07/11 Money and Marriage
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Posted by: philboard
Posted on: 2002-09-18 13:47:25
Check out our Money and Marriage community for more discussion!
Posted by: philboard
Posted on: 2002-09-18 13:47:25
Check out our Money and Marriage community for more discussion!
Allowances
Posted by: pamelaj41
Posted on: 2002-09-19 12:38:04
I don't understand why a husband thinks he can give his wife an "allowance". I thought an allowance was for children to learn responsiblity on how to handle money. If my husband suggested giving me an allowance,I would feel like a child and have second thoughts about staying with him.A wife is not a child. When you get married what belongs to you also belongs to your wife. When my husband and I got married we decided to have two separate accounts and split the bills,I took the ones I could afford and he took the rest.. We thought that would be easier since we both have children from other marriages and we didn't want to argue over who's money was going to who's kids. We just didn't want our kids coming between us that way. If we need to buy something that is for the house or ourselves,we discuss it and plan for it together and we pay for it with both our money.It just gets my goat when husbands think they can control their wives with money.
Posted by: pamelaj41
Posted on: 2002-09-19 12:38:04
I don't understand why a husband thinks he can give his wife an "allowance". I thought an allowance was for children to learn responsiblity on how to handle money. If my husband suggested giving me an allowance,I would feel like a child and have second thoughts about staying with him.A wife is not a child. When you get married what belongs to you also belongs to your wife. When my husband and I got married we decided to have two separate accounts and split the bills,I took the ones I could afford and he took the rest.. We thought that would be easier since we both have children from other marriages and we didn't want to argue over who's money was going to who's kids. We just didn't want our kids coming between us that way. If we need to buy something that is for the house or ourselves,we discuss it and plan for it together and we pay for it with both our money.It just gets my goat when husbands think they can control their wives with money.
ALLOWANCES2
Posted by: ginnyb1
Posted on: 2002-09-19 16:20:24
I agree w/ Pamela, me and my husband do the same. Something we always done too. He makes more than me, so he can afford our more expensive things like car payment etc.. I pay the utlities, groceries and anything that is mine, like credit cards and he pays the one that is he's. I don't understand that allowance thing either.
Posted by: ginnyb1
Posted on: 2002-09-19 16:20:24
I agree w/ Pamela, me and my husband do the same. Something we always done too. He makes more than me, so he can afford our more expensive things like car payment etc.. I pay the utlities, groceries and anything that is mine, like credit cards and he pays the one that is he's. I don't understand that allowance thing either.
Tactical Response
Posted by: mikeba
Posted on: 2002-09-19 17:03:10
Ladies!
It's about trying to instill discipline in spending, not controlling. If one assumes that all expenditures are appropriate, then budgets are continuously exceeded-monthly, yearly etc. until you get Mr. and Mrs. BANKRUPT.
A family financial strategy is in order, but sometimes when things get out of control a good manager will impose strict guidelines to meet goals.
Maybe you are a conscious spender..there are lots who aren't so try to understand the tactical response.
Posted by: mikeba
Posted on: 2002-09-19 17:03:10
Ladies!
It's about trying to instill discipline in spending, not controlling. If one assumes that all expenditures are appropriate, then budgets are continuously exceeded-monthly, yearly etc. until you get Mr. and Mrs. BANKRUPT.
A family financial strategy is in order, but sometimes when things get out of control a good manager will impose strict guidelines to meet goals.
Maybe you are a conscious spender..there are lots who aren't so try to understand the tactical response.
WOW!!!
Posted by: torieopel
Posted on: 2002-09-19 17:53:36
That is the one word that came to my mind when I read your comment mikeba. The response you gave makes me wonder if you are the controling one in your household. Allowances to either spouse is a CONTROL mechanism period end of subject. When people agree to marriage it is a partnership. My husband and I have separate checking accounts, but we also have a joint savings account. It is easier for us to maintain a separate checking account because it allows us not to feel like we have given up total control of our spending. Budgeting needs to be addressed with both individuals together. That is something that both parties should agree to, this allows them to see where the money is going every month. Manager? I thought this was marriage/family.
Posted by: torieopel
Posted on: 2002-09-19 17:53:36
That is the one word that came to my mind when I read your comment mikeba. The response you gave makes me wonder if you are the controling one in your household. Allowances to either spouse is a CONTROL mechanism period end of subject. When people agree to marriage it is a partnership. My husband and I have separate checking accounts, but we also have a joint savings account. It is easier for us to maintain a separate checking account because it allows us not to feel like we have given up total control of our spending. Budgeting needs to be addressed with both individuals together. That is something that both parties should agree to, this allows them to see where the money is going every month. Manager? I thought this was marriage/family.
Point is...
Posted by: mikeba
Posted on: 2002-09-19 21:58:55
Running a family is like running a business. He is running it on sound financial principles, hence the analogy of "Managing" the money. The natural response to the alleged controlling is purely emotional and thus seems controlling.
This case has taken on many extraneous personnae, such as others who try to superimpose their situation onto this one.(us) This family needs to prioritize it's long term goals. It sounded to me like old Bob has a viable plan; to invest into a larger Real Estate Holding for his families future.
Mom tried to sabotage the plan by exploiting Bob's tactical prowess to the world and eliciting sympathetic responses.
To "tell it like it is" is to say, agree with the plan or agree to disagree.
Dactor Mike
Posted by: mikeba
Posted on: 2002-09-19 21:58:55
Running a family is like running a business. He is running it on sound financial principles, hence the analogy of "Managing" the money. The natural response to the alleged controlling is purely emotional and thus seems controlling.
This case has taken on many extraneous personnae, such as others who try to superimpose their situation onto this one.(us) This family needs to prioritize it's long term goals. It sounded to me like old Bob has a viable plan; to invest into a larger Real Estate Holding for his families future.
Mom tried to sabotage the plan by exploiting Bob's tactical prowess to the world and eliciting sympathetic responses.
To "tell it like it is" is to say, agree with the plan or agree to disagree.
Dactor Mike
running a family is not like running a business
Posted by: klaudiag
Posted on: 2002-09-20 16:26:45
Where on earth did you ever get this hare-brained idea? In a business, if an employee does not produce, you fire him. In a family, you can't do that. You run a business to make money. But you make money to support and make a family happy. The purposes of business versus family are completely different. It is the difference between living to work and working to live. Boy am I glad I don't know you.
Posted by: klaudiag
Posted on: 2002-09-20 16:26:45
Where on earth did you ever get this hare-brained idea? In a business, if an employee does not produce, you fire him. In a family, you can't do that. You run a business to make money. But you make money to support and make a family happy. The purposes of business versus family are completely different. It is the difference between living to work and working to live. Boy am I glad I don't know you.
Concept Alert!!
Posted by: mikeba
Posted on: 2002-10-10 22:19:51
What analogy does a Financial Planner use when trying to knock some sense into over consumptious couples? The Business analogy my dear understudy.
You have two choices to avoid (a common term) "Bankruptcy". Increase your Top Line (eg. Poor Bob works 3 jobs) or Decrease your Bottom Line..(Mrs. Spendaholic chops wacky expenses) this effort produces a "profit", which is savings and investments which are above and beyond "breakeven" each month.
Happy Family= No Bakruptcy
Therefore, the family and the business share identical mandates and thus are NOT "Completely Different"
Stay with the class...
Posted by: mikeba
Posted on: 2002-10-10 22:19:51
What analogy does a Financial Planner use when trying to knock some sense into over consumptious couples? The Business analogy my dear understudy.
You have two choices to avoid (a common term) "Bankruptcy". Increase your Top Line (eg. Poor Bob works 3 jobs) or Decrease your Bottom Line..(Mrs. Spendaholic chops wacky expenses) this effort produces a "profit", which is savings and investments which are above and beyond "breakeven" each month.
Happy Family= No Bakruptcy
Therefore, the family and the business share identical mandates and thus are NOT "Completely Different"
Stay with the class...
separate accounts
Posted by: mamatt2
Posted on: 2003-01-24 12:13:47
what happens when you have separate accounts and separate bills and one of you gets sick and loses time off the job without pay and your bills are still coming in without a paycheck and his bills are still being paid and he tells you that they are your responsibilty and refuses to help pay your part of the bills and it pushes you into filing for bankruptcy I don't call this a marriage but just roomates
Posted by: mamatt2
Posted on: 2003-01-24 12:13:47
what happens when you have separate accounts and separate bills and one of you gets sick and loses time off the job without pay and your bills are still coming in without a paycheck and his bills are still being paid and he tells you that they are your responsibilty and refuses to help pay your part of the bills and it pushes you into filing for bankruptcy I don't call this a marriage but just roomates
Posted by: sk_wilson
Posted on: 2004-06-19 23:13:03
Well, what happens when the husband pays ALL of the bills except his wife's car payment and her college loan accrued prior to the relationship, balances her checkbook and leaves her a $700.00 (after the car and college loan payment) balance monthly and asks her to please not overdraw the account, only to have it continuously overdrawn EVERY SINGLE MONTH before the 20th of every month???????
I guess it's just not right for the husband to be upset with his wife, right??? After all all that matters is her happiness, right??
It doesn't matter that she can't control her spending, all that matters is tha the old husband is always there to correct the screw-up and say nothing about it. After all, if you do say something about it you're deemed controlling.
Don't tell me I don't know because MY wife is EXACTLY as I've just described!
Once the trust is broken it's hard to earn it back
Posted by: jamieda
Posted on: 2002-09-19 22:35:06
I have to agree with Tactical Response in this case. I earn double my husband, but he loves to spend money and so do I, but the problem is simple he charges I pay cash, and it became sticky for awhile between us with his spending habits becoming increasingly out of control.
So, I took CONTROL of everything, bottom-line to make him feel like I wasn't actually taking control I suggested he have his own little account to do whatever he wanted with his money granted it's an allowance that we transfer from our one joint account, but he loves it! He feels like I no longer pester him and I never ask how much he spent! He gets his weekly transfer and looks forward to his weekly pay days and we'll our sex life has never been better.
It's worked for 36 years for his parents and it's working for us.
Posted by: jamieda
Posted on: 2002-09-19 22:35:06
I have to agree with Tactical Response in this case. I earn double my husband, but he loves to spend money and so do I, but the problem is simple he charges I pay cash, and it became sticky for awhile between us with his spending habits becoming increasingly out of control.
So, I took CONTROL of everything, bottom-line to make him feel like I wasn't actually taking control I suggested he have his own little account to do whatever he wanted with his money granted it's an allowance that we transfer from our one joint account, but he loves it! He feels like I no longer pester him and I never ask how much he spent! He gets his weekly transfer and looks forward to his weekly pay days and we'll our sex life has never been better.
It's worked for 36 years for his parents and it's working for us.
Instill Shame
Posted by: jiffypopbo
Posted on: 2002-09-20 04:31:08
You tell that the purpose of this financial tactic is to instill financial stablility to an unstable spender, but when this spender is your partner, the only thing youre instilling in them is shame. If there are problems with said partners spendatures then you go over them as two adults not as child/adult.
Posted by: jiffypopbo
Posted on: 2002-09-20 04:31:08
You tell that the purpose of this financial tactic is to instill financial stablility to an unstable spender, but when this spender is your partner, the only thing youre instilling in them is shame. If there are problems with said partners spendatures then you go over them as two adults not as child/adult.
Posted by: sk_wilson
Posted on: 2004-06-19 23:13:39
Give me a freaking break!
You cannot go over "those problems" as adults because if there were an "adult" mindset present the immaturity in spending wouldn't be there.
I've tried this BS with my wife for months and IT DOES NOT WORK. NOTHING WILL WORK UNLESS THAT PERSON WANTS IT TO WORK!
The only solice to the person suffering from being opposite the spouse with the problem is seperate bank accounts with everything divided 50/50 and a marital agreement that keeps everything seperate .
Typical Mans point if view
Posted by: dawn0955
Posted on: 2003-07-11 09:56:16
Mikeba,
I knew your were a man before even reading your name. No woman who takes care of your home and family deserves to be treated this way. Yes if you are having financial problems you both have to live on a budget, but this is not the case with this family. I would throw the fifty dollars at him and tell him now you take care of everything with your fifty dollars, See Ya. She deserves better treatment than that.
Posted by: dawn0955
Posted on: 2003-07-11 09:56:16
Mikeba,
I knew your were a man before even reading your name. No woman who takes care of your home and family deserves to be treated this way. Yes if you are having financial problems you both have to live on a budget, but this is not the case with this family. I would throw the fifty dollars at him and tell him now you take care of everything with your fifty dollars, See Ya. She deserves better treatment than that.
Posted by: sk_wilson
Posted on: 2004-06-19 23:14:18
Dawn,
I can assure you that many, MANY wives spend, spend, and spend even more and do VERY little around the house other than eat and sleep. Plenty of women "play the game" because they know they can get away with it.
I, personally, am not opposed to being the total financial provider for my family, IF my spouse does her share in other areas such as taking care of the house and children ( and let me just say before you, as a female, jump to the conclusion that I'm sure you will - I do my fair share of helping with the children and housework)
lucky
Posted by: sylspen
Posted on: 2003-07-12 13:56:27
Guess we are lucky when it comes to money management. We combine our incomes, some for the checking to pay bills, some into the savings and a few bucks in our wallets. We don't monitor each others personal spending because we are both sensible spenders. Of course, major purchases are discussed and agreed upon. Our income is very modest, but we have everything we need. People buy so much they DON'T NEED, I think we're wiser than that.
Posted by: sylspen
Posted on: 2003-07-12 13:56:27
Guess we are lucky when it comes to money management. We combine our incomes, some for the checking to pay bills, some into the savings and a few bucks in our wallets. We don't monitor each others personal spending because we are both sensible spenders. Of course, major purchases are discussed and agreed upon. Our income is very modest, but we have everything we need. People buy so much they DON'T NEED, I think we're wiser than that.
I agree to a point!
Posted by: shaniha
Posted on: 2002-09-29 17:17:34
We need money to run our homes and I think that too many couples have the wrong idea about who should do this or that. I feel that the woman was allowing her husband to treat her this way and was she scared that he would leave her flat broke. We as a people really give others too much power over us, we are responsible only for ourselves and we should let no one control us. I think every couple should go to a before marriage class and a before having a baby class because believe me if it had been available before I got married, I think I would had done things a little different. The ego is really something else...isn't it.!
Posted by: shaniha
Posted on: 2002-09-29 17:17:34
We need money to run our homes and I think that too many couples have the wrong idea about who should do this or that. I feel that the woman was allowing her husband to treat her this way and was she scared that he would leave her flat broke. We as a people really give others too much power over us, we are responsible only for ourselves and we should let no one control us. I think every couple should go to a before marriage class and a before having a baby class because believe me if it had been available before I got married, I think I would had done things a little different. The ego is really something else...isn't it.!
some wives are childish
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2003-07-11 13:45:06
And maybe that's why their husbands have to deal with them as they would with children. Some women get married just to run away from home. Or because they're already pregnant. And don't know the first thing about housekeeping. Whether it's cleaning, laundry, or cooking, they're clueless. It isn't fair, a woman marrying a man only to get away from her parents, then expecting him to do everything, especially if he's the only one working. Being married to someone like that gets awfully old after a while. If people don't want to be treated like children, growing up sounds like an awfully good idea to me.
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2003-07-11 13:45:06
And maybe that's why their husbands have to deal with them as they would with children. Some women get married just to run away from home. Or because they're already pregnant. And don't know the first thing about housekeeping. Whether it's cleaning, laundry, or cooking, they're clueless. It isn't fair, a woman marrying a man only to get away from her parents, then expecting him to do everything, especially if he's the only one working. Being married to someone like that gets awfully old after a while. If people don't want to be treated like children, growing up sounds like an awfully good idea to me.
Jennileigh
Posted by: jennileigh
Posted on: 2002-09-19 13:39:17
I watched Dr. Phils show today and it got me so mad when she got an allowance. It's a twenty four seven job just being a mom. When he gets off work his job is done and he can relaxe. Her job isn't like that and is constantly going from morning till night. I'm a mother of a 14 month old girl and i'm very lucky for her father. He appreciates what I do and always tells me how good the house looks. I'm sorry but the husband needs to realize how hard a job the wife has just being a mother and takeing care of the children. Thank you
Posted by: jennileigh
Posted on: 2002-09-19 13:39:17
I watched Dr. Phils show today and it got me so mad when she got an allowance. It's a twenty four seven job just being a mom. When he gets off work his job is done and he can relaxe. Her job isn't like that and is constantly going from morning till night. I'm a mother of a 14 month old girl and i'm very lucky for her father. He appreciates what I do and always tells me how good the house looks. I'm sorry but the husband needs to realize how hard a job the wife has just being a mother and takeing care of the children. Thank you
