01/01 Kids First
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8i'm leaving my baby
Posted by: kendrakeur
Posted on: 2003-10-01 08:23:35
I am leaving my 18 month old for the first time overnight on THURSDAY!!! This show is for me. I will be gone from 2:50pm thursday thru Saturday at 3pm.. I am a nervous wreck!!!!!!!! I have been trying to prepare her for my leaving by telling her I'm leaving and coming back and it will be ok and she'll have fun but I'm sure i"ll be making quite a few phone calls.
Posted by: kendrakeur
Posted on: 2003-10-01 08:23:35
I am leaving my 18 month old for the first time overnight on THURSDAY!!! This show is for me. I will be gone from 2:50pm thursday thru Saturday at 3pm.. I am a nervous wreck!!!!!!!! I have been trying to prepare her for my leaving by telling her I'm leaving and coming back and it will be ok and she'll have fun but I'm sure i"ll be making quite a few phone calls.
leaving kid the first time
Posted by: nmastgh
Posted on: 2003-10-01 16:40:58
I understand where you are coming from. I have a 3 1/2 y/o, My husband and I have only let her stay the night at someones home 2 times. It's HARD! My advise to you is, find something to do! Don't just sit around thinking about it. But if it helps, my daughter had a lot of fun! The 2nd time she stayed at my Mother-in-law's home and she got upset at bedtime, but it was short-lived and her older sister was there to help too. But the 1st time was at my sister's home and her older sister wasn't there and she did great! I called 2 times that night and she didn't even want to get on the phone to tell me goodnight. She did great! I think it hurts more for the parents. And I think Dr. Phil was right when he said it is a "need to be needed" thing. Keep it up, you'll be fine!
Posted by: nmastgh
Posted on: 2003-10-01 16:40:58
I understand where you are coming from. I have a 3 1/2 y/o, My husband and I have only let her stay the night at someones home 2 times. It's HARD! My advise to you is, find something to do! Don't just sit around thinking about it. But if it helps, my daughter had a lot of fun! The 2nd time she stayed at my Mother-in-law's home and she got upset at bedtime, but it was short-lived and her older sister was there to help too. But the 1st time was at my sister's home and her older sister wasn't there and she did great! I called 2 times that night and she didn't even want to get on the phone to tell me goodnight. She did great! I think it hurts more for the parents. And I think Dr. Phil was right when he said it is a "need to be needed" thing. Keep it up, you'll be fine!
kendrakeur...You Need A Wake Up Call...
Posted by: donnybaby
Posted on: 2003-10-01 16:53:06
Dr Phil is right on, but if you and/or Kim & Ken don't make a commitment to break this "parent attachment" issue, you'll probably be very sorry later on. Trust me, it's a terrible price to pay later on! However, if you're willing to be super honest with yourself (it will take courage), you'll want to understand that YOUR WORRY ISN'T ABOUT YOUR KID OR KIDS. IT'S JUST WHAT I JUST SAID...IT'S "YOUR" WORRY AND IT'S ALL ABOUT YOURSELF. PERIOD!
One other cut at it...don't go along with the myth Ken uttered, "the kids are my life." While they're a wonderful and joyful PART of your life, they're not "YOUR" life. It'a nice sentiment but with terrible consequences.
What to do? Find a good counselor who can help you resolve these old wounds you received in your own childhood. If not, you'll just be projecting those insecurities onto your kids. If you don't take action now, years from now you'll be deeply sorry and might have insecure kids as a result. It works..I did it! However, foretold is forewarned.
Love & peace, Donny
Posted by: donnybaby
Posted on: 2003-10-01 16:53:06
Dr Phil is right on, but if you and/or Kim & Ken don't make a commitment to break this "parent attachment" issue, you'll probably be very sorry later on. Trust me, it's a terrible price to pay later on! However, if you're willing to be super honest with yourself (it will take courage), you'll want to understand that YOUR WORRY ISN'T ABOUT YOUR KID OR KIDS. IT'S JUST WHAT I JUST SAID...IT'S "YOUR" WORRY AND IT'S ALL ABOUT YOURSELF. PERIOD!
One other cut at it...don't go along with the myth Ken uttered, "the kids are my life." While they're a wonderful and joyful PART of your life, they're not "YOUR" life. It'a nice sentiment but with terrible consequences.
What to do? Find a good counselor who can help you resolve these old wounds you received in your own childhood. If not, you'll just be projecting those insecurities onto your kids. If you don't take action now, years from now you'll be deeply sorry and might have insecure kids as a result. It works..I did it! However, foretold is forewarned.
Love & peace, Donny
light bulb moment
Posted by: screech00
Posted on: 2004-01-01 22:11:18
After watching today's show and reading some of the posts, I had a light bulb moment with regard to my mother. I really believe that she feared that her children would not love her, and wanted so desperately for me (first born) to love her, that she didn't see past her own nose. She thought she was being the perfect 'mom' by doing all these things FOR ME, but it was really always about HER. About getting me to love her. I feared having children for many years, thinking I would pass on the legacy of horrible mothering. It hit me today that it's not a mother's job to teach her kids to love her - it's about teaching kids to love themselves. It is true that you can't love another person until you love yourself first, so how is it possible that a child can learn to love his/her mother before learning to love him/her self? It's not. The way you teach children to love themselves is to be an example of how to love yourself and take care of yourself. It's about letting your kids live their own life, their own identities. Kahlil Gibran's statements about children have always run deep in me, but it really clicked today: Your children come through you, but they are NOT yours. It's not about you, your mothering skills, your life - It's about the kids and being their support system for learning. Don't let your own issues invade the relationship you have with your kids. The consequences are that your kids will struggle for years to figure themselves out and they will walk out
Posted by: screech00
Posted on: 2004-01-01 22:11:18
After watching today's show and reading some of the posts, I had a light bulb moment with regard to my mother. I really believe that she feared that her children would not love her, and wanted so desperately for me (first born) to love her, that she didn't see past her own nose. She thought she was being the perfect 'mom' by doing all these things FOR ME, but it was really always about HER. About getting me to love her. I feared having children for many years, thinking I would pass on the legacy of horrible mothering. It hit me today that it's not a mother's job to teach her kids to love her - it's about teaching kids to love themselves. It is true that you can't love another person until you love yourself first, so how is it possible that a child can learn to love his/her mother before learning to love him/her self? It's not. The way you teach children to love themselves is to be an example of how to love yourself and take care of yourself. It's about letting your kids live their own life, their own identities. Kahlil Gibran's statements about children have always run deep in me, but it really clicked today: Your children come through you, but they are NOT yours. It's not about you, your mothering skills, your life - It's about the kids and being their support system for learning. Don't let your own issues invade the relationship you have with your kids. The consequences are that your kids will struggle for years to figure themselves out and they will walk out
Overbearing parents
Posted by: valoneill
Posted on: 2004-01-04 12:42:48
These people really need to get out and get a life. I can't believe they have family support around them and they don't welcome it. Due to my husbands job we had to move 23 hours away from our support system.We have a 1 year old, 3 year old and a 9 year old and my husband goes to school full time and works full time and I stay at home with the kids. What I would do for a night out.We're just now making friends with people we trust to babysit but they have kids t0o and due to finances its hard to get out and do anything. I was a single parent before I got married and had my 2 boys and I let my daughter sleep with me until she was 4 years old. It took a whole year to get her to learn to fall asleep by herself and it's because i didn't let her learn to fall asleep by herself. As far as that women being worried about the kids falling out of bed , your best bet is to get rid of those bunkbeds and put the mattresses on the floor so if they do fall out of bed they'll survive or those kids will be sleeping with you until their 13 years old.
Val
Posted by: valoneill
Posted on: 2004-01-04 12:42:48
These people really need to get out and get a life. I can't believe they have family support around them and they don't welcome it. Due to my husbands job we had to move 23 hours away from our support system.We have a 1 year old, 3 year old and a 9 year old and my husband goes to school full time and works full time and I stay at home with the kids. What I would do for a night out.We're just now making friends with people we trust to babysit but they have kids t0o and due to finances its hard to get out and do anything. I was a single parent before I got married and had my 2 boys and I let my daughter sleep with me until she was 4 years old. It took a whole year to get her to learn to fall asleep by herself and it's because i didn't let her learn to fall asleep by herself. As far as that women being worried about the kids falling out of bed , your best bet is to get rid of those bunkbeds and put the mattresses on the floor so if they do fall out of bed they'll survive or those kids will be sleeping with you until their 13 years old.
Val
Relax
Posted by: msblunt
Posted on: 2003-10-02 10:53:26
Just keep in mind that this if for the child as much as it is for you. Give the kid a break from you. Gosh, kids are with us 24/7 without the ability to pee in private. Embrace it & realize that if you're leaving them w/someone who you trust, then it will be fine. You have to have a life or else you will become resentful later. Don't put the burden on your kid that you can't function w/o them. It's not fair.
Posted by: msblunt
Posted on: 2003-10-02 10:53:26
Just keep in mind that this if for the child as much as it is for you. Give the kid a break from you. Gosh, kids are with us 24/7 without the ability to pee in private. Embrace it & realize that if you're leaving them w/someone who you trust, then it will be fine. You have to have a life or else you will become resentful later. Don't put the burden on your kid that you can't function w/o them. It's not fair.
You can do it
Posted by: abtalker
Posted on: 2004-01-05 22:47:54
You can do it. You will be a better revived mom for leaving for awhile and she will really appreiciate you when you return. Its hard to leave them cuz you will miss them and maybe they dont understand but it wont hurt them to miss you. When you return she will see that you honored your word and you came back and you she will be able to connect next time you have to leave.
Posted by: abtalker
Posted on: 2004-01-05 22:47:54
You can do it. You will be a better revived mom for leaving for awhile and she will really appreiciate you when you return. Its hard to leave them cuz you will miss them and maybe they dont understand but it wont hurt them to miss you. When you return she will see that you honored your word and you came back and you she will be able to connect next time you have to leave.
How crazy....
Posted by: nycgrl419
Posted on: 2003-10-01 08:41:30
I cannot believe that these parents are so self centered. How can this mom, Kim, sleep with her kids, continue to breast feed her 2 yr old, & NEVER leave her kids with her own family? These kids will grow up to be the kids you love to hate. Spoiled rotten brats! I have 2 kids, now adults & very independent. Sure I loved them & wanted to protect them when kids, but I had to draw a line. These parents need to get a grip & fast....
Posted by: nycgrl419
Posted on: 2003-10-01 08:41:30
I cannot believe that these parents are so self centered. How can this mom, Kim, sleep with her kids, continue to breast feed her 2 yr old, & NEVER leave her kids with her own family? These kids will grow up to be the kids you love to hate. Spoiled rotten brats! I have 2 kids, now adults & very independent. Sure I loved them & wanted to protect them when kids, but I had to draw a line. These parents need to get a grip & fast....
Overprotective Parents PLEASE Get Help
Posted by: robin150
Posted on: 2003-10-01 10:02:43
I totally agree with nycgrl. I love my children more than life itself as any good parent does and my sons have accused me of being overprotective as I guess a lot of kids do, but I taped this to show them after school.They won't believe it. These people really need help. I agreed with Dr. Phil said that he was not getting through to them at all, you could tell by looking at them. It's a shame for those kids because you are exactly right in how they will turn out. Then the parents will be sitting around wondering why they can't get along in school and why people run the other way when they see the "little darlings" coming. I know this first hand as we knew people in our town who made this tragic mistake and now their 3 kids are a total mess. The oldest one has been in jail 3 times and he is 19. None of the 3 of them even speak to their mother. This all started with this kind of "parenting". This family was a "good upper middle class professional family" and this is what can happen and you absolutely cannot control everything just because you are in you kid's face every second. I really hope they will get the help they need but if they don't think they have a problem they aren't likely to seek help, sadly they will find out the first day one of those kids tries to function in school. Also, the little boy better learn to drink from a cup before he goes to school, I doubt social services will let mommy "feed" him in the school cafeteria. It just goes to show that child abuse isn'
Posted by: robin150
Posted on: 2003-10-01 10:02:43
I totally agree with nycgrl. I love my children more than life itself as any good parent does and my sons have accused me of being overprotective as I guess a lot of kids do, but I taped this to show them after school.They won't believe it. These people really need help. I agreed with Dr. Phil said that he was not getting through to them at all, you could tell by looking at them. It's a shame for those kids because you are exactly right in how they will turn out. Then the parents will be sitting around wondering why they can't get along in school and why people run the other way when they see the "little darlings" coming. I know this first hand as we knew people in our town who made this tragic mistake and now their 3 kids are a total mess. The oldest one has been in jail 3 times and he is 19. None of the 3 of them even speak to their mother. This all started with this kind of "parenting". This family was a "good upper middle class professional family" and this is what can happen and you absolutely cannot control everything just because you are in you kid's face every second. I really hope they will get the help they need but if they don't think they have a problem they aren't likely to seek help, sadly they will find out the first day one of those kids tries to function in school. Also, the little boy better learn to drink from a cup before he goes to school, I doubt social services will let mommy "feed" him in the school cafeteria. It just goes to show that child abuse isn'
Oh my gawddd
Posted by: zkatt1959
Posted on: 2003-10-01 16:41:09
What in the world does this couple think that do not want to leave their kids? And the wife that is sleeping with her kids--I think she needs major therapy. How dare she not sleep with her husband? These kids will never grow up if they are stuck to their parents 24/7....and one word of advice I'm surprised Dr Phil didnt give, when you go out for an evening alone, leave a phone # where you can be reached, DON'T call the place your kids are at 5 times during the night....Who's the parent and who's the kids?? These people need to let their kids experience life outside the circle of their parents--they will be much more socially adjusted and confident as they grow. Trust me!
Posted by: zkatt1959
Posted on: 2003-10-01 16:41:09
What in the world does this couple think that do not want to leave their kids? And the wife that is sleeping with her kids--I think she needs major therapy. How dare she not sleep with her husband? These kids will never grow up if they are stuck to their parents 24/7....and one word of advice I'm surprised Dr Phil didnt give, when you go out for an evening alone, leave a phone # where you can be reached, DON'T call the place your kids are at 5 times during the night....Who's the parent and who's the kids?? These people need to let their kids experience life outside the circle of their parents--they will be much more socially adjusted and confident as they grow. Trust me!
You're kidding
Posted by: mom2willow
Posted on: 2003-10-01 14:26:04
How sad of you to generalize women who CHOOSE to breastfeed their kids longer or who co-sleep as crazy. You obviously have not read any of the studies done by La Leche League or World Health Organization on the benefits of breastfeeding children after a year. And who are you to make judgements on someone else's personal choice. Do you think that everyone who practices Attachment Parenting will have spoiled children? Because I can assure you...Not all children of parent's like these turn into spoiled brats. You need to do a little more research before you start making assumptions...Educate yourself on things you don't understand.
Jenn
Mom to Willow 7/21/03
Posted by: mom2willow
Posted on: 2003-10-01 14:26:04
How sad of you to generalize women who CHOOSE to breastfeed their kids longer or who co-sleep as crazy. You obviously have not read any of the studies done by La Leche League or World Health Organization on the benefits of breastfeeding children after a year. And who are you to make judgements on someone else's personal choice. Do you think that everyone who practices Attachment Parenting will have spoiled children? Because I can assure you...Not all children of parent's like these turn into spoiled brats. You need to do a little more research before you start making assumptions...Educate yourself on things you don't understand.
Jenn
Mom to Willow 7/21/03
Jenn, Mom2willow!
Posted by: apmomto3
Posted on: 2003-10-01 17:50:29
Thank you for your post...I thought perhaps I was the only one who had this point of view..If you ask me, the ones who need help and therapy are the ones who are putting some sort of negative connotation on breastfeeding..and NO, I dont think that breastfeeding a two year old is wrong or disturbing...I think we're the only country that has this hangup, and the need to sexualize everything.
To cut off the sexual relationship with your husband for the sake of co-sleeping is not right IMO, my relationship with my husband comes first. I am a better mother when things are right with dh. That said, we're proud to be co-sleepers, and have found ways to continue a physical relationship away from our children. We also go on weekly dates, and try to stay connected. However, I am proud to be an attached mom, and my dh is proud of attachment parenting as well.
What a sad detached society we live in.
Andrea
Posted by: apmomto3
Posted on: 2003-10-01 17:50:29
Thank you for your post...I thought perhaps I was the only one who had this point of view..If you ask me, the ones who need help and therapy are the ones who are putting some sort of negative connotation on breastfeeding..and NO, I dont think that breastfeeding a two year old is wrong or disturbing...I think we're the only country that has this hangup, and the need to sexualize everything.
To cut off the sexual relationship with your husband for the sake of co-sleeping is not right IMO, my relationship with my husband comes first. I am a better mother when things are right with dh. That said, we're proud to be co-sleepers, and have found ways to continue a physical relationship away from our children. We also go on weekly dates, and try to stay connected. However, I am proud to be an attached mom, and my dh is proud of attachment parenting as well.
What a sad detached society we live in.
Andrea
Posted by: s3mccann
Posted on: 2003-10-02 17:39:22
I am also attached to my kids but not crazily so. I nursed but a 2 year old does not need to nurse throughout the night that is totally crazy. and as far as co-sleeping having kids in your bed occasionally is something we do but our kids have their own beds and we don't regularly sleep in them.
ITA, Andrea and Jenn
Posted by: iradi8
Posted on: 2003-10-08 08:09:40
I am also an AP. We co-sleep, breastfeed, etc. I deleted this Dr. Phil episode after watching the first 10 minutes. I love Dr. Phil's advice but when it comes to parenting he obviously subscribes to a different parenting philosophy than our family does. He seems to be more detached than I would like. I don't feel that there is any rush for my kids to grow up. They won't be babies forever...
Posted by: iradi8
Posted on: 2003-10-08 08:09:40
I am also an AP. We co-sleep, breastfeed, etc. I deleted this Dr. Phil episode after watching the first 10 minutes. I love Dr. Phil's advice but when it comes to parenting he obviously subscribes to a different parenting philosophy than our family does. He seems to be more detached than I would like. I don't feel that there is any rush for my kids to grow up. They won't be babies forever...
There more here then meets the eye.
Posted by: ptlgal50
Posted on: 2004-01-01 17:44:03
I think that you missed the boat by turning off the show.I t wasn't about sleeping with or breast feeding for the childs benefit.Every family has to devleope their own rules but the practices encjourage our children towayd the day they will meet the world. I am a single mom not by choice dad had a mental problem. I would have driven my self crazy If I had worried so obbesively about my daughter I too rarely left her with some else but I did have to let her go witj her dad Then all I could do is put her in Gods hands. We can't control the world bad things happen to good people. JUst make sure its for the kids not for your own fear which is what the parents on todays show were doing.
Posted by: ptlgal50
Posted on: 2004-01-01 17:44:03
I think that you missed the boat by turning off the show.I t wasn't about sleeping with or breast feeding for the childs benefit.Every family has to devleope their own rules but the practices encjourage our children towayd the day they will meet the world. I am a single mom not by choice dad had a mental problem. I would have driven my self crazy If I had worried so obbesively about my daughter I too rarely left her with some else but I did have to let her go witj her dad Then all I could do is put her in Gods hands. We can't control the world bad things happen to good people. JUst make sure its for the kids not for your own fear which is what the parents on todays show were doing.
To old to breastfeed
Posted by: valoneill
Posted on: 2004-01-04 13:00:54
I breastfed all three of my kids until they were a year old but breastfeeding up until 2 years is a little ridiculous, theirs no nutritional reason to breastfeed after a year,as of 1 year the baby should start whole milk and have been eating solid foods so their not so dependent on the breast milk which is only nutritional up to 1 year.You know when a kid can hold a cup enough is enough. After a year of breastfeeding Im ready to take my boobs back.
Val
Posted by: valoneill
Posted on: 2004-01-04 13:00:54
I breastfed all three of my kids until they were a year old but breastfeeding up until 2 years is a little ridiculous, theirs no nutritional reason to breastfeed after a year,as of 1 year the baby should start whole milk and have been eating solid foods so their not so dependent on the breast milk which is only nutritional up to 1 year.You know when a kid can hold a cup enough is enough. After a year of breastfeeding Im ready to take my boobs back.
Val
I cannot believe what I am reading
Posted by: mikkelb
Posted on: 2004-04-23 09:02:38
They just aired this particular episode of Dr. Phil here in Denmark yesterday and I was shocked. These parents were so ridicoulus. By thinking that you can prevent accidents from happening by being there all the time...you have to teach your children to adapt to new places. By keeping them away from dangers by locking them up in the house you just risk, that the first thing they do when they are away alone for the first time is something stupid/dangerous. They have to see different people and how they live and talk to each other in order to be able to understand how people interact.
As for the breastfeeding. When a child is 2 years old it can drink its own milk! My daughter was breastfed until she was app. 8 months, but then she really started getting teeth, that's when my wife said "Stop!". When you breastfeed a 2 year old child it is more about the cosiness and closeness for you and not for the child!
Posted by: mikkelb
Posted on: 2004-04-23 09:02:38
They just aired this particular episode of Dr. Phil here in Denmark yesterday and I was shocked. These parents were so ridicoulus. By thinking that you can prevent accidents from happening by being there all the time...you have to teach your children to adapt to new places. By keeping them away from dangers by locking them up in the house you just risk, that the first thing they do when they are away alone for the first time is something stupid/dangerous. They have to see different people and how they live and talk to each other in order to be able to understand how people interact.
As for the breastfeeding. When a child is 2 years old it can drink its own milk! My daughter was breastfed until she was app. 8 months, but then she really started getting teeth, that's when my wife said "Stop!". When you breastfeed a 2 year old child it is more about the cosiness and closeness for you and not for the child!
Posted by: gagurl
Posted on: 2003-10-01 19:41:00
I did breast feed all 3 of my children for a year each and understand ALL the benefits of doing so. However, I draw the line at nursing to the age where your children are walking around talking. I also disagree strongly that co-sleeping is beneficial to the child and more importantly to a marital relationship (children also need to see parents who display and demonsrate a normal martial relationship). I do not agree that these behaviors automatically produce spoiled brats, but I do believe these behaviors produce dependent children who will have socialization and coping issues in the future. I have seen this happen over and over with chidren I have worked with....children who have been forced to be dependent on their parent(s)and not encouraged to become independent, functioning members of society. I agree with Dr. Phil that parents who instill dependency on children are doing because it benefits the parent in some psychological way and it is very unhealty for their children.
I think that you may have missed
Posted by: sads920
Posted on: 2003-10-01 19:55:43
some of what was said, she still breast feeds her 2 year old, not for the benefits but so she has an excuse to NOT go out and leave him! She is using it as an excuse to meet her own needs not the needs of her child. That is wrong. I fully support breastfeeding for as long as you want as long as it is for the child not the parents needs! And I also do not concider her sleeping with her child co/sleeping, she sleeps with them out of a fear they may fall out of bed at night! Get a rail to keep them safe. There is a difference between attachment parenting and being so obsessive about your child that they fail to trust themselves in the world without their parents being with them 24/7. Part of raising a happy and healthy child is to let them get to know themselves in the world and explore thier enviornment.
Siobhan
Posted by: sads920
Posted on: 2003-10-01 19:55:43
some of what was said, she still breast feeds her 2 year old, not for the benefits but so she has an excuse to NOT go out and leave him! She is using it as an excuse to meet her own needs not the needs of her child. That is wrong. I fully support breastfeeding for as long as you want as long as it is for the child not the parents needs! And I also do not concider her sleeping with her child co/sleeping, she sleeps with them out of a fear they may fall out of bed at night! Get a rail to keep them safe. There is a difference between attachment parenting and being so obsessive about your child that they fail to trust themselves in the world without their parents being with them 24/7. Part of raising a happy and healthy child is to let them get to know themselves in the world and explore thier enviornment.
Siobhan
children learn from their experiences
Posted by: tinki1974
Posted on: 2003-10-01 22:40:59
Nobody can protect their children 24/7.Kids learn from the things they go through.It's tough to see a kid get hurt but occasionally it happens.They learn from falling off their bike & getting back up.Practice makes perfect & working towards goals.These children are going to have serious issues if something should happen to one or both of their parents.How could they cope if they never stay with family or friends?It is way too extreme.Parents & kids need a break from each other.
Posted by: tinki1974
Posted on: 2003-10-01 22:40:59
Nobody can protect their children 24/7.Kids learn from the things they go through.It's tough to see a kid get hurt but occasionally it happens.They learn from falling off their bike & getting back up.Practice makes perfect & working towards goals.These children are going to have serious issues if something should happen to one or both of their parents.How could they cope if they never stay with family or friends?It is way too extreme.Parents & kids need a break from each other.
