough not to have to hide what they do.
Then, with open and honest communication the lady involved could decide if she wanted to continue or not before marriage.
I was just lucky enough that he was brave enough to tell me up front and he was lucky enough to find someone who found his "perversion" to be harm
Posted by: marymeet
Posted on: 2003-03-06 18:26:33
I met my most wonderful husband almost 12 years ago. We started off as friends and then my oldest daughter suggested we were perfect for each other.
I found this rather funny since I was 39 at the time, and he was 23. After all, I was a grandmother! I decided since I lived alone that a little Mrs. Robinson action would be ok for a few weeks.
We talked about the fact that I was not interested in a romance and was interested in a physical relationshiip.
He shamefacedly told me that I would NEVER want to go out with him because...
I finally got the because out of him. He was a "pervert". He liked to wear women's clothing.
I laughed out loud. I was afraid he was into something much darker like children or animals. After we talked some more, I convinced him that I was not repelled by him and we proceeded to have a wonderful affair. I helped him fulfill his fantasies in any way I could and found I enjoyed them as much as he did.
We married a month later and have been happily married for 12 years with one child.
This is my point, if more people understood and accepted heterosexual cross dressing as acceptable more men would be comforatble enough not to have to hide what they do.
Then, with open and honest communication the lady involved could decide if she wanted to continue or not before marriage.
I was just lucky enough that he was brave enough to tell me up front and he was lucky enough to find someone who found his "perversion" to be harm
To Marymeet
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-16 20:57:45
I've tried for over 25 yrs to get into it with this man and the more I give/gave the less I got!! Now it's down to nothing. I could've kept on giving if he had gave me something back. I've talked, we've talked till there's nothing left to talk about. He's not capable of realizing how lucky he is to have me still here after all these years. He just doesn't get it. I should've left him the morning after the first time. We were 20 yrs old. Geezus. I've wasted my whole life for this man. Trying to please him, trying to make him love me. I know he doesn't because if he did he wouldn't do me so wrong. All I've ever wanted was for him to be a husband, a man, a lover. He's too selfish and wrapped up in his own sick world and can't see past his sick fantasy/fetish. You can tell me all day long that these freaks are loving, caring, misunderstood...blah, blah, blah...I ain't buying it cause I've been living with it. I've done everything a thousand times and the more I did the less I got...but I've already said that. Like this wasted life...it's a circle of what's good for him and who cares about me. I am so fed up with him. It seems to be a control thing now. If I ain't gonna dress him up or let him dress up then nothing's going to happen. And I mean absolutely nothing. And the more he holds out the more mad I get. I don't feel sorry for him or any of these others. Don't tell ME it's hell!! You have no idea what it's like to live with someone like this. Put the shoe on the other foot an
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-16 20:57:45
I've tried for over 25 yrs to get into it with this man and the more I give/gave the less I got!! Now it's down to nothing. I could've kept on giving if he had gave me something back. I've talked, we've talked till there's nothing left to talk about. He's not capable of realizing how lucky he is to have me still here after all these years. He just doesn't get it. I should've left him the morning after the first time. We were 20 yrs old. Geezus. I've wasted my whole life for this man. Trying to please him, trying to make him love me. I know he doesn't because if he did he wouldn't do me so wrong. All I've ever wanted was for him to be a husband, a man, a lover. He's too selfish and wrapped up in his own sick world and can't see past his sick fantasy/fetish. You can tell me all day long that these freaks are loving, caring, misunderstood...blah, blah, blah...I ain't buying it cause I've been living with it. I've done everything a thousand times and the more I did the less I got...but I've already said that. Like this wasted life...it's a circle of what's good for him and who cares about me. I am so fed up with him. It seems to be a control thing now. If I ain't gonna dress him up or let him dress up then nothing's going to happen. And I mean absolutely nothing. And the more he holds out the more mad I get. I don't feel sorry for him or any of these others. Don't tell ME it's hell!! You have no idea what it's like to live with someone like this. Put the shoe on the other foot an
The rest of my post to MaryMeet
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-16 21:00:42
Put the shoe on the other foot and see how it wears and wears until there's nothing left. Maybe someone should give classes to these freaks on how to appreciate your wifes clothes AND YOUR WIFE!! Someone forgot to tell my freak how to treat his wife! I say he's just a selfish Pri*k that only wants what feels good at the time. To hell with my feelings and needs. I have tried to be understanding, loving, caring, submissive. Look where it's got me to.
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-16 21:00:42
Put the shoe on the other foot and see how it wears and wears until there's nothing left. Maybe someone should give classes to these freaks on how to appreciate your wifes clothes AND YOUR WIFE!! Someone forgot to tell my freak how to treat his wife! I say he's just a selfish Pri*k that only wants what feels good at the time. To hell with my feelings and needs. I have tried to be understanding, loving, caring, submissive. Look where it's got me to.
Betrayed!
Posted by: funlinda
Posted on: 2003-06-02 19:34:04
Marymeet,
You reacted the way you did because your partner was up front with you. Many of us who have been married to cross-dressers are frustrated, etc. because we were betrayed. My husband refused to quit cross dressing, or do anything about it for that matter, to save our marriage. We were married for 17 years before I finally gave up. He lied to me about it over and over again. That's the difference. And no, I probably would not have married him if he had been up front. But we both would have been happier in the long run. Now my dilemma is do I tell our children? My son blames me and my new husband for the divorce (3 years ago now). What if he comes across my ex-husband cross dressing as one other woman wrote about? Will he feel betrayed by me as well for not telling him? Is his influence on my teen age son bad for his bazaar addictions?
Posted by: funlinda
Posted on: 2003-06-02 19:34:04
Marymeet,
You reacted the way you did because your partner was up front with you. Many of us who have been married to cross-dressers are frustrated, etc. because we were betrayed. My husband refused to quit cross dressing, or do anything about it for that matter, to save our marriage. We were married for 17 years before I finally gave up. He lied to me about it over and over again. That's the difference. And no, I probably would not have married him if he had been up front. But we both would have been happier in the long run. Now my dilemma is do I tell our children? My son blames me and my new husband for the divorce (3 years ago now). What if he comes across my ex-husband cross dressing as one other woman wrote about? Will he feel betrayed by me as well for not telling him? Is his influence on my teen age son bad for his bazaar addictions?
Posted by: snoogans
Posted on: 2002-12-11 19:50:27
I understand that those may be the things he is turned on by but then why does he pretend to be turned on by me? When I say that I feel he is not attracted to me, he says that he is but I know that is a lie. What kind of marriage can we have if it is based on lies? Education is not going to change that. Education is not going to make me enjoy sex with him knowing he is just going through the motions because it is not me he really wants for that part of his life. It is not fair to bring someone else into your life if you are not willing to share everything with them. I do not feel like a wife; I feel more like a maid who brings home a paycheck. I might as well be just a room mate because we don't fully share one of the most sacred parts of marriage - sex.
Snoogans.....I can feel your hurt and confusion
Posted by: m2bsgarden
Posted on: 2002-12-11 20:33:12
Please, if you love your husband and truly want to make your marriage work for BOTH of you, and possibly in the long run make it better than ever, then take the time to visit the two websites listed below. Crossdressing is very complex and often misunderstood by many, as indicated in several posts here. If your husband is a "true crossdresser" and this is not just a "transvestic fetishism" for him (at this point it is hard to tell from your posts), it will NOT go away, and therefore you BOTH need to work together to make your marriage work. But first you must read and try to understand what it all entails, and HE must do so as well. He, himself may be very confused at this point in his life, and in need of some education as well.
Please, take the time to read a bit on these websites:
http://cdsecretgarden.femmegetaway.com/
http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm
You will NOT find PORN on either of these sites, you will not find any "offensive" language, you will not even find photos of crossdressers, what you will find is GOOD, CLEAN, STRAIGHT FORWARD information on crossdressing. I am the wife of a crossdresser and spent many many months looking for and cataloging information helpful to other wives, as well as crossdressers, that was NOT the run-of-the-mill garbage you normally find when doing a "search" on the subject.
If you need to talk to someone, use the link on the first site listed to contact me.
Sincerely,
M2B
Posted by: m2bsgarden
Posted on: 2002-12-11 20:33:12
Please, if you love your husband and truly want to make your marriage work for BOTH of you, and possibly in the long run make it better than ever, then take the time to visit the two websites listed below. Crossdressing is very complex and often misunderstood by many, as indicated in several posts here. If your husband is a "true crossdresser" and this is not just a "transvestic fetishism" for him (at this point it is hard to tell from your posts), it will NOT go away, and therefore you BOTH need to work together to make your marriage work. But first you must read and try to understand what it all entails, and HE must do so as well. He, himself may be very confused at this point in his life, and in need of some education as well.
Please, take the time to read a bit on these websites:
http://cdsecretgarden.femmegetaway.com/
http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm
You will NOT find PORN on either of these sites, you will not find any "offensive" language, you will not even find photos of crossdressers, what you will find is GOOD, CLEAN, STRAIGHT FORWARD information on crossdressing. I am the wife of a crossdresser and spent many many months looking for and cataloging information helpful to other wives, as well as crossdressers, that was NOT the run-of-the-mill garbage you normally find when doing a "search" on the subject.
If you need to talk to someone, use the link on the first site listed to contact me.
Sincerely,
M2B
Posted by: samsiggy
Posted on: 2002-12-12 22:48:48
Knowledge is a wonderful thing. Maybe undertanding your husbands fetish would open up more communication between the two of you. The marriage may not be able to be saved, however education might lesson your feelings of rejection, after all the cross-dressing is all about him. Unfortunately this practice does dramatically affect other lifes as well. Also, did you know of this before you got married? Good luck
crossdressing by a crossdresser
Posted by: billh949
Posted on: 2003-01-07 00:00:23
Crossdressers are not "born" that way. I started when I was 15 & just learning about sex. I tried on some of my mom's underwear which happened to be drying in the bathroom.. Voila , instant addiction. It's just like being an alcoholic you don't know you're one until you take that 1st drink. You don't know you're a crossdresser until you do it that 1st time.
Please don't insult my intelligence though & tell me you were born that way. It's a sexual addiction or fetish. Just like any addiction it can be overcome. Averion therapy has been around 100% successful in treating sexual addictions and/or fetishes.
Crossdressing is wrong. It steals a man's masculinity every time he does it. Some men even fool themselves into thinking they were born the wrong sex. That kind of thinking comes from talking & relating to others who do the same thing & find it acceptable. Also just the act & having part of your masculintiy stolen every time you do it, leads to this. You only have a finite amount of masculinity. If you crossdress enough times, often enough, this will all leave you & you begin to think of yourself as a femme, than as a crossdresser, than if you persist as a womam trapped in a man's body.
I know this from personal experience. I didn't need a textbook.
Crossdressers are not BORN. I feel sorry for you if you think that way. You've already lost a good deal of your masculinity.
Bill
Posted by: billh949
Posted on: 2003-01-07 00:00:23
Crossdressers are not "born" that way. I started when I was 15 & just learning about sex. I tried on some of my mom's underwear which happened to be drying in the bathroom.. Voila , instant addiction. It's just like being an alcoholic you don't know you're one until you take that 1st drink. You don't know you're a crossdresser until you do it that 1st time.
Please don't insult my intelligence though & tell me you were born that way. It's a sexual addiction or fetish. Just like any addiction it can be overcome. Averion therapy has been around 100% successful in treating sexual addictions and/or fetishes.
Crossdressing is wrong. It steals a man's masculinity every time he does it. Some men even fool themselves into thinking they were born the wrong sex. That kind of thinking comes from talking & relating to others who do the same thing & find it acceptable. Also just the act & having part of your masculintiy stolen every time you do it, leads to this. You only have a finite amount of masculinity. If you crossdress enough times, often enough, this will all leave you & you begin to think of yourself as a femme, than as a crossdresser, than if you persist as a womam trapped in a man's body.
I know this from personal experience. I didn't need a textbook.
Crossdressers are not BORN. I feel sorry for you if you think that way. You've already lost a good deal of your masculinity.
Bill
i agree
Posted by: oceangurly
Posted on: 2003-03-06 23:41:27
i totally agree with you my husband and i have been married for six years and together for eight years i just found out in december that he is a crossdresser at first i kinda freaked out on the inside i did not come out and say oh my god ya know i i stopped and i kept to myself and went on with life in general everyday got better and better i accepted my husband for who he is and you have to remember "this is still the man i fell in love with " and just remember that even though he likes the same thing as you does not mean he is a stranger remember you fell in love with him he did not tie you down and force you ....
Posted by: oceangurly
Posted on: 2003-03-06 23:41:27
i totally agree with you my husband and i have been married for six years and together for eight years i just found out in december that he is a crossdresser at first i kinda freaked out on the inside i did not come out and say oh my god ya know i i stopped and i kept to myself and went on with life in general everyday got better and better i accepted my husband for who he is and you have to remember "this is still the man i fell in love with " and just remember that even though he likes the same thing as you does not mean he is a stranger remember you fell in love with him he did not tie you down and force you ....
To:rachelle57
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-07 22:52:41
Tell me this...where does that leave us wives? I am married to a crossdresser. Have been for 25 yrs. I didn't know he was when we got married. It came out "accidentally" within the first yr. For a long time he made me think it was my fault, that "It was because I put my nighty on him" He actually claimed that he had never done anything like that before. After I wised up I realized he was lying and I got him to fess up. He admitted he'd been doing it all his life. I was pretty mad to say the least. Well at that point we'd been married around 15 yrs., had a little girl at that time she was 12 yrs old. I couldn't leave. No way. It would've devestated my baby girl, I'd been a housewife with no skills to speak of, there was no way I could leave. NOW it's been these 25 yrs. At this point in our lives we don't have sex at all. I think what's the point. It's not me he's making love to. It's worse than him having a mistress. I hate him and I love the big dumb idiot at the same time. I tried to "get into it" over the years but just hated it worse and worse. It's been a hellofa roller coaster ride. But I'm stuck here in this hell. I know when I'm gone he finds the moments to dress. He will deny it if ask. What in the hell am I supposed to do because HE has this fetish!! What about ME?!!!! Do I not count for anything at all?! Do I just say oh well that's the way he is and he's not going to change so I just have to suffer the rest of my life?!!!! It's not ok, I shouldn't have to suffer! Y
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-07 22:52:41
Tell me this...where does that leave us wives? I am married to a crossdresser. Have been for 25 yrs. I didn't know he was when we got married. It came out "accidentally" within the first yr. For a long time he made me think it was my fault, that "It was because I put my nighty on him" He actually claimed that he had never done anything like that before. After I wised up I realized he was lying and I got him to fess up. He admitted he'd been doing it all his life. I was pretty mad to say the least. Well at that point we'd been married around 15 yrs., had a little girl at that time she was 12 yrs old. I couldn't leave. No way. It would've devestated my baby girl, I'd been a housewife with no skills to speak of, there was no way I could leave. NOW it's been these 25 yrs. At this point in our lives we don't have sex at all. I think what's the point. It's not me he's making love to. It's worse than him having a mistress. I hate him and I love the big dumb idiot at the same time. I tried to "get into it" over the years but just hated it worse and worse. It's been a hellofa roller coaster ride. But I'm stuck here in this hell. I know when I'm gone he finds the moments to dress. He will deny it if ask. What in the hell am I supposed to do because HE has this fetish!! What about ME?!!!! Do I not count for anything at all?! Do I just say oh well that's the way he is and he's not going to change so I just have to suffer the rest of my life?!!!! It's not ok, I shouldn't have to suffer! Y
To:rachelle57
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-07 22:54:21
The rest of my post!........It's not ok, I shouldn't have to suffer! You can say all you want that it will not stop and they will not change...but you know what???? It will stop someday...when he's died of old age and he will be wishing he had changed when he's standing before his maker and his maker says you shouldn't have treated your wife that way...you were wrong to do that to her!!! It's not fair and not right. I have a home here. It's my home as much as his, with my stuff here too. I shouldn't have to change my whole life just because he's a freak!!!!! I'm so angry I don't know what to do! If he was gay I'd be gone. I could even understand that, but he's not gay...he claims...he just likes the feeling of dressing up in women's clothes!! Good God MAN give me a break!! Grow the hell up is what I say! Be a man for cryin' out loud! Have some kind of control! And DON'T PUNISH ME WITH YOUR SICK FANTASY! I wish Dr.Phil would read this! I wish he could know what it's like to be trapped with a man like this. I can't start over. I can't begin a new life!! Why do I have to? Why should I? Why can't he change and start a new life with me?! I have to go! I hope you believe in God "rachelle57" cause you're gonna need Him!!
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-07 22:54:21
The rest of my post!........It's not ok, I shouldn't have to suffer! You can say all you want that it will not stop and they will not change...but you know what???? It will stop someday...when he's died of old age and he will be wishing he had changed when he's standing before his maker and his maker says you shouldn't have treated your wife that way...you were wrong to do that to her!!! It's not fair and not right. I have a home here. It's my home as much as his, with my stuff here too. I shouldn't have to change my whole life just because he's a freak!!!!! I'm so angry I don't know what to do! If he was gay I'd be gone. I could even understand that, but he's not gay...he claims...he just likes the feeling of dressing up in women's clothes!! Good God MAN give me a break!! Grow the hell up is what I say! Be a man for cryin' out loud! Have some kind of control! And DON'T PUNISH ME WITH YOUR SICK FANTASY! I wish Dr.Phil would read this! I wish he could know what it's like to be trapped with a man like this. I can't start over. I can't begin a new life!! Why do I have to? Why should I? Why can't he change and start a new life with me?! I have to go! I hope you believe in God "rachelle57" cause you're gonna need Him!!
TO: rachelle57
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-07 23:00:43
The first part of my post didn't post and was lost. There's no way I can remember all that I typed...but here's what's left of my post about crossdressing husbands!........It's not ok, I shouldn't have to suffer! You can say all you want that it will not stop and they will not change...but you know what???? It will stop someday...when he's died of old age and he will be wishing he had changed when he's standing before his maker and his maker says you shouldn't have treated your wife that way...you were wrong to do that to her!!! It's not fair and not right. I have a home here. It's my home as much as his, with my stuff here too. I shouldn't have to change my whole life just because he's a freak!!!!! I'm so angry I don't know what to do! If he was gay I'd be gone. I could even understand that, but he's not gay...he claims...he just likes the feeling of dressing up in women's clothes!! Good God MAN give me a break!! Grow the hell up is what I say! Be a man for cryin' out loud! Have some kind of control! And DON'T PUNISH ME WITH YOUR SICK FANTASY! I wish Dr.Phil would read this! I wish he could know what it's like to be trapped with a man like this. I can't start over. I can't begin a new life!! Why do I have to? Why should I? Why can't he change and start a new life with me?! I have to go! I hope you believe in God "rachelle57" cause you're gonna need Him!!
Posted by: askabarb
Posted on: 2003-03-07 23:00:43
The first part of my post didn't post and was lost. There's no way I can remember all that I typed...but here's what's left of my post about crossdressing husbands!........It's not ok, I shouldn't have to suffer! You can say all you want that it will not stop and they will not change...but you know what???? It will stop someday...when he's died of old age and he will be wishing he had changed when he's standing before his maker and his maker says you shouldn't have treated your wife that way...you were wrong to do that to her!!! It's not fair and not right. I have a home here. It's my home as much as his, with my stuff here too. I shouldn't have to change my whole life just because he's a freak!!!!! I'm so angry I don't know what to do! If he was gay I'd be gone. I could even understand that, but he's not gay...he claims...he just likes the feeling of dressing up in women's clothes!! Good God MAN give me a break!! Grow the hell up is what I say! Be a man for cryin' out loud! Have some kind of control! And DON'T PUNISH ME WITH YOUR SICK FANTASY! I wish Dr.Phil would read this! I wish he could know what it's like to be trapped with a man like this. I can't start over. I can't begin a new life!! Why do I have to? Why should I? Why can't he change and start a new life with me?! I have to go! I hope you believe in God "rachelle57" cause you're gonna need Him!!
Posted by: briankim
Posted on: 2003-03-09 00:03:38
Hi I would just like to tell you that I am also devasted since after 32 years my husband has now told me he is gay. he left me to start a gay life. I am devasted and he has all kinds of support. What can I do. I feel like I would like to kill myself especially tonight.
Joanne
Been there
Posted by: nikkil603
Posted on: 2002-12-13 20:22:32
I have a husband that likes to look up porn also, of course everytime I confront him about it he plays dumb like he doesn't know what I'm talking about! He has no reason to lust over other women its not like I don't like to be intiment with him if anything he's the one that pushes me away! I hate the fact that he's getting off looking at other women it disgusts me and hurts me so bad. I don't know what to do anymore, I've explained my feelings and he still doesn't care.???
Posted by: nikkil603
Posted on: 2002-12-13 20:22:32
I have a husband that likes to look up porn also, of course everytime I confront him about it he plays dumb like he doesn't know what I'm talking about! He has no reason to lust over other women its not like I don't like to be intiment with him if anything he's the one that pushes me away! I hate the fact that he's getting off looking at other women it disgusts me and hurts me so bad. I don't know what to do anymore, I've explained my feelings and he still doesn't care.???
for nikki...
Posted by: smartbunny
Posted on: 2003-03-06 15:55:14
Looking at porn has nothing to do with the significant other in someone's life. Don't feel bad! It doesn't mean that you don't turn him on, or that he doesn't love you. I am actually surprised when someone *doesn't* like to watch/read adult materials...I think almost everyone does, me included. If you don't like it that's fine, but if your hubby does it doesn't have anything to do with you... he doesn't love the girls he looks at in Penthouse, he loves you! They are just pictures.
Posted by: smartbunny
Posted on: 2003-03-06 15:55:14
Looking at porn has nothing to do with the significant other in someone's life. Don't feel bad! It doesn't mean that you don't turn him on, or that he doesn't love you. I am actually surprised when someone *doesn't* like to watch/read adult materials...I think almost everyone does, me included. If you don't like it that's fine, but if your hubby does it doesn't have anything to do with you... he doesn't love the girls he looks at in Penthouse, he loves you! They are just pictures.
