08/28 Weight Controversies

Know and Choose Motivating Assistance
Posted by: kksanders
Posted on: 2003-05-21 09:53:01

Last night during a Weight Watchers meeting, our speaker told the members that if we battle with ourselves over a bad food choice, we needed to ask ourselves "how much do I love myself". She proceeded to convince the members that the reason we were over weight is because we don't "love ourselves enough to be our best friend". One lady asked "then how do you explain how much we love our kids?". She replied, you have to ask yourself, do you really love your child that much? I was appauled with this meeting. I have been attending WW for over 4 years, off and on, and have never experienced such a depressing meeting!
Dear Know & Choose
Posted by: tracsan
Posted on: 2003-05-21 20:55:39

The hardest part about this weight thing is hearing the hard truth. I started facing the facts that I really didn't love myself because if I hated being fat so much I wouldn't be fat. i realized that I was "loving my kids with trips to Friendly's or ice cream or McDonalds. Food had so much priority in my life. When I became my own best friend I started saying to myself you have no business at this food counter! Get in your car and go home. I did it enough that I listen. Before I would tell myself it was okay I could start tomorrow. Now those tomorrows have become years later. We have to change the tapes in our head that make us not be our own friend.
dear know & choose
Posted by: fancme
Posted on: 2003-05-22 01:14:10

I play the same tapes over and over in my mind every night of my life. Before I go to sleep I keep promising myself That tomorrow will be the begininng of the rest of my new life. I know I can do it. I know I can
conquer these habits. I wake up feeling the same way. My hard truth is knowing that the lonely times will probably be comforted by
food. Then by the end of the day my old
tapes start playing....bad lady...bad lady
and I have to start promising myself tomorrow will be the good day. THanks for
your comments and support. They mean so much
to me. Know I feel like I have support
from people who know just how I feel.
Dear FANCME35
Posted by: weeokwan
Posted on: 2003-05-30 02:20:22

I read your reply and wondered one thing......do you make promises to yourself in the morning instead of the night before? Just wondering if a shift in WHEN you play any tapes will be better for you. I dont know cuzz I just started so this is not a suggestion based on experience.
but heartfelt good intentions. Thanx
Lonely times?
Posted by: nettieperi
Posted on: 2003-05-30 04:34:05

I think many of us with a weight problem (except those with genuine medical problems) seek comfort in food for some emotional problem. Some people seek comfort through cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.I don't know how old you are, or how much you weight or anything like that. I'm 43 years old and weight something like 220 pounds, but I'm lucky in that my husband, kids, support me.
What particularly worried me about your message was the negative "bad lady, bad lady" idea.
Could you put aside for a moment your weight and think about your other achievements in life?
E.g. Are you good at your job? Or you contribute to people (e.g. family) in other ways? Are you creative or artistic and get satisfaction from that? Are you a kind and tolerant person?
This next comment sounds really trivial, but have you had a look at some of the stores (including stores with mail-out catalogues) which specialise in clothes for the "larger figure." I can tell you, when I buy a bra which both supports me and is pretty, I feel better about things.
I'm not saying that we "big girls" should not try to to lose weight through sensible eating and gentle exercise, but, I think we can encourage ourselves by thinking about the things we're good at, not getting obsessive about it, and that might help us ahead.

regards from Australia
Annette
One day at a time
Posted by: cjmaxx
Posted on: 2003-08-28 18:46:42

You’re not alone - I’ve also made those promises each night, only to falter the next day and feel totally frustrated and depressed when I don’t keep them. But I’ve learned to stop making promises and start each new day with an affirmation – today I’ll plan my meals, eat healthy, and find other things to do tonight after work instead of sit in my favorite chair and eat until I go to bed. If you can get through one day at a time and pat yourself on the back for not giving in to overeating, pretty soon your scale will start moving and with the loss of each pound, you feel that you’re a little more in control of your life. And a side effect is that with a healthier diet, you soon become able to say no to the bad eating habits because you realize the benefits (that you’re feeling much better both physically and mentally). Hope this helps – I’m still working on one day at a time and noticing a lot of improvement over where I was months ago.
DEAR CJMAXX
Posted by: blueridge7
Posted on: 2003-08-29 15:27:46

I still at times play the never ending game of "I'll get it right tomorrow and that will be my new beginning." It certainly brings comfort in the moment, helps alleviate guilt and brings hope and promise to a seemingly hopeless situation. Unfortunately it also perpetuates a dangerous cycle. Thank you for your suggestion of the "Morning Affirmation." It turns (I will do) into (I am doing.) Viewing weight loss as you suggested, as a "One Day At A Time Concept" is also very useful. Weight management is an ongoing process and we can't live tomorrow today. I'm in my infancy with this and I find it difficult, but I'm learning that instead of looking at past failures or what will be challenging tomorrow, that it is helpful to stay in the present.
RE: Know and Choose
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-05-27 01:36:23

I think your WW leader was a bit off base with her comments. As an active member of WW, I don't really agree with her comments about self love...Just by attending the WW meeting, you are showing an immense amount of self love and shouldn't feel any other way. I think what she was really trying to convey was the fact that if we love ourselves, we would do what was necessary to change an unhealthy lifestyle...the part about the kids was just adding guilt to the entire package.
about ww meeting
Posted by: nursypo
Posted on: 2003-05-29 16:14:52

You sometimes run into people you think that weight is just as simple as say you need to love lyourself because they dont have the answers either, weight is complicated as far as I am concerned, sometimes it is because we dont know the proper food, or lack discipline or the only friend we have is food and sometimes it a health situation we dont lhave under control, forgive them and go on
ww meeting
Posted by: nursypo
Posted on: 2003-05-29 16:21:10

I want to tell you about my daughter who is now deceased, she used to say to me, everyone can see my sin, she weighed 350 lbs,
I know she was unhappy with her life, but she didnt until about the week before she died had lost 3 lbs and understood she had started dieting, weight on other people as well as being unhealthy does make us feel safe because we can do things that are hidden and no one knows but weight is righ tout there, learning to love each other and keep encouraging our friends to accept themselves as best as life can offer them is the only thing I know to do, weight loss is an american problem and not everybody has the answers, stomach stapling seems to be the answer for some not for others
response to know and choose
Posted by: nokomis
Posted on: 2003-05-29 16:52:17

I totally disagree with the speaker at your Weight Watchers meeting. Its too generalized everyone is different and has different reasons for being overweight. And incidently I hated myself when I was skinny so so much for the theory of if one loves themselves they will live a healthier lifestyle.
Dear KKsanders
Posted by: charleenc
Posted on: 2003-09-09 11:47:55

Hi there, I am writing to let you know I agree with your thoughts on the information the speaker presented at your weight watchers meeting. The thing is, she isnt trained in psychology, and thus the information she shared was opinion rather than fact. At WW meetings, the speaker should not give opinion but sound weight lose information and encouragement. I am sure many who work for WW would be appauled. I am sure in the twisted, complicated fight over obesity, it does have to do with loving ourselves, but for me that wouldnt come from anyone but an expert. Dont let it bother you for one second...search for the answers within yourself, or from a professional! Use the meetings for encouragement only, not psychological counselling!! Keep up the good work!
Round 2
Posted by: lzrdslady
Posted on: 2003-05-21 10:09:16

I grew up "fat" all through school I was teased and tormented, sad thing looking back is that I really wasnt that over weight, just enough to be a target. When I was 20 and 230 lbs I had my stomach stapled (not the bypass) and lost over a hundred pounds and for once in my life I became a person in our society. During my last pregnancy, (3 after the surgery) during a very bad bout of morning sickness I "popped" my staple line and over the next 4 years I have gained back apx. 80 lbs. Whos to blame, me! I know how I got here, I know what it takes to get back down. The part I hate is the feeling of being invisable again. Thin is power in our world, sick as it is to say!!!
embarassed
Posted by: flossie55
Posted on: 2003-05-21 10:18:32

i can understand your feeling i too was teased and fat through school and studily gained weight year to year after my kids i never lost it i would lose 30 and poof came back worse then ever..i wish i could find the miracle power and strength to love me enough to be thin even just for a day..to meet someone special who could look at me and say wow..you look awesome..that would bring such a smile..truly ashamed of myself for me and for my kids having to say this is mom..ya shes fat,but shes fun and loves me they suffer more then me i think from teasing.i don't know thin or power...
flossie55
Posted by: edyie103
Posted on: 2003-05-21 19:20:50

boy can I relate to your comments. I am very heavy also. in high school I weighed 180 pounds. oh how i wish i weighed that now! I'm 285 and am 54 years old. my kids suffered also. i can remember my oldest daughter coming home crying because they called me fat albert. how embarassed they had to be. really not sure what keeps me fat. can't figue out why food is so important to me.
Why is it sick?
Posted by: phillipsmd
Posted on: 2003-05-21 23:47:39

When did we as a society decide that morbid obesity was ok? Not only is it now ok to be morbidly obese, but it is considered politically incorrect to have any negative comments about people who are obese. As Dr. Phil has said, it is a choice to be fat. It is much easier to be fat than it is to be thin and fit. It is much easier to stop at a fast food restaurant than it is to go grocery shopping and prepare a healthy meal. It is much easier to sit on the couch than it is to get up at 5am and go to the gym. It is NOT ok to be obese. Being fit shows that you have the strength of character to take control of your own behavior and take postive strides in your life. And then, of course, there are the health issues with which we are all familiar. They don't call it MORBID obesity for nothing.
You Have No Idea
Posted by: kfelina
Posted on: 2003-05-22 01:44:08

Okay, so what do you suggest to a child whos parent ends up in a wheelchair and cannot cook or clean or watch the kids while they play outside. We ate pizza for years because of it and gainned weight because of no activty. Only now that I am older I can understand the need to do something about it. Back then I was miserable but didn't know it would ruin my life or how to do anything about it. If I was given a choice I would never choose to be fat. And I am not saying that it is okay to be fat, it causes suffering. I don't think its necessary to judge people by their appearance fat or otherwise because you don't know if they are trying to change it.
You hit the nail on the head
Posted by: leonardchi
Posted on: 2003-05-22 13:33:00

Your last comment hit the nail on the head: you don't know if they are trying to change it.

You do NOT know someone else's story unless they tell you. Maybe they are in the process of losing weight & are very proud of their success thus far; maybe they are currently on meds that are causing them to gain; maybe they have tried & failed & given up hope. We are ALL complex people with many factors that fold into who we are, including how we look. How could an obese person in today's society NOT want to change? Everyone knows it's unhealthy, and that eating less & exercising more would be a good start. Why a certain person can't get this under control is none of our business.
kfelina -you have no idea
Posted by: shedevil79
Posted on: 2003-09-09 10:52:59

Right...so I guess you're saying it's wrong for me to conclude that the fat slob inhaling supersize greasebuckets at a fast food joint is a fat slob inhaling supersized greasebuckets at a fast food joint.

Hate to break it to you, but judging by appearance is human nature (NOT that I ADVOCATE it) I know it's very primitive to do so, but it's still something people DO, in public or in private. There are some situations that appear to tell the story FOR you, and most people stop there....not knowing the entire story, probably not caring to know either.

And of all the many different choices of foods you can order in, you get PIZZA? .... FOR YEARS?!?! That's pretty ridiculous to believe, wheelchair or not. You embellished on that one didn't you? Cmon you can tell me.
STOP IT!!!
Posted by: kittin
Posted on: 2003-05-22 02:14:42

So people are overweight because they are lazy? Grow up, look beyond your selfishness to the real world. People are mostly overweight because they are in pain.Try some compassion rather than self-rightousness