07/02 Discipline Debate
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Posted by: patsymaney
Posted on: 2002-10-23 08:12:57
First of all there is a difference between spanking and whipping. Each child is different in what works. I have two children and 5 grandchildren and each and every one is different. I've been involved in raising each of them, while parents are working etc. What I have found out through the years is to lighten up. Spanking works for some but not others you have to find what works. What worked last week might not work this week. I've always given as much love as I have spankings. Always follow through with what you say you are going to do. Good luck, it's not a easy job.
Posted by: patsymaney
Posted on: 2002-10-23 08:12:57
First of all there is a difference between spanking and whipping. Each child is different in what works. I have two children and 5 grandchildren and each and every one is different. I've been involved in raising each of them, while parents are working etc. What I have found out through the years is to lighten up. Spanking works for some but not others you have to find what works. What worked last week might not work this week. I've always given as much love as I have spankings. Always follow through with what you say you are going to do. Good luck, it's not a easy job.
Spanking
Posted by: tamikajone
Posted on: 2002-10-23 14:11:43
I agree that every child is different. Some children you can talk to and that will work, it just depends on the child and their personalities. If a child doesn't respond to time out then you try something else. I got spanked (beat rather) and it taught me not to do the things I was getting displined for. Eventually, I didn't need spankings anymore, my mother could just look at me and I would straight up, so thats what spanking taught me and my 3 brothers and sisters. They learn from tv and all of these other things that parents let them be exposed to. All of us grew up to respectable and responsible grow ups. So to tell someone not to spank their child is ridiculous, you don't live with that child and go through what they are going through. Children don't learn violence from discipline, thats bull. And I'm not having a child run my house, because someone doesn't think its right to spank. Please. Beat that tail, they will thank you for it later.
Posted by: tamikajone
Posted on: 2002-10-23 14:11:43
I agree that every child is different. Some children you can talk to and that will work, it just depends on the child and their personalities. If a child doesn't respond to time out then you try something else. I got spanked (beat rather) and it taught me not to do the things I was getting displined for. Eventually, I didn't need spankings anymore, my mother could just look at me and I would straight up, so thats what spanking taught me and my 3 brothers and sisters. They learn from tv and all of these other things that parents let them be exposed to. All of us grew up to respectable and responsible grow ups. So to tell someone not to spank their child is ridiculous, you don't live with that child and go through what they are going through. Children don't learn violence from discipline, thats bull. And I'm not having a child run my house, because someone doesn't think its right to spank. Please. Beat that tail, they will thank you for it later.
RE: Spanking
Posted by: mom2jordan
Posted on: 2002-10-23 15:15:29
NOT! I WAS also beat as a child. Not only do I NOT have respect for the person that beat me, there is no love loss between us either. Sorry, but using spanking or beating to make your child submit to your demands and get them to behave is wrong. I have a child with a special need and if anything, she needs to be disciplined MORE because it takes her longer to get the concept of Right and Wrong. I don't have to spank her. I use follow through. If she's misbehaving I will tell her, " If you continue that, I will put you in a corner". Knowing she doesn't like the corner, she stops the behavior. If she doesn't, then I immediately place her in the corner. Making threats to a child over and over without following through on it only teaches your child to ignore you. If you make a threat and don't follow through, you are basically talking out of thin air and believe me, the child WILL pick up on that. If you don't think they listen now, keep up YOUR behavior, and it will only get worse.
My mom never hit me, but my step dad did and I have absolutely no respect for him at all.
Posted by: mom2jordan
Posted on: 2002-10-23 15:15:29
NOT! I WAS also beat as a child. Not only do I NOT have respect for the person that beat me, there is no love loss between us either. Sorry, but using spanking or beating to make your child submit to your demands and get them to behave is wrong. I have a child with a special need and if anything, she needs to be disciplined MORE because it takes her longer to get the concept of Right and Wrong. I don't have to spank her. I use follow through. If she's misbehaving I will tell her, " If you continue that, I will put you in a corner". Knowing she doesn't like the corner, she stops the behavior. If she doesn't, then I immediately place her in the corner. Making threats to a child over and over without following through on it only teaches your child to ignore you. If you make a threat and don't follow through, you are basically talking out of thin air and believe me, the child WILL pick up on that. If you don't think they listen now, keep up YOUR behavior, and it will only get worse.
My mom never hit me, but my step dad did and I have absolutely no respect for him at all.
Spanking
Posted by: ciderjo
Posted on: 2002-10-23 15:48:55
You probably didn't have much respect for you step dad to begin with. My mother spanked me and I have much more respect for her now than ever before. She was once the parent who disciplined. Now that I'm a mother; she's the parent who is my friend. My parents had five kids, and I know that it was hard work. Sometimes she would spank us when she was very mad, but mainly she wasn't.
I do agree that following through with consequences is very important, and I see that in raising my own two boys. I do spank when I feel that they need it, but I believe also in other forms of discipline.
Posted by: ciderjo
Posted on: 2002-10-23 15:48:55
You probably didn't have much respect for you step dad to begin with. My mother spanked me and I have much more respect for her now than ever before. She was once the parent who disciplined. Now that I'm a mother; she's the parent who is my friend. My parents had five kids, and I know that it was hard work. Sometimes she would spank us when she was very mad, but mainly she wasn't.
I do agree that following through with consequences is very important, and I see that in raising my own two boys. I do spank when I feel that they need it, but I believe also in other forms of discipline.
Beating/Spanking
Posted by: lovethem
Posted on: 2002-10-23 17:00:30
Mom2Jordan
I am sorry that you had such a bad experience as a child with your step-father, but there is such a MAJOR, MAJOR, difference in BEATING & SPANKING. I have 3 children. I do spank my children when necessary, but my children also have the greatest love for me and know that I will go to all lengths for them. I was spanked as a child and never not one time did I ever feel like my parents did not love me or like me. I knew that my parents loved me and would also go to all lengths for me. There are other ways to make children understand right and wrong, but I also believe that if you don't use correction when necessary, you will suffer & and so will the child when they are older. always know when you are teaching your children with a RIGHT HEART (not out of anger, but always with love) and letting GOD LEAD THE WAY, YOU WILL NEVER GO WRONG!!!!!!
Posted by: lovethem
Posted on: 2002-10-23 17:00:30
Mom2Jordan
I am sorry that you had such a bad experience as a child with your step-father, but there is such a MAJOR, MAJOR, difference in BEATING & SPANKING. I have 3 children. I do spank my children when necessary, but my children also have the greatest love for me and know that I will go to all lengths for them. I was spanked as a child and never not one time did I ever feel like my parents did not love me or like me. I knew that my parents loved me and would also go to all lengths for me. There are other ways to make children understand right and wrong, but I also believe that if you don't use correction when necessary, you will suffer & and so will the child when they are older. always know when you are teaching your children with a RIGHT HEART (not out of anger, but always with love) and letting GOD LEAD THE WAY, YOU WILL NEVER GO WRONG!!!!!!
Help me understand you
Posted by: donnaone
Posted on: 2002-10-23 19:03:20
When would a situation warrant a spanking out of love??? Please tell me when hurting and humiliating your child would be a better way of teaching them than talking and discusiing things. There are so many better options. I can tell you that I was spanked and I despise my parents for doing it. You need to keep in mind that a person's will to survive is very strong, and your children may act as if everything is hunky-dory to prevent being hit. Think about it. I am 42 and still have a horrible relaionship with my parents. They never respected my right to self worth, asnd it has taken me up until the past two or three years to heal those wounds, and learn that I can be loves, I do not need to take any sort of "abuse" from anyone, and mostly, I have had to learn to let go of alot of anger that had built up inside of me. when I think of all the years and opportunities that passed me by, I begin to feel that hate towards them all over again. and they deserve it.
Posted by: donnaone
Posted on: 2002-10-23 19:03:20
When would a situation warrant a spanking out of love??? Please tell me when hurting and humiliating your child would be a better way of teaching them than talking and discusiing things. There are so many better options. I can tell you that I was spanked and I despise my parents for doing it. You need to keep in mind that a person's will to survive is very strong, and your children may act as if everything is hunky-dory to prevent being hit. Think about it. I am 42 and still have a horrible relaionship with my parents. They never respected my right to self worth, asnd it has taken me up until the past two or three years to heal those wounds, and learn that I can be loves, I do not need to take any sort of "abuse" from anyone, and mostly, I have had to learn to let go of alot of anger that had built up inside of me. when I think of all the years and opportunities that passed me by, I begin to feel that hate towards them all over again. and they deserve it.
To "donnaone"; HELP ME UNDERSTAND YOU
Posted by: bluemood
Posted on: 2002-10-23 19:37:50
I, unfortunately, have to say I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND where you are coming from!.....I say unfortunately, as I've been in that same boat for most of my life, and I'm older than you! I was a model student at school, "soley" because I thought this would upset my parents, and that was my non-violent way of seeking "revenge"! I tried to run away from home several times, but never got passed the end of the sidewalk, because I lived such a sheltered life...I realized I had NO PLACE BETTER to go!
I used to "hide under the bed" when my parents would get in an argument for fear they would blame me, and I would get hit again! {I remember when I got too big to crawl under there!} My last physcially punishment came at the age of 16. Up to that point I was a cry baby. But being taller than my Father at that point, I decided I was "too old" for this, and so I defied him tooth-and-nail; it was a stand-off! Either he would kill me, and put me out of my misery...Or he would quit this! Refusing to cry, and when he screamed at me why I wasn't crying, I told him I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction any longer! He hit me harder and harder, but he finally quit! He never hit me again after that! But we grew up and APART! [I realize I have alot of unmet issues I'm dealing with about this still today.] Sorry for going on and on here...But I wanted you to know there are OTHERS OUT IN THE WORLD who "relate" to what you have been through! GOD BLESS YOU!
Posted by: bluemood
Posted on: 2002-10-23 19:37:50
I, unfortunately, have to say I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND where you are coming from!.....I say unfortunately, as I've been in that same boat for most of my life, and I'm older than you! I was a model student at school, "soley" because I thought this would upset my parents, and that was my non-violent way of seeking "revenge"! I tried to run away from home several times, but never got passed the end of the sidewalk, because I lived such a sheltered life...I realized I had NO PLACE BETTER to go!
I used to "hide under the bed" when my parents would get in an argument for fear they would blame me, and I would get hit again! {I remember when I got too big to crawl under there!} My last physcially punishment came at the age of 16. Up to that point I was a cry baby. But being taller than my Father at that point, I decided I was "too old" for this, and so I defied him tooth-and-nail; it was a stand-off! Either he would kill me, and put me out of my misery...Or he would quit this! Refusing to cry, and when he screamed at me why I wasn't crying, I told him I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction any longer! He hit me harder and harder, but he finally quit! He never hit me again after that! But we grew up and APART! [I realize I have alot of unmet issues I'm dealing with about this still today.] Sorry for going on and on here...But I wanted you to know there are OTHERS OUT IN THE WORLD who "relate" to what you have been through! GOD BLESS YOU!
so sorry
Posted by: beckyclapp
Posted on: 2002-10-24 18:43:59
To those of you who have posted messages about hating your parents for spanking you. From the sounds of things they didn't spank you they beat you. You should hate them for that. I have a friend who uses time out to discipline her children. The youngest is 2 and refuses to take time out so she straps her in a car seat. What is loving and non threating about that. What about the child who is afraid of things and freaks out when put in a corner? Is that non threating. The truth is when not done in a mean or mialicious way all forms of discipline are threatening to the child that is the purpose. If I said do that again and I will hug you what would that accomlish unless the child hates to be hugged. I do fill sad for your upbringing. I hope you can find true love and healing and that others learn from you that beating is never right.
Posted by: beckyclapp
Posted on: 2002-10-24 18:43:59
To those of you who have posted messages about hating your parents for spanking you. From the sounds of things they didn't spank you they beat you. You should hate them for that. I have a friend who uses time out to discipline her children. The youngest is 2 and refuses to take time out so she straps her in a car seat. What is loving and non threating about that. What about the child who is afraid of things and freaks out when put in a corner? Is that non threating. The truth is when not done in a mean or mialicious way all forms of discipline are threatening to the child that is the purpose. If I said do that again and I will hug you what would that accomlish unless the child hates to be hugged. I do fill sad for your upbringing. I hope you can find true love and healing and that others learn from you that beating is never right.
your kidding
Posted by: mom2jl
Posted on: 2002-10-24 21:49:00
your kidding right, surley she does not strap that baby in the car seat everytime for time out. so everytime the kid goes for a ride he thinks he is in trouble YEa that makes a lot of sence. i have a 2 year old that has been labbld dhd. he also would not sit intime out UNTIL I mad him do it I sat on the floor next to him and everytime he started to get up I sat hm back down through the screams tehn after a he got better at that id stand up and take a few steps away, now hes 2years and 4 months and we started using time out in may and now Ill tell him tot got time out and he cry but he will go over there and sit and I tell him if he starts crying he has to sit longer. It just take patience they are so lttle they dont understand what you want them to do until you teach tehm they are not born knowing what timeout is. you have to teach them to behave. It has worked wonders for im. Ifhe starts to do something Ill tell him if you do that youlll go to timeout and he wont. I hope oyu share this with your friend
Posted by: mom2jl
Posted on: 2002-10-24 21:49:00
your kidding right, surley she does not strap that baby in the car seat everytime for time out. so everytime the kid goes for a ride he thinks he is in trouble YEa that makes a lot of sence. i have a 2 year old that has been labbld dhd. he also would not sit intime out UNTIL I mad him do it I sat on the floor next to him and everytime he started to get up I sat hm back down through the screams tehn after a he got better at that id stand up and take a few steps away, now hes 2years and 4 months and we started using time out in may and now Ill tell him tot got time out and he cry but he will go over there and sit and I tell him if he starts crying he has to sit longer. It just take patience they are so lttle they dont understand what you want them to do until you teach tehm they are not born knowing what timeout is. you have to teach them to behave. It has worked wonders for im. Ifhe starts to do something Ill tell him if you do that youlll go to timeout and he wont. I hope oyu share this with your friend
threatening is NOT the purpose!!!!
Posted by: lillyday
Posted on: 2002-10-25 02:24:56
Beckyclapp, you wrote:
"all forms of discipline are threatening to the child- that is the purpose". I DISAGREE!!! Discipline is meant to train the child, NOT THREATEN or put fear into the child! A child can be trained by putting them in a corner, or by taking away priviledges, or various other methods. When disciplining, you can hand out negative consequences that are undesirable and unpleasant for the child, but not fear causing. There is a big difference between no tv and a being physically smacked. Spanking a child does not respect the body and personal space of he young person, which they have a right too, even if they misbehave.
Posted by: lillyday
Posted on: 2002-10-25 02:24:56
Beckyclapp, you wrote:
"all forms of discipline are threatening to the child- that is the purpose". I DISAGREE!!! Discipline is meant to train the child, NOT THREATEN or put fear into the child! A child can be trained by putting them in a corner, or by taking away priviledges, or various other methods. When disciplining, you can hand out negative consequences that are undesirable and unpleasant for the child, but not fear causing. There is a big difference between no tv and a being physically smacked. Spanking a child does not respect the body and personal space of he young person, which they have a right too, even if they misbehave.
Girl U are so right!!!
Posted by: bea85222
Posted on: 2002-11-01 17:14:41
After reading the disscussions....I can see everyone has there own views and feelings about discipline. When I read your post....I could not agree with u more beckyclapp!!! I wanted to add a little something....for those that hate there parents over the spankings....or beating as u might call it. Get over it....Sorry to be so blunt...but i was too a stress relief for my father.. when I made a mistake he spanked me...with a belt. Im now 27 with four children of my own... I did have a temper issue...back when i was a 20 year old....and often thought that I was like my father because of the spankings.. I don't think I could have become a better person..without my father around. I cry just to think about the times that i saw them crying over money..and the long hours they worked. They spanked us....but also did the best to raise us!!! one of three daughters!!! I hug and kiss him everytime I see him. Because as each day still goes by.....his my HERO!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! I know that they did everything in there power to raise us.... I have seen how hard that man worked...to make ends meet...He has forever worked for minimum wage...and now...that im married to the best man around.....MY husband offered my father a job....where he now makes $23.00 an hour!!! I love to see him when he tells me about his paychecks now! Even though i could never make him rich with that hourly pay....we are helping him out as a thank you.....for all he has done for us!!!! I LO
Posted by: bea85222
Posted on: 2002-11-01 17:14:41
After reading the disscussions....I can see everyone has there own views and feelings about discipline. When I read your post....I could not agree with u more beckyclapp!!! I wanted to add a little something....for those that hate there parents over the spankings....or beating as u might call it. Get over it....Sorry to be so blunt...but i was too a stress relief for my father.. when I made a mistake he spanked me...with a belt. Im now 27 with four children of my own... I did have a temper issue...back when i was a 20 year old....and often thought that I was like my father because of the spankings.. I don't think I could have become a better person..without my father around. I cry just to think about the times that i saw them crying over money..and the long hours they worked. They spanked us....but also did the best to raise us!!! one of three daughters!!! I hug and kiss him everytime I see him. Because as each day still goes by.....his my HERO!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! I know that they did everything in there power to raise us..
Forgot to add
Posted by: bea85222
Posted on: 2002-11-01 17:17:56
Im a stay at home mommy and have been for now 9 years. Also....a Persone that dwells over the past......stays there.. Get on with your life..its to short
Posted by: bea85222
Posted on: 2002-11-01 17:17:56
Im a stay at home mommy and have been for now 9 years. Also....a Persone that dwells over the past......stays there.. Get on with your life..its to short
spanking
Posted by: lillady195
Posted on: 2002-11-20 20:22:47
I just signed on, and was going through the shows that were interesting. To add my two bits a little late, I think spanking if done properly (not abuse) is just one disciplinary tool. I was spanked as a child, and we spanked our children, but we also talked to them, let them learn natural consequences, took privileges away, etc., all age appropriate. I think it's important to remember that each child is different, and some respond better to just talking to them, while the stronger willed child needs stronger discipline. The most valuable asset we have is our LOVE for them, and if we have that, they'll know they are disciplined because of it.
Posted by: lillady195
Posted on: 2002-11-20 20:22:47
I just signed on, and was going through the shows that were interesting. To add my two bits a little late, I think spanking if done properly (not abuse) is just one disciplinary tool. I was spanked as a child, and we spanked our children, but we also talked to them, let them learn natural consequences, took privileges away, etc., all age appropriate. I think it's important to remember that each child is different, and some respond better to just talking to them, while the stronger willed child needs stronger discipline. The most valuable asset we have is our LOVE for them, and if we have that, they'll know they are disciplined because of it.
Seems like this post was cut short
Posted by: bea85222
Posted on: 2002-11-01 17:28:35
This is where it ended..I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!
p.s. Get over it! What u are doing to your parents now....by not forgiving...is the same as u call it...abuse! Talk things out with them..ask the questions that can be asked before its to late. Some day they will be gone and u will have many unanswered questions.....Plz...make an effort to get on with your life. A spanking or beating should not prevent you from living....
Posted by: bea85222
Posted on: 2002-11-01 17:28:35
This is where it ended..I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!
p.s. Get over it! What u are doing to your parents now....by not forgiving...is the same as u call it...abuse! Talk things out with them..ask the questions that can be asked before its to late. Some day they will be gone and u will have many unanswered questions.....Plz...make an effort to get on with your life. A spanking or beating should not prevent you from living....
Praise
Posted by: drrajpeds
Posted on: 2003-02-09 17:49:24
As a pediatrician and father how you punish is not as important as how you reward. Every parent gets frustrated and angry at times. Spanking may work sometimes but it is not the critical step in discipling your child. Just remember one simple rule. For every punishment (whether it be a time out or a spanking or "losing it") remember to find 9-10 things to praise your child for when the are doing good (can even be sitting quitely in front of the tube and not hitting). "Thank you for being such a good boy, Daddy and Mommy love it when you are sooo good." They will learn love and respect and not resentment and frustration.
Posted by: drrajpeds
Posted on: 2003-02-09 17:49:24
As a pediatrician and father how you punish is not as important as how you reward. Every parent gets frustrated and angry at times. Spanking may work sometimes but it is not the critical step in discipling your child. Just remember one simple rule. For every punishment (whether it be a time out or a spanking or "losing it") remember to find 9-10 things to praise your child for when the are doing good (can even be sitting quitely in front of the tube and not hitting). "Thank you for being such a good boy, Daddy and Mommy love it when you are sooo good." They will learn love and respect and not resentment and frustration.
Rationalizing
Posted by: raventalk
Posted on: 2003-02-27 21:25:36
Hitting is hitting. Children do not come with built -in dictionaries to help them understand such wordy rationalizations for violence. My mother used to hit me with yardsticks until they broke. She kept a supply of them in her bedroom closet. "Spare the rod and spoil the child," she often quoted, adding further spiritual abuse & misunderstanding to the emotional and physical abuse she inflicted. Her yardstick-inflicted injuries ended when, at age 16, I told her that if she hit me one more time I would hit her back. She did, I did, and that was the last time she hit me. My father hit me once: after I hit my mother back. He pulled down my underpants and 'spanked' me with his hand. I have never felt more humiliated and shamed and violated in my life, not by my behavior, but as a consequence of his violence.
It was sexually shaming. Listen up, folks! The buttocks is an erogenous zone. And by the way, "the rod", so often mentioned as a Biblical rationale for hitting children, refers to the long stick used by a shepherds to gently guide his sheep. It was not used to hit them. Additionally, the word 'discipline' comes from the same root word as 'disciple,' and means " to follow a teaching." One Great Teacher Who had 12 disciples certainly didn't make his impression upon others through hitting them or through any form of violence.
Posted by: raventalk
Posted on: 2003-02-27 21:25:36
Hitting is hitting. Children do not come with built -in dictionaries to help them understand such wordy rationalizations for violence. My mother used to hit me with yardsticks until they broke. She kept a supply of them in her bedroom closet. "Spare the rod and spoil the child," she often quoted, adding further spiritual abuse & misunderstanding to the emotional and physical abuse she inflicted. Her yardstick-inflicted injuries ended when, at age 16, I told her that if she hit me one more time I would hit her back. She did, I did, and that was the last time she hit me. My father hit me once: after I hit my mother back. He pulled down my underpants and 'spanked' me with his hand. I have never felt more humiliated and shamed and violated in my life, not by my behavior, but as a consequence of his violence.
It was sexually shaming. Listen up, folks! The buttocks is an erogenous zone. And by the way, "the rod", so often mentioned as a Biblical rationale for hitting children, refers to the long stick used by a shepherds to gently guide his sheep. It was not used to hit them. Additionally, the word 'discipline' comes from the same root word as 'disciple,' and means " to follow a teaching." One Great Teacher Who had 12 disciples certainly didn't make his impression upon others through hitting them or through any form of violence.
wholeheartedly agree
Posted by: lmh026
Posted on: 2003-07-02 21:26:17
In response to raventalk's message, I completely agree that hitting is hitting. My brother and I were not spanked as children, and our parents split up, but both kept the belief that it was not a necessary thing to do. I am the mother of 10 and a half month old twins, and I am not using spanking as a method of discipline, when they become old enough to understand discipline. I feel like it humiliates a child and makes them afraid, and teaches them violence. For kids that are hyper, and aggressive, if you are spanking them, what do you expect from them? Sure you can BEAT them into silence and submission, but if you are into that then you have no respect for human life. I'm not a religious person, but I think if everyone would consider your comment about The Great Teacher that taught out of love and acceptance and never out of violence or humiliation then maybe the people that choose physical discipline as their means of control would think about a different way to go about molding and teaching their precious children who only look to their parents for love and acceptance.
Posted by: lmh026
Posted on: 2003-07-02 21:26:17
In response to raventalk's message, I completely agree that hitting is hitting. My brother and I were not spanked as children, and our parents split up, but both kept the belief that it was not a necessary thing to do. I am the mother of 10 and a half month old twins, and I am not using spanking as a method of discipline, when they become old enough to understand discipline. I feel like it humiliates a child and makes them afraid, and teaches them violence. For kids that are hyper, and aggressive, if you are spanking them, what do you expect from them? Sure you can BEAT them into silence and submission, but if you are into that then you have no respect for human life. I'm not a religious person, but I think if everyone would consider your comment about The Great Teacher that taught out of love and acceptance and never out of violence or humiliation then maybe the people that choose physical discipline as their means of control would think about a different way to go about molding and teaching their precious children who only look to their parents for love and acceptance.
Loving your Children
Posted by: jfabian
Posted on: 2003-07-23 13:04:02
Raventalk I'm so sorry that your mother and father treated you the way they did. No one on this earth as NO RIGHT putting their hands on no one. Especially they're supposed to be your parents. Thank you for clarifying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." The saying is so true about "discipline" the root word as "disciple" to "follow a teaching". Listen up parents that have children. You have a problem with your self-esteem and you have to "hit" your children to get them to listen. Go out and get help to get "yourself changed" and "STOP" hitting your children. STOP the vicious cycle. Let them be happy, let them be themselves, and have a healthy self-esteem and have a wonderful childhood. Always love your children for who they are. Children are so precious. Let them grow, flourish, be healthy adults. Parents get involve with church. Grow together spiritually. God Bless you all.
Posted by: jfabian
Posted on: 2003-07-23 13:04:02
Raventalk I'm so sorry that your mother and father treated you the way they did. No one on this earth as NO RIGHT putting their hands on no one. Especially they're supposed to be your parents. Thank you for clarifying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." The saying is so true about "discipline" the root word as "disciple" to "follow a teaching". Listen up parents that have children. You have a problem with your self-esteem and you have to "hit" your children to get them to listen. Go out and get help to get "yourself changed" and "STOP" hitting your children. STOP the vicious cycle. Let them be happy, let them be themselves, and have a healthy self-esteem and have a wonderful childhood. Always love your children for who they are. Children are so precious. Let them grow, flourish, be healthy adults. Parents get involve with church. Grow together spiritually. God Bless you all.
Spanking vs. Beating?
Posted by: flagondry
Posted on: 2003-07-05 22:57:43
Sugar-coat it anyway you like - it's all hitting. It's humiliating, degrading and conveys the message to children that they are not worthy of respect and entitled to bodily integrity.
No child "needs" to be hit, no child deserves to be hit. If a person can't find any other way to guide his/her children to appropriate behavior, then he/she is either lazy or just not thinking/reading enough. Good parenting is not instinctive, it's a learning process. It doesn't matter that humanity has been doing it for years upon years, it takes a lot of work to learn how to support another human being and raise them to reach their full potential.
If anyone's interested in reading some great books on positive methods of discipline (i.e. instilling in your children a sense of right & wrong without subjecting them to nonsensical punishments), check out the "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen, "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" by Laura Davis, "You Are Your Child's First Teacher" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy, "Kids Are Worth It!" by Barbara Coloroso, "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. There's some great reading out there.
Posted by: flagondry
Posted on: 2003-07-05 22:57:43
Sugar-coat it anyway you like - it's all hitting. It's humiliating, degrading and conveys the message to children that they are not worthy of respect and entitled to bodily integrity.
No child "needs" to be hit, no child deserves to be hit. If a person can't find any other way to guide his/her children to appropriate behavior, then he/she is either lazy or just not thinking/reading enough. Good parenting is not instinctive, it's a learning process. It doesn't matter that humanity has been doing it for years upon years, it takes a lot of work to learn how to support another human being and raise them to reach their full potential.
If anyone's interested in reading some great books on positive methods of discipline (i.e. instilling in your children a sense of right & wrong without subjecting them to nonsensical punishments), check out the "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen, "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" by Laura Davis, "You Are Your Child's First Teacher" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy, "Kids Are Worth It!" by Barbara Coloroso, "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. There's some great reading out there.
Abuse not spanking
Posted by: magagy
Posted on: 2002-10-28 22:55:27
I feel quite a sadness for your story, however it sounds as if you were abused not spanked. A parent does not spank to cause a child pain so the fact your father seems to have a problem if you do not cry shows a very abusive nature on his behalf.
Posted by: magagy
Posted on: 2002-10-28 22:55:27
I feel quite a sadness for your story, however it sounds as if you were abused not spanked. A parent does not spank to cause a child pain so the fact your father seems to have a problem if you do not cry shows a very abusive nature on his behalf.
