12/09 Family First, Part 2

Last Hope
Posted by: daniel19m
Posted on: 2004-12-09 12:23:31

I'm sorry if i souldn't be writing my problems in this section but I am new to this. I'm not one to put my problems out like this but i really need help. I am 19 years of age. Just for the record my mother and father got devoriced when i was 6. Also my mother is not the most positive person and my father has a borken back so he is like a neutral party in my life. I have Manic Depressive Disorder along with anziaty, racing thoughts, sleeping problems, and i get panic attacks (where it feels as if everyone in the world is aginst me). On top of that I don't take meds cause i have a fear of pills. For those who don't know what MDD is. It is a problem where I am ether very happy with myself or very upset with myself. I feels as if my life is falling apart. I just garduated high school this past year and tried to start schooling at a local comunity collage. But saddly to say I falled out not with poor intentions, I wanted to major in PHY and become an emotional support teacher for high school students. To follow in the footsteps of my girlfriend. The problem was that my grades were not good enough in high school to be accepted into a real collage. If you could only understand what is like sitting next to a person who has track marks up his/her arm waiting for there next fix. Well to even get into this school I had to beg and plead to my family for money to enroll. Which I am not to pleased with in the first place. Not thinking past the fact that my family is not a group of the most supportive people in the world. My mother always asks me why would you try to do something if there are people in the world who don't have to work at it and it just comes natuarally to them. Well now I have resently been accepted into the Art Instatute of Pittsburgh. Art is a true Passion of mine, I enjoy all aspects of crativity. This time I decided to take the responsibility on myself and take out a student lone to attend. Now my mother is 100% aginst me going and my father has no say because my mother has the majority of the custidy. She belives it is a waste of time and money for me to go to collage. My mother says the only thing you need to do in life to be succesful is get a full time job and go to work everyday. So she refusses to sign my F.A.S.F.A. so i can take a lone out for myself. I know your thinking I am 19 years old why not just do it myself. Well untill you turn 24 you need a parent to agree that is ok for there kid to take out the loan. Even though the parent is not held responsible for any of the money. Now on that note lets add a little more. My girlfriend/soulmate/future wife who I have dated for about 5 years and live with has just found out, she has cirvical cancer and all she wants from me is to go to collage and beable to make something for myself so we can have a great life together. She tells me I am to good to work a dead end job that has no futur. She is basicly the only one who understands and gives me support out of all the people I know. I am so scared i am going to lose her and I am so torn with all these problem. Plz help me I am so lost right now and i don't know what to do.

"Dr. Phil" If you read the message board thank you for giving me on last place to turn to for help it means so much to me.

P.S. I was really happy to see the father of the second family on the show today made so much progress with his children. I wish my mother and father could have been as understanding when i was younger. Dr. Phil and his wife are great people to help them the way that they did with there home.
Support
Posted by: stephensm
Posted on: 2004-12-09 13:24:45

You need to find support for yourself in your area, i.e. friends and/or a church. I personally go to a full-gospel church. Thre are times that not even family and friends can meet all your needs and my faith in Jesus has helped me along the way. Have you also thought about majoring in computer science or a medical technician? The Med Tech jobs only take two years which is usually an associate degree. You can also take out student loans in your own name without your mother. The loan officer at your college should be able to explain it to you.
Support
Posted by: kyra071501
Posted on: 2004-12-09 15:07:05

You are a great person and don't let any one else tell you any differet. You have to be happy with your self before you can be happy with anyone else. So make your dreams come true and every one else will see you for who you really are a awesome person. My parents were the same way when I was growing up and I showed them they were wrong. BUt what I did was join the Navy I am not saying for you to do that. I am just saying that when I said I was going to join My mother said you won't make it you are a loser well she was worng and I did make it and I am so proud of myself for that. I now am about to turn 28 and I have a wonderful husband and two wonderful children. Sadly to say my mother is no longer with us but I am sure she is regreting every thing she ever said or did to me. where ever she may be, may she rest in peace.
To Danielm
Posted by: cenpamom
Posted on: 2004-12-09 15:21:03

Hi Daniel -- I, too, didn't come from the most supportive family, but I think the support you can get from a church or someone outside of your family is **vital**. Also, contact the Art Institute and see what they can do to help you. Colleges and universities always have ways to help students in paying for their education -- and I think you can do a FAFSA on your own without your parents signing off on it -- check with the Fin. Aid office of the school. Also, many of these colleges offer work/study programs and the like...see what your options are, keep praying and please don't give up !!
I carefully ask this question
Posted by: scooter_
Posted on: 2004-12-09 15:54:17

It is not meant to be insulting in anyway just more curious for me is all. I think it is great you want to accomplish the goals you pointed out and I wish you luck and success. The question is with your current situation with MDD and not taking your pills because you are afraid to take them, is being emotional support teacher for high school students the way to go right know? I mean it sound like you should be a student for a while and recieve the emotional support before you start giving emotional support. Maybe you are getting it I do not know.
Please get help!
Posted by: poiple
Posted on: 2004-12-09 17:40:32

I have a 24 yr.old daughter who is bipolar. It sounds like your life is really overwhelming right now and you need alot of support.I also believe God can help, but I think you also need to get evaluated by a reputable psychiatrist and possibly go on medication and get therapy.I have been through alot in my life,I had a breakdown when I was your age & ended up in a hospital for 3 months,then a halfway house after that.
There is hope! Please believe me, I am 46 now
and am living proof.I pray you get the help you need as soon as you can. God Bless!
RE: Last Hope
Posted by: kmburrlei
Posted on: 2004-12-09 17:43:17

DON'T GIVE UP!!! I am 33 years old and my father has MDD. It was very difficult growing up around him and attempting to have a relationship with him after I was married. He finally sought help and is doing wonderful!!!

If there is one thing that I could tell you----Don't ever let someone else tell you what you shouldn't, can't, or won't do!!!! If you have the ambition to go to college... then by golly George..you need to find a way to go!!! I am very sorry to hear about your girlfriend..may God be with her in her fight with cancer!
I sometimes think that some parents never went far in their life, so they would feel like nothing if their own child went further. I got married right out of high school and when my marriage started falling apart I decided to go to college. My husband as the time (now ex-husband) belittled me daily, called me stupid, told me that I would never finish college, and would be dumb and stuck barefoot for life! HA HA --- I showed him!!! I not only went to college full-time (nursing school), I worked 3 jobs, and managed to take care of my then 2 year old daughter. I shuffled her from babysitter to babysitter, because lazy butt refused to give me any help. I graduated nursing school, divorced him, and I did it all without any support from anyone..not even my parents were supportive at the time. My daughter is what drove me to succeed!!! Basically, what I am trying to tell you is....don't look to others to be supportive---go after your dreams in life and the only person that you have to make happy is "yourself"!!! (and your future wife) Hang in there!
I would suggest getting some help from a doctor for your MDD- it took several doctors, before my Dad found one that was able to get him on the right medication and level. Kim
FAFSA
Posted by: prdnavywfe
Posted on: 2004-12-09 19:50:35

Hi. I think you are doing a great job by wanting to better your life. You should be proud of that and no matter what happens never give up on education and bettering your life. As far as the FAFSA, I to use that to go to school also. When I first used the program I did have to have my mother's income tax form. Only b/c I was 17 years old. Now I recently married and now I have to have husband's income tax only b/c I don't work and im only 22 years of age. I do know if you are applying for Finanical Aid and your mother doesn't hand over the papers; which I don't know why cause all the paper work goes in your name and the loans if you get any. Highly recommand you talking to the school councelor to help you. Don't panic you can get assistance without your parents. You can also go to www.fafsa.gov There is phone numbers there also so you can also call and speak with them. Just don't give up! Everyone has the right to go to school and the government as made the program for people like us. Last thing, I highly recommend when you do file you FAFSA, I suggest you file it in Feb. right after you file your taxes. That way you are assured you get all the money they will allow you which is $4500 based on income because the state does run out of assistance money.
Daniel19m
Posted by: snshyn
Posted on: 2004-12-09 19:56:48

I just want to say been there. I have depression & suffer from anxiety attacks; I also won't take meds. When I was 18 I told my parents I was leaving. My mom tried to be a great parent but she never had parents as role models & my dad was too consumed w/..."stuff". My mom was ANGRY for my leaving. I've been on my own now for almost 10 yrs & mom got over my leaving long ago. Having no finacial support, I went to a community college & by the time I was ready to transfer to a Univ I was able to fill out my own FAFSA. It's been a slow road, my bf (now husband) has been an encouragement throughout it all. I'm 27 & graduating this Dec. NEVER give up, you have a wonderful woman who'll stand by your side & overall you have yourself; you've made it this far in life even w/all the probs. Check out fastweb.com, scholarships aren't based only on grades. Good luck, it's hard but you can do it!
To Daniel
Posted by: neenonee1
Posted on: 2004-12-09 22:11:57

Daniel, just try the meds. There's a good chance they could really help. You can always stop taking them if you can't stand them. I also am very wary of pills and was scared to take anti-depressants for the first time four years ago. But thank God I did; otherwise I'd be completely off the deep end. I'm also curious; are you learning disabled? I wondered that because you had a lot of spelling errors in your message and I think that's common for learning disabled people. If you are LD, you can get special help from your college, I think with both financial help and accomodations for your classroom. Any experts out there who know how that works?
welcome
Posted by: jeditom
Posted on: 2004-12-10 09:12:53

After reviewing your situation, perhaps a book by my good friend, Sally Taylor, called "On My Own: A How-To Guide for Young Adults" would be just right for you. I reckon you visit www.onmyown.com You'll be glad you did! May the Force be with you!
A mom that cares
Posted by: shahzadee
Posted on: 2004-12-10 16:20:24

Daniel,

Sweetheart, you need to read back what you wrote in your letter. I used to do this with my girls. Your stronger than you give yourself credit for. Take what you wrote and and read it back out loud, and ask yourself is there ANYTHING I can personally capable of changing or working on daily. Make a chart and hang it by your bedroom door so you see it every time you walk in or out of your room. It will keep you in check as to what you have accomplished that day trying to either work on or change only one negative thing at a time. You will start to get energy from the attempts to change because you will be able to see that you can do it. Your can't make everything better (especially without your meds) especially not at once but you do have power and when you take control and acknowledge it you start to see that you have more control over your life than you thought. Feeling like you have no control only fuels the fire for depression, As for the pills young lady. This is a mother talking... Do you eat food, drink milkshakes? Crunch them up, have some one crunch them up for you and put them in a drink, your food whatever you have to do. With your meds you will have better control, over your decisions and that makes you strong. Get mad, do not let this fear of pills take your life from you. Put the pill on the table and talk to it, your small and I am big, your weak and I am strong, tell that pill it has seen it's last days and give it a proper burial in your stomach, and celebrate that. I beleive in you, you can do this. You can email me at shahzadee@aol.com any time you want. OPen arms always.
Do her instead????
Posted by: nasale
Posted on: 2004-12-09 15:40:57

I think he got it right the first time:-)
reasons why
Posted by: daniel19m
Posted on: 2004-12-09 16:15:09

I would change feild but the problem is. The reason I want to go to the AI is because I love photography. People say beautie is in the eye of the beholder. I belive that is turn in all aspects of art and life. How else can someone stop time within a blink of an eye for people to treasure a moment for years to come. I also talked to the Aid at the school and they told me the only way i could get the lones is if my mother co-signed and wrote off all liability. She just doesn't understand my mother threw me out on my 18th birthday. Cause me and my step dad never got along. I would go and ask my father but he like my mother chose my step parent over there own son. i don't think this situation would bother me so much if wasn't my futur that was at hand. I would join the navy but i don't belive in goverment tactics or war. I had a friend who signed up for the army to go to school. Turned out he got sent to iraq so he could not start schooling. Then when he returned the goverment notified him and told him they payed him to much so he had to drop out of collage anyways and get a second job to repay a debt of $10,000. If he does not pay it back within the year of 2006 he will go to jail for 5 ta 10 years. I can safely say that is not a situation I would like to be in myself. I just wish something would go right on its own foronce instead of haveing to fightfor it like always. Back to the Aid office at the school the only way i could get around it is if my parents were nolonger with me (even thought there not really there "for me"). Untill I turn 24 I have to relie on them.

P.S. sorry that this writing jumps around so much I am in a hurry. and thank you
re Reasons why
Posted by: lovefaith2
Posted on: 2004-12-09 17:17:14

dont give up hope. Talk to your school, counselors, everyone you know. NAMI is a great free resource for info and support for people with mental illness and their families. Y.ou can probably find them in your phone book or online. Fastweb.com is a free scholorhip locator that could help. I also suggest checking with government agencies or nonprofits such as independent living centers because these places have access to alot of resources and are experienced with dealing with mental illness and people of low income. whatever you do i suggest getting counseling for yourself and your girlfriend. good luck and dont ever give up.
yep
Posted by: dgclearlak
Posted on: 2004-12-09 20:50:33

He was trying to make a male point and using male language. It was kind of neat to see him blush. I respect what he was trying to do. There was an honsey I could appriciate. He was trying to connect with a very alpha male and he undersood to use the right language.
todays show
Posted by: sub0309
Posted on: 2004-12-09 15:54:42

does john not have any respect for his wife??? how can he say that she is his best friend but yet say the things he says to her ? devon is a beautiful person....she does not have to put up with his behavior. what kind of example is she setting for the daughter ?? what kind of example is he setting for his sons ? maybe they should participate in a "relatinship rescue".
as for tammy/tony....kudos on the home improvement. hope the improvements last throughout the family not only on the interior!!
What about John?
Posted by: football42
Posted on: 2004-12-09 16:47:17

Does Devon have any respect for John? This is a two way street and is only going in one direction (Devon's). John has issues but so does she. It doesn't seem to matter how he answers a question it will NEVER be right for her. He doesn't seem to get a break when he does try maybe that is why he is the way he is. They both, not just John, need to step up to the plate.
two to tango
Posted by: spongerox8
Posted on: 2004-12-09 17:55:30

what about john?! devon and the kids are the way they are because of him! in every episode tape he is seen yelling and yelling. . .nobody can be expected to live peacefully with someone who is such a bully every day!. . .the children imitate his behavior. . .devon is just used to protecting herself in such an abusive environment. . .anybody would have issues if they lived with a man that talked to them as john does to devon. . .i think he needs anger management. . .i believe that if john's anger is placed under control the whole family would conform and get out of the chaos they seem to have been in for so long. . . .
re: What about John?
Posted by: graceful
Posted on: 2004-12-10 12:11:24

I think you are absolutely right. Anyone who can look at this family and not see that this entire situation has been created by two people, needs to rewind and look again. I believe there is so much anger built up inside of her, she is having difficulties letting that guard down to see the progress being made. I commend them both for sticking it out. I only hope she can come out from behind the walls long enough to start enjoying her family again.
They both need to step up and continue. With Dr. Phil in your corner how can they not win?