02/13 Will There Be A Wedding?

Engaged Couple Michelle and Aaron
Posted by: roterose
Posted on: 2003-02-13 10:30:15

Any man who calls his fiancee the "C" word or "B" word is not worth any woman.Michelle should pack her suitcase and run as fast as her legs will carry her as far away from such a character as possible. With all of the CONs listed, wouldn't she just about end up as "maid"? She's a beautiful woman and can do better.
WE ARE ONLY HUMAN
Posted by: mattawan
Posted on: 2003-02-13 11:06:23

Please, don't be so quick to judge, you are not considering some facts here, the woman's heart, the relationship he has with her son, and there might be some things she does wrong to him. Trust me, if my husband called me the "B" word he would wake up with a black eye! I think he is really sorry for that moment, and is willing to do the work to make it right.
embarrassed to ask
Posted by: janecool
Posted on: 2003-02-13 13:37:01

When I heard this man called his girlfriend the C word I was stunned. Not because he called her that but I am embarassed to say I dont know exactly what the C word means. I got the B word clearly but can I ask what is the C word. I think I might know but not sure. Is it a 4 letter word and ends in t ? Sorry to apppear, dumb lol
To Janecool
Posted by: capri03
Posted on: 2003-02-13 14:25:29

Hi Janecool, its been a long time since I have seen you on these boards.........how are you doing...........and those adorable boys?????

Hope that things are going well for you folks , I certainly have been wondering about you. Lots of changes at your house? More time, in a relaxed fashion I hope, I know you were well on your way in that direction when you last posted back after the show.

Nice seeing you here again. All the best!
Hello there
Posted by: janecool
Posted on: 2003-02-13 21:16:49

What a nice email, thank you so much for a sweet email. The boys are doing great. They turned 14 last week and are getting so tall. I have to stand on my toes to hug them now. Wayne got his braces off so he was excited about that. Now people can tell them apart, if they open their mouth. You should see their room. I said i wasn't going to ask them to clean their room and you should see it. You know know I kept my word because it is horrible. But I learned a lot from the experience. Well, thanks for asking and such a sweet email. Take care and hope to see you again.
Kim

Posted by: likeableme
Posted on: 2003-02-13 15:22:48

The 'C' word is the very rude word for a females private area (it's a 4 letter word)
To embarassed
Posted by: djrbentley
Posted on: 2003-02-14 10:46:33

Hi Janecool..You would be right about the word and let me tell you it is very degrading to hear someone that is suppose to love you call you that word. Its much worse that the "B" word or anything else I have ever been called..deejo65
I'd like to disagree slightly.
Posted by: flashtoms
Posted on: 2003-02-13 18:02:13

While I do believe it is worng to call the person you claim you love anything of that nature, I wouldn't say leaving just yet is the best answer. Being a student of psychology, I've learned that behavior can be learned and unlearned. I believe that he can change but he has to be 100% willing and ready to change. She should dump him but not until he is given the chance to change.
Well......
Posted by: cindybergs
Posted on: 2003-02-13 19:31:36

I've always told my girlfriends that if swear words and name calling get into a relationship, it's harder than heck to get them out. I've seen it!!! I believe it...because if your going to be that disrespectful to be name calling then that type of person would probably not want to change it.
take a hike
Posted by: loon2002
Posted on: 2003-02-13 19:16:46

Michelle wake up and smell the roses!! You have been thru one failed marriage and if you marry this guy you will have number 2. You need to get over this guy and find someone who can respect you and treat you like a human being. He has way too much baggage to sort thru and I would not want to wait around and go thru all that pain. This coming from a mans perspective. You are way too beautiful to still be in this relationship. You seem like a smart person I think you can make it without him. Maybe you all can just be friends. Your relationship if it continues is a train wreck waiting to happen. Look at your pros/cons. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what is the right choice albeit a painful one. Better now than going thru another divorce and at this time no kids(biological)are involved between the two of you. I think he is a time bomb waiting to explode and I think he may be capable of physical abuse if you 2 get married.
My thoughts
Posted by: alwaystry
Posted on: 2003-02-14 11:52:30

While I have little respect for a person who calls his/her partner names, I am not letting Michelle get away totally on this one. Aaron's excuse for holding off on the engagement was money and Michelle went along with that. She stayed with him and allowed it to continue. Not only did she remain in the relationship, she lives with this guy and has a young son. What kind of an an example is this for her own child? In my opinion, she is showing her son a man does not have to make a commitment. Their situation reminds me of a saying I've heard and unfortunately see some women let it happen, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free".
I am sure Michelle is a good person but don't be so quick to point the finger in just one direction.
Give them credit
Posted by: nharvey6
Posted on: 2003-02-13 11:56:44

I give these couples alot of credit for being able to go on national t.v and air there dirty laundry..this one guy must have known that he would have gotten his butt reemed for using the "c" word towards a woman..man oh man.....lol..but really i give these guys credit for taking the first step and being man enough to come on the show, and admit they have a problem and that they love there ladies enough to try to work on it!
I really hope they are all able to solve there problems and get past the bad and move on to only the good,..it takes alot of hard work to make a relationship work...and i think we all know that it is not easy sometimes!
A plus for effort...to the guys and i pray that these couples can make things work..good luck to u all!
re: give them credit
Posted by: dalailama
Posted on: 2003-02-14 14:27:43

I agree with your perspective on how it took lots of courage for these people to get up in front of camera. It's so convenient for others to sit back and cast judgement. Would they have the courage to do the same. As you were saying, I wish them well. I hope things are rosy in your own life..God bless...
Deal with it and then drop it
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2003-02-13 13:02:51

I think Jennifer is making one of the biggest mistakes that people make when she continues to bring up Rick's past mistakes. I see it time and time again in friends relationships and it is so destructive.

If someone does something they shouldn't, do what you need to do to deal with it. If it is something that you are never going to allow yourself to get past then go your seperate ways but if you decide to stay together, then you need to move on. It isn't fair to use someones past mistakes as ammunition everytime you're in a fight.

A few years ago my husband spent the night with another woman. I was furious and he was terrified that he was going to loose me. It was a very bad time but we worked thru it. I decided that I would stay with him. I CHOSE to trust him again. I believe he learned from his mistake. And altho I didn't think of it this way till I heard Dr Phil say it, I think that I trust myself to deal with whatever he might do. Since that decision I have never thrown that in his face again. He messed up bad, we dealt with it, it's in the past. I can't see how it would serve MY best interests to continually bring it up.

We've been married 18 years now and we are very happy. Working thru the mistakes (both his and mine) have made us stronger and more in love than ever.
Advice from you please!
Posted by: leik27
Posted on: 2003-02-13 16:35:22

okay you said that your husband spent the night with another woman...were they intimate? i assumed that's what you meant by that comment. You also said that you chose to trust him again...i was just wondering how long that took and whether or not when you have arguments does that thought enter your mind again about what he did to you? I'm asking because..although we aren't married my boyfriend and i have a child together and seriously discuss marriage, but i just found out that he cheated on me about 8 months ago and wasn't able to tell me until now because he knew it would hurt and felt so guilty. He says it was a one time thing..but now the other girl is pregnant as well. I want nothing more than to work this out with him because i love him with all my heart even after what hes done...but i don't want to live my life feeling bitter toward him and not being able to trust again. Please offer anyhelpful advice since you have been in a simialr situation. thanks so much!
RE: Advice
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2003-02-13 19:45:48

It only took me about 2, maybe 3 weeks to come to the decision that I wasn't willing to give up on what we have. It wasn't easy but it helped that he was EXTREMELY regretful about what he had done. He broke down sobbing when he told me and everytime we talked about it. He begged me to give him another chance. If I didn't feel that he understood the seriousness of what he had done my decision may have been different. We had been together for 12 years at the time and I wasn't willing to throw that away without a second chance.

I honestly do trust him. I'd be lieing if I said it doesn't pop into my head from time to time but I just tell myself, No,I won't let that run my life. I won't allow myself to think that everytime he's away, he's with another woman or give him the third degree about who he's with and what he's doing. I absolutley believe what Dr Phil says about trust and forgiveness being a choice. If you choose to hold on to the distrust it will eat away at you like a cancer.

Now if the woman is pregnant with your boyfriends baby that adds a new twist and would make things harder for you. However, if you feel that the relationship is worth it I wouldn't give up even then.

Only you can judge if he is deserving of another chance, don't let friends or family pressure you into leaving him if you really think he'll do right by you in the future. Be strong and do what you feel is right. I hope this helps a little. Good Luck!!!
need advice as well
Posted by: tine03
Posted on: 2003-02-13 20:14:54

I have been in the same situation. I have been married for 19 years. What would you do after trusting him for the second time and you find out he has been in contact with the women he had an affair with all those years ago. He said he sold her a computer he built because we were short on cash at that time. But she calls his cell or pager when she has questions about the computer. Do you just trust what he says or do you have to follow him around to see if he is lying again. All those feelings come rushing back and you start 2nd guessing yourself if you can still trust him. He never told me about this I found out on my own because I looked at his address book on his cell phone then I called thet operator to see whose phone number it was. Then I asked him about it.
What do you do in this situation?

RE: Advice
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2003-02-14 01:46:50

Wow! That's really rough. I feel for you, really! I'm not sure a person can know for sure how they'd react to a situation like that unless they're in it. I think that how I reacted would depend a lot on how my husband was acting. For example, if he doesn't understand how incredibly inappropriate it is for him to have ANY contact with this woman I would have a real problem with it.

I might could accept him selling her a computer but to be her own personal tech on call...No Way!! Does he not get how this would make you feel? I think he totally gets it and that's why he hid it. He may not be having another affair with her but he knew you'd freak. And so would he if the situation were reversed.

Normally I don't believe in ultimatums but I think this is the exception to the rule. I would have to tell my husband, NEVER see this woman again. If she calls, hang up. If you see her in a store, ignore her. Also, after a second time I think that he’s given up any right to privacy. If he was lying about something like this then he would have to pay the consequences, which for me would be to tell me everything he was doing. To quote Dr Phil, People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Hang in there girl. Be strong, be honest to yourself. You can make it thru whatever happens!

Also, a PS to any woman out there who is chasing a married man, STOP IT!! If we women would stick together the men wouldn't have anyone to cheat with.
sfeeks
Posted by: tine03
Posted on: 2003-02-16 21:55:41

Thank you for answering. Its nice to talk to someone who has been in the same situation b This was my first message on the board. I was really nervous about the response. Hope to talk to you again. Thank you

Posted by: hmmmmmm
Posted on: 2003-03-05 16:01:57

It sounds like to me, he only told you because the other girl was pregnant. He couldn't hide that. This other girl would eventually find you with baby in tow and tell you all about it. I don't know about this.