08/25 Relationship Rescue Retreat Finale
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9vinnie and donna
Posted by: dianemm24
Posted on: 2004-06-01 10:14:43
I think that it's so important for donna to know who the other woman was for a few reasons--not knowing translates into that it's more important for the other woman to be protected than for her feelings to be validated and protected--donna is the wife willing to forgive and wanting to continue to love vinnie, and yet it may seem to her that not only does she have to accept that in some point in time she wasn't good enough for her husband, but she also has to accept that she's not important enough wallowing in her heartbreak that she should be NAMED more important to her own relationship than this mystery woman.
she shouldn't know ...she should get beyond it, because in her not knowing it hasn't been conveyed to her that she's actually being more protected than the other woman...it hasn't benn spelled out to her that not giving an identity to the other woman is in fact saying she's a nobody compared to donna.
Posted by: dianemm24
Posted on: 2004-06-01 10:14:43
I think that it's so important for donna to know who the other woman was for a few reasons--not knowing translates into that it's more important for the other woman to be protected than for her feelings to be validated and protected--donna is the wife willing to forgive and wanting to continue to love vinnie, and yet it may seem to her that not only does she have to accept that in some point in time she wasn't good enough for her husband, but she also has to accept that she's not important enough wallowing in her heartbreak that she should be NAMED more important to her own relationship than this mystery woman.
she shouldn't know ...she should get beyond it, because in her not knowing it hasn't been conveyed to her that she's actually being more protected than the other woman...it hasn't benn spelled out to her that not giving an identity to the other woman is in fact saying she's a nobody compared to donna.
I HATE YOU DON'T LEAVE ME
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 11:19:04
Run Vinnie Run!!!
Admit it, Donna's behavior is extreme! If you decide to stay involved with Donna, you can learn more about her by reading about the subject of BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
Contrary to what Donna may claim, her behavior will have devasting effects on her children because her vindictive, volitile and unpredictable behavior will not stop with you.
Donna has serious TRUST issues from her childhood (sexual, physical, emotional abuse or neglect) and so will the children she raises. Why? Because they won't be able to trust Donna with their emotions. Donna is a fighter and badgeror and is addicted to fighting and badgering. And age will have no bounds.
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 11:19:04
Run Vinnie Run!!!
Admit it, Donna's behavior is extreme! If you decide to stay involved with Donna, you can learn more about her by reading about the subject of BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
Contrary to what Donna may claim, her behavior will have devasting effects on her children because her vindictive, volitile and unpredictable behavior will not stop with you.
Donna has serious TRUST issues from her childhood (sexual, physical, emotional abuse or neglect) and so will the children she raises. Why? Because they won't be able to trust Donna with their emotions. Donna is a fighter and badgeror and is addicted to fighting and badgering. And age will have no bounds.
DIVORCING A BORDERLINE OR NARCISSIST
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 14:58:58
Vinne,
Strictly coincidental that I discovered this book:
SPLITTING:
Protecting
Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist by William Eddy, (Forward) by Mike Roe
It may only be available via www.bpdcentral.com
Hope it helps!
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 14:58:58
Vinne,
Strictly coincidental that I discovered this book:
SPLITTING:
Protecting
Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist by William Eddy, (Forward) by Mike Roe
It may only be available via www.bpdcentral.com
Hope it helps!
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-01 16:19:59
Doesn't anyone out there give a d*&$ about what Donna is living with? What kind of deamons she's having to deal with every day? Married or not, children or not, she is a victim in her own right. How can anyone condem a person who is obviously suffering and in pain? Why can't anyone give her some encouragement to change her belief system about relationships, men, and most of all, herself? Could it possibly be that I'm the freak one out here who knows her pain because of personal experience? I feel sorry for anyone who can't understand a wounded heart, and mostly a wounded life.
Donna, You CAN chnage your life. You CAN trust again. You CAN live happily. All it costs is your willingness to have an open mind and an open heart. The benefits are too numerous to count. You know the scene in the quest of the holly grail series where Harrison Ford is confronted with a deep cravass with the enemy on his tail? Do you remember that he looked across this and saw an out? Do you remember when he held his breath and took that first step out into the unknown? Do you remember that there was indeed a safe crossing for him? It's there. All it takes is faith and a willingness to do the work. My very best wishes, Julie
OK! OK!! OK!!!
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 18:58:38
Donna,
Here is my 2 cents worth to you! This is what I would say to Vinnie if I were in your position.
DONNA: "Vinnie, Because the success of our marriage is very important to me, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and TRUST that you only kissed that other women and did not have sex with her.
But, if you should ever be tempted to have another affair during the course of our marriage, you better make sure you are truly IN LOVE with that women and she IS WORTH all the disruption that she will bring to our lives, family and marriage. Because I will leave you Vinnie, and you will NEVER GET ME BACK!!!"
Put emphasis on the NEVER GET ME BACK!!! And make a promise to yourself that you will follow through.
VINNIE (will reply): "The success of our marriage is just as important to me. If you promise to begin being my BEST FRIEND, I promise to begin being your BEST FRIEND. Together let's make each other happy and make our marriage work."
Try it Donna...it will feel like removing the weight of the world from your shoulders.
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 18:58:38
Donna,
Here is my 2 cents worth to you! This is what I would say to Vinnie if I were in your position.
DONNA: "Vinnie, Because the success of our marriage is very important to me, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and TRUST that you only kissed that other women and did not have sex with her.
But, if you should ever be tempted to have another affair during the course of our marriage, you better make sure you are truly IN LOVE with that women and she IS WORTH all the disruption that she will bring to our lives, family and marriage. Because I will leave you Vinnie, and you will NEVER GET ME BACK!!!"
Put emphasis on the NEVER GET ME BACK!!! And make a promise to yourself that you will follow through.
VINNIE (will reply): "The success of our marriage is just as important to me. If you promise to begin being my BEST FRIEND, I promise to begin being your BEST FRIEND. Together let's make each other happy and make our marriage work."
Try it Donna...it will feel like removing the weight of the world from your shoulders.
Everyone Recognizes Her Pain....
Posted by: geennee
Posted on: 2004-06-01 19:01:43
Yes Jannshw, everyone recognizes her pain. Unless she wants to remain in pain for all her live-long days, she's got to recognize what she is doing wrong.
She's got to stop victimizing the person that she purported loves; stop driving a stake through his heart; [and in her very own words]"stop making him pay". This behavior is incompatible with her wanting to continue on with the marriage.
She's got to forgive him. She's got to make her/their home the place that he wants to come home to.
She still doesn't get it. It's as if she hasn't heard a word that Dr. Phil has said.
Posted by: geennee
Posted on: 2004-06-01 19:01:43
Yes Jannshw, everyone recognizes her pain. Unless she wants to remain in pain for all her live-long days, she's got to recognize what she is doing wrong.
She's got to stop victimizing the person that she purported loves; stop driving a stake through his heart; [and in her very own words]"stop making him pay". This behavior is incompatible with her wanting to continue on with the marriage.
She's got to forgive him. She's got to make her/their home the place that he wants to come home to.
She still doesn't get it. It's as if she hasn't heard a word that Dr. Phil has said.
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-01 19:34:41
How can one recognize what they are doing wrong (in one's opinion) if they are blind to it? Do you think for one minute that she enjoys what she's feeling, what she's putting herself and her famility through? No. Of course not. Additionally, I think what most people are missing, is that she is victimizing herself. Until she accepts that fact, no one she comes in contact with will ever be happy to be around her. They may split up and separate and Vinnie may go away. Donna is left with herself. Don't you see how daunting that is for her?
What is frustrating to me is that everyone is telling Donna to "get over it." Being her, it's obviously not that simple.
You know, until you've lived it, you can never understand it.
Adult Survivors of Borderline Mothers (ASBM)
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 20:07:33
She is victimizing more than herself. She is victimizing everyone that lives under the same roof with her. That is why we are so fearful for her children and husband.
ASBM - The is no such organization, but there should be one.
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 20:07:33
She is victimizing more than herself. She is victimizing everyone that lives under the same roof with her. That is why we are so fearful for her children and husband.
ASBM - The is no such organization, but there should be one.
There ya go...
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-02 13:36:56
that may be just the ticket. 12-step programs have had much success in dealing with addictions of all kinds. Including co-dependency -- maybe that's what's going on here? Or, maybe she's a child of an alcoholic/addict? There are groups for that, too. Look, I'm not singling any one person out or a single comment. This, I think, speaks to the ills of us a collective people.
The bottom line, to me, is that no matter what, she will remain a mother and a woman, and any action that she can take to improve the lives of herself and children is what's important here. Not Vinnie, not the affair, nothing. From my own experience, it takes time, and it means learning how to love yourself (wherever you go, there you are).
I think that where I differ from a lot of other comments on this board is that I AM DONNA. There are few offerings of help for her that are not disguised as blame awash in shame.
It seems like everyone feels like Vinnie is the wronged one and he should take his kid and run the hell out of Dodge. Well, where does that leave Donna and the hundreds of thousands of people like her? Where does that leave the damage that is already done? It's like seeing the abuse going on next door and turning our heads (our collective heads) beacause it does not involve us (but of course we have plenty to whisper to the neighbors about) and thank God how we are so much better than "them." Well, it does involve us when our kids interact in the community, when they marry, when they have families of their own, and they go on into the world.
Dr. Phil has gone to impressive measures to reach Donna, her husband has tried to reach her, but what about the rest of us? 1:1... I see an astounding limit of compassion for her.
Aside: what does this say about our society? Why are we at war? Why is the show interrupted to tell us that yet more of our soldiers are maimed or killed? Why do we have to hear anything unwanted in the middle of our precious time? Why are there so many abused children? Maybe because we (collective "we") can't look right here at home (in our homes) and see the pain staring us in the face -- it's easier to look over there, across the street, across the country, across the room, and point fingers.
Shows like Dr. Phil, point the bright light of awareness on topics that most of us wish to deny. We're happy with a happy ending -- that's the American way, Right?
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-02 13:36:56
that may be just the ticket. 12-step programs have had much success in dealing with addictions of all kinds. Including co-dependency -- maybe that's what's going on here? Or, maybe she's a child of an alcoholic/addict? There are groups for that, too. Look, I'm not singling any one person out or a single comment. This, I think, speaks to the ills of us a collective people.
The bottom line, to me, is that no matter what, she will remain a mother and a woman, and any action that she can take to improve the lives of herself and children is what's important here. Not Vinnie, not the affair, nothing. From my own experience, it takes time, and it means learning how to love yourself (wherever you go, there you are).
I think that where I differ from a lot of other comments on this board is that I AM DONNA. There are few offerings of help for her that are not disguised as blame awash in shame.
It seems like everyone feels like Vinnie is the wronged one and he should take his kid and run the hell out of Dodge. Well, where does that leave Donna and the hundreds of thousands of people like her? Where does that leave the damage that is already done? It's like seeing the abuse going on next door and turning our heads (our collective heads) beacause it does not involve us (but of course we have plenty to whisper to the neighbors about) and thank God how we are so much better than "them." Well, it does involve us when our kids interact in the community, when they marry, when they have families of their own, and they go on into the world.
Dr. Phil has gone to impressive measures to reach Donna, her husband has tried to reach her, but what about the rest of us? 1:1... I see an astounding limit of compassion for her.
Aside: what does this say about our society? Why are we at war? Why is the show interrupted to tell us that yet more of our soldiers are maimed or killed? Why do we have to hear anything unwanted in the middle of our precious time? Why are there so many abused children? Maybe because we (collective "we") can't look right here at home (in our homes) and see the pain staring us in the face -- it's easier to look over there, across the street, across the country, across the room, and point fingers.
Shows like Dr. Phil, point the bright light of awareness on topics that most of us wish to deny. We're happy with a happy ending -- that's the American way, Right?
ADULT CHILDREN OF NARCISSISTIC FATHERS (ACNF)
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-03 13:02:09
Wouldn't it be wonderful! if there were two such organizations as Adult Children of Borderline Mothers (ACBM) and Adult Children of Narcissistic Fathers (ACNF).
I give anyone the rights and endorcement, (including Dr Phil and Oprah) to start such worldwide support groups/organizations. And the sooner the better!!
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-03 13:02:09
Wouldn't it be wonderful! if there were two such organizations as Adult Children of Borderline Mothers (ACBM) and Adult Children of Narcissistic Fathers (ACNF).
I give anyone the rights and endorcement, (including Dr Phil and Oprah) to start such worldwide support groups/organizations. And the sooner the better!!
Isn't that what I said?
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-02 14:17:57
"Until she accepts that fact, no one she comes in contact with will ever be happy to be around her." Please, tell me if I'm missing something. I really do want to understand why there are so many people so vehemently against her.
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-02 14:17:57
"Until she accepts that fact, no one she comes in contact with will ever be happy to be around her." Please, tell me if I'm missing something. I really do want to understand why there are so many people so vehemently against her.
Oh I've been there allright
Posted by: lcbmp3
Posted on: 2004-06-01 23:01:48
Jannshw,
You speak from experience and I understand that, and am sorry that you ever had to go through it. I had the exact experience that Donna is now going through. I acted like her, I was a pain like her, didn't see my part of the problem like her, and then somehow I got it. Dear Donna, your problem has nothing to do with Vinnie's affair. Just like Dr. Phil said, you kicked him out because you were fighting to begin with. Did you beg him to stay? Make him sit down and listen to you? No, you chose to be immature and white-trash and kick him out. Also, you met Vinnie when he came to your house as a cop answering a domestic violence call. You have one huge problem and it's YOU. If you really refuse to accept help, why did you come on the show? You have no idea how fortunate you are that Vinnie has heard you. Vinnie sat there and cried his eyes out, said he would take it back, or do things differently if he could. PLease forgive me Donna, please stop being mean to me Donna,....I never had that opportunity since my ex-husband would rather deny than admit to his indiscretions. What more do you want Donna? I'm not saying to "get over it", but at this point, the 22 year old would be looking really good if I were Vinnie. You can't stop him from doing whatever it is that he's gonna do. Stop calling, stop obsessing,start looking in the mirror, and quit trying to make this all about him. I can't believe you gave him a list. Your list would have a lot more than 8 items on it from him, I'll bet. You are the most insecure, immature woman I've seen in a long time. And you are just beautiful. Maybe that's your problem. You just can't imagine why this guy who's short, and not as cultured as you are, would dare find anyone else attractive. You're addicted to drama and are so selfish that you won't listen to anyone else who sees it any other way. If you found out who the other girl was, you'd then obsess over her all over again. He's smart not to tell you because you'd become her stalker. You wanna know WHY he did what he did? Look in the mirror. If you treated yourself like you treat him everyday would you want to find comfort elsewhere? What he did was wrong. You can't control him. Love CAN NOT exist in the same space as power and control. You are trying to control him and your behavior shows you don't really love him. Let him go. Move on with your life. And learn from your mistakes. Good Luck.
Leah
Posted by: lcbmp3
Posted on: 2004-06-01 23:01:48
Jannshw,
You speak from experience and I understand that, and am sorry that you ever had to go through it. I had the exact experience that Donna is now going through. I acted like her, I was a pain like her, didn't see my part of the problem like her, and then somehow I got it. Dear Donna, your problem has nothing to do with Vinnie's affair. Just like Dr. Phil said, you kicked him out because you were fighting to begin with. Did you beg him to stay? Make him sit down and listen to you? No, you chose to be immature and white-trash and kick him out. Also, you met Vinnie when he came to your house as a cop answering a domestic violence call. You have one huge problem and it's YOU. If you really refuse to accept help, why did you come on the show? You have no idea how fortunate you are that Vinnie has heard you. Vinnie sat there and cried his eyes out, said he would take it back, or do things differently if he could. PLease forgive me Donna, please stop being mean to me Donna,....I never had that opportunity since my ex-husband would rather deny than admit to his indiscretions. What more do you want Donna? I'm not saying to "get over it", but at this point, the 22 year old would be looking really good if I were Vinnie. You can't stop him from doing whatever it is that he's gonna do. Stop calling, stop obsessing,start looking in the mirror, and quit trying to make this all about him. I can't believe you gave him a list. Your list would have a lot more than 8 items on it from him, I'll bet. You are the most insecure, immature woman I've seen in a long time. And you are just beautiful. Maybe that's your problem. You just can't imagine why this guy who's short, and not as cultured as you are, would dare find anyone else attractive. You're addicted to drama and are so selfish that you won't listen to anyone else who sees it any other way. If you found out who the other girl was, you'd then obsess over her all over again. He's smart not to tell you because you'd become her stalker. You wanna know WHY he did what he did? Look in the mirror. If you treated yourself like you treat him everyday would you want to find comfort elsewhere? What he did was wrong. You can't control him. Love CAN NOT exist in the same space as power and control. You are trying to control him and your behavior shows you don't really love him. Let him go. Move on with your life. And learn from your mistakes. Good Luck.
Leah
NOT A VICTIM!
Posted by: kimbie929
Posted on: 2004-08-25 18:50:40
Well,geennee...obviously you've been fortunate to go thru life UNSCATHED. Your
heart has never felt true pain, your spirit never broken by another! Lucky you, or are WE the lucky ones? I have the compassion to understand Donna's pain. The intelligence to know it is not DONNA who needs to forgive. BOTH Donna & Vinnie need to forgive each other! Donna only knows what she has learned, the fact that she is with Dr. Phil, indicates she wants to learn another way. A
change won't take place at the snap of a finger nor overnight. It will evolve! She needs to forgive herself first, then right her ways. She will have to be patiently taught a new BETTER way of going thru life.Advice to you,geenee, don't judge another unless you are WILLING to put their shoes on AND lace them up!Donna, it gets much worse befroe it gets better. Remember,anything worth having takes HARD work and truue commitment.You CAN do this, but do it for YOURSELF!!!I've been there, I've walked your path, there really is a world of open arms at the end of the path waiting for you! Vinnie, treasure the new
person Donna will evolve into. Be her teacher
to true unconditional love!In the end, treasure each other, and never forget you almost gave it all up!And SMILE alot, at each other, for no other reason than to SMILE.I'll pray for you. Never see yourself as a VICTIM!! Your are SURVIVORS!! Nothing less!!Best of luck to you both.
Posted by: kimbie929
Posted on: 2004-08-25 18:50:40
Well,geennee...obviously you've been fortunate to go thru life UNSCATHED. Your
heart has never felt true pain, your spirit never broken by another! Lucky you, or are WE the lucky ones? I have the compassion to understand Donna's pain. The intelligence to know it is not DONNA who needs to forgive. BOTH Donna & Vinnie need to forgive each other! Donna only knows what she has learned, the fact that she is with Dr. Phil, indicates she wants to learn another way. A
change won't take place at the snap of a finger nor overnight. It will evolve! She needs to forgive herself first, then right her ways. She will have to be patiently taught a new BETTER way of going thru life.Advice to you,geenee, don't judge another unless you are WILLING to put their shoes on AND lace them up!Donna, it gets much worse befroe it gets better. Remember,anything worth having takes HARD work and truue commitment.You CAN do this, but do it for YOURSELF!!!I've been there, I've walked your path, there really is a world of open arms at the end of the path waiting for you! Vinnie, treasure the new
person Donna will evolve into. Be her teacher
to true unconditional love!In the end, treasure each other, and never forget you almost gave it all up!And SMILE alot, at each other, for no other reason than to SMILE.I'll pray for you. Never see yourself as a VICTIM!! Your are SURVIVORS!! Nothing less!!Best of luck to you both.
Donna's OK
Posted by: pt1111
Posted on: 2004-06-02 18:23:34
I agree, Donna is the person who is hurting and does Dr Phil and everyone else remember when he did his show on Cheating Husbands, one of the things he told a husband, basically was: "when your wife says its over (hurt and pain) then it is over." So why is he giving Donna such a hard time, I went through and still going the same thing. I hope she reads this and maybe writes to you and I because I think we could be a lot of support. The only thing I can add is that once SHE accepts the forgiveness and regains TOTAL trust, only then should she let go of the anger and resentment. But I really admire the fact that she wants Vinnie to "eat shit" until she KNOWS he has suffered enough, just like she did and is doing. Please write to us Donna if you do read this. God Bless, good Luck!
Posted by: pt1111
Posted on: 2004-06-02 18:23:34
I agree, Donna is the person who is hurting and does Dr Phil and everyone else remember when he did his show on Cheating Husbands, one of the things he told a husband, basically was: "when your wife says its over (hurt and pain) then it is over." So why is he giving Donna such a hard time, I went through and still going the same thing. I hope she reads this and maybe writes to you and I because I think we could be a lot of support. The only thing I can add is that once SHE accepts the forgiveness and regains TOTAL trust, only then should she let go of the anger and resentment. But I really admire the fact that she wants Vinnie to "eat shit" until she KNOWS he has suffered enough, just like she did and is doing. Please write to us Donna if you do read this. God Bless, good Luck!
UNWILLING TO CHANGE!
Posted by: jolenedown
Posted on: 2004-08-25 13:05:59
I think Dr.Phil DID try to help her change, but she is UNWILLING!
Posted by: jolenedown
Posted on: 2004-08-25 13:05:59
I think Dr.Phil DID try to help her change, but she is UNWILLING!
YES!!!!
Posted by: rebeccasb
Posted on: 2004-06-01 17:15:16
You are so right!! I was thinking the same thing. Vinnie is crazy to put up with her. I can't believe that Dr. Phil hasn't diagnosed her on national TV. Yes, he did a terrible thing, but enough is enough. Of course, I am sure that she has never done anything wrong (yeah, right)!!
If you could look up "borderline personality disorder" in the dictionary, her picture would be there.
Posted by: rebeccasb
Posted on: 2004-06-01 17:15:16
You are so right!! I was thinking the same thing. Vinnie is crazy to put up with her. I can't believe that Dr. Phil hasn't diagnosed her on national TV. Yes, he did a terrible thing, but enough is enough. Of course, I am sure that she has never done anything wrong (yeah, right)!!
If you could look up "borderline personality disorder" in the dictionary, her picture would be there.
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-01 17:39:53
I'm no doctor but if you've ever had to live with someone who has officially been diagnosed with "borderline personality disorder," you would rethink your comments. No matter - it's up to Dr. Phil to give a real diagnosis.
I don't think that this is relationsip should be trashed. I think that with some serious commitment and work from Donna, she could save her marriage.
been there
Posted by: rebeccasb
Posted on: 2004-06-01 17:55:33
How do you think I would know about borderline personality if I had not been living with someone who has the disorder? It has been eight years since my 25 year old son was diagnosed. Believe me, I know!!
Posted by: rebeccasb
Posted on: 2004-06-01 17:55:33
How do you think I would know about borderline personality if I had not been living with someone who has the disorder? It has been eight years since my 25 year old son was diagnosed. Believe me, I know!!
Posted by: jannshw
Posted on: 2004-06-01 18:25:59
I'm sorry to hear that. For me it's been 15 years for my 28-year old. I just don't see the same behavior here. I see more insecurity and self-worlessness. Either way, she really needs professional help.
COOPERATION, STUBBORNESS AND TRUST
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 23:04:29
I agree Donna's and Vinnie's marriage can be saved if Donna were willing to cooperate. Because of TRUST ISSUES, cooperation is something that does NOT come easily to a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Unless the BPD is calling the shots and everything is done on their terms, they will refuse to cooperate. It's known as Relationship Control Phobia (RCP). The only person they trust to be incharge is themselves.
The old "My Way or the Highway" mentality - to put it mildly.
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-06-01 23:04:29
I agree Donna's and Vinnie's marriage can be saved if Donna were willing to cooperate. Because of TRUST ISSUES, cooperation is something that does NOT come easily to a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Unless the BPD is calling the shots and everything is done on their terms, they will refuse to cooperate. It's known as Relationship Control Phobia (RCP). The only person they trust to be incharge is themselves.
The old "My Way or the Highway" mentality - to put it mildly.
