03/11 Ask Dr. Phil
1 | 2 | 3Dear Someone
Posted by: incomin
Posted on: 2003-03-11 11:23:42
Dear Someone, I have a ? I am married to a man for 10 years.We have 3 kids 1 is mine and 2 are ours. My stress level has been really high I have told him that the time would come I would flipout and boy did I. I have asked him to spend time with our 10 yr old by himself so the child would not feel so left out and he wont. he says he would rather spend time with the whole family . now I could be wrong but I dont know the 10 yr old blames me. Now with our other 2 kids they are 18 months and almost 3. when my 3 yr old was born she died of a left collasped lung and they brought her back . But my husband spends more time with her than anyone eles. Now for my 18 month old he was born Sept 11 2001 as the second tower fell my child came out but thats not the problem at 1 month old he got RSV and was on life support for 19 days so We have had alot of stress I now flipping out yesterday was not good but I live a bad life
Posted by: incomin
Posted on: 2003-03-11 11:23:42
Dear Someone, I have a ? I am married to a man for 10 years.We have 3 kids 1 is mine and 2 are ours. My stress level has been really high I have told him that the time would come I would flipout and boy did I. I have asked him to spend time with our 10 yr old by himself so the child would not feel so left out and he wont. he says he would rather spend time with the whole family . now I could be wrong but I dont know the 10 yr old blames me. Now with our other 2 kids they are 18 months and almost 3. when my 3 yr old was born she died of a left collasped lung and they brought her back . But my husband spends more time with her than anyone eles. Now for my 18 month old he was born Sept 11 2001 as the second tower fell my child came out but thats not the problem at 1 month old he got RSV and was on life support for 19 days so We have had alot of stress I now flipping out yesterday was not good but I live a bad life
Access to counseling???
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-03-11 11:32:38
Whoa...you certainly have been through a lot in the last few years...do you have access to counseling? You and your spouse need to get this under control before any more damage is done. He obviously has issues with the one child that isn't his, is overly attached to the one that almost died, and your stress level is sooo high that it has to be affecting your kids, not to mention your marriage.
I wish all mothers would realize that although they gave birth to their children, they are not required to give up all of their free time...you need an outlet as well, something for you. For example, do you like to exercise...have lunch with friends...go window shopping. Fathers also need to realize that when they are asked to help with the kids, they are doing what is expected of them, not BABYSITTING!
I hope you find an answer to your dilemma...You aren't alone...maybe a support group.
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-03-11 11:32:38
Whoa...you certainly have been through a lot in the last few years...do you have access to counseling? You and your spouse need to get this under control before any more damage is done. He obviously has issues with the one child that isn't his, is overly attached to the one that almost died, and your stress level is sooo high that it has to be affecting your kids, not to mention your marriage.
I wish all mothers would realize that although they gave birth to their children, they are not required to give up all of their free time...you need an outlet as well, something for you. For example, do you like to exercise...have lunch with friends...go window shopping. Fathers also need to realize that when they are asked to help with the kids, they are doing what is expected of them, not BABYSITTING!
I hope you find an answer to your dilemma...You aren't alone...maybe a support group.
Thank You
Posted by: incomin
Posted on: 2003-03-11 16:17:30
To answer some of the ??? you asked me My 10 yr old is a result of a rape My husband married me when My son was 9 months old and so he has been their ever since. We tried for 7 yrs. To have a baby and they always ended in miscarigages so when our daughter was born I asked him if he was going to change the way that he felt towards my 10 yr old. he said that he wouldnt but I see the change in both of them I made a dission 2 month ago to move to the country and get away from the city life. So I really dont know any one and I dont drive And to think I did it for my kids to give them a better life and it seams that I messed my life up. I know I have made my life what it is but wow maybe I need something eles I love my kids dearly but I need to start to love my self to Thank you all again for the notes God bless you all Sincerely Me
Posted by: incomin
Posted on: 2003-03-11 16:17:30
To answer some of the ??? you asked me My 10 yr old is a result of a rape My husband married me when My son was 9 months old and so he has been their ever since. We tried for 7 yrs. To have a baby and they always ended in miscarigages so when our daughter was born I asked him if he was going to change the way that he felt towards my 10 yr old. he said that he wouldnt but I see the change in both of them I made a dission 2 month ago to move to the country and get away from the city life. So I really dont know any one and I dont drive And to think I did it for my kids to give them a better life and it seams that I messed my life up. I know I have made my life what it is but wow maybe I need something eles I love my kids dearly but I need to start to love my self to Thank you all again for the notes God bless you all Sincerely Me
Incomin
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-03-12 00:55:48
Wow...the more you write the more depressed you seem! I hate to hear that you seem to have settled for the life that you have. How old are you? You can't be that old, definitely not too old to make some changes to better your life...First off - Learn to drive! You have got to find a way to get some personal time for your own well being. Second - Still ask for counseling and if he refuses, maybe you would be better off getting some counseling alone. Yes, you do need to start loving yourself a little more and the first step would be to start putting yourself at the top of your list of what is important. Keep in touch.
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-03-12 00:55:48
Wow...the more you write the more depressed you seem! I hate to hear that you seem to have settled for the life that you have. How old are you? You can't be that old, definitely not too old to make some changes to better your life...First off - Learn to drive! You have got to find a way to get some personal time for your own well being. Second - Still ask for counseling and if he refuses, maybe you would be better off getting some counseling alone. Yes, you do need to start loving yourself a little more and the first step would be to start putting yourself at the top of your list of what is important. Keep in touch.
Hi AGain
Posted by: incomin
Posted on: 2003-03-12 06:18:44
Ok Im 31 will be 32 in April. I know it seams that I have settled for my life but I have tried to make a change for the better The move back to the country was a better life for all the family. Monday and what happen has taught me that I need to change me for the better also to start caring for me and not letting a grown man run my life. learning to drive would be to hard Im only 4ft 7 in. tall and also Im delixe not spelled right I know that seams like an excious but real its not. Talking to you or I should say wrighting to you is helping me talk things out so thank you
Posted by: incomin
Posted on: 2003-03-12 06:18:44
Ok Im 31 will be 32 in April. I know it seams that I have settled for my life but I have tried to make a change for the better The move back to the country was a better life for all the family. Monday and what happen has taught me that I need to change me for the better also to start caring for me and not letting a grown man run my life. learning to drive would be to hard Im only 4ft 7 in. tall and also Im delixe not spelled right I know that seams like an excious but real its not. Talking to you or I should say wrighting to you is helping me talk things out so thank you
Incomin
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-03-13 17:20:23
If just writing about your problems makes you feel better, by all means, keep writing. I couldn't quite make out what you meant after you listed your height, but whatever you consider your shortcomings, look past those and try looking for your good points...I know you have some! Why don't you share some of those as well.
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-03-13 17:20:23
If just writing about your problems makes you feel better, by all means, keep writing. I couldn't quite make out what you meant after you listed your height, but whatever you consider your shortcomings, look past those and try looking for your good points...I know you have some! Why don't you share some of those as well.
Incomin...how are you???
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-04-20 23:29:07
Haven't heard from you and was just hoping that you have found some happiness...Are you OK???
Posted by: psychwife
Posted on: 2003-04-20 23:29:07
Haven't heard from you and was just hoping that you have found some happiness...Are you OK???
How are you?
Posted by: stamfcows
Posted on: 2003-03-14 11:51:08
Just keeping in touch-Hope you are doing better-
Don't let the fact that you are short keep you from learning to drive- I'm sure there are many short people who drive- There probably are ways to overcome this- Maybe you should talk to some driver instructors about that concern.
It sounds like you could use some support- Do you have friends nearby who could offer you moral support and encouragement? Find some if you don't. There are many support groups out there just waiting to help.
Let me hear how things are going.
Sincerely,
stamfcows
Posted by: stamfcows
Posted on: 2003-03-14 11:51:08
Just keeping in touch-Hope you are doing better-
Don't let the fact that you are short keep you from learning to drive- I'm sure there are many short people who drive- There probably are ways to overcome this- Maybe you should talk to some driver instructors about that concern.
It sounds like you could use some support- Do you have friends nearby who could offer you moral support and encouragement? Find some if you don't. There are many support groups out there just waiting to help.
Let me hear how things are going.
Sincerely,
stamfcows
Re: Dear Someone
Posted by: stamfcows
Posted on: 2003-03-11 11:36:27
It sounds like your husband has never fully accepted your child as his own-What I mean, even though this child isn't his biological child, when he married you, this child became his responsility as well. I think you need to find out if this is part of your problem- You should talk with a professional quickly before you have yet another crisis to deal with.
Is the father of your child involved in the boy's life at all???
Posted by: stamfcows
Posted on: 2003-03-11 11:36:27
It sounds like your husband has never fully accepted your child as his own-What I mean, even though this child isn't his biological child, when he married you, this child became his responsility as well. I think you need to find out if this is part of your problem- You should talk with a professional quickly before you have yet another crisis to deal with.
Is the father of your child involved in the boy's life at all???
the governor of Kentucky's affair
Posted by: marybeth10
Posted on: 2003-03-11 15:32:12
I don't buy for one minute the story given today by the woman who had the affair with the governor. This comes from my own experience of being the wife who was betrayed. She is now saying that he abused his power, what she really means is that it was OK when he used his power to help her, but when she broke off from him he no longer had a reason to help her out so it now becomes abuse. What I consider abuse is what these two selfish people did to both their families. These innocent people will never fully recover from this, I know. I don't believe for a minute that she did not come on to him first at the fund raiser she spoke about today. I think it was the same deal as Monica Lewinsky, this woman was attracted by his title and power. Let's face it she admitted to living in a small rural community, what bigger thrill than to be the mistress of the holder of the highest office in the state. A man like him, who has a lot to lose does not call just any one to proposition them out of the blue. I think she made it clear to him from the beginning that she was available. She is such a phony and I wish that Dr. Phil had not danced around the real facts of the case. I think she appeared on the show to look pathetic and remorseful(which I think was an act). She's sorry she was caught and still wants the same favors from the Governor concerning her nursing home. She claimed to save America from having another crooked Senator, which is why she said she came forward. She came forw
Posted by: marybeth10
Posted on: 2003-03-11 15:32:12
I don't buy for one minute the story given today by the woman who had the affair with the governor. This comes from my own experience of being the wife who was betrayed. She is now saying that he abused his power, what she really means is that it was OK when he used his power to help her, but when she broke off from him he no longer had a reason to help her out so it now becomes abuse. What I consider abuse is what these two selfish people did to both their families. These innocent people will never fully recover from this, I know. I don't believe for a minute that she did not come on to him first at the fund raiser she spoke about today. I think it was the same deal as Monica Lewinsky, this woman was attracted by his title and power. Let's face it she admitted to living in a small rural community, what bigger thrill than to be the mistress of the holder of the highest office in the state. A man like him, who has a lot to lose does not call just any one to proposition them out of the blue. I think she made it clear to him from the beginning that she was available. She is such a phony and I wish that Dr. Phil had not danced around the real facts of the case. I think she appeared on the show to look pathetic and remorseful(which I think was an act). She's sorry she was caught and still wants the same favors from the Governor concerning her nursing home. She claimed to save America from having another crooked Senator, which is why she said she came forward. She came forw
A Ky view
Posted by: psywife
Posted on: 2003-03-11 19:17:02
I am a resident of KY and well aware of the
affair of our governor. Mary, I think you are a little hard on the woman. While I do not condone such actions I agree with the other post that he too played a part in the whole thing. I am sure everyone has made mistakes in thier life and regretted them.
(Those without sin cast the first stone.) Anyone who has ever been involved with politics knows all to well how they abuse thier positions and offices.
Posted by: psywife
Posted on: 2003-03-11 19:17:02
I am a resident of KY and well aware of the
affair of our governor. Mary, I think you are a little hard on the woman. While I do not condone such actions I agree with the other post that he too played a part in the whole thing. I am sure everyone has made mistakes in thier life and regretted them.
(Those without sin cast the first stone.) Anyone who has ever been involved with politics knows all to well how they abuse thier positions and offices.
Exactly right, Marybeth!
Posted by: bernagirl
Posted on: 2003-03-11 23:32:42
I live in Kentucky not far from Clinton where Tina Connor lives. This story has been all over my nightly news since it came out. What everyone must remember is that today's show wasn't taped today or yesterday or even a week ago. It was taped several weeks ago BEFORE Tina Connor proved herself to be a fake. She didn't barricade herself into her home like she said. She chased every television camera & microphone & made statements to anyone she thought might give her the attention she wanted. This show was taped BEFORE she talked to a news crew (I've seen the tape on my nightly news) where she laughed & bragged about (in her words) "f***ing" the governor. She was a bad businesswoman and an even worse human being and wanted to place the blame on Paul Patton instead of in her own back yard where it belongs. In the mean time she managed to get her 15 minutes. Tina Connor isn't someone who should be praised or given sympathy. She's a victim of her own actions--nothing more.
Posted by: bernagirl
Posted on: 2003-03-11 23:32:42
I live in Kentucky not far from Clinton where Tina Connor lives. This story has been all over my nightly news since it came out. What everyone must remember is that today's show wasn't taped today or yesterday or even a week ago. It was taped several weeks ago BEFORE Tina Connor proved herself to be a fake. She didn't barricade herself into her home like she said. She chased every television camera & microphone & made statements to anyone she thought might give her the attention she wanted. This show was taped BEFORE she talked to a news crew (I've seen the tape on my nightly news) where she laughed & bragged about (in her words) "f***ing" the governor. She was a bad businesswoman and an even worse human being and wanted to place the blame on Paul Patton instead of in her own back yard where it belongs. In the mean time she managed to get her 15 minutes. Tina Connor isn't someone who should be praised or given sympathy. She's a victim of her own actions--nothing more.
The Governor of Kentucky's Affair
Posted by: kckrach
Posted on: 2003-03-12 13:33:48
I was impressed with the candor of the woman who had the affair with the Governor of Kentucky. And also with her courage for speaking out on an embarrassing and humiliating experience for both her and her family. The governor DID abuse his power when he initiated the affair. The woman used poor judgement when she chose to enter into that relationship, but I totally believe it was up to the Governor to take full responsibility for it. What kind of example does he set for the rest of us? And who wants a leader who can't even live an honest life in his own home? How can we trust someone like that to care about our welfare?? This woman has set on a course to get her life in order despite the pain it causes others, and the humiliation she is feeling. That takes guts. And as for Monica Lewinsky, President Clinton was a national embarrassment! To take advantage of a young, star-struck young woman was unforgivable. How can one totally blame "the other woman"? Sure, she came into a marriage but the husband didn't turn her away. HE is responsible for his actions. Women do not lure married men away. They walk away from their marriages of their own free will. Period. And to say that the victims will never recover is wrong. Any adversity should be used as an opportunity to grow, not to spend the rest of one's life wallowing in self pity. There is a lesson to be learned, no matter how difficult the situation.
Posted by: kckrach
Posted on: 2003-03-12 13:33:48
I was impressed with the candor of the woman who had the affair with the Governor of Kentucky. And also with her courage for speaking out on an embarrassing and humiliating experience for both her and her family. The governor DID abuse his power when he initiated the affair. The woman used poor judgement when she chose to enter into that relationship, but I totally believe it was up to the Governor to take full responsibility for it. What kind of example does he set for the rest of us? And who wants a leader who can't even live an honest life in his own home? How can we trust someone like that to care about our welfare?? This woman has set on a course to get her life in order despite the pain it causes others, and the humiliation she is feeling. That takes guts. And as for Monica Lewinsky, President Clinton was a national embarrassment! To take advantage of a young, star-struck young woman was unforgivable. How can one totally blame "the other woman"? Sure, she came into a marriage but the husband didn't turn her away. HE is responsible for his actions. Women do not lure married men away. They walk away from their marriages of their own free will. Period. And to say that the victims will never recover is wrong. Any adversity should be used as an opportunity to grow, not to spend the rest of one's life wallowing in self pity. There is a lesson to be learned, no matter how difficult the situation.
Affair
Posted by: lahart2653
Posted on: 2003-03-12 23:31:45
I was also impressed with the woman who had the affair with Governor of Kentucky. I found myself in the same place, but the affair I had was with my psychologist, talk about the abuse of power. I made a poor choice, I was seeking out help and was taken advantage of, and the aftercome of the public eye view was both overwhelming and embarrassing. Yes,I did notify the State of California-which in turn notifed the DA-and every TV station and newspaper pick up a copy of the legal paper work and printed and talked about on the news channel. My personal life and marriage was invaded in everyway possible. Yes, the abuse of power that one person can have over another is hard to understand, thinking that it could not happen to you, but it can in thw weakest point of your life. It's time for all women and children to speak out and not be abused mentally anymore.
Posted by: lahart2653
Posted on: 2003-03-12 23:31:45
I was also impressed with the woman who had the affair with Governor of Kentucky. I found myself in the same place, but the affair I had was with my psychologist, talk about the abuse of power. I made a poor choice, I was seeking out help and was taken advantage of, and the aftercome of the public eye view was both overwhelming and embarrassing. Yes,I did notify the State of California-which in turn notifed the DA-and every TV station and newspaper pick up a copy of the legal paper work and printed and talked about on the news channel. My personal life and marriage was invaded in everyway possible. Yes, the abuse of power that one person can have over another is hard to understand, thinking that it could not happen to you, but it can in thw weakest point of your life. It's time for all women and children to speak out and not be abused mentally anymore.
Sex and Your Children
Posted by: allison04
Posted on: 2003-03-11 16:05:48
I grew up in a wonderful home and I love my parents very much but the LAST thing I wanted to hear was my parent's having sex! Our home was much like the caller's, small house and thin walls. My parent's would always wait until we went to bed but sometimes I would wake up and hear it. It was embarrassing and extremely awkward and effected the way I grew up thinking about sex. Given the way the unintentional exposure to my parent's intimate life affected me, any parent who KNOWINGLY exposes their children to their sex-life can be damaging their kids in numerous, unexpected ways. From risking kids loosing respect for their parent(s) to kids thinking that "its just a natural act so it doesn't really matter how and with whom I have it", irresponsible, careless sex like the situation the caller described is not a good idea.
Posted by: allison04
Posted on: 2003-03-11 16:05:48
I grew up in a wonderful home and I love my parents very much but the LAST thing I wanted to hear was my parent's having sex! Our home was much like the caller's, small house and thin walls. My parent's would always wait until we went to bed but sometimes I would wake up and hear it. It was embarrassing and extremely awkward and effected the way I grew up thinking about sex. Given the way the unintentional exposure to my parent's intimate life affected me, any parent who KNOWINGLY exposes their children to their sex-life can be damaging their kids in numerous, unexpected ways. From risking kids loosing respect for their parent(s) to kids thinking that "its just a natural act so it doesn't really matter how and with whom I have it", irresponsible, careless sex like the situation the caller described is not a good idea.
Posted by: bttrfly376
Posted on: 2003-03-11 18:16:28
I also grew up in a family with five children and we (my family was and is very close) we also heard my parents making love and it has not effected our lives or the lives of my children if anything it help to know that when two parents are in love there is intamcy involved so who's to say it is a bad thing.. I think you should look at the whole picture of a relationship and not just at one aspect of it
hearing sex
Posted by: ssealy
Posted on: 2003-03-13 08:22:45
Hearing my parents having sex can be tolerated, however hearing my mom having sex with a man who is not my dad! I don t think so. Show some kind of restraint. What do you think the guy is thinking? Imagine how he's enjoying giving it to her while there's an audience.
Posted by: ssealy
Posted on: 2003-03-13 08:22:45
Hearing my parents having sex can be tolerated, however hearing my mom having sex with a man who is not my dad! I don t think so. Show some kind of restraint. What do you think the guy is thinking? Imagine how he's enjoying giving it to her while there's an audience.
I have to agree with Dr. Phil
Posted by: mizboop_40
Posted on: 2003-03-11 18:44:18
I was happy to read that not all children are adversely affected when they "overhear" their parents in the bedroom, I have to agree with Dr. Phil. NO, NO, NO we should not willingly let our children be a part of our intimacy with our significant other! I am all for being open and honest with children about sex - however I am not for sharing the act itself! My philosophy with my children (now ages 26 and almost 24) was "you can ask me anything at all about sex, but you can not ask me for details about my sex life"! Most children don't want to hear it...I wonder if Claire has asked the children how they feel about this??
Posted by: mizboop_40
Posted on: 2003-03-11 18:44:18
I was happy to read that not all children are adversely affected when they "overhear" their parents in the bedroom, I have to agree with Dr. Phil. NO, NO, NO we should not willingly let our children be a part of our intimacy with our significant other! I am all for being open and honest with children about sex - however I am not for sharing the act itself! My philosophy with my children (now ages 26 and almost 24) was "you can ask me anything at all about sex, but you can not ask me for details about my sex life"! Most children don't want to hear it...I wonder if Claire has asked the children how they feel about this??
sex and your children
Posted by: foxeyasuar
Posted on: 2003-03-11 22:27:31
I personally don't feel that you should have sex with your boyfriend while the kids are home if this is what you insist on doing. You are not seting a very good moral example for your children let alone the embarrassment. How would you react if your kids brought home some one and wanted to have sex with them in your home. They would always say to you well Mom you did it why can't I. I see it as a moral issue and it shows a lot of disrespect on your part with your boyfriend and the children. If this is the thing you want to do go somewhere else away from the children out of your home. Now if you were married it would be another issue. If you were married then be very descrete when the kids are gone or asleep. Sex is supposed to be something beautiful between a married couple, not a display for all to see and hear. Our children immatate and react to what their parents teach them and what they see when we think they aren't looking. It's up to us as parents to guide and teach them good morals and values. If we don't then who else will? I think it is time you quit being so self centered and quit thinking about your needs and start worrying about how the kids will feel after the fact.
Posted by: foxeyasuar
Posted on: 2003-03-11 22:27:31
I personally don't feel that you should have sex with your boyfriend while the kids are home if this is what you insist on doing. You are not seting a very good moral example for your children let alone the embarrassment. How would you react if your kids brought home some one and wanted to have sex with them in your home. They would always say to you well Mom you did it why can't I. I see it as a moral issue and it shows a lot of disrespect on your part with your boyfriend and the children. If this is the thing you want to do go somewhere else away from the children out of your home. Now if you were married it would be another issue. If you were married then be very descrete when the kids are gone or asleep. Sex is supposed to be something beautiful between a married couple, not a display for all to see and hear. Our children immatate and react to what their parents teach them and what they see when we think they aren't looking. It's up to us as parents to guide and teach them good morals and values. If we don't then who else will? I think it is time you quit being so self centered and quit thinking about your needs and start worrying about how the kids will feel after the fact.
Intense fear of bees and wasps etc.
Posted by: missymacaw
Posted on: 2003-03-11 16:13:54
I have an intense fear of bees, wasps, yellow jacket, etc.. Everytime I see one I run and scream, have jumped in water, etc. My husbands says just walk away slowly but my adrenline is running and I can't do slow.
I went through the scenio as Dr. Phil says but I am allergic to bees and can die if am stung, if I don't have my allergy kit with me. Will this pobia treatment work with me if I try it or not. What do you think. I do see my self as dying if I am stung and that is why I am so terrified.
Now about the lady having sex with her boyfriend. Come on your children probably are having sex away from the home so you should do the same.
Missy
Posted by: missymacaw
Posted on: 2003-03-11 16:13:54
I have an intense fear of bees, wasps, yellow jacket, etc.. Everytime I see one I run and scream, have jumped in water, etc. My husbands says just walk away slowly but my adrenline is running and I can't do slow.
I went through the scenio as Dr. Phil says but I am allergic to bees and can die if am stung, if I don't have my allergy kit with me. Will this pobia treatment work with me if I try it or not. What do you think. I do see my self as dying if I am stung and that is why I am so terrified.
Now about the lady having sex with her boyfriend. Come on your children probably are having sex away from the home so you should do the same.
Missy
