12/11 Blended Families
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Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-11 09:57:01
I am so glad that I haven't had to deal with the step child thing.
The step mom that has all the rules... and Dr Phil said she wasn't fun... well I have a lot of the same rules! The boys still think I am fun. I give the boys chores and they have conciquences if they don't get things done. My youngest likes to play chess on the computer. He needs to have his room clean and chores done before he can play. We have the "if your mouth gets you in trouble" thing. We use soap not pepper. ( If they swear, lie, stick their tongue out at us, sass... )
I think the problem here is the age difference. The kids think the difference in rules is because they don't belong to her... and I can see why as a child they would think so... but it probably is as much because she feels those are proper rules for thier age. The parents need to get together and agree on rules and conciquence.
My husband and I had the same problem of agreeing on rules and results. I am much more strict than he is... of course I spend more time with them and see that they would drive me crazy if they could. My husband was also raised in a home where he left in the morning and just didn't come home til late. He kept from getting in trouble by just not being home. We came from a small town and kids could do that then!
It is hard enough to figure out the rules between husband and wife in a new marriage. Adding kid rules must make it much harder. I'm glad these families were able to see that they needed
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-11 09:57:01
I am so glad that I haven't had to deal with the step child thing.
The step mom that has all the rules... and Dr Phil said she wasn't fun... well I have a lot of the same rules! The boys still think I am fun. I give the boys chores and they have conciquences if they don't get things done. My youngest likes to play chess on the computer. He needs to have his room clean and chores done before he can play. We have the "if your mouth gets you in trouble" thing. We use soap not pepper. ( If they swear, lie, stick their tongue out at us, sass... )
I think the problem here is the age difference. The kids think the difference in rules is because they don't belong to her... and I can see why as a child they would think so... but it probably is as much because she feels those are proper rules for thier age. The parents need to get together and agree on rules and conciquence.
My husband and I had the same problem of agreeing on rules and results. I am much more strict than he is... of course I spend more time with them and see that they would drive me crazy if they could. My husband was also raised in a home where he left in the morning and just didn't come home til late. He kept from getting in trouble by just not being home. We came from a small town and kids could do that then!
It is hard enough to figure out the rules between husband and wife in a new marriage. Adding kid rules must make it much harder. I'm glad these families were able to see that they needed
Scout_ Mom
Posted by: mypapillon
Posted on: 2002-12-11 21:59:16
You kill me everytime. You've been on Dr. Phils show 2 times. You are always the first to post and first with an opinion. You crack me up. You must really enjoy Dr. Phil and his board. This is so funny! Your families picture and all. Thanks, Cris ;-)
Posted by: mypapillon
Posted on: 2002-12-11 21:59:16
You kill me everytime. You've been on Dr. Phils show 2 times. You are always the first to post and first with an opinion. You crack me up. You must really enjoy Dr. Phil and his board. This is so funny! Your families picture and all. Thanks, Cris ;-)
Hi
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:15:45
I get to see Dr Phil at 9:00 am Eastern time so I get a jump on it. I am a cobol programmer, but I program out of my house part time. It makes it nice to be home for the boys. I do like watching Dr. Phil. I've only missed a few shows and that has been because I needed to be at the school! I appreciate the responces *smile*
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:15:45
I get to see Dr Phil at 9:00 am Eastern time so I get a jump on it. I am a cobol programmer, but I program out of my house part time. It makes it nice to be home for the boys. I do like watching Dr. Phil. I've only missed a few shows and that has been because I needed to be at the school! I appreciate the responces *smile*
Question
Posted by: moondoggy
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:41:16
I'm a new member, I was wondering....Have you been on Dr. Phil's show????
Posted by: moondoggy
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:41:16
I'm a new member, I was wondering....Have you been on Dr. Phil's show????
Yes, were the Scout Family
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:49:24
We were on the Dr. Phil show on Oct 15 and again on his 75th show as a follow-up. It was a wonderful experience. We were on as the Scout Family. Our issue was that, while I like scouting, I wanted to do other things in addition to scouting. We have been making other choices. Last night, my husband went to the troop committee meeting while I took my two boys to the zoo to see a class on raptors. It was great. We have been doing things as a family, as separate groups (my husband and I have been making a point of going out for coffee every so often) and I have been doing things on my own. We are balancing well.
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:49:24
We were on the Dr. Phil show on Oct 15 and again on his 75th show as a follow-up. It was a wonderful experience. We were on as the Scout Family. Our issue was that, while I like scouting, I wanted to do other things in addition to scouting. We have been making other choices. Last night, my husband went to the troop committee meeting while I took my two boys to the zoo to see a class on raptors. It was great. We have been doing things as a family, as separate groups (my husband and I have been making a point of going out for coffee every so often) and I have been doing things on my own. We are balancing well.
Scout mom
Posted by: capri03
Posted on: 2002-12-11 23:04:34
How about having the boys clean the toilets rather than the soap or pepper thing?
Posted by: capri03
Posted on: 2002-12-11 23:04:34
How about having the boys clean the toilets rather than the soap or pepper thing?
Scout mom!!!
Posted by: cijaym
Posted on: 2002-12-11 23:51:24
(Throws arms around her and gives her a big hug!)
I was thinking about you when one of the mums said she'd like to have time where the family does a whole thing as a unit. I said "Oh, she'll have to talk to Scout Mom about that"
Posted by: cijaym
Posted on: 2002-12-11 23:51:24
(Throws arms around her and gives her a big hug!)
I was thinking about you when one of the mums said she'd like to have time where the family does a whole thing as a unit. I said "Oh, she'll have to talk to Scout Mom about that"
Cleaning toilets
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:22:57
When they were little we started the soap thing. Matthew got to be a conisoire (SP???) of soap. He hated Irish Spring! We couldn't let them use chemicals to clean and didn't want them messing with the toilet... my husband has always had a fear of kids drowning in the toilet. Now that they are older, cleaning the bathroom is just part of thier chores. It has to be done as a job, not a punishment. I feel my job is to raise them so they can have their own apartments, clean, cook, and live with out mom's help.
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-12 08:22:57
When they were little we started the soap thing. Matthew got to be a conisoire (SP???) of soap. He hated Irish Spring! We couldn't let them use chemicals to clean and didn't want them messing with the toilet... my husband has always had a fear of kids drowning in the toilet. Now that they are older, cleaning the bathroom is just part of thier chores. It has to be done as a job, not a punishment. I feel my job is to raise them so they can have their own apartments, clean, cook, and live with out mom's help.
Connoisseur of Soap
Posted by: kimeeo
Posted on: 2002-12-13 13:02:36
Let's see. You wouldn't let your children CLEAN with chemicals, but yet you'll put SOAP in their mouths. Hmmm... the last time I looked at the ingredients on the packaging of a bar of soap it listed things I wouldn't dare put in my young child's mouth. There was also a show a while back about parent's that do this to their children and the FATAL consequences. There are kids who are allergic to some of the ingredients in soap and DIED because of the ignorant choice of their parents to use this as a form of discipline. Sounds like you were willing to take that risk. There are other ways to discipline kids who talk back, you know. They're not as barbaric and your boys will thank you for it.
Posted by: kimeeo
Posted on: 2002-12-13 13:02:36
Let's see. You wouldn't let your children CLEAN with chemicals, but yet you'll put SOAP in their mouths. Hmmm... the last time I looked at the ingredients on the packaging of a bar of soap it listed things I wouldn't dare put in my young child's mouth. There was also a show a while back about parent's that do this to their children and the FATAL consequences. There are kids who are allergic to some of the ingredients in soap and DIED because of the ignorant choice of their parents to use this as a form of discipline. Sounds like you were willing to take that risk. There are other ways to discipline kids who talk back, you know. They're not as barbaric and your boys will thank you for it.
cleaning toilets
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-13 14:09:08
Yes, I did keep them away from toilet cleaner but near soap. I just started letting them use heavy duty cleaners since they turned 11. I know that children tend to be around soap so it cannot be as toxic as toilet bowl cleaners. My husband is chemist so we have a good understanding of the chemicals listed. They only had to bite the bar of soap and show tooth marks. To much of anything is a problem... we certainly didn't make them eat it for lunch *smile* Everyone has different ideas about children and raising them. I am sure that if you had your small children cleaning toilets for having a bad mouth that you would be watching to be sure that they weren't hurt just as I watch over my children. Now that my boys are older they recognize that the soap thing did work. If they decide to get mouthy I'll ask them which bar of soap I should get.. they get a funny look on thier face and it "okay Mom, I get it, I'll back off" and we laugh. I can't imagine ever doing something to my children that causes an allergic reaction and continuing to do it. Considering that I breast fed for a year to keep them away from food allergies... As I said each to our own way of raising children...
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-13 14:09:08
Yes, I did keep them away from toilet cleaner but near soap. I just started letting them use heavy duty cleaners since they turned 11. I know that children tend to be around soap so it cannot be as toxic as toilet bowl cleaners. My husband is chemist so we have a good understanding of the chemicals listed. They only had to bite the bar of soap and show tooth marks. To much of anything is a problem... we certainly didn't make them eat it for lunch *smile* Everyone has different ideas about children and raising them. I am sure that if you had your small children cleaning toilets for having a bad mouth that you would be watching to be sure that they weren't hurt just as I watch over my children. Now that my boys are older they recognize that the soap thing did work. If they decide to get mouthy I'll ask them which bar of soap I should get.. they get a funny look on thier face and it "okay Mom, I get it, I'll back off" and we laugh. I can't imagine ever doing something to my children that causes an allergic reaction and continuing to do it. Considering that I breast fed for a year to keep them away from food allergies... As I said each to our own way of raising children...
Maybe You Should Rethink
Posted by: dancerdeb
Posted on: 2002-12-14 11:52:07
I have read about your child rearing tactics. Don't count on your children being open and creative as a adults. Using harsh chemicals causes health problems. It wouldn't hurt you to read Alice Miller's books on child rearing. Having your boys eat soap is child abuse. The boys will realize it later. Maybe. Or else they will live in denial and be over drinking, over eating or ingesting chemicals stronger than soap. You say each person has their own way raising their children. True. That's why we have a mess in this country! So many don't realize what is harmful!
Posted by: dancerdeb
Posted on: 2002-12-14 11:52:07
I have read about your child rearing tactics. Don't count on your children being open and creative as a adults. Using harsh chemicals causes health problems. It wouldn't hurt you to read Alice Miller's books on child rearing. Having your boys eat soap is child abuse. The boys will realize it later. Maybe. Or else they will live in denial and be over drinking, over eating or ingesting chemicals stronger than soap. You say each person has their own way raising their children. True. That's why we have a mess in this country! So many don't realize what is harmful!
Raising Your Own
Posted by: schmumsie
Posted on: 2002-12-14 12:02:28
The reason we have a mess in this country is that all the psychologists/counselors/social workers have convienced children that every punishment is child abuse! Kids are not allowed to be raised with consequences anymore because that would hurt their feelings. If more people were left to raise their children as they see fit without interference the children would learn a little respect and not be constantly placing the blame on someone else. We have raised a generation of children who have been conditioned to believe they can do no wrong, no matter what. That is child abuse!
Posted by: schmumsie
Posted on: 2002-12-14 12:02:28
The reason we have a mess in this country is that all the psychologists/counselors/social workers have convienced children that every punishment is child abuse! Kids are not allowed to be raised with consequences anymore because that would hurt their feelings. If more people were left to raise their children as they see fit without interference the children would learn a little respect and not be constantly placing the blame on someone else. We have raised a generation of children who have been conditioned to believe they can do no wrong, no matter what. That is child abuse!
Read MORE
Posted by: dancerdeb
Posted on: 2002-12-14 12:10:01
You need to educate yourself on the terrible child abuse in this country. Many parents have the emotional I Q's of morons. They still believe in a Germanic upbringing! Go back to the books.
Posted by: dancerdeb
Posted on: 2002-12-14 12:10:01
You need to educate yourself on the terrible child abuse in this country. Many parents have the emotional I Q's of morons. They still believe in a Germanic upbringing! Go back to the books.
Amen to that
Posted by: cfilla
Posted on: 2003-03-27 13:13:25
I agree with you. Everyone is piling on the scout mom and I see no problem with the soap issue. She probably rarely has to use the soap thing because her children know she means business because she has been consistent. I remember hearing how a father had as a consequence that the children would not be able to sleep with a mattress on the bed for a serious behavior problem. He never actually had to use it...the dramatic idea stuck with his children and they didn't ever do something serious enough to call for this. If you are building a positive relationship with your children, sharing activities with them that they enjoy, doing family activities all together, then this balance will outweigh any seemingly problematic disciplinary techniques.
Posted by: cfilla
Posted on: 2003-03-27 13:13:25
I agree with you. Everyone is piling on the scout mom and I see no problem with the soap issue. She probably rarely has to use the soap thing because her children know she means business because she has been consistent. I remember hearing how a father had as a consequence that the children would not be able to sleep with a mattress on the bed for a serious behavior problem. He never actually had to use it...the dramatic idea stuck with his children and they didn't ever do something serious enough to call for this. If you are building a positive relationship with your children, sharing activities with them that they enjoy, doing family activities all together, then this balance will outweigh any seemingly problematic disciplinary techniques.
raising your own
Posted by: tcur1798
Posted on: 2003-03-27 16:04:40
I could not agree more!!!!!! There are extremes to everything but not raising kids to know respect, responsiblilty, or self-control really is child abuse...not using discipline may be easier in the short term for the parent but down the road if could come back to haunt you. (soap or pepper? who cares its the message behind it)I was raised in a sprict home and I am fearously independent, almost to a fault, however, I thank God that my parents taught me the values I have today.
Posted by: tcur1798
Posted on: 2003-03-27 16:04:40
I could not agree more!!!!!! There are extremes to everything but not raising kids to know respect, responsiblilty, or self-control really is child abuse...not using discipline may be easier in the short term for the parent but down the road if could come back to haunt you. (soap or pepper? who cares its the message behind it)I was raised in a sprict home and I am fearously independent, almost to a fault, however, I thank God that my parents taught me the values I have today.
Raising Your Own
Posted by: bucky9958
Posted on: 2003-03-27 18:29:45
ksmock: I agree with you. I teach first grade and we deal with problems like this all the time. Whatever the kid does at home they think they can do at school. So many kids rule the home and tell the parents what to do no matter what their age. this makes it very difficult for teachers because the parents then come up and yell and scream at the teachers for "picking" on their kids. If kids were taught how to behave properly in the first place, we would have little problems. Kids are given too much freedom too soon and have little or no responsibilities. then at the first sign of struggle the parents what to rescue them. what to kids learn from this? I have a parent now who his afraid to spank her 7 year old son because he says he will call the police for child abuse. I told her to pick up the phone and call for him! Parents lets do our part and take responsibility for our actions and let kids take responsiblity for theirs.
Posted by: bucky9958
Posted on: 2003-03-27 18:29:45
ksmock: I agree with you. I teach first grade and we deal with problems like this all the time. Whatever the kid does at home they think they can do at school. So many kids rule the home and tell the parents what to do no matter what their age. this makes it very difficult for teachers because the parents then come up and yell and scream at the teachers for "picking" on their kids. If kids were taught how to behave properly in the first place, we would have little problems. Kids are given too much freedom too soon and have little or no responsibilities. then at the first sign of struggle the parents what to rescue them. what to kids learn from this? I have a parent now who his afraid to spank her 7 year old son because he says he will call the police for child abuse. I told her to pick up the phone and call for him! Parents lets do our part and take responsibility for our actions and let kids take responsiblity for theirs.
Posted by: robkos54
Posted on: 2004-08-25 12:08:51
...before you start to bash social workers perhaps you should educate yourself on the job we really do- and if their were no counselors, psychologists and social workers- we would have thousands of dead and missing children- we would have families on the street- hungry people- no services fo children and families affected by domestic violence, mental illness, sexual abuse and rape.
As a socail worker who has worked with chldren for the past 10 years- we always tell people up front that we must report suspected abuse- be it emotional, physical or sexual- I have had to report a family of 5 young girls under the age of 13 who were all raped by their father, a child whoses eye was blackened by her Aunt- a child who whas left to lay screaming in pain with an abcess tooth- a mother who passed out while her 11 month old daughter ate cigatette butts from the ash tray while sitting her her soaked clother because her diaper had not been changed all day.....so my suggestion is if you think you can do the job better- go for it- you talk to the people I just listed above about parenting skills- let me know how far you get....
100 % in agreement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: littledrag
Posted on: 2004-12-10 19:36:20
Thank You so much for that. I know better than most how much this country has screwed up kids with DCFS!!!!!!!!. I had my kids taken from me because my youngest ( at the age of 4) got 4 swats on the butt with an open hand, for refusing to wear a seatbelt. ( his father told him he didn't have to do anything that I or the daycare provider told him)
I haven't seen my son's in 6 years because I am sooooooo abusive since we use to take the kids to dog shows ( go figure) and do family stuff with them that didn't involve spending hundreds of dollars at a time such as renting a motor home to go camping.
I now am stuck with a 14 year old step-son who refuses to do anything because his mother never discipline him. He is failing in school because of this and we have only had custody for 2 weeks...but it is miserable at home because of his attitude.
BTW...his mother dumped him on us after she smacked him ( with an open hand) for mouthing off to her. He told his teacher and she called DCFS...never mind the fact that the kid is 6' tall and she is 5'6".
Posted by: littledrag
Posted on: 2004-12-10 19:36:20
Thank You so much for that. I know better than most how much this country has screwed up kids with DCFS!!!!!!!!. I had my kids taken from me because my youngest ( at the age of 4) got 4 swats on the butt with an open hand, for refusing to wear a seatbelt. ( his father told him he didn't have to do anything that I or the daycare provider told him)
I haven't seen my son's in 6 years because I am sooooooo abusive since we use to take the kids to dog shows ( go figure) and do family stuff with them that didn't involve spending hundreds of dollars at a time such as renting a motor home to go camping.
I now am stuck with a 14 year old step-son who refuses to do anything because his mother never discipline him. He is failing in school because of this and we have only had custody for 2 weeks...but it is miserable at home because of his attitude.
BTW...his mother dumped him on us after she smacked him ( with an open hand) for mouthing off to her. He told his teacher and she called DCFS...never mind the fact that the kid is 6' tall and she is 5'6".
harsh Chemicals?
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-15 09:33:23
Good lord, what kind of soap do you use?? Harsh Chemicals? Not on my family! We actually used more gliserine soap than anything especially when they were young. And putting teeth marks in soap is hardly making them eat it!!! Please...
Posted by: scout_mom
Posted on: 2002-12-15 09:33:23
Good lord, what kind of soap do you use?? Harsh Chemicals? Not on my family! We actually used more gliserine soap than anything especially when they were young. And putting teeth marks in soap is hardly making them eat it!!! Please...
Washing out the mouth with soap and eating soap
Posted by: daisymum
Posted on: 2002-12-18 14:29:07
are two entirely different things. My husband's children were forced to eat whole family size bars of bathsoap by their mother and stepfather. It was states by Child Protective Services to force a child to ingest soap is child abuse. We don't use soap as a form of punishment. Discipline isn't simply rendering punishment for misdeeds. Our approach is that we talk to our boys about what they did, why what they did was wrong and then we give them a couple of swats to the backside. We have told them that the swats are a painful reminder not to do that deed again. Our method is very effective and we don't have agressive boys who hit as many would think. The soap thing would never work on our youngest since he loves to eat soap. He is almost two and we have to hide the soap from him. We spoke to his doctor about this and the doctor told us that it wouldn't harm him but might give him mild diarrhea. We don't allow him to eat soap. However, doctor did tell us that heavily fragnanced soaps could be harmful.
Posted by: daisymum
Posted on: 2002-12-18 14:29:07
are two entirely different things. My husband's children were forced to eat whole family size bars of bathsoap by their mother and stepfather. It was states by Child Protective Services to force a child to ingest soap is child abuse. We don't use soap as a form of punishment. Discipline isn't simply rendering punishment for misdeeds. Our approach is that we talk to our boys about what they did, why what they did was wrong and then we give them a couple of swats to the backside. We have told them that the swats are a painful reminder not to do that deed again. Our method is very effective and we don't have agressive boys who hit as many would think. The soap thing would never work on our youngest since he loves to eat soap. He is almost two and we have to hide the soap from him. We spoke to his doctor about this and the doctor told us that it wouldn't harm him but might give him mild diarrhea. We don't allow him to eat soap. However, doctor did tell us that heavily fragnanced soaps could be harmful.
