07/07 Mamma's Boys
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Posted by: sugarmommy
Posted on: 2003-01-27 10:24:39
My husband is a big time momma's boy! He HAS to call his mommy EVERY DAY otherwise she gets upset. We live about 1 mile from her. He is always telling her where we are going or coming from. He must go see her every sunday or she calls home time after time to question him why he is not there yet! They call each other every day and she calls to nag about how "sick" & "tired" she feels. She calls on weekends at 9-9:30am and there has been lots of times when she calls around 10:30PM and we are already sleeping. Lately she has been calling him about 2-3 times a day. I am totally losing control of my marriage, she has really become a "problem" and now me and my husband has grown too much apart. I have talked to him about my feelings but he just doesnt consider them as legitimate because they have to do with his mommy and I am exagerating as always. It is worse been in the situation than actually writing about it...!! but believe me ITS BAD!
Posted by: sugarmommy
Posted on: 2003-01-27 10:24:39
My husband is a big time momma's boy! He HAS to call his mommy EVERY DAY otherwise she gets upset. We live about 1 mile from her. He is always telling her where we are going or coming from. He must go see her every sunday or she calls home time after time to question him why he is not there yet! They call each other every day and she calls to nag about how "sick" & "tired" she feels. She calls on weekends at 9-9:30am and there has been lots of times when she calls around 10:30PM and we are already sleeping. Lately she has been calling him about 2-3 times a day. I am totally losing control of my marriage, she has really become a "problem" and now me and my husband has grown too much apart. I have talked to him about my feelings but he just doesnt consider them as legitimate because they have to do with his mommy and I am exagerating as always. It is worse been in the situation than actually writing about it...!! but believe me ITS BAD!
My Future Mother -In-Law is driving me crazy!!!!!!
Posted by: trsak80
Posted on: 2003-01-27 20:14:30
Reading your post was like reading part of my life. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He moved out when he was 23, but he had a trailer put right next to his mom's house because it was free. I'm talking there is only 20 feet between us. She used to come over everyday numerous times and call when she wasn't over here. Well the more serious we got she backed off a little. She used to just come over whenever, and if we were in the bedroom and didn't answer, she'd just go back home and call a million times. If we aren't home, and don't answer the phone she will call our cell phones numerous times until we answer. She always has to know where we are who we are with and when we are coming home. If we are going to a bar she calls us until we get home. Also she expects us to do things for her. She doesn't work she stays at home all day, but has the nerve to make us go to the store for her, or stop and get her cigarettes. She tries to say, well I'm your mother. Her and her 2 boys have this little circle that no one can get in. My boyfriend has been pretty good about it. She is so paranoid my family lives 1300 miles away and she asks if we get married where are we going to get married, she says he son can never go to my family's house for holidays, because they are hers. She pushes the issue of grandkids, even as far as what I will and will not name them. It drives me crazy. He cleans there yard, if his stepdad and his mom fight she calls over here for h
Posted by: trsak80
Posted on: 2003-01-27 20:14:30
Reading your post was like reading part of my life. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He moved out when he was 23, but he had a trailer put right next to his mom's house because it was free. I'm talking there is only 20 feet between us. She used to come over everyday numerous times and call when she wasn't over here. Well the more serious we got she backed off a little. She used to just come over whenever, and if we were in the bedroom and didn't answer, she'd just go back home and call a million times. If we aren't home, and don't answer the phone she will call our cell phones numerous times until we answer. She always has to know where we are who we are with and when we are coming home. If we are going to a bar she calls us until we get home. Also she expects us to do things for her. She doesn't work she stays at home all day, but has the nerve to make us go to the store for her, or stop and get her cigarettes. She tries to say, well I'm your mother. Her and her 2 boys have this little circle that no one can get in. My boyfriend has been pretty good about it. She is so paranoid my family lives 1300 miles away and she asks if we get married where are we going to get married, she says he son can never go to my family's house for holidays, because they are hers. She pushes the issue of grandkids, even as far as what I will and will not name them. It drives me crazy. He cleans there yard, if his stepdad and his mom fight she calls over here for h
*trsak80*
Posted by: trina1981
Posted on: 2003-01-27 22:39:42
I cannot believe that someone besides me is going through this. And it feels so good to vent to someone who understands. Please feel free to e-mail me @ trina1981@yahoo.com I would love to hear from you!
Posted by: trina1981
Posted on: 2003-01-27 22:39:42
I cannot believe that someone besides me is going through this. And it feels so good to vent to someone who understands. Please feel free to e-mail me @ trina1981@yahoo.com I would love to hear from you!
controlling mothers = mamma's boys AND girls
Posted by: mikecanada
Posted on: 2003-01-28 21:53:17
As I watched the mother "Ginger" (the teacher,) I could have sworn it was a copy of my mother. I have two sisters that call their mother 3 times a day, she calls in sick for them at work, buys them groceries, and more. They are 33 and 28, and live 100 MILES AWAY FROM HER! Ginger, like my mother, needs control of her son so she doesn't feel empty. It is easier to control than deal with her own fears of being lonely. I feel sorry for her and her son. She may very well ruin his marriage. She will run roughshod over him and his wife as long as he lets it happen. For those of you in similar circumstances, for my sanity, I had to simply cut off my mother. Her need to control was choking me, to the point of severe depression and more. Sometimes a healthy relationship may not be possible with control freaks.
Posted by: mikecanada
Posted on: 2003-01-28 21:53:17
As I watched the mother "Ginger" (the teacher,) I could have sworn it was a copy of my mother. I have two sisters that call their mother 3 times a day, she calls in sick for them at work, buys them groceries, and more. They are 33 and 28, and live 100 MILES AWAY FROM HER! Ginger, like my mother, needs control of her son so she doesn't feel empty. It is easier to control than deal with her own fears of being lonely. I feel sorry for her and her son. She may very well ruin his marriage. She will run roughshod over him and his wife as long as he lets it happen. For those of you in similar circumstances, for my sanity, I had to simply cut off my mother. Her need to control was choking me, to the point of severe depression and more. Sometimes a healthy relationship may not be possible with control freaks.
Amen!
Posted by: mariposa19
Posted on: 2003-01-29 15:53:04
"Ginger" has a problem! I didn't realize the extent until I saw the derisive laugh AT her daughter-in-law! At THAT point, I would have made the decision to MOVE far away from her! Ginger is a retired teacher and an active Control Freak! She rules the family with an iron hand and is arrogantly "in charge!"
It is hard to be healthy around a "sick puppy" who is sure that she's the "bitch in charge!" My sympathy goes out to the daughter-in-law!!!
As a retired teacher, I learned the HARD way NOT to control the world. I hope Ginger learns the same lesson before there are mangled emotional bodies in her wake!
Posted by: mariposa19
Posted on: 2003-01-29 15:53:04
"Ginger" has a problem! I didn't realize the extent until I saw the derisive laugh AT her daughter-in-law! At THAT point, I would have made the decision to MOVE far away from her! Ginger is a retired teacher and an active Control Freak! She rules the family with an iron hand and is arrogantly "in charge!"
It is hard to be healthy around a "sick puppy" who is sure that she's the "bitch in charge!" My sympathy goes out to the daughter-in-law!!!
As a retired teacher, I learned the HARD way NOT to control the world. I hope Ginger learns the same lesson before there are mangled emotional bodies in her wake!
That's Right
Posted by: tired2
Posted on: 2003-07-09 12:33:50
My boyfriend mother has moved in his home and she swear out she is his girlfriend. Its been hell knowing her. Its been times when we were together and she would introduce herself as Ms. Quinton which is my boyfriend name. I just look at her and say nothing. How can you be a ignorant, arogant broke ball headed old women with nothing and act this way. I just dont understand. But if you actuall read Dr. Phil messages all the messages are from women. There are no men. So that's our answer. We as women have to get control over our emotions and no when to let go. Signed a concerned girlfriend
Posted by: tired2
Posted on: 2003-07-09 12:33:50
My boyfriend mother has moved in his home and she swear out she is his girlfriend. Its been hell knowing her. Its been times when we were together and she would introduce herself as Ms. Quinton which is my boyfriend name. I just look at her and say nothing. How can you be a ignorant, arogant broke ball headed old women with nothing and act this way. I just dont understand. But if you actuall read Dr. Phil messages all the messages are from women. There are no men. So that's our answer. We as women have to get control over our emotions and no when to let go. Signed a concerned girlfriend
Momma's Boy
Posted by: dixiebabe
Posted on: 2003-01-30 00:43:24
You know it really get's me.How MIL are alway's being put down. How can anyone asume that this MIL is a contro freak from a 15 minute discussion.It is so easy to put MIL's down,Does anyone realize these women were once mother's and are not stupid.Communication is the name of the game.It's hard to imagine that anyone who has children will someday be in MIL's & FIL's shoes.It is so easy to put MIL's down ! There are always two sides to every story and I of time wonder how these girl's treat there own mother's shame,shame.I admit there are exception's to everything. But a MIL who want's to enjoy her grandchildren and adult son. Is really easy prey. To say that you would give up a relationship with your Mother is really sad. To bad she never gave up on you when you did not do things exactly the way they were intended. Boy! this is so sad. The name of the game is mutual understanding.Dixiebabe
Posted by: dixiebabe
Posted on: 2003-01-30 00:43:24
You know it really get's me.How MIL are alway's being put down. How can anyone asume that this MIL is a contro freak from a 15 minute discussion.It is so easy to put MIL's down,Does anyone realize these women were once mother's and are not stupid.Communication is the name of the game.It's hard to imagine that anyone who has children will someday be in MIL's & FIL's shoes.It is so easy to put MIL's down ! There are always two sides to every story and I of time wonder how these girl's treat there own mother's shame,shame.I admit there are exception's to everything. But a MIL who want's to enjoy her grandchildren and adult son. Is really easy prey. To say that you would give up a relationship with your Mother is really sad. To bad she never gave up on you when you did not do things exactly the way they were intended. Boy! this is so sad. The name of the game is mutual understanding.Dixiebabe
mil
Posted by: kerryjan
Posted on: 2003-02-04 15:50:04
i dont know of many mil's who are not controlling in some way. Their boys are leaving the nest..at least trying to and they dont know what to do with themselves.
So, in order to keep them at home emotionally, they still have thier finger in their lives in some way and refuse to pull it out. i personally would not tolerate that. It would be either me..or she.
Posted by: kerryjan
Posted on: 2003-02-04 15:50:04
i dont know of many mil's who are not controlling in some way. Their boys are leaving the nest..at least trying to and they dont know what to do with themselves.
So, in order to keep them at home emotionally, they still have thier finger in their lives in some way and refuse to pull it out. i personally would not tolerate that. It would be either me..or she.
Let it Go
Posted by: tired2
Posted on: 2003-07-09 12:23:02
No direspect but a mother needs to know when to let go. My boyfriend inspired me to have a better relationship with my mother and in return I am trying to inspire him to know when to cut off his mom. His mom is to controling. She is a leach and has nothing but her mouth. She unstable moving from job to job. My goodness she is 50 years old living in her sons house. no car no boyfriend not even a potential mate and I'm sure its because of her arogance. All she can find to do is bother my boyfriend and I and try to ruin our relationship/foundation, so she can continue to live free
Posted by: tired2
Posted on: 2003-07-09 12:23:02
No direspect but a mother needs to know when to let go. My boyfriend inspired me to have a better relationship with my mother and in return I am trying to inspire him to know when to cut off his mom. His mom is to controling. She is a leach and has nothing but her mouth. She unstable moving from job to job. My goodness she is 50 years old living in her sons house. no car no boyfriend not even a potential mate and I'm sure its because of her arogance. All she can find to do is bother my boyfriend and I and try to ruin our relationship/foundation, so she can continue to live free
hello
Posted by: russelltje
Posted on: 2003-07-07 17:28:15
hello i'm from holland, i saw what you're wrote, some men....grrr ,I had an relationsship with a very sweet boy, but when we lived near his mother, it all went wrong, I was to blaim for everything that went wrong, she did not want to let go of her "little" boy. and he was always taking her site.
you can't win from a mother from hell, that's what I found out, greeting Noor
Posted by: russelltje
Posted on: 2003-07-07 17:28:15
hello i'm from holland, i saw what you're wrote, some men....grrr ,I had an relationsship with a very sweet boy, but when we lived near his mother, it all went wrong, I was to blaim for everything that went wrong, she did not want to let go of her "little" boy. and he was always taking her site.
you can't win from a mother from hell, that's what I found out, greeting Noor
me too!!!!!!
Posted by: kristiez
Posted on: 2003-07-07 16:42:23
Before the show started I wondered "Will he hit home today?" and he did. My husband and I have a seperate view on support. What he calls support I call babying him, and I'm not going to do it!!! Our problem is not his mother it's his grandmother. She treats him like a child and expects me to do the same, NOWAY!! God love her she's old and needs no drama in her life but I've had enough.
Posted by: kristiez
Posted on: 2003-07-07 16:42:23
Before the show started I wondered "Will he hit home today?" and he did. My husband and I have a seperate view on support. What he calls support I call babying him, and I'm not going to do it!!! Our problem is not his mother it's his grandmother. She treats him like a child and expects me to do the same, NOWAY!! God love her she's old and needs no drama in her life but I've had enough.
Three's a crowd..... !
Posted by: lyns32
Posted on: 2004-02-16 12:52:31
My boyfriend & his mum speak every other day....
that really doesnt bother me, what does bother me is that he calls her everytime we argue or fall out, he speaks to her about his career goals and his job,but doesnt speak to me. I do get on with her quite well, but I feel like the second woman in my boyfriends life and she is the first. I understand the mother love, as I have a son of my own, but it is your job as a mother to prepare them for adult life and to understand woman to help them have a successful relationship themselves. Mothers have a lot to answer for...in reference to failing marriages / relationships. They need to realise their little boys are now grown men.My boyfriend is 36yrs old....is there any hope I ask myself ?
It is nice to know your not the only one who has mother in law problems.....but its only a problem if we let it control us. You wont be able to change their relationship, just be aware of whats going on. If he has to chose between you or his mum, you are going to loose. You take care....best of luck.
Posted by: lyns32
Posted on: 2004-02-16 12:52:31
My boyfriend & his mum speak every other day....
that really doesnt bother me, what does bother me is that he calls her everytime we argue or fall out, he speaks to her about his career goals and his job,but doesnt speak to me. I do get on with her quite well, but I feel like the second woman in my boyfriends life and she is the first. I understand the mother love, as I have a son of my own, but it is your job as a mother to prepare them for adult life and to understand woman to help them have a successful relationship themselves. Mothers have a lot to answer for...in reference to failing marriages / relationships. They need to realise their little boys are now grown men.My boyfriend is 36yrs old....is there any hope I ask myself ?
It is nice to know your not the only one who has mother in law problems.....but its only a problem if we let it control us. You wont be able to change their relationship, just be aware of whats going on. If he has to chose between you or his mum, you are going to loose. You take care....best of luck.
Keyword: future
Posted by: cvfugitive
Posted on: 2003-01-28 14:12:45
You are not married yet. If you think marrying this man is going to make things better you going to be a very disappointed young lady. Having children will only make the problems worse. I'm sure the free babysitter right next door will be nice(something the women on the show yesterday forgot to mention), but what you need to realize is that marriage is hard work. Adding a difficult mother-in-law to the relationship is going to be more than you bargained for. Eventually you will resent your husband for her interference,if you don't already. Think long and hard before you buy that wedding dress.
Posted by: cvfugitive
Posted on: 2003-01-28 14:12:45
You are not married yet. If you think marrying this man is going to make things better you going to be a very disappointed young lady. Having children will only make the problems worse. I'm sure the free babysitter right next door will be nice(something the women on the show yesterday forgot to mention), but what you need to realize is that marriage is hard work. Adding a difficult mother-in-law to the relationship is going to be more than you bargained for. Eventually you will resent your husband for her interference,if you don't already. Think long and hard before you buy that wedding dress.
Posted by: littlep69
Posted on: 2003-01-28 21:50:10
I can totally relate with you....although, i have come to conclusion that if he doesn't change with being mommy's boy "forget our relationship until he can"...we are expecting our first child together and I already have a child from a different boyfriend...my boyfriend's mother is already going OVERBOARD with the "unborn" baby. Just recently she started "free babysitting" my son. My boyfriend and i have been together for over a year. I have no suggestions for ya since I have tried anything I could imagine to for us to work out better. It's got to the point that my boyfriend says "I am not choosing you or family"
make sure she is not your future mother-in-law
Posted by: mikecanada
Posted on: 2003-01-29 00:07:58
Period.
Posted by: mikecanada
Posted on: 2003-01-29 00:07:58
Period.
be careful adding children to this situation
Posted by: cctheham
Posted on: 2003-07-07 19:46:32
I was sorry to read about your situation, and I understand completely, having lived through a similar one. One thing I would like to add is that if you feel powerless having no control over intrusion into your private life, you will not be any better protecting your potential children from it either. This is the SON'S job, to put decent boundaries up, but if he doesn't step up and do it, NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE. You might want to consider why you want to hook yourself up with a guy who shows so little respect for your feelings, and his own life apart from Mommy. Take a step back, girl, and give yourself permission to put yourself first. You deserve it.
Wishing you a good life, CC
Posted by: cctheham
Posted on: 2003-07-07 19:46:32
I was sorry to read about your situation, and I understand completely, having lived through a similar one. One thing I would like to add is that if you feel powerless having no control over intrusion into your private life, you will not be any better protecting your potential children from it either. This is the SON'S job, to put decent boundaries up, but if he doesn't step up and do it, NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE. You might want to consider why you want to hook yourself up with a guy who shows so little respect for your feelings, and his own life apart from Mommy. Take a step back, girl, and give yourself permission to put yourself first. You deserve it.
Wishing you a good life, CC
My Friend
Posted by: acatlady
Posted on: 2003-07-07 21:33:47
The best thing you can do for "yourself" is run away from him and his mother and get on with your life with a "real man"! I too was in a 5 year relationship with a Mama's Boy! I am a very independent lady with one child and we were living with him. Both of his elderly parents moved in with us. They both run the show and acted as if we were in their house instead of the other way around. Then one day I'd had enough, I shocked him and moved back to my home in which I own. It's taken me more than 2 years to get over him but I feel wonderful now! Funny, his mother just happened to have a bimbo friend of hers that was our age that moved in within a week of my moving out. Guess she will find out like I did! Boys like that are just not worthy of good real women like us. I'm still not in a relationship because now I'm much more selective of the men I date. I can't help but wonder how these old bags would of liked their husbands mothers interfering with their relationship? My conclusion is that they don't have much of a life so they choose to run their sons lives and these boys haven't become men yet and can't stand up to their mamas (parents). Who needs boys like that? Not me!!! (or you either) Believe me my friend, it doesn't get any better with time! I tried to wait it out...she just wouldn't go away and he just wouldn't grow up! I wish you luck and hope that you don't waste too much time on your boy. Like I said, I through 5 years away - what a waste of my life!
Posted by: acatlady
Posted on: 2003-07-07 21:33:47
The best thing you can do for "yourself" is run away from him and his mother and get on with your life with a "real man"! I too was in a 5 year relationship with a Mama's Boy! I am a very independent lady with one child and we were living with him. Both of his elderly parents moved in with us. They both run the show and acted as if we were in their house instead of the other way around. Then one day I'd had enough, I shocked him and moved back to my home in which I own. It's taken me more than 2 years to get over him but I feel wonderful now! Funny, his mother just happened to have a bimbo friend of hers that was our age that moved in within a week of my moving out. Guess she will find out like I did! Boys like that are just not worthy of good real women like us. I'm still not in a relationship because now I'm much more selective of the men I date. I can't help but wonder how these old bags would of liked their husbands mothers interfering with their relationship? My conclusion is that they don't have much of a life so they choose to run their sons lives and these boys haven't become men yet and can't stand up to their mamas (parents). Who needs boys like that? Not me!!! (or you either) Believe me my friend, it doesn't get any better with time! I tried to wait it out...she just wouldn't go away and he just wouldn't grow up! I wish you luck and hope that you don't waste too much time on your boy. Like I said, I through 5 years away - what a waste of my life!
Posted by: nessat23
Posted on: 2003-07-15 15:53:42
Trsak80,
Something to think about.. if you marry your boyfriend, this is how your life will be until his mother passes away. Is this something you can live with? Because she's not going to change, that's the way she is. And as much as your boyfriend loves you, his Mom will always come first.
don't put up with it
Posted by: joshnkt
Posted on: 2003-01-27 20:37:13
i wouldn't put up with that for a second. i'm only 26 years old but i do have two kids and in-laws... i have learned a few things. don't expect your husband to say something to his mom. don't even ask him to. next time she calls the house, just be up front with her. say "you sure have been calling a lot. is there something going on???"
OR "i'd appreciate it if you wouldn't call so often. i'm starting to miss my husband."
doesn't she have any friends????
TELL HER YOURSELF is what i'm saying.
unfortunately, if it's bothering you, you have to do something about it.
Posted by: joshnkt
Posted on: 2003-01-27 20:37:13
i wouldn't put up with that for a second. i'm only 26 years old but i do have two kids and in-laws... i have learned a few things. don't expect your husband to say something to his mom. don't even ask him to. next time she calls the house, just be up front with her. say "you sure have been calling a lot. is there something going on???"
OR "i'd appreciate it if you wouldn't call so often. i'm starting to miss my husband."
doesn't she have any friends????
TELL HER YOURSELF is what i'm saying.
unfortunately, if it's bothering you, you have to do something about it.
mother-in-laws
Posted by: cviescas
Posted on: 2003-07-11 15:18:36
It is a real adjustment for a mother-in-law to get used to her son growing up. He has needed her all his life. Some sons mature faster than others and I for own wasn't trusting my son. I would question both of them and try and help them, then they felt I was meddling.
I have two beautiful grandchildren and until they were born my husband and I didn;t interfear, but with the two little girls we are scared for them.
My son and his wife fight and sometimes get pretty violent. They have money problems and we get scared when they behave like that. So we lend him money and try to help. We seem to be bailing him out all the time and that is what my daughter-in-law doesn't like. She keeps running home and moving in with her parents, then he moves in with all of them,which my husband and I do not feel is right.
Yes I meddle, not anymore because my daughter-in-law has basically cut me out. I have not seen my grandchildren but I know when they are living with her parents they are safe. When my son and his wife move out on there own they don't know how to manage money so they fight all the time. My daughter-in-law wants to be a stay home ma, which is great if they can do it, I was never able to do that because things cost to much, that is how I always wind up lending him money.
Posted by: cviescas
Posted on: 2003-07-11 15:18:36
It is a real adjustment for a mother-in-law to get used to her son growing up. He has needed her all his life. Some sons mature faster than others and I for own wasn't trusting my son. I would question both of them and try and help them, then they felt I was meddling.
I have two beautiful grandchildren and until they were born my husband and I didn;t interfear, but with the two little girls we are scared for them.
My son and his wife fight and sometimes get pretty violent. They have money problems and we get scared when they behave like that. So we lend him money and try to help. We seem to be bailing him out all the time and that is what my daughter-in-law doesn't like. She keeps running home and moving in with her parents, then he moves in with all of them,which my husband and I do not feel is right.
Yes I meddle, not anymore because my daughter-in-law has basically cut me out. I have not seen my grandchildren but I know when they are living with her parents they are safe. When my son and his wife move out on there own they don't know how to manage money so they fight all the time. My daughter-in-law wants to be a stay home ma, which is great if they can do it, I was never able to do that because things cost to much, that is how I always wind up lending him money.
