08/24 Extreme Behaviors
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Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-21 08:33:14
My Dad was a cross dresser andwe had no problem. It was something my mother insisted atyed at home only. So they had no social life and dad was hurried into male clothes if there was a visitor of any kind. It made no difference to us children, mostly. The only thing was husbands-to-be needed to be told. But thi swas 40 years ago!!
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-21 08:33:14
My Dad was a cross dresser andwe had no problem. It was something my mother insisted atyed at home only. So they had no social life and dad was hurried into male clothes if there was a visitor of any kind. It made no difference to us children, mostly. The only thing was husbands-to-be needed to be told. But thi swas 40 years ago!!
She has to decide if she can live with it!
Posted by: awarner1
Posted on: 2004-05-21 09:55:34
She's not going to change him, so she has to make sure that she understands that and can live with it forever. They dern well better not have any kids until all the feelings between them are resolved.
Posted by: awarner1
Posted on: 2004-05-21 09:55:34
She's not going to change him, so she has to make sure that she understands that and can live with it forever. They dern well better not have any kids until all the feelings between them are resolved.
History
Posted by: stevew2
Posted on: 2004-05-21 16:29:55
I wonder how long he hid this from her. My guess is that he hid this trait he has for a while. By that time she was "in love" etc. It makes it harder for her to walk away now.
Steve
Posted by: stevew2
Posted on: 2004-05-21 16:29:55
I wonder how long he hid this from her. My guess is that he hid this trait he has for a while. By that time she was "in love" etc. It makes it harder for her to walk away now.
Steve
Harder, but not impossible
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-21 21:05:12
Honestly, I don't care how much in love I was, if I found this out about my new boyfriend, I would no longer feel the love.
It's still her choice. Love or not. You can love someone and choose to not have them in your life. Life with someone is like a pie cut into many pieces. Love is one piece. If all you have is that one piece, and the rest of the pie (honesty, trust, common goals, shared morals and values, etc.) is gone, that one piece isn't going to fill you up. The other pieces are just as important.
LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!!
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-21 21:05:12
Honestly, I don't care how much in love I was, if I found this out about my new boyfriend, I would no longer feel the love.
It's still her choice. Love or not. You can love someone and choose to not have them in your life. Life with someone is like a pie cut into many pieces. Love is one piece. If all you have is that one piece, and the rest of the pie (honesty, trust, common goals, shared morals and values, etc.) is gone, that one piece isn't going to fill you up. The other pieces are just as important.
LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!!
Very Wise
Posted by: kochkie
Posted on: 2004-05-22 06:20:04
I completely agree with you. Just love is NEVER enough. That's the problem with so many relationships. They think love will conquer all, and that is ia simplistic, childish view of life. But you have to give her credit for at least asking the right questions BEFORE marriage and babies. I too feel that she will never accept this and neither could I. They both seem like good people. Let them move on and find their life somewhere else, becuse I don't think they can have a life together.
Posted by: kochkie
Posted on: 2004-05-22 06:20:04
I completely agree with you. Just love is NEVER enough. That's the problem with so many relationships. They think love will conquer all, and that is ia simplistic, childish view of life. But you have to give her credit for at least asking the right questions BEFORE marriage and babies. I too feel that she will never accept this and neither could I. They both seem like good people. Let them move on and find their life somewhere else, becuse I don't think they can have a life together.
Love Is Enough
Posted by: melaniepeg
Posted on: 2004-08-24 12:20:29
I am a 65 year old crossresser. My first wife divorced me because of the crossdressing and sought her knight in shining armour. I met and married my current wife of 24 years who not only accepted me but became one of the world's leading authorities on crossdressers. She researched the topic and over 10 years wrote four books on the topic of crossdressing. My first wife, 2 weeks before her sudden death, told me that she did not find her man in shining armour. She said she made a mistake and should have remained with her man in shining armour who also liked to sometimes dress as a woman.
Posted by: melaniepeg
Posted on: 2004-08-24 12:20:29
I am a 65 year old crossresser. My first wife divorced me because of the crossdressing and sought her knight in shining armour. I met and married my current wife of 24 years who not only accepted me but became one of the world's leading authorities on crossdressers. She researched the topic and over 10 years wrote four books on the topic of crossdressing. My first wife, 2 weeks before her sudden death, told me that she did not find her man in shining armour. She said she made a mistake and should have remained with her man in shining armour who also liked to sometimes dress as a woman.
I wear skirts
Posted by: pheromones
Posted on: 2004-05-31 13:19:52
Here is how this show segment related to me. I am a 57 year old male who spent years and years "not feeling male enough", thinking what women want is a "John Wayne to take care of them". It took a long time to understand that it was other men that look to the "John Waynes" of the world. I can explain exactly where it came from but that is neither here nor there. What I have come to understand is that I am on a continuum between John Wayne and Brittany Spears and I feel most comfortable when I exhibit both kinds of qualities.
I feel fortunate for several reasons. One, I do not need to feel completely female, with no need for wigs, makeup or bras. I shave and wear long skirts and wraps. I am handsome, not pretty and want to project a sense of both male and female qualities. The fear of being different is beginning to subside. Not all of the world will loath me for being different. I feel much more centered and personally powerful although that is the wrong word, maybe real is the word. Secondly, I am single. My marriage of 32 years ended 5 years ago unassociated with this issue so I do not have a spouse involved who might or might not feel ok about it. Being real with the world, I have told my two children. The mens group to which I have belonged for 10 years has also been exceedly supportive.
I am now finally beginning to look for a new relationship as a whole person. Any woman to whom I give my love will share with me all of herself and she will love all of me. And that folks, will make a great relationship. I hope to encounter the rest of my life with more personal truth, integrity, love and compassion. May we all ask that of our loved ones.
Posted by: pheromones
Posted on: 2004-05-31 13:19:52
Here is how this show segment related to me. I am a 57 year old male who spent years and years "not feeling male enough", thinking what women want is a "John Wayne to take care of them". It took a long time to understand that it was other men that look to the "John Waynes" of the world. I can explain exactly where it came from but that is neither here nor there. What I have come to understand is that I am on a continuum between John Wayne and Brittany Spears and I feel most comfortable when I exhibit both kinds of qualities.
I feel fortunate for several reasons. One, I do not need to feel completely female, with no need for wigs, makeup or bras. I shave and wear long skirts and wraps. I am handsome, not pretty and want to project a sense of both male and female qualities. The fear of being different is beginning to subside. Not all of the world will loath me for being different. I feel much more centered and personally powerful although that is the wrong word, maybe real is the word. Secondly, I am single. My marriage of 32 years ended 5 years ago unassociated with this issue so I do not have a spouse involved who might or might not feel ok about it. Being real with the world, I have told my two children. The mens group to which I have belonged for 10 years has also been exceedly supportive.
I am now finally beginning to look for a new relationship as a whole person. Any woman to whom I give my love will share with me all of herself and she will love all of me. And that folks, will make a great relationship. I hope to encounter the rest of my life with more personal truth, integrity, love and compassion. May we all ask that of our loved ones.
You don't call that a problem??????
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-21 21:02:39
Your mother insisting your father do it HER way, and then rushing to get dressed into male clothes at every knock wasn't a problem???? I guess we have different definitions of the word "problem".
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-21 21:02:39
Your mother insisting your father do it HER way, and then rushing to get dressed into male clothes at every knock wasn't a problem???? I guess we have different definitions of the word "problem".
problem- no
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-22 18:43:15
Nope, no problem, his family did not mind. This was the 1950's. I agree with the principle of 'do what you want to in private' The number of visitors was less than three in ten years. BTW mother-in-law and sister-in-law plus three daughters drowned the poor guy ( all living in the same two bed house, 'cos that's all there was after the war).
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-22 18:43:15
Nope, no problem, his family did not mind. This was the 1950's. I agree with the principle of 'do what you want to in private' The number of visitors was less than three in ten years. BTW mother-in-law and sister-in-law plus three daughters drowned the poor guy ( all living in the same two bed house, 'cos that's all there was after the war).
Problem-YES
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-23 11:05:21
The fact that he wasn't "allowed" to leave the house because of how his wife REALLY felt about it is in and of itself a problem. Obviously she DID have a problem with it.
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-23 11:05:21
The fact that he wasn't "allowed" to leave the house because of how his wife REALLY felt about it is in and of itself a problem. Obviously she DID have a problem with it.
interested listener
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:42:06
My father left the house each day in normal male clothing,to bicycle for 12 miles each way to work, as a washer up in a cafeteria (in the days when there were no washing up machines). Yes, my mother had a problem with him being seen outside the house as a cross dresser, but not at home. In the days of McCarthyism I don't think many people could have done otherwise. My mother provided the clothes he wore! He would have lost his job, when there were very few jobs around. No woman could sign a lease or buy a house without a male guarantor (working), most of the men having died in the war. Women were expected to give up war work as welders, storemen etc so the men could have work so women only got work cleaning and washing. They could not afford public rejection. He was free to leave the house but in male clothing. I don't know how mother would react now, if he could could keep his job then probably ok - btw, he would never allow her to wear pants anywhere also socially not acceptable, not even at home! They respected each others needs.
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:42:06
My father left the house each day in normal male clothing,to bicycle for 12 miles each way to work, as a washer up in a cafeteria (in the days when there were no washing up machines). Yes, my mother had a problem with him being seen outside the house as a cross dresser, but not at home. In the days of McCarthyism I don't think many people could have done otherwise. My mother provided the clothes he wore! He would have lost his job, when there were very few jobs around. No woman could sign a lease or buy a house without a male guarantor (working), most of the men having died in the war. Women were expected to give up war work as welders, storemen etc so the men could have work so women only got work cleaning and washing. They could not afford public rejection. He was free to leave the house but in male clothing. I don't know how mother would react now, if he could could keep his job then probably ok - btw, he would never allow her to wear pants anywhere also socially not acceptable, not even at home! They respected each others needs.
This is sick, get a real man
Posted by: agamemnon
Posted on: 2004-05-21 23:14:04
He's only a boyfriend now she should give this guy the Jonah toss and get on with her life, she's a nice looking woman and shouldn't have to hard of a time finding a good man to share a life with.
From what I can gather her boyfriend had a rocky relationship with his father and in my opinion has much to do with his confusion about his masculinity, it's emotional baggage she doesn't need and whose to say five years after they get married and have kids he wants to have a sex change operation. Just not worth it!
Posted by: agamemnon
Posted on: 2004-05-21 23:14:04
He's only a boyfriend now she should give this guy the Jonah toss and get on with her life, she's a nice looking woman and shouldn't have to hard of a time finding a good man to share a life with.
From what I can gather her boyfriend had a rocky relationship with his father and in my opinion has much to do with his confusion about his masculinity, it's emotional baggage she doesn't need and whose to say five years after they get married and have kids he wants to have a sex change operation. Just not worth it!
Plus no social life??
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-23 11:09:05
I fogot to mention the part where you said: "so they HAD NO SOCIAL LIFE". Yeah, THAT'S not a problem. Holing yourselves up like hermits and not socializing. And dad was hurried into male clothes to hide the it from everyone who THINKS they know you and your family.
Yeah, THOSE aren't problems. Yep, THAT'S a healthy way to live and be a role model for your children. Nope, no problems THERE.
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-23 11:09:05
I fogot to mention the part where you said: "so they HAD NO SOCIAL LIFE". Yeah, THAT'S not a problem. Holing yourselves up like hermits and not socializing. And dad was hurried into male clothes to hide the it from everyone who THINKS they know you and your family.
Yeah, THOSE aren't problems. Yep, THAT'S a healthy way to live and be a role model for your children. Nope, no problems THERE.
reply
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:42:07
Social life in those days was family, rather different . His family was on the 'premises'. Not everyone is externally sociable. My mother kept tight control of fiscal risks, because there was very little money. Yet Father took classes in massage - but hated touching people, bought a broken car to learn how to fix it... wrote unpublishable material, invented things, one day his ship would come home.
Ps. no one knew my family except family. We all had outside worlds that never met at our house. Children were not first on the priority list, but the wage earner was. My social skills are not great but I have degrees in chemistry, physics etc so one gift balances the other. I have taught my daughter to bring problems home, not depend on her peers, seems better to me. Coffee at ten pm for those still awake, with no Tv, radio etc for conversation.
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:42:07
Social life in those days was family, rather different . His family was on the 'premises'. Not everyone is externally sociable. My mother kept tight control of fiscal risks, because there was very little money. Yet Father took classes in massage - but hated touching people, bought a broken car to learn how to fix it... wrote unpublishable material, invented things, one day his ship would come home.
Ps. no one knew my family except family. We all had outside worlds that never met at our house. Children were not first on the priority list, but the wage earner was. My social skills are not great but I have degrees in chemistry, physics etc so one gift balances the other. I have taught my daughter to bring problems home, not depend on her peers, seems better to me. Coffee at ten pm for those still awake, with no Tv, radio etc for conversation.
What's your point?
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:44:56
I read your posts but have no idea what your point is.
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:44:56
I read your posts but have no idea what your point is.
the point
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:45:57
family can accomodate a cross dresser, we had an approach that worked for us. It depends on the strength of the relationship between the two adults, and their respect for each other.
Posted by: coultersca
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:45:57
family can accomodate a cross dresser, we had an approach that worked for us. It depends on the strength of the relationship between the two adults, and their respect for each other.
Thanks for answering
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-25 18:42:09
I don't believe crossedressing should EVER be imposed on a child. As far as I'm concerned that's complete irresponsibility. But if two adults agree to live that way, fine. The gal on the show did have a problem with it. In my opinion, his crossdressing was not her problem. Why she continued to allow herself to feel uncomfortable and stay in the middle of it IS her problem. It could have been any behavior that she didn't feel she could condone. Whether shop lifting, or verbal abuse (and don't tell me I'm comparing a NON crime to a crime, that remains the same), if SHE continues in the relationship while complaining about it at the same time, then she gets what she gets. Like Dr. Phil says, she must be getting some kind of payoff from this or it wouldn't be worth her trouble. At this point, she's not a victim, she's a volunteer.
Posted by: shahnster
Posted on: 2004-05-25 18:42:09
I don't believe crossedressing should EVER be imposed on a child. As far as I'm concerned that's complete irresponsibility. But if two adults agree to live that way, fine. The gal on the show did have a problem with it. In my opinion, his crossdressing was not her problem. Why she continued to allow herself to feel uncomfortable and stay in the middle of it IS her problem. It could have been any behavior that she didn't feel she could condone. Whether shop lifting, or verbal abuse (and don't tell me I'm comparing a NON crime to a crime, that remains the same), if SHE continues in the relationship while complaining about it at the same time, then she gets what she gets. Like Dr. Phil says, she must be getting some kind of payoff from this or it wouldn't be worth her trouble. At this point, she's not a victim, she's a volunteer.
PLEASE....
Posted by: purselove
Posted on: 2004-08-24 17:02:06
It should never be imposed upon a child to see her father dressed as a woman. Your father was obviously very confused. I'll be very truthful here... I find it disturbing to hear your story. I am by no means closed minded. This is something that your father should have never done in front of you as a child. If he needed to do it so badly he could have done it while the children were at school, playing.. whatever! I'm sure it confused you as a child. Please, be honest here... Maybe you don't realize it but other can? Who knows, it's disgusting and disturbing!
Posted by: purselove
Posted on: 2004-08-24 17:02:06
It should never be imposed upon a child to see her father dressed as a woman. Your father was obviously very confused. I'll be very truthful here... I find it disturbing to hear your story. I am by no means closed minded. This is something that your father should have never done in front of you as a child. If he needed to do it so badly he could have done it while the children were at school, playing.. whatever! I'm sure it confused you as a child. Please, be honest here... Maybe you don't realize it but other can? Who knows, it's disgusting and disturbing!
Crossdresser??
Posted by: sandrah76
Posted on: 2004-08-25 08:43:32
I did not see the show yesterday, but from my personal experience, the woman from the show should think long and hard before continuing this relationship. There are many support groups both for crossdressers and their significant others.
My "husband" was merely a crossdresser when we married 10 years ago. But the more I allowed the expression of self, the more "he" realized he was really a transexual. Now "he" has been living full-time as a woman for 5 years and goes to work this way everyday. The people at work have accepted her and she has been promoted a couple of times.
The impact, however, on our marriage has been hard. We are great friends, but really just roommates. It is impossible for me to have an intimate relationship because I am not a lesbian. Therefore, I have to seek sexual comfort elswhere. This is really no way to live, but I love my spouse and don't want to go through the pain of divorce and the search for someone else when I feel everyone has some sort of baggage. I do have to say that my spouse is loving, kind, and treats me very well. Women have a tendency to base their self esteem on the man in their life. If the man is less than a man, then the woman must be less than a woman. I finally worked through these issues. I have a happy life with two children from a previous marriage. We have been through a lot of emotional times, but my children accept their step "mom" and have learned tolerance of those who are different. I also have a grand child now and we call my spouse "grandma". When my grand child is old enough to comprehend, then we will explain about "Grandma".
This issue can be integrated into a relationship, but it takes a lot of love and commitment from both parties. It also takes a lot of truth and trust. Good Luck!!
Posted by: sandrah76
Posted on: 2004-08-25 08:43:32
I did not see the show yesterday, but from my personal experience, the woman from the show should think long and hard before continuing this relationship. There are many support groups both for crossdressers and their significant others.
My "husband" was merely a crossdresser when we married 10 years ago. But the more I allowed the expression of self, the more "he" realized he was really a transexual. Now "he" has been living full-time as a woman for 5 years and goes to work this way everyday. The people at work have accepted her and she has been promoted a couple of times.
The impact, however, on our marriage has been hard. We are great friends, but really just roommates. It is impossible for me to have an intimate relationship because I am not a lesbian. Therefore, I have to seek sexual comfort elswhere. This is really no way to live, but I love my spouse and don't want to go through the pain of divorce and the search for someone else when I feel everyone has some sort of baggage. I do have to say that my spouse is loving, kind, and treats me very well. Women have a tendency to base their self esteem on the man in their life. If the man is less than a man, then the woman must be less than a woman. I finally worked through these issues. I have a happy life with two children from a previous marriage. We have been through a lot of emotional times, but my children accept their step "mom" and have learned tolerance of those who are different. I also have a grand child now and we call my spouse "grandma". When my grand child is old enough to comprehend, then we will explain about "Grandma".
This issue can be integrated into a relationship, but it takes a lot of love and commitment from both parties. It also takes a lot of truth and trust. Good Luck!!
Posted by: dadsgirl88
Posted on: 2004-05-23 21:26:28
I wish someone would have told me 50 years ago about cross-dressers. I was a teen-age bride with no knowledge about this sort of behavior. It was 27 years of hell!
