01/16 Let's Make a Deal
1 | 2 | 3 | 4Negotiating versus clueless about money!
Posted by: eliza42
Posted on: 2004-01-16 10:13:59
Dr. Phil,
I watched the show today about negotiating. In our house money plays a big part in the negotiating. I am a full time student (at 42 years old)with no real income right now. I live with my boyfriend and he lets me handle the finances because he realizes I am better at it than he is. When I was working, he would make purchases without letting me know. He is an impulse buyer! when it comes to tools and golf clubs he looses his mind and thinks I won't notice. I think in our house I am the negotiator and he is not. If he has the money in his hand then he will impulse buy, I am trying to teach him that when you have the money in your hand first you pay for your responsibilities and then you buy what you want to have. It seems to me that the show today was saying women don't negotiate but men do, not in our house!
EK
Posted by: eliza42
Posted on: 2004-01-16 10:13:59
Dr. Phil,
I watched the show today about negotiating. In our house money plays a big part in the negotiating. I am a full time student (at 42 years old)with no real income right now. I live with my boyfriend and he lets me handle the finances because he realizes I am better at it than he is. When I was working, he would make purchases without letting me know. He is an impulse buyer! when it comes to tools and golf clubs he looses his mind and thinks I won't notice. I think in our house I am the negotiator and he is not. If he has the money in his hand then he will impulse buy, I am trying to teach him that when you have the money in your hand first you pay for your responsibilities and then you buy what you want to have. It seems to me that the show today was saying women don't negotiate but men do, not in our house!
EK
Men vs. Women
Posted by: jenfrommo
Posted on: 2004-01-18 15:55:53
Over all, I believe men are better at getting sellers to get the prices down lower. However, I have done all the bidding on our cars and house. I get that from my mother. However, it is very hard. I have a hard time not just giving in. The number one reason I am the one that does the bidding is because I am in charge of all finances. I am the one who knows what we can and can not afford. My husband has no idea how much money we have in either checking or savings. I take care of all of it. He has no idea what some of our bills are each month. One time I made him write out a check for a bill and he about flipped out when he saw the amount. I told him that is what it has always been!! I believe in some situations it depends on who is in charge of the money. After all, if my husband were to put the bid down on the house, he truely wouldn't know off the top of his head if we could afford it or not.
Posted by: jenfrommo
Posted on: 2004-01-18 15:55:53
Over all, I believe men are better at getting sellers to get the prices down lower. However, I have done all the bidding on our cars and house. I get that from my mother. However, it is very hard. I have a hard time not just giving in. The number one reason I am the one that does the bidding is because I am in charge of all finances. I am the one who knows what we can and can not afford. My husband has no idea how much money we have in either checking or savings. I take care of all of it. He has no idea what some of our bills are each month. One time I made him write out a check for a bill and he about flipped out when he saw the amount. I told him that is what it has always been!! I believe in some situations it depends on who is in charge of the money. After all, if my husband were to put the bid down on the house, he truely wouldn't know off the top of his head if we could afford it or not.
Only men are logical, Dr. Phil?
Posted by: jdodson25
Posted on: 2004-01-16 10:26:10
Mostly, I agree with the advice that Dr. Phil hands out on his show. However, he stopped me cold when asking Elizabeth, "The camera-MAN told you the interest would be $14,000? That's because men are logical. They immediately start running the figures."
I beg to differ! I am a 27 yr. old woman and my profession (IT) demands that I be logical! I have always motivated that way and my formal education only honed my skills. I believe that experience – not gender – develops logic and creates a better negotiator. Otherwise, why would Dr. Phil have a show that aims to TEACH these people how to be a good negotiator? It’s all about the skill set one has in his/her possession.
Jaime
Posted by: jdodson25
Posted on: 2004-01-16 10:26:10
Mostly, I agree with the advice that Dr. Phil hands out on his show. However, he stopped me cold when asking Elizabeth, "The camera-MAN told you the interest would be $14,000? That's because men are logical. They immediately start running the figures."
I beg to differ! I am a 27 yr. old woman and my profession (IT) demands that I be logical! I have always motivated that way and my formal education only honed my skills. I believe that experience – not gender – develops logic and creates a better negotiator. Otherwise, why would Dr. Phil have a show that aims to TEACH these people how to be a good negotiator? It’s all about the skill set one has in his/her possession.
Jaime
Love that Item!
Posted by: clamjane
Posted on: 2004-01-16 11:48:19
As an antiques and collectibles dealer, I will give someone a better deal if they Oohh & Aahh over a find in my shop. I'm just about as happy as they are when they discover just what they are looking for. People who try to purchase an item by grumbling, pointing out any damage (which I describe on the tag) or argue to the point of exhaustion, get little or no discount. I don't see that negotiating differs by gender.
VL
Posted by: clamjane
Posted on: 2004-01-16 11:48:19
As an antiques and collectibles dealer, I will give someone a better deal if they Oohh & Aahh over a find in my shop. I'm just about as happy as they are when they discover just what they are looking for. People who try to purchase an item by grumbling, pointing out any damage (which I describe on the tag) or argue to the point of exhaustion, get little or no discount. I don't see that negotiating differs by gender.
VL
Posted by: jettav
Posted on: 2004-01-16 14:51:37
I will say that my husband is the negotiator at our house but we rarely buy something with out the other knowing. We know what we want and we get it at the best price that we can. I absoulutely refuse to buy anything at regular price (for the most part). And when my husband is around we get great deals and I have stepped up to the plate a few times and made some offers. He is just better at it. We love a bargain around here.
Love that Item
Posted by: battleon
Posted on: 2004-01-16 18:31:44
Clamjane, what a great point! I hadn't thought about that side. Well said.
Deb
Posted by: battleon
Posted on: 2004-01-16 18:31:44
Clamjane, what a great point! I hadn't thought about that side. Well said.
Deb
A valuable service
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2004-01-16 15:28:51
I think Dr Phil is doing women a valuable service whenever he does a show on negotiating. So many women get "screwed" by sales people, both male and female, because they either don't know how or aren't willing to negotiate.
I was astounded by some of the responses women made to last year's show on negotiating. That, even after Dr Phil devoted a hour to helping women negotiate a better price on big ticket items, several of them would post boastful messages refusing to "play that old boy game". As if spurning Dr Phil's advice and continuing to let salespeople "screw" you is something to be proud of.
Posted by: ramair
Posted on: 2004-01-16 15:28:51
I think Dr Phil is doing women a valuable service whenever he does a show on negotiating. So many women get "screwed" by sales people, both male and female, because they either don't know how or aren't willing to negotiate.
I was astounded by some of the responses women made to last year's show on negotiating. That, even after Dr Phil devoted a hour to helping women negotiate a better price on big ticket items, several of them would post boastful messages refusing to "play that old boy game". As if spurning Dr Phil's advice and continuing to let salespeople "screw" you is something to be proud of.
still amazes me
Posted by: capri03
Posted on: 2004-01-16 15:31:47
In this day and age when women are still earning less, dollar for dollar, than men....we still see women intimidated by negotiation.
Why is being assertive so difficult?
Step up to the plate, it means $$$ in YOUR pocket!
Posted by: capri03
Posted on: 2004-01-16 15:31:47
In this day and age when women are still earning less, dollar for dollar, than men....we still see women intimidated by negotiation.
Why is being assertive so difficult?
Step up to the plate, it means $$$ in YOUR pocket!
Negotiating
Posted by: amckib
Posted on: 2004-01-16 15:32:42
Where do you draw the line Dr. Phil? I used to work retail at Christmas and hated the jerks who would come to the counter with a $50 item and a line of customers behind them and expect that I would be willing to negotiate the price. In my business now I am always negotiating but still there are limits and I will walk away from a deal if the customer is taking too much of my time trying to get a better price at the expense of other customers.
Posted by: amckib
Posted on: 2004-01-16 15:32:42
Where do you draw the line Dr. Phil? I used to work retail at Christmas and hated the jerks who would come to the counter with a $50 item and a line of customers behind them and expect that I would be willing to negotiate the price. In my business now I am always negotiating but still there are limits and I will walk away from a deal if the customer is taking too much of my time trying to get a better price at the expense of other customers.
Don't lie, just omit
Posted by: magelady
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:06:57
I learned the lesson of not showing a "love" for something when i was 18 yrs old and my then boyfriend wanted to look at a particular car that I couldn't stand. I agreed to 'look' at it, but there was no way we were going to buy it. but after a short perusal of the car, a salesman came up and tried to sell it to us. I rather abruptly said, we're just looking, we are NOT buying this car" He said he understood and started to lower the price. The more I refused (in a rather rude and abrupt manner, i thought) the more he lowered the price...$1000 at a time. We were down a good 4-5 thousand from the sticker price . I still wouldn't buy the car, but i learned a valuable lesson. And i have used it to buy other cars that I did want. Being sweet and polite is one thing, being gullible to the smooth tactics of salesmen is often the result. I was never really rude, but to me it seemed that way. Now i know, I was business-like. I was negotiating, even though I never intended to.
Posted by: magelady
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:06:57
I learned the lesson of not showing a "love" for something when i was 18 yrs old and my then boyfriend wanted to look at a particular car that I couldn't stand. I agreed to 'look' at it, but there was no way we were going to buy it. but after a short perusal of the car, a salesman came up and tried to sell it to us. I rather abruptly said, we're just looking, we are NOT buying this car" He said he understood and started to lower the price. The more I refused (in a rather rude and abrupt manner, i thought) the more he lowered the price...$1000 at a time. We were down a good 4-5 thousand from the sticker price . I still wouldn't buy the car, but i learned a valuable lesson. And i have used it to buy other cars that I did want. Being sweet and polite is one thing, being gullible to the smooth tactics of salesmen is often the result. I was never really rude, but to me it seemed that way. Now i know, I was business-like. I was negotiating, even though I never intended to.
bias against women
Posted by: awoman2
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:07:08
Dr. Phil is showing his prejudge toward women when he claims women can't bargin and men can. My husband was to timid to bargin and always sent me to do it. He wouldn't even go with me because I embarrassed him. Wake up Dr. Phil we women can and do most of the buying and we are better shoppers than any man.
Posted by: awoman2
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:07:08
Dr. Phil is showing his prejudge toward women when he claims women can't bargin and men can. My husband was to timid to bargin and always sent me to do it. He wouldn't even go with me because I embarrassed him. Wake up Dr. Phil we women can and do most of the buying and we are better shoppers than any man.
bias against women
Posted by: lorri978
Posted on: 2004-01-16 17:31:17
I don't feel Dr. Phil is bias against women. My husband is a much better negotiator than I am. I also think that negotiating skills come with age and experience. 10 years ago I would never think to negotiate for anything, I would pay the price and get sucked into the "I want this person the like me trap. Now that I am older I don't care what the other person thinks of me I want the best price "I" can get. The other person does not care about me why should I worry about what he or she thinks. They are out for the same thing I am THE BEST DEAL.
Posted by: lorri978
Posted on: 2004-01-16 17:31:17
I don't feel Dr. Phil is bias against women. My husband is a much better negotiator than I am. I also think that negotiating skills come with age and experience. 10 years ago I would never think to negotiate for anything, I would pay the price and get sucked into the "I want this person the like me trap. Now that I am older I don't care what the other person thinks of me I want the best price "I" can get. The other person does not care about me why should I worry about what he or she thinks. They are out for the same thing I am THE BEST DEAL.
Get Real
Posted by: texmommary
Posted on: 2004-01-19 05:09:21
Get real lady. Dr. Phil is trying to help us, not find fault. It is a proven fact that most women do find it hard to negoitate prices. If you are able to shop better than your husband, then good for you. But most of us welcome any advise concerning how to be a wise shopper. Do a little more research and you will find that men do get better deals in almost every thing. They are not afraid to request a better price. One place especially noticeable is when they purchase an automobile. As a shopper, I was unaware that just because an item had a price on it, that did not have to be only price that could be paid. I use to be a bit embarrassed when my husband bargained with sales persons, but no longer. He has shown me that you can get exactly what you want at a better price many times. I am not good at this yet but sure was glad to see Dr. Phil's show on the subject. It made me want to become a shopper that my husband could be proud of.
Posted by: texmommary
Posted on: 2004-01-19 05:09:21
Get real lady. Dr. Phil is trying to help us, not find fault. It is a proven fact that most women do find it hard to negoitate prices. If you are able to shop better than your husband, then good for you. But most of us welcome any advise concerning how to be a wise shopper. Do a little more research and you will find that men do get better deals in almost every thing. They are not afraid to request a better price. One place especially noticeable is when they purchase an automobile. As a shopper, I was unaware that just because an item had a price on it, that did not have to be only price that could be paid. I use to be a bit embarrassed when my husband bargained with sales persons, but no longer. He has shown me that you can get exactly what you want at a better price many times. I am not good at this yet but sure was glad to see Dr. Phil's show on the subject. It made me want to become a shopper that my husband could be proud of.
Bargaining Skill is Partly Personality
Posted by: kao474
Posted on: 2004-02-04 22:31:57
I thought that Dr. Phil was not being prejudiced, but rather stating what is seen as an overall trend. I would agree, though, that some women can be better at it than some men. I think it is partly a reflection of a stronger versus a meeker disposition. I am fairly quick to try for a bargain (even if I'd be willing to pay full price), while my husband just decides if he wants to pay what is being asked. It is the same if you are the buyer or the seller- I am more comfortable when someone tries to bargain with me; my husband is likely to give in at a lower price than I. It's just a difference in the person's comfort level with the whole process.
Posted by: kao474
Posted on: 2004-02-04 22:31:57
I thought that Dr. Phil was not being prejudiced, but rather stating what is seen as an overall trend. I would agree, though, that some women can be better at it than some men. I think it is partly a reflection of a stronger versus a meeker disposition. I am fairly quick to try for a bargain (even if I'd be willing to pay full price), while my husband just decides if he wants to pay what is being asked. It is the same if you are the buyer or the seller- I am more comfortable when someone tries to bargain with me; my husband is likely to give in at a lower price than I. It's just a difference in the person's comfort level with the whole process.
Stephanie:
Posted by: girlspirit
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:11:38
Dr. Phil's advice to you was outstanding. I was in a similar situation, where my man's working environment changed, and the writing was on the wall. While he obviously saw this for himself, I couldn't understand why he wouldn't take action. He could be interviewing elsewhere instead of living in denial, hoping things would change. Dr. Phil is SO right, that days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years... And there you are, like a hamster on a wheel, running and running, but getting nowhere.
Like you, I was intent on moving and had no support system. Harping on how I thought he should handle the situation didn't help. No one likes to be told what to do. Eventually, I realized that I only needed to state my opinion once, and let him come to these conclusions on his own. After I laid off, he gradually pulled his head out of the sand and saw things from a different perspective. Once that happened, we made a plan together, and everything worked out for the best! He now makes more money with less responsibility and works less hours. I hope it will be that way for you, too.
Bottom line: Your husband is aware how you feel. He knows if you're unhappy, HE will be, too. But rather than feel controlled, I'm sure he'd like to feel like he's making his own career decisions. Try to back off and be supportive from here on out and have faith in him. Hopefully he'll follow Dr. Phil's advice and work with you on a plan towards reaching your common goals. Good luck!
Posted by: girlspirit
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:11:38
Dr. Phil's advice to you was outstanding. I was in a similar situation, where my man's working environment changed, and the writing was on the wall. While he obviously saw this for himself, I couldn't understand why he wouldn't take action. He could be interviewing elsewhere instead of living in denial, hoping things would change. Dr. Phil is SO right, that days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years... And there you are, like a hamster on a wheel, running and running, but getting nowhere.
Like you, I was intent on moving and had no support system. Harping on how I thought he should handle the situation didn't help. No one likes to be told what to do. Eventually, I realized that I only needed to state my opinion once, and let him come to these conclusions on his own. After I laid off, he gradually pulled his head out of the sand and saw things from a different perspective. Once that happened, we made a plan together, and everything worked out for the best! He now makes more money with less responsibility and works less hours. I hope it will be that way for you, too.
Bottom line: Your husband is aware how you feel. He knows if you're unhappy, HE will be, too. But rather than feel controlled, I'm sure he'd like to feel like he's making his own career decisions. Try to back off and be supportive from here on out and have faith in him. Hopefully he'll follow Dr. Phil's advice and work with you on a plan towards reaching your common goals. Good luck!
Stephanie......
Posted by: shari55
Posted on: 2004-01-16 17:36:30
Stephanie,
I have learned from experience that constantly saying how you hate your husband,he will eventually shut down and out. He will feel he is worthless and have such a low self-esteem that when a "dream" job comes along he won't take it cause he will feel that he isn't worthy of such a wonderful job.
When we got out of the military(we were in Germany) and moved back to Chicago,I hated it(I still do after 13 years),I constantly laid blame on him(this is his hometown),that we couldn't make ends meet,etc.
After many years,I have finally accepted and realized that where ever we live as a "FAMILY" it is home.
My point is yes everything is able to be haggled but is your marrige? Probably not as this is one thing,that can't be. Work with your husband and don't put him down.
Shari
Posted by: shari55
Posted on: 2004-01-16 17:36:30
Stephanie,
I have learned from experience that constantly saying how you hate your husband,he will eventually shut down and out. He will feel he is worthless and have such a low self-esteem that when a "dream" job comes along he won't take it cause he will feel that he isn't worthy of such a wonderful job.
When we got out of the military(we were in Germany) and moved back to Chicago,I hated it(I still do after 13 years),I constantly laid blame on him(this is his hometown),that we couldn't make ends meet,etc.
After many years,I have finally accepted and realized that where ever we live as a "FAMILY" it is home.
My point is yes everything is able to be haggled but is your marrige? Probably not as this is one thing,that can't be. Work with your husband and don't put him down.
Shari
Posted by: aquanaut13
Posted on: 2004-06-12 23:06:28
I wish my wife would see things your way. I am reading Self Matters because I need to change my life! She is imposing what she thinks is a "safe" and successful career: climb the corporate ladder to the top. I want to be my own boss. She is not supportive and I feel empty...
I know I can do it, I was lucky to have been paid to start a US$3 million business, I was in charge, I got it done in 7 months and the first shippment sold in 1 month (expected 3 months). I felt charged. But I could not last because the work was in another city where she did not want to move to "since it would be away from her family." It was an excuse, to this day I don't know what the real reason was. I had to go back to my family and kids. I could not be a weekend dad anymore if it meant givng up what I loved to do.
I have got everything I need to do to chase my dream; money, knowledge, desire and the passion. I DON'T the support of the person I love the most because she wants to play it safe...
Safe is empty. Safe isn't fun. Safe is meaningless. Safe isn't exciting. Safe is DEPRESSING!
Haggling
Posted by: gamakara
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:23:30
I guess I was raised to be polite and accepting. The price as marked is what it is to me. If it were more than I wanted to spend or could afford, I would walk away rather than haggle. Then I would look for something in my price range, actually less than, and would purchase that or forego the item entirely if I couldn't find something else.
Posted by: gamakara
Posted on: 2004-01-16 16:23:30
I guess I was raised to be polite and accepting. The price as marked is what it is to me. If it were more than I wanted to spend or could afford, I would walk away rather than haggle. Then I would look for something in my price range, actually less than, and would purchase that or forego the item entirely if I couldn't find something else.
You can politely ask for a lower price.
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2004-01-16 20:30:55
Your seem to think that asking for a lower price is being rude. It doesn't have to be, in fact it shouldn't be. Some people who don't negotiate well probably do get rude or insulting but good negotiators are never rude.
It's simply the way things are, stores mark up merchandise so that they can lower the price and still make a good profit. People offer their house at a higher price than they expect to get.
If you don't politely negotiate you're getting screwed at every turn and I don't know about you, but I don't have enough money to just give it away when I don't have to.
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2004-01-16 20:30:55
Your seem to think that asking for a lower price is being rude. It doesn't have to be, in fact it shouldn't be. Some people who don't negotiate well probably do get rude or insulting but good negotiators are never rude.
It's simply the way things are, stores mark up merchandise so that they can lower the price and still make a good profit. People offer their house at a higher price than they expect to get.
If you don't politely negotiate you're getting screwed at every turn and I don't know about you, but I don't have enough money to just give it away when I don't have to.
