10/11 Project Single Girls
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Posted by: mom2mma
Posted on: 2002-10-11 09:58:44
I really enjoyed the show today. I have several friends and family who are in the same boat as the women on the show. What I realised today is that these women are searching for Mr. Perfect. I have a newsflash for them: HE DOESN'T EXIST! If they admit their own faults, as they did on the show, then they have to realise that every man they date has his own as well. You cannot go on in life with this image of what your mate *should* be: once you do find someone compatible, you are only going to try and change him to suit your vision. You might succeed in getting him to put the toilet seat down and wear a tie to a family get together, but you are going to be miserable in the process and complaining about him the whole time. Accept who God has brought into your life and work together to make a life together. A truly happy relationship is one where the partners accept each other for who they are.
all the best on your continued success!
Janet in Kingston, Ontario
Posted by: mom2mma
Posted on: 2002-10-11 09:58:44
I really enjoyed the show today. I have several friends and family who are in the same boat as the women on the show. What I realised today is that these women are searching for Mr. Perfect. I have a newsflash for them: HE DOESN'T EXIST! If they admit their own faults, as they did on the show, then they have to realise that every man they date has his own as well. You cannot go on in life with this image of what your mate *should* be: once you do find someone compatible, you are only going to try and change him to suit your vision. You might succeed in getting him to put the toilet seat down and wear a tie to a family get together, but you are going to be miserable in the process and complaining about him the whole time. Accept who God has brought into your life and work together to make a life together. A truly happy relationship is one where the partners accept each other for who they are.
all the best on your continued success!
Janet in Kingston, Ontario
Re: Mr. Right/Mr. Perfect
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-11 15:50:29
Mom2mma,
You wrote in this message that there isn't anyone that's perfect. Yet I read another post of yours where you said you believe in love at first sight and that's how you felt when you met your husband of 16 years.
I just want to say that of all the couples I've met that have a long-lasting relationship, generally they have had that same experience upon meeting.
I think many single women want to feel that way. A genuine, strong intuitive feeling from the beginning that things are going to work with a person. I don't think women are looking for Mr. Perfect, they are looking for someone that is perfect FOR EACH OTHER--with enough commonalities and differences to make a successful relationship. I think women start rationalizing and looking for tangible explanations as to why they don't feel it's right with a particular man because they don't get a good feel for a particular man they may have met.
I don't think any woman who has felt like you did upon first meeting a man, would walk away from giving that man a chance.
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-11 15:50:29
Mom2mma,
You wrote in this message that there isn't anyone that's perfect. Yet I read another post of yours where you said you believe in love at first sight and that's how you felt when you met your husband of 16 years.
I just want to say that of all the couples I've met that have a long-lasting relationship, generally they have had that same experience upon meeting.
I think many single women want to feel that way. A genuine, strong intuitive feeling from the beginning that things are going to work with a person. I don't think women are looking for Mr. Perfect, they are looking for someone that is perfect FOR EACH OTHER--with enough commonalities and differences to make a successful relationship. I think women start rationalizing and looking for tangible explanations as to why they don't feel it's right with a particular man because they don't get a good feel for a particular man they may have met.
I don't think any woman who has felt like you did upon first meeting a man, would walk away from giving that man a chance.
Posted by: mom2mma
Posted on: 2002-10-11 16:16:02
While I did say that I believe in love at first sight, I accept my husband for who he is: not what I dreamed Mr. Right would be.
I think some of the women on the show did admit that they walked away from Mr. right because he failed in a certain expectation they had of him. I was replying to another poster who said that if a man didn't kiss a certain way (melt in your arms type kiss) then he was back to being just a friend. Why? Nobody is perfect. there are some things you can teach one another (like pleasing each other) but other things you just have to learn to live with if he is truly *the one* (like leaving the cap off of the toothpaste!). Peace.
But...
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-11 16:45:44
wasn't that part of YOUR love at first sight?
He initially appeared attractive to you, and then when you actually met and started talking with this man (who's now your husband), it "felt right" to you? You probably felt relaxed and excited at the same time. Was your first kiss with your husband lousy?
I just think that part of the ingredients of what makes that "love at first sight" work is that there aren't any gross bumbling around, or saying something that raises big red flags in the other person. Overall it's all very positive between the two people, so that silly things like putting the cap on the toothpaste just really pales into meaninglessness when you look at the whole scope of the relationship and it's possibities.
And I don't mean the meeting was "perfect" just that the "essence" of each of you got across to one another and you both liked what you saw in each other.
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-11 16:45:44
wasn't that part of YOUR love at first sight?
He initially appeared attractive to you, and then when you actually met and started talking with this man (who's now your husband), it "felt right" to you? You probably felt relaxed and excited at the same time. Was your first kiss with your husband lousy?
I just think that part of the ingredients of what makes that "love at first sight" work is that there aren't any gross bumbling around, or saying something that raises big red flags in the other person. Overall it's all very positive between the two people, so that silly things like putting the cap on the toothpaste just really pales into meaninglessness when you look at the whole scope of the relationship and it's possibities.
And I don't mean the meeting was "perfect" just that the "essence" of each of you got across to one another and you both liked what you saw in each other.
Mr. Perfect
Posted by: scc5151
Posted on: 2002-12-31 18:22:57
I would like to add this into the Perfect Man search. It was a joke I recieved via:Email from a friend!
5 floors of a mall: 1st floor, guys that dance well
2nd floor: guys that dance well & work fulltime
3rd floor: I you see where this is going...
5th floor : guys that dance, make $500,000.00 pr year, when do women stop looking for more!?!
While I thought the joke was funny, I also have met these women. What's wrong with a guy that is sweet,works full time, etc. I hope you get my point & maybe one of you recieved the same email joke!
scc
Posted by: scc5151
Posted on: 2002-12-31 18:22:57
I would like to add this into the Perfect Man search. It was a joke I recieved via:Email from a friend!
5 floors of a mall: 1st floor, guys that dance well
2nd floor: guys that dance well & work fulltime
3rd floor: I you see where this is going...
5th floor : guys that dance, make $500,000.00 pr year, when do women stop looking for more!?!
While I thought the joke was funny, I also have met these women. What's wrong with a guy that is sweet,works full time, etc. I hope you get my point & maybe one of you recieved the same email joke!
scc
P.S.
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-11 17:01:36
You wrote:
"While I did say that I believe in love at first sight, I accept my husband for who he is: not what I dreamed Mr. Right would be. "
I want to add that I agree with this comment. It's important to accept your spouse for who they are, not what one has dreamt Mr. Right to be. But I would add that I do have my own person and lifestyle so I do entertain thoughts of what kind of man would fit into my lifestyle and agree with my personality and where I am able to compromise and where I am not able to compromise due to the possibility of making myself miserable for the sake of making someone else happy. AND I also consider how I could make a man happy in a relationship. In other words, I do make some reasonable parameters. For example, I don't think a man who is very outgoing, adventurous and thrill seeking would be attracted to a studious, librarian, just as an example. I just have reasonable baseline expectations, nothing specific. I don't think it's possible, especially as we get older in life, to have no expectations at all. We should have an idea of what makes us happy and unhappy in a relationship.
You also wrote:
"I think some of the women on the show did admit that they walked away from Mr. right because he failed in a certain expectation they had of him."
I didn't watch the entire show in totality, so I must have missed that.
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-11 17:01:36
You wrote:
"While I did say that I believe in love at first sight, I accept my husband for who he is: not what I dreamed Mr. Right would be. "
I want to add that I agree with this comment. It's important to accept your spouse for who they are, not what one has dreamt Mr. Right to be. But I would add that I do have my own person and lifestyle so I do entertain thoughts of what kind of man would fit into my lifestyle and agree with my personality and where I am able to compromise and where I am not able to compromise due to the possibility of making myself miserable for the sake of making someone else happy. AND I also consider how I could make a man happy in a relationship. In other words, I do make some reasonable parameters. For example, I don't think a man who is very outgoing, adventurous and thrill seeking would be attracted to a studious, librarian, just as an example. I just have reasonable baseline expectations, nothing specific. I don't think it's possible, especially as we get older in life, to have no expectations at all. We should have an idea of what makes us happy and unhappy in a relationship.
You also wrote:
"I think some of the women on the show did admit that they walked away from Mr. right because he failed in a certain expectation they had of him."
I didn't watch the entire show in totality, so I must have missed that.
Posted by: guinevere2
Posted on: 2002-10-13 08:31:30
"For example, I don't think a man who is very outgoing, adventurous and thrill seeking would be attracted to a studious, librarian, just as an example."
Hey! I'm a "studious" librarian who attracts all sorts of men. Have you ever thought that a librarian could be adventurous amd thrill seeking? How many librarians do you know?
Go to this web-site to see some un-stereotypical librarians:
http://www.bmeworld.com/gailcat/
When I meet men who are unwilling to look at me as anything else but "Marian the Librarian", I reject them.
why
Posted by: novalyne74
Posted on: 2003-01-08 19:57:15
why is that odd? i'm a tattooed, rock loving, wild librarian also. goes to show how close minded people can be. even of something as ridiculous as career choice. as if that really defines a person.
Posted by: novalyne74
Posted on: 2003-01-08 19:57:15
why is that odd? i'm a tattooed, rock loving, wild librarian also. goes to show how close minded people can be. even of something as ridiculous as career choice. as if that really defines a person.
Oops
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-19 16:27:38
I picked the wrong stereotype for an example, lol.
good for you! do your thing!
Posted by: loveriot
Posted on: 2002-10-19 16:27:38
I picked the wrong stereotype for an example, lol.
good for you! do your thing!
I can help!!
Posted by: trapper1
Posted on: 2002-10-16 16:41:32
I have been married 5 times and after listening to just a few minutes of those women I could tell why they were still single. They are way too aggressive and very needy. My mother always taught me to be interested in what men are interested in and talk about them instead of yourself. Well, I do that with men and women and it has made me very popular with both over the years. When I do go out, I always steer the conversation towards them and I LISTEN, which is a lost art form. I'm trying to teach my 17 year old daughter, but she doesn't listen either, is aggressive, and needy so she will probably be sitting up there on the show one day at 35 and not married too.
Posted by: trapper1
Posted on: 2002-10-16 16:41:32
I have been married 5 times and after listening to just a few minutes of those women I could tell why they were still single. They are way too aggressive and very needy. My mother always taught me to be interested in what men are interested in and talk about them instead of yourself. Well, I do that with men and women and it has made me very popular with both over the years. When I do go out, I always steer the conversation towards them and I LISTEN, which is a lost art form. I'm trying to teach my 17 year old daughter, but she doesn't listen either, is aggressive, and needy so she will probably be sitting up there on the show one day at 35 and not married too.
5 times? That doesn't sound very good
Posted by: opus_moon
Posted on: 2002-10-16 17:24:21
Not to be negative, but if you listen so well to people, how did you end up marrying the wrong person at least 4 times?
Posted by: opus_moon
Posted on: 2002-10-16 17:24:21
Not to be negative, but if you listen so well to people, how did you end up marrying the wrong person at least 4 times?
Opus Moon & ALL JUDGES
Posted by: trapper1
Posted on: 2002-10-17 11:28:13
The point was, at least I can get a man, Also I was a widow once at 32 and I have been married this time for 14 years now. I changed, I grew up, I learned, but I know plenty of women who LIVE with the man first and I just chose not too. Think of me as you want and judge what you hear but I always thought it was better to get married than to live with a man considering I had a child at the time. I've had a friend that has lived with 10 guys, never married, IS THAT BETTER????? I've had wonderful lives and when my son married 5 years ago, All my EX'S came to the wedding except for the one who died. We had a BALL. Don't knock it till you've tried it.
Posted by: trapper1
Posted on: 2002-10-17 11:28:13
The point was, at least I can get a man, Also I was a widow once at 32 and I have been married this time for 14 years now. I changed, I grew up, I learned, but I know plenty of women who LIVE with the man first and I just chose not too. Think of me as you want and judge what you hear but I always thought it was better to get married than to live with a man considering I had a child at the time. I've had a friend that has lived with 10 guys, never married, IS THAT BETTER????? I've had wonderful lives and when my son married 5 years ago, All my EX'S came to the wedding except for the one who died. We had a BALL. Don't knock it till you've tried it.
No Thanks
Posted by: carmidog
Posted on: 2002-12-31 21:38:54
You say you can help - but you yourself have failed time after time. When it comes to getting married - some people - like myself - want to wait until they find the ONE person they will spend the rest of their lives with not marry every person that looks at them. I can certainly find a man to marry me but I don't want that - I want a man who will love me for the rest of my life and one whom I will love. As for as only listening - well you can listen and hear what is going on with your husband, boyfriend, but he needs to listen too. Relationships are recipricol! I hope your daughter doesn't listen to you. I am sure it is better to be 35 and single versus married 5 times.
Posted by: carmidog
Posted on: 2002-12-31 21:38:54
You say you can help - but you yourself have failed time after time. When it comes to getting married - some people - like myself - want to wait until they find the ONE person they will spend the rest of their lives with not marry every person that looks at them. I can certainly find a man to marry me but I don't want that - I want a man who will love me for the rest of my life and one whom I will love. As for as only listening - well you can listen and hear what is going on with your husband, boyfriend, but he needs to listen too. Relationships are recipricol! I hope your daughter doesn't listen to you. I am sure it is better to be 35 and single versus married 5 times.
5 times
Posted by: kimba126
Posted on: 2004-03-05 14:05:40
i totally agree with the other poster. i wanted to say the same thing. i wouldn't exactly be proud of the fact that you have been married 5 times. i certainly wouldn't advertise that. you seem needy, otherwise why do you feel the need to constantly be married? that doesn't seem normal.
Posted by: kimba126
Posted on: 2004-03-05 14:05:40
i totally agree with the other poster. i wanted to say the same thing. i wouldn't exactly be proud of the fact that you have been married 5 times. i certainly wouldn't advertise that. you seem needy, otherwise why do you feel the need to constantly be married? that doesn't seem normal.
To Trapper1
Posted by: laurapop
Posted on: 2002-10-17 23:38:27
Honey, I would think being married 5 times would not be a very good endorsement for your advice. You know the idea is to get married and have a good marriage... for years... not to get married 5 times. You talk about the women on the show being to aggressive and needy? But, I wonder... why your marriages failed have you looked at that?
It is just a thought but I would rather never have been married than be married 5 times... how do you stand all that pain?
Posted by: laurapop
Posted on: 2002-10-17 23:38:27
Honey, I would think being married 5 times would not be a very good endorsement for your advice. You know the idea is to get married and have a good marriage... for years... not to get married 5 times. You talk about the women on the show being to aggressive and needy? But, I wonder... why your marriages failed have you looked at that?
It is just a thought but I would rather never have been married than be married 5 times... how do you stand all that pain?
to trapper
Posted by: sandy1948
Posted on: 2002-10-20 19:01:02
you must be a baby boomer also. I to was taught to listen, not just to men, but anyone who is speaking. I feel the same as you, too many needy females and it makes it difficult for us who aren't. Men think we are all the needy type, and shy away.
Grandy
Posted by: sandy1948
Posted on: 2002-10-20 19:01:02
you must be a baby boomer also. I to was taught to listen, not just to men, but anyone who is speaking. I feel the same as you, too many needy females and it makes it difficult for us who aren't. Men think we are all the needy type, and shy away.
Grandy
TRAPPER#6
Posted by: nursing101
Posted on: 2002-10-20 21:05:41
HEY TARPPER, I MARRIED A GUY AND WAS WIFE #6.I WASNT JUDGEMENTAL AND THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. WE WERE IN LOVE AND WANTED TO BE TOGETHER. WELL THE MARRIAGE LASTED LESS THAN 2 YEARS AFTER KNOWING HIM FOR 3. IM HEARTBROKEN AND FEEL USED. HE FELT TRAPPED AND WAS THOUGHTLESS AND RUDE ONCE THE RINGS WENT ON NOT TO MENTION DISRESPECTFUL OF WOMEN. ANY ADVISE?? I WAS MARRIED AND HE WASNT. WHAT WAS HIS POINT, WHY GET MARRIED. I DONT GET IT
Posted by: nursing101
Posted on: 2002-10-20 21:05:41
HEY TARPPER, I MARRIED A GUY AND WAS WIFE #6.I WASNT JUDGEMENTAL AND THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. WE WERE IN LOVE AND WANTED TO BE TOGETHER. WELL THE MARRIAGE LASTED LESS THAN 2 YEARS AFTER KNOWING HIM FOR 3. IM HEARTBROKEN AND FEEL USED. HE FELT TRAPPED AND WAS THOUGHTLESS AND RUDE ONCE THE RINGS WENT ON NOT TO MENTION DISRESPECTFUL OF WOMEN. ANY ADVISE?? I WAS MARRIED AND HE WASNT. WHAT WAS HIS POINT, WHY GET MARRIED. I DONT GET IT
Nursing101
Posted by: blkftspirt
Posted on: 2002-10-21 20:12:41
Isnt it amazing how when the ring goes on you have to ask the guy sitting across the table ..."who are you and what did you do with the guy I married." I know a couple who met on line....moved in together after about 3 months after they both were just recently divorced....you will never guess what is going on now LMAO....yeah....it just isnt the same. Amazing. She says she will never get involved on line again or live with a guy....I give her three months after they split she will be hooked up with some other guy online. Why is it so many women feel they arent complete if they arent part of a couple. I ust broke off with a gentleman friend because he wanted us to live together....NO WAY I like my time and my space. I wouldnt mind a gentleman friend who would want to play pool, blues concerts, watch football together...a hug and a kiss on the cheek and one of us goes home. If you arent planning on kids...why get married...or live together..and at 50 I dont plan on having kids. Just one fairly secure, contented single old gal who finds my own company ....okay. Walk in peace.
Posted by: blkftspirt
Posted on: 2002-10-21 20:12:41
Isnt it amazing how when the ring goes on you have to ask the guy sitting across the table ..."who are you and what did you do with the guy I married." I know a couple who met on line....moved in together after about 3 months after they both were just recently divorced....you will never guess what is going on now LMAO....yeah....it just isnt the same. Amazing. She says she will never get involved on line again or live with a guy....I give her three months after they split she will be hooked up with some other guy online. Why is it so many women feel they arent complete if they arent part of a couple. I ust broke off with a gentleman friend because he wanted us to live together....NO WAY I like my time and my space. I wouldnt mind a gentleman friend who would want to play pool, blues concerts, watch football together...a hug and a kiss on the cheek and one of us goes home. If you arent planning on kids...why get married...or live together..and at 50 I dont plan on having kids. Just one fairly secure, contented single old gal who finds my own company ....okay. Walk in peace.
ok for men but not for women?
Posted by: francie024
Posted on: 2003-01-03 23:55:15
So it's OK for men to speak their mind and have their needs fulfilled but not women? OK I get it. You are not from the baby boom generation, but from the "I'm a woman so I better sit down and shut up...second class citizen generation."
Yeah I know how to listen plenty and have been so understanding and giving in relationships. That has not gotten me anywhere but WALK ON.
Do you have any advice that actually WORKS??
Posted by: francie024
Posted on: 2003-01-03 23:55:15
So it's OK for men to speak their mind and have their needs fulfilled but not women? OK I get it. You are not from the baby boom generation, but from the "I'm a woman so I better sit down and shut up...second class citizen generation."
Yeah I know how to listen plenty and have been so understanding and giving in relationships. That has not gotten me anywhere but WALK ON.
Do you have any advice that actually WORKS??
