12/31 How Honest Are Your Friends & Family?

Honesty
Posted by: jimchiow
Posted on: 2003-10-24 09:49:27

I am watching your show today,and I saw
the section on Fentisha,and I think she is perfect in the way she speaks. I would love
to meet her on your show.I just believe she
should not change very much at all. I just
wish I didnt weigh so much,because, I would love to meet a lady like her.(CAN YOU HELP ME WITH LOSING WEIGHT AND WITH MEETING FENTISHA)
yours truely
Jim Chiow
Get Dr. Phil's new book
Posted by: dogsrfun
Posted on: 2003-10-24 10:23:26

about losing weight. You can do it if you try,it won't be easy but if you want to change,you can. Also, girls like sweet ,kind men who make them laugh...personality is far more important than appearence..but lose the wieght for health reasons. Good Luck to you in working towards your goal!!!
Be careful what you ask for!
Posted by: fishguide
Posted on: 2003-10-24 10:24:52

I had a boss just like Fentisha. I thought I could deal with her even after watching others quit after one encounter with her! Her whole defense was "It eliminates misunderstandings!" She also never had a relationship last but of course it was everyone else's fault. After a year and 4 months I quit when I was on 150mgs of Zoloft and my hair was falling out in clumps. It took me a year to get over all the stress of dealing with that woman!
so-called "honest" people
Posted by: loisko
Posted on: 2004-01-03 15:04:13

I really believe some people really bask in the pleasure of causing havoc in the name of "can't help but being honest". Some, certainly not all, have really hateful natures. That's one thing that's hard to admit -- people being absolutely cunning in their so-called "honesty"!!
Dr.Phil can and Fentisha can't
Posted by: jengle45
Posted on: 2004-04-17 11:43:04

What the hell is wrong with all you people? Dr. Phil is brutally honest and he's paid well for it and Fentisha can't be? I would LOVE to have a friend like Fentisha! Are we living in a society where you have to dance around people's questions for the truth? Well...probably so because we chose as a society a president who dances around the truth and is not a straight-shooter. I'm ashamed of Americans at this time in our history. All I can say is read ATLAS SHRUGGED and see if you really want the truth or just some nice pretty words sugar-coating everything. WAKE UP!!!!!!!
Oh My
Posted by: phaedra77
Posted on: 2003-10-24 10:24:38

The show doesn't come on here until three, but I'm looking forward to it as I grew up with a mother who believes that brutal honesty is the best way to go. Well, it's not exactly brutal honesty, it's more like her brutal opinion put out there as truth. There is a huge difference between being straightforward with the truth and forcefully sharing an insulting opinion. Mom prides herself on being "honest" and does not believe that rude comments should hurt people's feelings but forgets that people's tolerance to that sort of thing varies. I really hope Dr. Phil shares some ways to handle this kind of person! By the way, my mom has mellowed out significantly over the past few years and is learning to keep her mouth under control, though it sometimes runs ahead of her. I've always thought it a measure of a person's maturity to be able to shut your mouth and keep it shut when you know you shouldn't talk!
please spare me the sensitive ones...
Posted by: cccgunther
Posted on: 2003-10-24 20:30:20

I am one the brutally honest one. I really do not intend to offend or hurt anyones feelings. I appreciate brutal honesty myself. I am not sensitive and have a very hard time understanding people who are, especially women. I think honesty can only make a person aware of themselves and quirks that they otherwise may not be aware of. If a person receiving my, often crass and forehead honesty or humor, gets offended then I feel they lack confidence and self-esteem to stand up for themselves. Ilove that in a friendship, I can dish out and I enjoy taking it too. Go Girl...your fine the way you are. Although, we do slip up occasionally, honesty is always for the best.
Signed,
Kim from MI
Hmm....
Posted by: nobagels
Posted on: 2003-10-24 21:09:27

"I think honesty can only make a person aware of themselves and quirks that they otherwise may not be aware of."

You think people aren't aware of themselves and their quirks? Give folks a little credit. I'm personally aware of each one of my quirks, right down to the fact I clench my teeth and scowl when I'm stressed.

I probably wouldn't like you, not because you'd "inform" me, but because seeing others' hurt makes me uncomfortable. I was an insurance adjuster at a cut-rate and cut-service company, and have been called numerous names, have been insulted and have been threatened. No one should waste their words and put any strain on their vocal cords being "brutally honest" with me, because negativity isn't going to be heard or acknowledged. I'll take "constructive criticism" in when it's warranted.

I'm actually glad you're honest to admit you have a hard time understanding people who are sensitive. I have a hard time understanding certain aspects of human nature, but don't admit it because I never feel like trying to explain.
To "Please spare---"
Posted by: loisko
Posted on: 2004-01-03 15:13:11

Believe me, it's great to be honest. There's too much mealy-mouthing as it is; BUT having been around for awhile, one should by now know the difference of being honest or being just plain hurtful. If one would really care about the other party and know something is wrong, there are tactful and meaningful ways to really help. I would suggest one would really study Dr. Phil and see how he does it. He does not shilly-shally around, to say the least; BUT he doesn't bludgeon anyone either in the name of so-called honesty. I believe some people get a real zing out of life by seeing others crumble as a result of "truth" telling; especially those who have been in the public for a certain amount of time.
Oh pleasseee!!
Posted by: mascore45
Posted on: 2004-03-21 10:46:01

I completely disagree with you on this one. First of all, you think that you are doing people a favor by telling them what they ought to know that they don't already know about themselves, but in actuality, you are being condescending and degrading to others. Secondly, you seem to lack an understanding between being assertive and aggressive (as Dr. Phil mentioned). Finally, I think that you need to re-examine your sensitivity level. You don't seem to possess a valuable characteristic which is empathy. It is possible, however, to be honest in an appropriate and tactful manner. Your "brutal honesty" can be looked upon as sadistic. You say that if those receiving your honesty gets offended, they lack a sense of self-confidence and esteem...well I think you're utterly wrong. Why should people have to be on a constant defense when they're in your presence? I don't believe that people should always have their guards up when they're around you. That saids nothing about a person's self-worth rather it saids alot about you. In other words, if you were around, I would rather just avoid you all together than have to put up with your insensitivity.
Spare me the sappy girls...
Posted by: cccgunther
Posted on: 2003-10-24 21:07:30

I am the brutally honest one. I do not intend to offend or hurt feelings, but am often told I have. I appreciate brutal (so-it's called) honesty directed toward myself, am not sensitive and have a hard time understanding people who are. Get over it girls, and stand-up for yourselves. Honesty can only make a person better and more aware of your self. If someone receiving my, often crass and foreward comments or sense of humor, gets offended, I feel they lack confidence and self-esteem to stand up for themselves. I love striaght-foreward honesty in my friendships, and believe I can only grow from it. Believe me! I can dish it out and I truly enjoy taking it too. Go Girl...your fine the way you are. Although, we do slip up occasionally, honesty is always for the best. "Cheers" and tell it like it is!
Signed,
Kim from MI
Spare me - Period
Posted by: navar1049
Posted on: 2003-12-31 14:47:52

I too am an honest, blunt person but you must use wisdom in dealing with people. What you may perceive to be "sappy" or overly senssitive, may be someone with mental or emotional problems or someone who is not normally sensitive but due to stressful circumstances is currently vulnerable and what may roll of your back may cause deep pain or anguish to someone else. I have learned, everyone in this world is different and what works for me does not always work for someone else. My idea of beauty may not be yours. Opionions are not facts and I am not God so I will keep my honesty to myself unless asked and try to temper the truth with compassion
Good For you, Navar
Posted by: loisko
Posted on: 2004-01-03 15:16:51

Yes, I understand what you are saying. You seem to have good old common sense. I wish I could express myself the way you did in your message.
Brutal and honest?
Posted by: itsmerose
Posted on: 2003-10-25 05:22:00

For a minute there I thought you were my daughter talking about me. I always thought being honest was one of my best qualities. I used to loose lots of friends that way. But as I grew older and more mature I learned when I have an opinion that will hurt someones feelings I just kind of nod...haha Not quite like Kimberly but at least I am sparing a feeling. However honesty is the best policy. If I break something or do something wrong I am right there being honest about it if someone asks me if their butt looks too big in that outfit and I think it does. I say well,,, hmmm turn around. boy do I hedge. anyway. I too have matured and hopefully so will the women on Phil's show. I only hope Kimberly gets the courage to say no when she doesn't want to do something. That has got to be hard.
Honesty a measure of maturity?
Posted by: cccgunther
Posted on: 2003-10-27 22:22:05

NOT! How can a person say because a person is blunt they are not mature? Dr. Phil himself and the show are both popular b/c of the blunt honesty approach. It seems people are craving his directness. The ratings are very high. And obviously we are watching! Rule #1: Dont EVER ask an opinion if you dont really want to know the true answer. And to "Nobagel" That is a hard and fast judgement to say you "probably wont" like me. Who knows, you may. You may enjoy a loving, honest, friendship. I dish out many positives, as well as negative attributes in my friends. Who is to say, my honesty (per se) always hurts people. Maybe, maybe not.

Yes, I too have lost friends b/c of my bluntness, but in hindsight I found that those friendships weren't for me. They seemed to be a one way street. I could always take the comments whether they be critical or not and grow from them. But when comments or opinions were asked for or given in return from me, the gals were too sensitive or unwilling to look at their faults. Some may see honesty as one of my idiosyncrasies . Others, see it as great depth and security in a friendship. Nothing superficial here. Kim from MI
Okay....
Posted by: nobagels
Posted on: 2003-10-28 06:54:40

"But when comments or opinions were asked for or given in return from me, the gals were too sensitive or unwilling to look at their faults."

If they're asking for an opinion, that's one thing. If a girlfriend of yours either asks you what she should do about her, say, jerk boyfriend, or, she constantly monopolizes a conversation complaining about him, then a "negative" comment is probably warranted.

What I didn't like about Fentisha is that she A. called things that were OPINIONS "facts", and B. Gave her opinions without being asked for them. People know their faults (if you want to even call "eighties hair, for example, a "fault) and don't need them pointed out.

You may be a wonderful friend, but if you're like Fentisha, I wouldn't take the time to get to know you (that's more accurate than saying "I wouldn't like you.") because there's too much negativity in the world already for me to get involved in more.
Request, guntherccc...
Posted by: nobagels
Posted on: 2003-10-28 07:08:57

Give us an example of a situation where you've been blunt, and a few examples of what you consider "faults", give us a bit more to go on.

Thanks.
do you want to be right or do you want to be happy
Posted by: bahbahla
Posted on: 2004-04-18 20:12:02

You appear to have little empathy or compassion for others nor access to your own emotional life. You are doing a very good job of rationalizing your bluntness, but as Dr. Phil says, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy." Apparently being right is more important than your relationships. I like frankness and honesty as much as the next person, but telling people how to live their lives is not your job and being brutally " honest" at the expense of your relationships doesn't seem wise.
I've always thought it a measure of a person's ma
Posted by: kandibars4
Posted on: 2003-10-25 16:14:13

I've always felt that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And there have been plenty of times in my life where I have actually said, "I don't have anything nice to say. :X"
well said phaedra77
Posted by: zaphappy
Posted on: 2003-10-25 18:42:20

"Well, it's not exactly brutal honesty, it's more like her brutal opinion put out there as truth. There is a huge difference between being straightforward with the truth and forcefully sharing an insulting opinion".

Well said!
Until this past few years I didn't realize it was possible to live a life without the loud opinionators. I can count on one hand those who are 'normal' and kind and honest without being brutal and obnoxious. For all my life I thought I truely was awful or I wouldn't be hearing all these awful things.
When I confided my hurts I would be told that 'there's truth in every situation and it's our job to listen until we discover ways to improve'. According to this, I had no right to be alive. They made me feel totally useless, worthless, in every way possible from my soul to my toes. The few times I stood up for myself, I would be ridiculed more. My loved ones never stood up for me. In fact, half the time they started it or finished it. There was absolutely nobody to confide in without angst in my demeanor. This is the total opposite of my own beliefs. I've always held the belief that people always mean good and that if they say something horrible (to me) then it's because it's well deserved. For instance, for the longest time I thought my 37" butt looked like it was 1,147" by the way they described and belittled me. I thought my face was the ugliest most pathetic in the universe due to other comments I've recieved. I though I was invisible, du