06/23 Moochers, Part 2
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Posted by: corvaith
Posted on: 2003-02-24 09:33:27
Sure, this kind of stuff happens. But, honestly, acting as if throwing a kid to the curb as soon as they graduate from high school is okay?
In this day and age, a college education is almost a requirement to get by. It's one thing if your kid is sitting at home playing video games all day, but I've known more than a few parents who expected their children to get jobs and move out along with carrying full course schedules and student loans. (Far more than the ones who just let their kids loaf, definitely.)
There ought to be a middle ground. If you have the resources to do it, and your children need you... for God's sake, they're your children. That's need, not want. A child in school, or who loses a job, or who is getting out of a bad relationship... you ought to be there for them, if you can be. If you aren't able to make that sort of commitment, you shouldn't have had kids in the first place. They aren't just yours until the law says you're allowed to ditch them.
If it sounds like I'm sensitive about this, I am. I've seen way too many parents who act *proud* of their ability to get rid of their children as soon as they are legally able. The attitude is everywhere--especially in people having problems who reassure themselves with, "It's only until they're eightteen." It's not. They're your kids forever.
Posted by: corvaith
Posted on: 2003-02-24 09:33:27
Sure, this kind of stuff happens. But, honestly, acting as if throwing a kid to the curb as soon as they graduate from high school is okay?
In this day and age, a college education is almost a requirement to get by. It's one thing if your kid is sitting at home playing video games all day, but I've known more than a few parents who expected their children to get jobs and move out along with carrying full course schedules and student loans. (Far more than the ones who just let their kids loaf, definitely.)
There ought to be a middle ground. If you have the resources to do it, and your children need you... for God's sake, they're your children. That's need, not want. A child in school, or who loses a job, or who is getting out of a bad relationship... you ought to be there for them, if you can be. If you aren't able to make that sort of commitment, you shouldn't have had kids in the first place. They aren't just yours until the law says you're allowed to ditch them.
If it sounds like I'm sensitive about this, I am. I've seen way too many parents who act *proud* of their ability to get rid of their children as soon as they are legally able. The attitude is everywhere--especially in people having problems who reassure themselves with, "It's only until they're eightteen." It's not. They're your kids forever.
Grow Up, Get Out!
Posted by: cleffnote
Posted on: 2003-02-24 09:57:33
I see your point of "being there" for your kids but where does it stop? My mother is 80 and my brother is 43, he's still living at home because my mom was always "there" for him, so he NEVER learned to be on his own. He has more phobias than I know the names for. She's blind in one eye and still does his cooking cleaning and he critisizes her to no end...and doesn't let any of his siblings (there's 7 others) visit Mom because he is so WIERD..he has NO JOB, they live on my deceased fathers SS!! I hate him for it. Where will he be when she's no longer "there" for him....come on, get real, kick the kids out while you have the chance....look at what happens when you never let them see the real world.
Posted by: cleffnote
Posted on: 2003-02-24 09:57:33
I see your point of "being there" for your kids but where does it stop? My mother is 80 and my brother is 43, he's still living at home because my mom was always "there" for him, so he NEVER learned to be on his own. He has more phobias than I know the names for. She's blind in one eye and still does his cooking cleaning and he critisizes her to no end...and doesn't let any of his siblings (there's 7 others) visit Mom because he is so WIERD..he has NO JOB, they live on my deceased fathers SS!! I hate him for it. Where will he be when she's no longer "there" for him....come on, get real, kick the kids out while you have the chance....look at what happens when you never let them see the real world.
My brother ..
Posted by: armywifer
Posted on: 2003-02-24 13:19:40
is what you describe. He was a hard working man. 4 years ago his company went bankrupt. He moved home at age 34 until he could get back on his feet. He is now 38. He has had 3 jobs since then but he doesn't keep any of them. He tells my mother he can't handle the stress of a job anymore. My mother is in her 60's with high blood pressure and works full time. He goes to 12 step support group meetings (about 2 or 3 a day), then goes to the bookstore and browse, drink coffee. My mother paid off his car loan (12,000), pays for every single living expense even his gym membership and internet connection. She even gives him 2 dollars to put in the church plate each week. I am a married woman age 30 with 3 kids. We never ask for a penny from anyone. Yet my mother criticizes me all the time for every thing I do. My brother can do no wrong however. People forget..you cannot favor siblings. It is just plain wrong.
Posted by: armywifer
Posted on: 2003-02-24 13:19:40
is what you describe. He was a hard working man. 4 years ago his company went bankrupt. He moved home at age 34 until he could get back on his feet. He is now 38. He has had 3 jobs since then but he doesn't keep any of them. He tells my mother he can't handle the stress of a job anymore. My mother is in her 60's with high blood pressure and works full time. He goes to 12 step support group meetings (about 2 or 3 a day), then goes to the bookstore and browse, drink coffee. My mother paid off his car loan (12,000), pays for every single living expense even his gym membership and internet connection. She even gives him 2 dollars to put in the church plate each week. I am a married woman age 30 with 3 kids. We never ask for a penny from anyone. Yet my mother criticizes me all the time for every thing I do. My brother can do no wrong however. People forget..you cannot favor siblings. It is just plain wrong.
Mooching brothers
Posted by: denali2000
Posted on: 2003-02-25 11:17:46
I have a mooching/whiney/abusive/ can't get his own life together brother and his mooching wife. . He and his wife have been threatening divorce and mooching off of everyone for 30+ years. I've lost count of the number of times that they were going to get a divorce. Just recently he expected me to let him move some of his old furniture into my home without so much as asking. After growing up with him and having to put up with his physically abusive behavior I've decided that I don't want anything to do with him. I told him that "I don't want to get involved with his problems" and once I said that his wife called me up and left nasty messages on my answering machine. She said he was my brother and that it was my responsibility to help him. Well, I say enough is enough. I don't bother them with my problems. Besides his wife has a lot of nerve she's having an affair and has the nerve to bring the guy to her family gatherings. I think my brother and his wife have problems. She has been dumping her problems and mooching off of her own family for years. After 30+ years of mooching her sisters are finaly getting the message and turning her away as well. I guess she just couln't take it when I turned her down.
Posted by: denali2000
Posted on: 2003-02-25 11:17:46
I have a mooching/whiney/abusive/ can't get his own life together brother and his mooching wife. . He and his wife have been threatening divorce and mooching off of everyone for 30+ years. I've lost count of the number of times that they were going to get a divorce. Just recently he expected me to let him move some of his old furniture into my home without so much as asking. After growing up with him and having to put up with his physically abusive behavior I've decided that I don't want anything to do with him. I told him that "I don't want to get involved with his problems" and once I said that his wife called me up and left nasty messages on my answering machine. She said he was my brother and that it was my responsibility to help him. Well, I say enough is enough. I don't bother them with my problems. Besides his wife has a lot of nerve she's having an affair and has the nerve to bring the guy to her family gatherings. I think my brother and his wife have problems. She has been dumping her problems and mooching off of her own family for years. After 30+ years of mooching her sisters are finaly getting the message and turning her away as well. I guess she just couln't take it when I turned her down.
different world
Posted by: matisa
Posted on: 2003-02-27 03:24:51
It seems like there are more and, more college students who end up liveing with their parents. I think it is more of a problem now then it was back when our parents were growing up because the Job market isn't what it use to be and , inflation has gotten out of control. Things are exstreamly expensive and, job's just don't pay enough to make it on. I know for a fact that you can not make it on minumum wage and, especially if you have kids.
I think it is easy to understand why more and, more grown kids end up liveing with their parents .
Posted by: matisa
Posted on: 2003-02-27 03:24:51
It seems like there are more and, more college students who end up liveing with their parents. I think it is more of a problem now then it was back when our parents were growing up because the Job market isn't what it use to be and , inflation has gotten out of control. Things are exstreamly expensive and, job's just don't pay enough to make it on. I know for a fact that you can not make it on minumum wage and, especially if you have kids.
I think it is easy to understand why more and, more grown kids end up liveing with their parents .
college students
Posted by: amy1951
Posted on: 2003-06-23 19:31:40
College students, I don't have a problem with. I have had nieces and nephews live with me rent free "as long as they went to classes". Once they quit or just started goofing around--the free ride was over and their choices were to pay rent or leave. But, once they get out of college--hey, get a job and go to work earning whatever you can. Of course things are expensive, things were ^expensive^ when I got out of school, too. It is expensive to raise a family as a young couple--would it not be wise to put off having 3 or 4 little ones running around? Or, maybe stop at 1 or 2 like some of us felt it was prudent to do. What kind of houseing did our folks or you have to put up with while we were establishing our homes? We didn't start out with the 3 bedroom, 2 garage houses until we could save for the down payment. (Didn't have the fancy cars in the garage either, had to drive some clunkers for a while.) They need to learn how to set their goals, budget their money and become an entity separate from their parents. By the way, these 2 were not just out of school, they had jobs and should have been paying good rent and contributing to the household work--to mom's expectations.
Posted by: amy1951
Posted on: 2003-06-23 19:31:40
College students, I don't have a problem with. I have had nieces and nephews live with me rent free "as long as they went to classes". Once they quit or just started goofing around--the free ride was over and their choices were to pay rent or leave. But, once they get out of college--hey, get a job and go to work earning whatever you can. Of course things are expensive, things were ^expensive^ when I got out of school, too. It is expensive to raise a family as a young couple--would it not be wise to put off having 3 or 4 little ones running around? Or, maybe stop at 1 or 2 like some of us felt it was prudent to do. What kind of houseing did our folks or you have to put up with while we were establishing our homes? We didn't start out with the 3 bedroom, 2 garage houses until we could save for the down payment. (Didn't have the fancy cars in the garage either, had to drive some clunkers for a while.) They need to learn how to set their goals, budget their money and become an entity separate from their parents. By the way, these 2 were not just out of school, they had jobs and should have been paying good rent and contributing to the household work--to mom's expectations.
Moochers
Posted by: marylscott
Posted on: 2003-06-24 15:17:34
It is easy to say when you are not in the position of having that one child that will not leave. Dr. Phil made a good point at the end of his show when he said we are not allowing them to grow up. I am in that positon right now, and I am ready for my son "TO GO." His excuse is that he cannot afford a place right now but I see different. My husband and I are at the end of the rope and yesterday he was told this is it, you have to go. We will see what happens by the end of the week.
Posted by: marylscott
Posted on: 2003-06-24 15:17:34
It is easy to say when you are not in the position of having that one child that will not leave. Dr. Phil made a good point at the end of his show when he said we are not allowing them to grow up. I am in that positon right now, and I am ready for my son "TO GO." His excuse is that he cannot afford a place right now but I see different. My husband and I are at the end of the rope and yesterday he was told this is it, you have to go. We will see what happens by the end of the week.
monetary core
Posted by: chinaflowe
Posted on: 2003-06-23 15:38:11
I am a chinese,37, married, 2 kids. Both sides of our parents have the problems of smooching sons who aren't trying hard to stand on their own. My side of families are in Taiwan, so I don't have to see my parents' strugle with my bother. But, my hausband has to hear his own parents complaining about his brother,42,who is still live with his parents, for not trying harder to find a job almost daily. When my husband make comments about what to do with him, his parents get angry at him and criticize him for not helping his brother.
It was a living hell for me during those two years living with his parents and brother in our house on our expenses. We just started our own family and paid for everything, even paid off the loan from his mom for the house down payment within the two years. Yet, I got bossed around by the mother in-law whenever I was home. I hated to be home from work and saw the long face of the in-laws. They always critize that I did not do enough house chores and not do what I suppose to do to make them happy even I got pregnant and had bad swellen feet. When my husband tried to help out chores and help me get comfy, he got name calling from my mother in-law.
Finally, they moved out two years ago. I know that they got a very hard feeling about been kicked out. But, now I am worried about that we will have to take my parents in-law back because they are getting older and running out of retirement money because of those years paying their own aparments and su
Posted by: chinaflowe
Posted on: 2003-06-23 15:38:11
I am a chinese,37, married, 2 kids. Both sides of our parents have the problems of smooching sons who aren't trying hard to stand on their own. My side of families are in Taiwan, so I don't have to see my parents' strugle with my bother. But, my hausband has to hear his own parents complaining about his brother,42,who is still live with his parents, for not trying harder to find a job almost daily. When my husband make comments about what to do with him, his parents get angry at him and criticize him for not helping his brother.
It was a living hell for me during those two years living with his parents and brother in our house on our expenses. We just started our own family and paid for everything, even paid off the loan from his mom for the house down payment within the two years. Yet, I got bossed around by the mother in-law whenever I was home. I hated to be home from work and saw the long face of the in-laws. They always critize that I did not do enough house chores and not do what I suppose to do to make them happy even I got pregnant and had bad swellen feet. When my husband tried to help out chores and help me get comfy, he got name calling from my mother in-law.
Finally, they moved out two years ago. I know that they got a very hard feeling about been kicked out. But, now I am worried about that we will have to take my parents in-law back because they are getting older and running out of retirement money because of those years paying their own aparments and su
At a loss....
Posted by: bmcandrews
Posted on: 2003-02-24 16:33:43
I can relate to your situation. I am the youngest of three. My brother, the oldest, is almost 34. He has never lived on his own. He use to be a partner in our fathers business but decided to walk away from it. That was over 2yrs ago. He has yet to get another job or even look for one. He has "problems". He really needs therapy, which he went to for a little while because it was court ordered(DUI). He stopped going when his time was up. We all have to walk on eggshells around him. If anyone mentions anything about how his life is, he either blows up or goes and sulks like a child.I've had fights with my mother about the situation and it goes in one ear and out the other. I think my father just wants to ignore the situation. He tries to do something about it but it just turns into a drama and I think he's tired of it. My parents would never let myself or sister to be in the situation my brother is in. My brother needs a to leave my parents home and let them enjoy their life together without children to take care of. I'm 26, married and recently had a child. I left my parents when I was 19 and was working when I did live there. My parents made me go into therapy when I was suffering from depression. I don't understand why they let my brother sit on his butt all day for years. It makes me soooo angry!! I don't know what I can do. i'm afraid he's never going to leave and my parents won't have the retirement they deserve.
Posted by: bmcandrews
Posted on: 2003-02-24 16:33:43
I can relate to your situation. I am the youngest of three. My brother, the oldest, is almost 34. He has never lived on his own. He use to be a partner in our fathers business but decided to walk away from it. That was over 2yrs ago. He has yet to get another job or even look for one. He has "problems". He really needs therapy, which he went to for a little while because it was court ordered(DUI). He stopped going when his time was up. We all have to walk on eggshells around him. If anyone mentions anything about how his life is, he either blows up or goes and sulks like a child.I've had fights with my mother about the situation and it goes in one ear and out the other. I think my father just wants to ignore the situation. He tries to do something about it but it just turns into a drama and I think he's tired of it. My parents would never let myself or sister to be in the situation my brother is in. My brother needs a to leave my parents home and let them enjoy their life together without children to take care of. I'm 26, married and recently had a child. I left my parents when I was 19 and was working when I did live there. My parents made me go into therapy when I was suffering from depression. I don't understand why they let my brother sit on his butt all day for years. It makes me soooo angry!! I don't know what I can do. i'm afraid he's never going to leave and my parents won't have the retirement they deserve.
What we did
Posted by: mrsjbrat
Posted on: 2003-02-24 21:15:01
I had close to the same situation. Only the brother living with mom smoked in her house even though she asked him not too. He had his own home but stayed at her house because of his "illness". He was running her life. One morning I stopped by my moms unexpectedly and there was this 72 year old lady waiting hand and foot on this 44 year old man while he lounged on the couch - she was filling his coffee cup and getting his breakfast! Shortly after that I dreamed about my dad kicking my ass and yelling at me... that was it I knew my dad was turning over in his grave. With my siblings help we had a talk with mom and found that she was getting desperate too and wanted to move out of her own home. So we found her a very nice home and sold her old house. Let the moocher know that there was no room at the new home for him. We took a few extra measures so that if needed we could evict him and leave mom out of it. Guess what - now his 20 year old child let him move in and it is about the same scenerio. The kid felt obligated now I hear he is regretting being a good kid. My mom is doing great tho... she looks and acts at least 10- years younger! Good luck with your mom.
Posted by: mrsjbrat
Posted on: 2003-02-24 21:15:01
I had close to the same situation. Only the brother living with mom smoked in her house even though she asked him not too. He had his own home but stayed at her house because of his "illness". He was running her life. One morning I stopped by my moms unexpectedly and there was this 72 year old lady waiting hand and foot on this 44 year old man while he lounged on the couch - she was filling his coffee cup and getting his breakfast! Shortly after that I dreamed about my dad kicking my ass and yelling at me... that was it I knew my dad was turning over in his grave. With my siblings help we had a talk with mom and found that she was getting desperate too and wanted to move out of her own home. So we found her a very nice home and sold her old house. Let the moocher know that there was no room at the new home for him. We took a few extra measures so that if needed we could evict him and leave mom out of it. Guess what - now his 20 year old child let him move in and it is about the same scenerio. The kid felt obligated now I hear he is regretting being a good kid. My mom is doing great tho... she looks and acts at least 10- years younger! Good luck with your mom.
I can relate
Posted by: denali2000
Posted on: 2003-02-25 11:59:53
Your situation sounds like mine. My older brother and his wife have been mooching off of her family for years. All this has done is enable them to continue their behavior. He calls everyone everytime they fight and says "Yeah,we're getting a divorce". They've been getting a divorce for 30+ years now. This last time that the called me I told him to just leave me alone. With that his wife had the nerve to call me up and start yelling at me. These two seem to think that everyone should have to listen to their problems forever. My brother has never been a "brother". He doesn't share in birthday parties, Chiristmas, graduations, weddings etc. I have never gotten so much as a birthday card from him. He only shows up when he needs money or someone to listen to his problems. I'm glad to get him out of my life.
Posted by: denali2000
Posted on: 2003-02-25 11:59:53
Your situation sounds like mine. My older brother and his wife have been mooching off of her family for years. All this has done is enable them to continue their behavior. He calls everyone everytime they fight and says "Yeah,we're getting a divorce". They've been getting a divorce for 30+ years now. This last time that the called me I told him to just leave me alone. With that his wife had the nerve to call me up and start yelling at me. These two seem to think that everyone should have to listen to their problems forever. My brother has never been a "brother". He doesn't share in birthday parties, Chiristmas, graduations, weddings etc. I have never gotten so much as a birthday card from him. He only shows up when he needs money or someone to listen to his problems. I'm glad to get him out of my life.
See they are all the same
Posted by: mrsjbrat
Posted on: 2003-02-25 19:00:38
My brother is the same... after my dad died he quit coming to family things. My parents raised his children... they seem to have turned out
pretty good. The rest of us get along pretty well but he is always trying to play us against each other. Everything is for him not anyone else. He won't let his kids do anything that might cost him a dime yet he spends about $100 a week on beer and cigarettes and has a top of the line computer. He is the most self centred person I know. Luckily for his kids my parents made sure their necessities were met and paid for school things they needed even tho my parents had to scrimp. But ask him he will tell you what a good job he did raising his kids.... funny I rarely saw them at his home... they spent every night at my moms; she fed them all; helped with homework and took them to their activities. So sad!
Posted by: mrsjbrat
Posted on: 2003-02-25 19:00:38
My brother is the same... after my dad died he quit coming to family things. My parents raised his children... they seem to have turned out
pretty good. The rest of us get along pretty well but he is always trying to play us against each other. Everything is for him not anyone else. He won't let his kids do anything that might cost him a dime yet he spends about $100 a week on beer and cigarettes and has a top of the line computer. He is the most self centred person I know. Luckily for his kids my parents made sure their necessities were met and paid for school things they needed even tho my parents had to scrimp. But ask him he will tell you what a good job he did raising his kids.... funny I rarely saw them at his home... they spent every night at my moms; she fed them all; helped with homework and took them to their activities. So sad!
ISSUES
Posted by: fretmyer
Posted on: 2003-02-25 02:42:01
Obviously you have issues with your brother. you call him "wierd" I am sure from your comments you are not "part of the solution" as dr phil wopuld put it. It sould to me like your brother has SERIOUS mental health issues. Sound like he needs counseling and some support (maybe intervention) from his sister. Be "part of the solution" and try to help your brother instead of being bitter and judgemental. maybe you should go on the show.
Posted by: fretmyer
Posted on: 2003-02-25 02:42:01
Obviously you have issues with your brother. you call him "wierd" I am sure from your comments you are not "part of the solution" as dr phil wopuld put it. It sould to me like your brother has SERIOUS mental health issues. Sound like he needs counseling and some support (maybe intervention) from his sister. Be "part of the solution" and try to help your brother instead of being bitter and judgemental. maybe you should go on the show.
Then, Get this...
Posted by: cleffnote
Posted on: 2003-02-25 09:48:28
I HAVE tried to help him, all of us have. We have helped him get work by having him build things for us (he has the talent to build and remodel wonderfully). He took the money handed him to buy materials and bought pot. Never showed up on the job. $2,000 is alot of pot I think...I don't know, never done that. He has done the same to the other family members repeatedly and then tells Mom we NEVER gave him any money...so she thinks we're all lyers and treat him poorly, he blames our spouces for "ripping him off" and Mom believes him. She's afraid of angering him because he makes her life miserable then. He throws tantrums. Yes, he needs help but he has to realize it first. When I visit he calls me names and tells me to get off his land. This has been going on for 20 years, so as for me "supporting" him and trying to help, sorry, I GIVE UP.
Posted by: cleffnote
Posted on: 2003-02-25 09:48:28
I HAVE tried to help him, all of us have. We have helped him get work by having him build things for us (he has the talent to build and remodel wonderfully). He took the money handed him to buy materials and bought pot. Never showed up on the job. $2,000 is alot of pot I think...I don't know, never done that. He has done the same to the other family members repeatedly and then tells Mom we NEVER gave him any money...so she thinks we're all lyers and treat him poorly, he blames our spouces for "ripping him off" and Mom believes him. She's afraid of angering him because he makes her life miserable then. He throws tantrums. Yes, he needs help but he has to realize it first. When I visit he calls me names and tells me to get off his land. This has been going on for 20 years, so as for me "supporting" him and trying to help, sorry, I GIVE UP.
Solutions
Posted by: amy1951
Posted on: 2003-06-23 19:40:46
I have read some of the posts here, and it seems that for some, if they do try to push for the ^moocher^ to get some help, not only does the ^moocher^ get upset, but that the parents turn on the sibling trying to help. In those cases, I would guess the sibling would have to love the parent, trying to stay away from the house as much as possible, to not have to watch that which is so upsetting to them. The parent(s) of the moocher also has to see that it is indeed a problem and that there is help out there. If the parent won't see that, as sad and upsetting as it is for the siblings, there is not much that can be done about it, IMO. To continue to push would just alienate the parent so that there might not be a relationship with the siblings.
Posted by: amy1951
Posted on: 2003-06-23 19:40:46
I have read some of the posts here, and it seems that for some, if they do try to push for the ^moocher^ to get some help, not only does the ^moocher^ get upset, but that the parents turn on the sibling trying to help. In those cases, I would guess the sibling would have to love the parent, trying to stay away from the house as much as possible, to not have to watch that which is so upsetting to them. The parent(s) of the moocher also has to see that it is indeed a problem and that there is help out there. If the parent won't see that, as sad and upsetting as it is for the siblings, there is not much that can be done about it, IMO. To continue to push would just alienate the parent so that there might not be a relationship with the siblings.
accept it
Posted by: breadpuddi
Posted on: 2003-02-25 12:57:09
You need to realize that your mother isn't a victim. She created the situation and she made your brother helpless.
My mother has always babied my brother and let him move back in whenever he has hit a rough spot. I used to stick up for her when ever I thought my brother was taking advantage. Then one day it dawned on me that they made him that way and I can't save them from the natural consequences of their behavior anymore than they can my brother.
Posted by: breadpuddi
Posted on: 2003-02-25 12:57:09
You need to realize that your mother isn't a victim. She created the situation and she made your brother helpless.
My mother has always babied my brother and let him move back in whenever he has hit a rough spot. I used to stick up for her when ever I thought my brother was taking advantage. Then one day it dawned on me that they made him that way and I can't save them from the natural consequences of their behavior anymore than they can my brother.
I Agree
Posted by: jbodkins
Posted on: 2003-06-24 17:47:42
I just have to say, that I agree 100%! My younger sister is 25yrs old. She had 2 little girls with 2 different guys. Then, a couple years ago, she started dating a married man that has 5 kids. They have since moved in together, and had a baby. My sister refuses to work, and her boyfriend has a very hard time gettin/keeping jobs. When he does get a job, he brings home very little money from it, because it all goes for child support for his 5 kids.
My mother, who is in her 50's and very bad health, does everything for them! The kids hardly know where they live because they stay with grandma all the time. My mom goes so far as to go to the grocery store FOR them because they usually don't feel like it. My mom complains to me constantly that my sister is taking advantage of her. I have finally come to the conclusion that my sister WILL take advantage as long as my mom allows it. I try to just keep out of it as much as possible!
Posted by: jbodkins
Posted on: 2003-06-24 17:47:42
I just have to say, that I agree 100%! My younger sister is 25yrs old. She had 2 little girls with 2 different guys. Then, a couple years ago, she started dating a married man that has 5 kids. They have since moved in together, and had a baby. My sister refuses to work, and her boyfriend has a very hard time gettin/keeping jobs. When he does get a job, he brings home very little money from it, because it all goes for child support for his 5 kids.
My mother, who is in her 50's and very bad health, does everything for them! The kids hardly know where they live because they stay with grandma all the time. My mom goes so far as to go to the grocery store FOR them because they usually don't feel like it. My mom complains to me constantly that my sister is taking advantage of her. I have finally come to the conclusion that my sister WILL take advantage as long as my mom allows it. I try to just keep out of it as much as possible!
YOUR MOM NEEDS TO USE TOUGH LOVE
Posted by: 54angel
Posted on: 2004-08-13 15:19:45
Your mom has no one to blame but herself for allowing herself to enable your sister to take advantage of her. Your sister made some very bad mistakes and has learnt nothing from them. Bailing her out will teach her nothing. Time for your sister to suffer her own consequences of her behavior even if it hurts your mom. In the long run, your mom will get her self respect back and peace of mind and your sister will learn to grow up and take responsibility for her actions. Make a copy of my comment and hopefully your mom will learn to back off of her disfunctioning her daughter.
Posted by: 54angel
Posted on: 2004-08-13 15:19:45
Your mom has no one to blame but herself for allowing herself to enable your sister to take advantage of her. Your sister made some very bad mistakes and has learnt nothing from them. Bailing her out will teach her nothing. Time for your sister to suffer her own consequences of her behavior even if it hurts your mom. In the long run, your mom will get her self respect back and peace of mind and your sister will learn to grow up and take responsibility for her actions. Make a copy of my comment and hopefully your mom will learn to back off of her disfunctioning her daughter.
Your right
Posted by: you_got_it
Posted on: 2003-06-23 10:22:30
I have a 42-year-old brother that works full time and lives with a disabled mother. He has not helped out financially or with any chores, and my mom calls me up to complain that I don’t have time to help her. I have told her if he pays for 65% of the living expenses he could get credit on his taxes and she refuses to believe that or make him pay for anything.
I have three children of my own and single parent with no help from any family members at all and have to maintain all my bills and house, so there’s no time left to take care of the mother and brother that don’t want to work together to get it figured out. I wouldn’t mind if he was paying 90% of the bills and doing all the chores.
I also have a chemical dependent 22-year daughter that is living off of a couple of 70-year-old couple that she doesn’t even know. And she has asked me to move back in, and I told her to go to treatment and she hasn’t talked to me since. I think there should be a law to protect the elderly and disable so there own children and others would not be able to take advantage of them because there not able to stand up for them selves anymore.
Posted by: you_got_it
Posted on: 2003-06-23 10:22:30
I have a 42-year-old brother that works full time and lives with a disabled mother. He has not helped out financially or with any chores, and my mom calls me up to complain that I don’t have time to help her. I have told her if he pays for 65% of the living expenses he could get credit on his taxes and she refuses to believe that or make him pay for anything.
I have three children of my own and single parent with no help from any family members at all and have to maintain all my bills and house, so there’s no time left to take care of the mother and brother that don’t want to work together to get it figured out. I wouldn’t mind if he was paying 90% of the bills and doing all the chores.
I also have a chemical dependent 22-year daughter that is living off of a couple of 70-year-old couple that she doesn’t even know. And she has asked me to move back in, and I told her to go to treatment and she hasn’t talked to me since. I think there should be a law to protect the elderly and disable so there own children and others would not be able to take advantage of them because there not able to stand up for them selves anymore.
These aren't kids
Posted by: jmarziot
Posted on: 2003-06-23 15:35:39
These are grown men. I remember at 18, just so excited about being out on my own. I paid for my own college education, held two jobs in the summer, one during college and paid off all my student loans. The idea that these poor souls are suffering is a statement of our time, I think. They aren't suffering. They have it easy. A little roughness might actually make them men. I found it interesting that they were men on this show. Despite social changes in our world, I think it's still a primal thing for men to WANT to be self sufficient. But maybe I'm wrong. Shrug.
Posted by: jmarziot
Posted on: 2003-06-23 15:35:39
These are grown men. I remember at 18, just so excited about being out on my own. I paid for my own college education, held two jobs in the summer, one during college and paid off all my student loans. The idea that these poor souls are suffering is a statement of our time, I think. They aren't suffering. They have it easy. A little roughness might actually make them men. I found it interesting that they were men on this show. Despite social changes in our world, I think it's still a primal thing for men to WANT to be self sufficient. But maybe I'm wrong. Shrug.
