07/14 Infidelity
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | next » | lastBOY DID I MESS UP !!!
Posted by: kristina29
Posted on: 2002-11-15 09:00:38
My Husband has been cheeting on me from the get go.I just excepted that was the way it was going to be.Now Im paying the price,,I have begun to hate my life and I cant stand his touch.I even make sure he has protection with him at all times.Im not sure who is messed up more me or my husband at this point!!!!
Posted by: kristina29
Posted on: 2002-11-15 09:00:38
My Husband has been cheeting on me from the get go.I just excepted that was the way it was going to be.Now Im paying the price,,I have begun to hate my life and I cant stand his touch.I even make sure he has protection with him at all times.Im not sure who is messed up more me or my husband at this point!!!!
not really
Posted by: frankstuff
Posted on: 2002-11-15 09:19:39
to kristina29,By far would you consider me an expert here, but perhaps a mind jogger to ask yourself some questions. first I did the same thing to my first wife,and mother of my children. The only difference,is it took 3 years, instead of from day one,I moved her to a state that brought back bad childhood memries for her,(it was for my job)and she went from mother and wife to me being on call 24/7, then leaving picking up after the kids and dinners to me. that was my excuse for going elswhere
Posted by: frankstuff
Posted on: 2002-11-15 09:19:39
to kristina29,By far would you consider me an expert here, but perhaps a mind jogger to ask yourself some questions. first I did the same thing to my first wife,and mother of my children. The only difference,is it took 3 years, instead of from day one,I moved her to a state that brought back bad childhood memries for her,(it was for my job)and she went from mother and wife to me being on call 24/7, then leaving picking up after the kids and dinners to me. that was my excuse for going elswhere
cheating hubby
Posted by: dacsscolli
Posted on: 2002-11-15 10:06:55
I found out my ever-faithful husband of 11 years was having a full-blown love affair withhis ex-girfriend (of 12 years prior--also married) in another state--while I was 6 months pregers with our second child--my thoughts are that one can NEVER truly forget the betrayal--I am planning divorce now one year later-what a shame for the kids--but I dont think men understand what they have ruined until its too late and gine.
Posted by: dacsscolli
Posted on: 2002-11-15 10:06:55
I found out my ever-faithful husband of 11 years was having a full-blown love affair withhis ex-girfriend (of 12 years prior--also married) in another state--while I was 6 months pregers with our second child--my thoughts are that one can NEVER truly forget the betrayal--I am planning divorce now one year later-what a shame for the kids--but I dont think men understand what they have ruined until its too late and gine.
cheating
Posted by: geddy40
Posted on: 2002-11-15 11:50:49
There should be a law against adultry but there isn't.Why cheaters never think they coiuld be bring home deseases and lets not even mention the word aids. cheaters are so selfish people who do not know the importance of life, and don't care until they get caught. I had to take an aids test and until 10 years go by I'm not in the safe zone like everyone else's husband who cheats. Why don't they have a talk show on CHEATERS WHO MIGHT BE GIVING OUT AIDS TO THEIR SPOUSES. WHAT A LAUGH.
Posted by: geddy40
Posted on: 2002-11-15 11:50:49
There should be a law against adultry but there isn't.Why cheaters never think they coiuld be bring home deseases and lets not even mention the word aids. cheaters are so selfish people who do not know the importance of life, and don't care until they get caught. I had to take an aids test and until 10 years go by I'm not in the safe zone like everyone else's husband who cheats. Why don't they have a talk show on CHEATERS WHO MIGHT BE GIVING OUT AIDS TO THEIR SPOUSES. WHAT A LAUGH.
geddy40
Posted by: ocbeachbum
Posted on: 2002-11-15 12:58:39
there are laws for adultry, in some places you can be stoned to death for adulrty
Posted by: ocbeachbum
Posted on: 2002-11-15 12:58:39
there are laws for adultry, in some places you can be stoned to death for adulrty
to: obeachbum
Posted by: paulaj598
Posted on: 2002-11-17 09:07:19
let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.
Posted by: paulaj598
Posted on: 2002-11-17 09:07:19
let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.
Posted by: chjust
Posted on: 2002-12-05 22:27:09
It is true that no one is perfect, but being lied to and betrayed by your spouse causes extreme anger and bitterness. Perhaps you've never had this happen to you or perhaps you've been a cheater.
feeling better
Posted by: alepohori
Posted on: 2002-12-27 20:01:00
i know exactly how you feel. my husband cheated on me with a younger women because i had a bad experience in childbirth and could not respond to him sexually. he told about one year after what he had done. the pain was unbearable. i felt betrayed disgusted and just dirty and shamed. now he is telling me that if i dont get counselling and help myself over not wanting sex he is leaving. well i say goodbye and goodriddance. its been ten years and the pain is still not going away. let alone the fear of aids etc. i just feel sad my self esteem is very low and i feel very yukky
Posted by: alepohori
Posted on: 2002-12-27 20:01:00
i know exactly how you feel. my husband cheated on me with a younger women because i had a bad experience in childbirth and could not respond to him sexually. he told about one year after what he had done. the pain was unbearable. i felt betrayed disgusted and just dirty and shamed. now he is telling me that if i dont get counselling and help myself over not wanting sex he is leaving. well i say goodbye and goodriddance. its been ten years and the pain is still not going away. let alone the fear of aids etc. i just feel sad my self esteem is very low and i feel very yukky
WoW-I had the same experience!
Posted by: carrly
Posted on: 2003-01-14 17:06:51
Our child was born 3 1/2 yrs ago. During my pregnancy I lost all interest in sex--we assumed it was the pregnancy. Childbirth was difficult with lots of medical problems after. It took a year before all the medical problems seemed to be gone. But 3 yrs after the birth of our daughter, I still had no interest in sex. of course this was a problem for myself as well as my husband. Almost 5 months ago, my husband told me he had had an affair with a (younger) woman at work last year. (My husband is 13 yrs younger than me.) I was beside myself when he told me. He had told me a year ago that this lack of interest in sex was my problem and I had to fix it. Until he confessed his affair and we started going to a counselor, he didn't see that this was a 'we' problem and WE needed to fix it together. For your own self-esteem, if you haven't already, talk to someone. It's amazing how much that can help your self-esteem which will then positively impact the rest of your life. Good Luck and God Bless You!
Posted by: carrly
Posted on: 2003-01-14 17:06:51
Our child was born 3 1/2 yrs ago. During my pregnancy I lost all interest in sex--we assumed it was the pregnancy. Childbirth was difficult with lots of medical problems after. It took a year before all the medical problems seemed to be gone. But 3 yrs after the birth of our daughter, I still had no interest in sex. of course this was a problem for myself as well as my husband. Almost 5 months ago, my husband told me he had had an affair with a (younger) woman at work last year. (My husband is 13 yrs younger than me.) I was beside myself when he told me. He had told me a year ago that this lack of interest in sex was my problem and I had to fix it. Until he confessed his affair and we started going to a counselor, he didn't see that this was a 'we' problem and WE needed to fix it together. For your own self-esteem, if you haven't already, talk to someone. It's amazing how much that can help your self-esteem which will then positively impact the rest of your life. Good Luck and God Bless You!
to alepohori
Posted by: beth0067
Posted on: 2003-07-14 17:33:23
I don't believe that cheating is right, so I sympathize with you for your marriage situation. But in today's show, Dr. Phil said that to proof your marriage of adultery you have to go within the marriage to fix probems rather than go outside. Your husband made a mistake and you have to decide to leave him or forgive him. Now the next thing is, he's done the first step Dr. Phil says do--he's talking to you about your problem. He's asking you to fix it. Can you take it to the next level? Sounds like your husband wants to be with you if you're willing to get help with your problem since childbirth. I wish you well.
Posted by: beth0067
Posted on: 2003-07-14 17:33:23
I don't believe that cheating is right, so I sympathize with you for your marriage situation. But in today's show, Dr. Phil said that to proof your marriage of adultery you have to go within the marriage to fix probems rather than go outside. Your husband made a mistake and you have to decide to leave him or forgive him. Now the next thing is, he's done the first step Dr. Phil says do--he's talking to you about your problem. He's asking you to fix it. Can you take it to the next level? Sounds like your husband wants to be with you if you're willing to get help with your problem since childbirth. I wish you well.
7/14 INFIDELITY
Posted by: dilbert197
Posted on: 2003-07-15 00:43:26
My husband had an affair after 24 yrs. of marriage with my sister. He naturally said it was my fault and said I drove him to it. Through counseling I learned NO WAY JOSE!! However, I did learn that some of my marriage problems were my fault. We went to counseling and the outcome was very rewarding. It changed our marriage to the highlest level I never thought possible. I know it sounds crazy, but the affair saved my marriage. My husband on the other hand is having problems forgiving himself and it does effect the marriage now, but we are working through it. I feel very positive about it and I encourage everyone to really think and look inside ourselves to see what is really important- being unforgiving or maybe that it opens up even better possibilities. It has been three yrs. now and I have learned alot about myself and how strong it has made me. If you can get through this, you can get through anything. God Bless everyone!
Posted by: dilbert197
Posted on: 2003-07-15 00:43:26
My husband had an affair after 24 yrs. of marriage with my sister. He naturally said it was my fault and said I drove him to it. Through counseling I learned NO WAY JOSE!! However, I did learn that some of my marriage problems were my fault. We went to counseling and the outcome was very rewarding. It changed our marriage to the highlest level I never thought possible. I know it sounds crazy, but the affair saved my marriage. My husband on the other hand is having problems forgiving himself and it does effect the marriage now, but we are working through it. I feel very positive about it and I encourage everyone to really think and look inside ourselves to see what is really important- being unforgiving or maybe that it opens up even better possibilities. It has been three yrs. now and I have learned alot about myself and how strong it has made me. If you can get through this, you can get through anything. God Bless everyone!
7/15 INFIDELITY
Posted by: nanamare
Posted on: 2003-07-15 07:06:14
My husband had affair iwth a much younger woman after 22 yrs of marriage & five children. I am at the point of not being able to let go. I think that if I let go it will happen again. I don't want to risk this. My husband realizes now that if this would ever happen again he would loose the family & me. This has effected all the children. I just am trying to figure "how" he could of done this. I know our marriage was in trouble but he made it worse. Made me feel worse about myself. I thought he was the backbone of the entire marriage & through counseling I discovered that I was the backbone of my family. Please tell me how to let go. He is very sorry & has not forgiven himself. I don't know if I will ever forgive him or myself. When do you know it's time to stop talking about it & move on. Please let me know. thanks
Posted by: nanamare
Posted on: 2003-07-15 07:06:14
My husband had affair iwth a much younger woman after 22 yrs of marriage & five children. I am at the point of not being able to let go. I think that if I let go it will happen again. I don't want to risk this. My husband realizes now that if this would ever happen again he would loose the family & me. This has effected all the children. I just am trying to figure "how" he could of done this. I know our marriage was in trouble but he made it worse. Made me feel worse about myself. I thought he was the backbone of the entire marriage & through counseling I discovered that I was the backbone of my family. Please tell me how to let go. He is very sorry & has not forgiven himself. I don't know if I will ever forgive him or myself. When do you know it's time to stop talking about it & move on. Please let me know. thanks
To Nanamare
Posted by: carolyn30
Posted on: 2003-07-15 11:33:39
Dear Nanamere,
Your post stuck a chord with me. I too felt like i could not get past it, couldnt let go. To do so felt like somehow i was accepting the situation and i couldnt do that.
There will come a time when the pain is not so debilitating and you can think of the situation without a torrent of tears (hard though it might be to imagine now). THe most important thing you can do now though is talk and keep talking. no matter how hard it is. forgiveness will come with time and understanding. dont push it and you will get there.
best of luck to you.
Carolyn
Posted by: carolyn30
Posted on: 2003-07-15 11:33:39
Dear Nanamere,
Your post stuck a chord with me. I too felt like i could not get past it, couldnt let go. To do so felt like somehow i was accepting the situation and i couldnt do that.
There will come a time when the pain is not so debilitating and you can think of the situation without a torrent of tears (hard though it might be to imagine now). THe most important thing you can do now though is talk and keep talking. no matter how hard it is. forgiveness will come with time and understanding. dont push it and you will get there.
best of luck to you.
Carolyn
dear nanamare,
Posted by: carben711
Posted on: 2003-10-14 17:36:39
I realize this message was written in July and I hope it finds you feeling a little better. I found out my husband has had a girlfriend for 2 1/2 years, and I too am devostated. I feel your pain, and I too want to feel better. I have been seeing a wonderful counselor and she has helped me to notice the "triggers" that get me into that whirlwind of questions that there are no answers to. What she said was that I was traumatized when I found out, but I am making it worse by constantly thinking about it. Everytime I close my eyes, I see a little movie of him and her. She says that I am tramatizing my nervous system over and over again and it is not healthy. She suggested keeping a journal of my thoughts as a way of getting them out and talking about it only in counseling where I am safe and she can keep me directed instead of beating myself up. Maybe it will help you to do the same. I can say that I still hurt, but I am not crying as much which has to be better for me and my body. Remember, we have to be there for our children! Having a nervous break-down now won't help them! Let me know if you are feeling better and what you are doing that works. All we want is to believe again what we thought was true, and be happy. I'm not so sure if that is possible. I hope so.
carben711
Posted by: carben711
Posted on: 2003-10-14 17:36:39
I realize this message was written in July and I hope it finds you feeling a little better. I found out my husband has had a girlfriend for 2 1/2 years, and I too am devostated. I feel your pain, and I too want to feel better. I have been seeing a wonderful counselor and she has helped me to notice the "triggers" that get me into that whirlwind of questions that there are no answers to. What she said was that I was traumatized when I found out, but I am making it worse by constantly thinking about it. Everytime I close my eyes, I see a little movie of him and her. She says that I am tramatizing my nervous system over and over again and it is not healthy. She suggested keeping a journal of my thoughts as a way of getting them out and talking about it only in counseling where I am safe and she can keep me directed instead of beating myself up. Maybe it will help you to do the same. I can say that I still hurt, but I am not crying as much which has to be better for me and my body. Remember, we have to be there for our children! Having a nervous break-down now won't help them! Let me know if you are feeling better and what you are doing that works. All we want is to believe again what we thought was true, and be happy. I'm not so sure if that is possible. I hope so.
carben711
Don't I know
Posted by: lawson7664
Posted on: 2004-05-25 16:24:08
Hi I have had the exact same feelings that you were describing. I can't seem to get it out of my mind.Everytime he touches me I htink about him and her. I wonder what else he did and if he will do it agin. It has been a week which i know is very soon, but all I can do is think about it. i TRY to do things to keep my thoughts occupied but nothing works!! the quiet time is the hardest that is when I just break down and cry. I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me but when he does it hurts then too. I have been trying to blame myself because I can't stand the thought that he would do that to me. Do you want to hear what his excuse was/I thought you wanted me to ? how stupid does that sound, I asked him if neaxt he was going to tell me that he was thinking of me the whole time. HOw can I get this out of my mind and try to make my marriage work is there a trick to make it go away
Posted by: lawson7664
Posted on: 2004-05-25 16:24:08
Hi I have had the exact same feelings that you were describing. I can't seem to get it out of my mind.Everytime he touches me I htink about him and her. I wonder what else he did and if he will do it agin. It has been a week which i know is very soon, but all I can do is think about it. i TRY to do things to keep my thoughts occupied but nothing works!! the quiet time is the hardest that is when I just break down and cry. I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me but when he does it hurts then too. I have been trying to blame myself because I can't stand the thought that he would do that to me. Do you want to hear what his excuse was/I thought you wanted me to ? how stupid does that sound, I asked him if neaxt he was going to tell me that he was thinking of me the whole time. HOw can I get this out of my mind and try to make my marriage work is there a trick to make it go away
questions
Posted by: mrsc03
Posted on: 2003-08-26 20:34:32
I have a simialr situation except not a family memeber. I would like to discuss some questions via e mail about how to get through the process.
kcastiglio@aol.com
Posted by: mrsc03
Posted on: 2003-08-26 20:34:32
I have a simialr situation except not a family memeber. I would like to discuss some questions via e mail about how to get through the process.
kcastiglio@aol.com
Posted by: _____ac
Posted on: 2003-10-18 21:07:17
The same exact thing happened to me. It is crazy but I feel relieved to read your story. My husband cheated on me with my sister. It happened 3 years ago. We went to counserling for 1 year and our relationship is beter now than it ever was. It helped me to see some things that I was doing wrong in our marriage. The only problem I have is that I can't seem to get it out of my head. I don't bring it up to him but I do think about it from timeto time and it still upsets me. I still feel awkward around my sister and him at family functions and such. I don't have the relationship with her that I used to and I don't think we will ever be the same even though she claims she is completely innocent and it was all his fault. Thank you for your story. I felt like a freak because this is the kind of thing you only see on Jerry Springer. I don't like to talk about it and not many people know it even happened.
Posted by: lawson7664
Posted on: 2004-05-25 16:31:30
well My husband was with my sister-in-law and I couldn't tell my brother because I knew how much it would hurt him and I thought it was useless. Now eveytime I am around him I can't look at him in the face because I think about what I know and I feel Awful even though I had nothing to do with it
What to do?
Posted by: elorac0253
Posted on: 2003-11-14 11:34:02
It helped me to read you message. After 20 yrs. of marriage my husband cheated on me. Things were rough already, financially and emotionally but this felt like the killing stroke. I'm trying to be fair, I know that he had emotional needs that weren't being met, but to act out in this manner was so devestating. And the person he chose is nasty, condencending and I think somewhat unbalanced. And considering that she's never been married or had children I have so much rage at her. My rational side knows that the only person to blame is him but there it is. We have been talking and both want to find our way back to each other. We're both commited to separately seeing a professional therapist. We are separated, he is living 2200 miles away. I just want this anger out of my gut - I don't want to poisen our children with the bitterness. They've been hurt enough already - for that alone I want to lash out at "the other women". Her stance is she's not responsible at all, though she knew the entire time that he was married and unhappy. Is there any solution to this?
Posted by: elorac0253
Posted on: 2003-11-14 11:34:02
It helped me to read you message. After 20 yrs. of marriage my husband cheated on me. Things were rough already, financially and emotionally but this felt like the killing stroke. I'm trying to be fair, I know that he had emotional needs that weren't being met, but to act out in this manner was so devestating. And the person he chose is nasty, condencending and I think somewhat unbalanced. And considering that she's never been married or had children I have so much rage at her. My rational side knows that the only person to blame is him but there it is. We have been talking and both want to find our way back to each other. We're both commited to separately seeing a professional therapist. We are separated, he is living 2200 miles away. I just want this anger out of my gut - I don't want to poisen our children with the bitterness. They've been hurt enough already - for that alone I want to lash out at "the other women". Her stance is she's not responsible at all, though she knew the entire time that he was married and unhappy. Is there any solution to this?
dont no what to do next
Posted by: boobare
Posted on: 2004-02-15 03:23:36
caught my husband also, i was shocked at frist more than hurt, went about letting him know in a suttle way, he went white as a ghost. now it is over as far as i know buti do have the bad habit of looking for things to catch him so i will not be the last one to no. i love my husband very much he says its over but we have not been able to be with one another in a sexual way. I have made a few points to be alone togather and we always seem to have words and then say nothing at all, come home and he goes to bed and i sit up and cry. what is wrong with us
i want to be with him again but it is not happening naturally, i have known about this since november 2003 he and i have done well with the family part, of showing affection and love but when it come to sex things just dont jive.
Posted by: boobare
Posted on: 2004-02-15 03:23:36
caught my husband also, i was shocked at frist more than hurt, went about letting him know in a suttle way, he went white as a ghost. now it is over as far as i know buti do have the bad habit of looking for things to catch him so i will not be the last one to no. i love my husband very much he says its over but we have not been able to be with one another in a sexual way. I have made a few points to be alone togather and we always seem to have words and then say nothing at all, come home and he goes to bed and i sit up and cry. what is wrong with us
i want to be with him again but it is not happening naturally, i have known about this since november 2003 he and i have done well with the family part, of showing affection and love but when it come to sex things just dont jive.
