07/26 The Buttinsky's
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Posted by: imp_girl
Posted on: 2004-02-06 08:30:01
I feel for Tammy. She should have changed the locks the first time Troy left. If a man chooses his mother over his wife who he has promised to devote his life, he needs to go back to living with his mother. I've actually had this discussion with my fiance because his mother has butted in on our private affairs at time or two. He's actually acted like a man and gotten her to stop, yet still has a wonderful relationship with her. Joyce needs to stop being a controlling manipulative bitch and let that family run its own life. She is merely a guest in that house, not the head of that house. Troy needs to stop running outside of the relationship he and his wife have and start running towards Tammy.
Posted by: imp_girl
Posted on: 2004-02-06 08:30:01
I feel for Tammy. She should have changed the locks the first time Troy left. If a man chooses his mother over his wife who he has promised to devote his life, he needs to go back to living with his mother. I've actually had this discussion with my fiance because his mother has butted in on our private affairs at time or two. He's actually acted like a man and gotten her to stop, yet still has a wonderful relationship with her. Joyce needs to stop being a controlling manipulative bitch and let that family run its own life. She is merely a guest in that house, not the head of that house. Troy needs to stop running outside of the relationship he and his wife have and start running towards Tammy.
Too easy
Posted by: waystone
Posted on: 2004-02-06 08:40:07
I agree. BUT...
... there is an ignored side to this discussion. It's so easy, and popular, to blame in-laws. It is not always their fault.
After marrying, my brother has pulled completely away from our family. He is barely in touch, takes most conversation as implied criticism, and makes no effort to include myself or our mother in his life. We knew his wife for years before they married, and believed ourselves to be friends - and this rejection hurts.
It also means that now that my mother is challenged by a chronic illness, my brother is not there to help when she needs it.
Sometimes adult kids need to grow up and not expect their parents to be perfect - to accept them as they are, and welcome them to contine to be a part of their lives nonetheless.
Posted by: waystone
Posted on: 2004-02-06 08:40:07
I agree. BUT...
... there is an ignored side to this discussion. It's so easy, and popular, to blame in-laws. It is not always their fault.
After marrying, my brother has pulled completely away from our family. He is barely in touch, takes most conversation as implied criticism, and makes no effort to include myself or our mother in his life. We knew his wife for years before they married, and believed ourselves to be friends - and this rejection hurts.
It also means that now that my mother is challenged by a chronic illness, my brother is not there to help when she needs it.
Sometimes adult kids need to grow up and not expect their parents to be perfect - to accept them as they are, and welcome them to contine to be a part of their lives nonetheless.
I have to agree!
Posted by: rlt831
Posted on: 2004-02-06 09:38:54
I have to agree with you on this! Its not always the in-laws fault. I do have to say that they do have a big part in it though. Alot of my problems with my husband is because he often runs home to mommy when theres a problem instead of talking it out with me. He tells his mother everything and she always seems to be in our business weather shes been invited or not!
Posted by: rlt831
Posted on: 2004-02-06 09:38:54
I have to agree with you on this! Its not always the in-laws fault. I do have to say that they do have a big part in it though. Alot of my problems with my husband is because he often runs home to mommy when theres a problem instead of talking it out with me. He tells his mother everything and she always seems to be in our business weather shes been invited or not!
Yep.
Posted by: waystone
Posted on: 2004-02-06 09:45:56
I hear you. That's unfair... both to you, for losing the chance to share with your husband, and to your mother-in-law, for being put in the middle of what should be a marital issue - instead of helping/letting her grow into the freedom of her new in-law role.
Now, if only those grown up kids could learn the art of a happy meduim, we'd all be better off :P
Posted by: waystone
Posted on: 2004-02-06 09:45:56
I hear you. That's unfair... both to you, for losing the chance to share with your husband, and to your mother-in-law, for being put in the middle of what should be a marital issue - instead of helping/letting her grow into the freedom of her new in-law role.
Now, if only those grown up kids could learn the art of a happy meduim, we'd all be better off :P
Run Away from this marriage
Posted by: trugeorge
Posted on: 2004-02-06 18:53:54
Tammy... leave this momma's boy....he will never change. And neither will his parents.
Leave while you are still young and find someone who truly LOVES YOU!
That means putting YOU first...No relationship will last on a foundation that does not put YOU FIRST.
This is coming from a happily married man of 20 yrs who had to deal with my in-laws..but my wife put me first..you won't be happy unless he does the same.
LEAVE......NOW...AND DON"T LOOK BACK!
Posted by: trugeorge
Posted on: 2004-02-06 18:53:54
Tammy... leave this momma's boy....he will never change. And neither will his parents.
Leave while you are still young and find someone who truly LOVES YOU!
That means putting YOU first...No relationship will last on a foundation that does not put YOU FIRST.
This is coming from a happily married man of 20 yrs who had to deal with my in-laws..but my wife put me first..you won't be happy unless he does the same.
LEAVE......NOW...AND DON"T LOOK BACK!
Kick, Tammy, Kick!!!
Posted by: grammysher
Posted on: 2004-02-06 19:03:32
Tammy, kick this fool to the curb and never look back. This mamma's boy has no place in your life and you should let him know you are leaving this time. You and your children will suffer only stress and discontent if this continues to rule your life, which it will if you choose to stay with the three baffoons! What a horrible thing to see--this girl with tears in her eyes ganged up on by three so involved in themselves. Get out Tammy!! I really don't know why these three jas's came on the show, since they definitely had no interest in joining in the solution, only to smerk at you. Please do not stay in the unwholesome, unholy, and evil alliance these three have created. You have every right to take him to the cleaners, along with self-righteous bitch one and bitch two. Until you have the nerve to kick, kick, kick!! I suggest you abstain, abstain, abstain!!!! See if Mommy can help him then.
Posted by: grammysher
Posted on: 2004-02-06 19:03:32
Tammy, kick this fool to the curb and never look back. This mamma's boy has no place in your life and you should let him know you are leaving this time. You and your children will suffer only stress and discontent if this continues to rule your life, which it will if you choose to stay with the three baffoons! What a horrible thing to see--this girl with tears in her eyes ganged up on by three so involved in themselves. Get out Tammy!! I really don't know why these three jas's came on the show, since they definitely had no interest in joining in the solution, only to smerk at you. Please do not stay in the unwholesome, unholy, and evil alliance these three have created. You have every right to take him to the cleaners, along with self-righteous bitch one and bitch two. Until you have the nerve to kick, kick, kick!! I suggest you abstain, abstain, abstain!!!! See if Mommy can help him then.
COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER!
Posted by: joboogie26
Posted on: 2004-02-06 23:55:17
YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! WHEN I SAW THIS MESSAGE YOU SAID IT ALL I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER. RUN TAMMY RUN!!
Posted by: joboogie26
Posted on: 2004-02-06 23:55:17
YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! WHEN I SAW THIS MESSAGE YOU SAID IT ALL I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER. RUN TAMMY RUN!!
Go Tammy Go
Posted by: elkinsbj
Posted on: 2004-02-07 10:15:15
Tammy,Tammy,Tammy, I hope to God you read these. As some one whose been there and and back, it won't get better. By the time he "gets it", the resentment built up in you won't allow him in. And the kids will suffer from it all. YOU deserve better. Life is too short. If you are like me, you don't like people telling you what to do and will stay with this nut to prove you can change him and have a happy life. I've had too many years of unhappiness to validate that way of thinking. Run, Tammy, Run, and don't look back. bj
Posted by: elkinsbj
Posted on: 2004-02-07 10:15:15
Tammy,Tammy,Tammy, I hope to God you read these. As some one whose been there and and back, it won't get better. By the time he "gets it", the resentment built up in you won't allow him in. And the kids will suffer from it all. YOU deserve better. Life is too short. If you are like me, you don't like people telling you what to do and will stay with this nut to prove you can change him and have a happy life. I've had too many years of unhappiness to validate that way of thinking. Run, Tammy, Run, and don't look back. bj
Agreed
Posted by: shivadream
Posted on: 2004-02-07 15:07:58
I hope Tammy gets out as well. My experience was a little more subtle, and THANK GOD my EX-husband and I had no children, but... my mother-in-law hated me because I grew up poor and she raised her kids in the military. I was not good enough for him because I didn't dress a certain way, didn't do things the way she would, and didn't bow down to her son's every whim and desire. Tammy, life is too short to worry about whether he will leave from one moment to the next. You don't deserve to live with such pain, and if he'd rather run home to mommy than work through it and go to counseling with you, then he deserves to be whatever he gets. You are not wrong for trying to set up a guideline for your children, to raise them to be strong, respectful individuals. My parents did that, and I am grateful. I hope you don't stick around for more abuse...
Posted by: shivadream
Posted on: 2004-02-07 15:07:58
I hope Tammy gets out as well. My experience was a little more subtle, and THANK GOD my EX-husband and I had no children, but... my mother-in-law hated me because I grew up poor and she raised her kids in the military. I was not good enough for him because I didn't dress a certain way, didn't do things the way she would, and didn't bow down to her son's every whim and desire. Tammy, life is too short to worry about whether he will leave from one moment to the next. You don't deserve to live with such pain, and if he'd rather run home to mommy than work through it and go to counseling with you, then he deserves to be whatever he gets. You are not wrong for trying to set up a guideline for your children, to raise them to be strong, respectful individuals. My parents did that, and I am grateful. I hope you don't stick around for more abuse...
i agree
Posted by: mmmdsm
Posted on: 2004-02-10 09:35:20
The mother in law called taking off shoes, cleaning their rooms and sitting down for dinner abuse? Oh my God! More parents should have these rules. It would make for more respectful and responsible kids! And then she said she wanted to be "patronized" when she visited. I thought I would get sick watching that mean, bitter woman.
Posted by: mmmdsm
Posted on: 2004-02-10 09:35:20
The mother in law called taking off shoes, cleaning their rooms and sitting down for dinner abuse? Oh my God! More parents should have these rules. It would make for more respectful and responsible kids! And then she said she wanted to be "patronized" when she visited. I thought I would get sick watching that mean, bitter woman.
no kidding, what abuse
Posted by: rms842003
Posted on: 2004-02-11 15:02:26
I totally agree! I would hate to see a household or a mother who didn't have rules. Maybe that's why her son has so many "issues". Maybe a little discipline would have straghtened him up. What I want to know is, what in the world brought these two together? A great woman with a good head on her shoulders and a pissy, wimpy little mammas boy, who's parents are obviosly overbearing and psychotic! And maybe the father meant to use that language towards his wife not his daughter in law!
Posted by: rms842003
Posted on: 2004-02-11 15:02:26
I totally agree! I would hate to see a household or a mother who didn't have rules. Maybe that's why her son has so many "issues". Maybe a little discipline would have straghtened him up. What I want to know is, what in the world brought these two together? A great woman with a good head on her shoulders and a pissy, wimpy little mammas boy, who's parents are obviosly overbearing and psychotic! And maybe the father meant to use that language towards his wife not his daughter in law!
Posted by: stewstew71
Posted on: 2005-01-27 15:29:35
Don't listen to you're god awful mother in law about how to raise kids...look at her SELF ABSORBED son. That family is only looking to point the finger at someone for THEIR dysfunction...don't be that person anymore, take your kids and move on...it's not fair for the kids to be involved in this! It will only hurt them emotionally...
YOU DESERVE BETTER GIRL & YOU CAN DO BETTER TOO!
Posted by: makathabo
Posted on: 2004-02-11 07:04:39
Give your husband the last chance to see if he really wants to make this marriage work. Ask him to go to counselling with you. If he says no, kick him out or leave because if he does not want to understand how you feel and try to make thing better, then you are doomed. He needs to make his mother understand that she is only his mother and not his wife. Theres a huge difference between these 2 roles. Pity that the father in law is a messed up twit himself. It just shows how your "mommy's baby" husband was brought up. The pair probably taught him to threaten the marriage in order to achieve the required results. How stupid cos it does not work! What a pathetic & selfish family. What the hell makes them think they are perfect. If they are so perfect and smart (these parents) how did they fail to get their son & themselves a perfect wife. They need to mind their own business & try concentrating on growing old with dignity & grace!
Tammy girl, concentrate on getting your own self in order because nobody is perfect. Just find out what it is that you might need to correct or change in your own behavior or attitude. Just make sure that whatever you do with your kids is not harmful to them (your discipline etc)since that old hag seems to think that you are bullying the kids. If you are happy with your behavior, actions etc, then get on with your life & if not, make some adjustments. Enjoy your life!
Posted by: makathabo
Posted on: 2004-02-11 07:04:39
Give your husband the last chance to see if he really wants to make this marriage work. Ask him to go to counselling with you. If he says no, kick him out or leave because if he does not want to understand how you feel and try to make thing better, then you are doomed. He needs to make his mother understand that she is only his mother and not his wife. Theres a huge difference between these 2 roles. Pity that the father in law is a messed up twit himself. It just shows how your "mommy's baby" husband was brought up. The pair probably taught him to threaten the marriage in order to achieve the required results. How stupid cos it does not work! What a pathetic & selfish family. What the hell makes them think they are perfect. If they are so perfect and smart (these parents) how did they fail to get their son & themselves a perfect wife. They need to mind their own business & try concentrating on growing old with dignity & grace!
Tammy girl, concentrate on getting your own self in order because nobody is perfect. Just find out what it is that you might need to correct or change in your own behavior or attitude. Just make sure that whatever you do with your kids is not harmful to them (your discipline etc)since that old hag seems to think that you are bullying the kids. If you are happy with your behavior, actions etc, then get on with your life & if not, make some adjustments. Enjoy your life!
Buttinskys
Posted by: thornqvist
Posted on: 2004-02-13 16:23:54
I have never felt compelled to post a message until now!
1. The mother-in-law(Joyce?): I feel sorry for her. She does not have confidence in her son. If she did, she would let him live his life and make his own decisions/mistakes. By inserting herself in their lives, she will ruin his marriage, tear apart their family, and cause her son to probably grow into a lonely and bitter man (who else would ever want someone with this family/baggage?!?). She professes to worry about her grandchildren. If this were true, she would do everything in her power to HELP her son and his family, instead of making their family life a tug-of-war. She is stressing out Tammy, and that will definitely NOT help her better relate to her family and children. Joyce should be ashamed of herself. She should immediately try to make amends for her past grievances, and try for a fresh start--this time in her proper role of grandmother.
2. Tammy: You need to decide if you want to stay with a man who does not respect you. Actions speak louder than words. Begin counseling immediately--if he refuses, then go yourself. Your husband seems to prefer his parents over his own family, and in my book, that's a deal-breaker. In my opinion, you would honestly be better off without this man. My husband is my best friend, and why should anyone settle for anything less?
3. The "husband": Go to counseling with your wife, and learn to be the husband she deserves. Otherwise, you deserve what you get.
Posted by: thornqvist
Posted on: 2004-02-13 16:23:54
I have never felt compelled to post a message until now!
1. The mother-in-law(Joyce?): I feel sorry for her. She does not have confidence in her son. If she did, she would let him live his life and make his own decisions/mistakes. By inserting herself in their lives, she will ruin his marriage, tear apart their family, and cause her son to probably grow into a lonely and bitter man (who else would ever want someone with this family/baggage?!?). She professes to worry about her grandchildren. If this were true, she would do everything in her power to HELP her son and his family, instead of making their family life a tug-of-war. She is stressing out Tammy, and that will definitely NOT help her better relate to her family and children. Joyce should be ashamed of herself. She should immediately try to make amends for her past grievances, and try for a fresh start--this time in her proper role of grandmother.
2. Tammy: You need to decide if you want to stay with a man who does not respect you. Actions speak louder than words. Begin counseling immediately--if he refuses, then go yourself. Your husband seems to prefer his parents over his own family, and in my book, that's a deal-breaker. In my opinion, you would honestly be better off without this man. My husband is my best friend, and why should anyone settle for anything less?
3. The "husband": Go to counseling with your wife, and learn to be the husband she deserves. Otherwise, you deserve what you get.
agree with most :)
Posted by: momiowa
Posted on: 2004-07-26 10:22:05
It is easy for some of you all to sit there and say "its not always the in-laws fault" in this matter.Its always easer to point the finger at someone else and not at ourselfs.In Tammys case,she did indeed marry a mommys boy.My family at many times tryed to bud into my marriage and my husband being a man he is stood up to them,as i stood behind him all the way.Some parents cant not let go of there kids who are now grown up.They want to treat them as if they are still 14.I know,my mom still does or use to at times,not much anymore :)
Point is,that in-laws,anyone needs to show respect of others lives and let them LIVE IT its not the in laws job or anyone elses.Its the ones in the marriage,realationships job.
Im sure i missed some points even Dr.Phil would say as most of all he says i have to say i always agree with him as he makes me think lol.
sincerly
iowa mom
Posted by: momiowa
Posted on: 2004-07-26 10:22:05
It is easy for some of you all to sit there and say "its not always the in-laws fault" in this matter.Its always easer to point the finger at someone else and not at ourselfs.In Tammys case,she did indeed marry a mommys boy.My family at many times tryed to bud into my marriage and my husband being a man he is stood up to them,as i stood behind him all the way.Some parents cant not let go of there kids who are now grown up.They want to treat them as if they are still 14.I know,my mom still does or use to at times,not much anymore :)
Point is,that in-laws,anyone needs to show respect of others lives and let them LIVE IT its not the in laws job or anyone elses.Its the ones in the marriage,realationships job.
Im sure i missed some points even Dr.Phil would say as most of all he says i have to say i always agree with him as he makes me think lol.
sincerly
iowa mom
Well Put
Posted by: ingey1
Posted on: 2004-02-08 19:31:05
Tammy you can do better then this. That family,
was laughing at you the entire show!They are a sorry bunch of people. Pack that suite case!
Grab "Your Son,"and never ever look back! You deserve better!This family is the sickest I have seen yet. On Dr. Phil.
Posted by: ingey1
Posted on: 2004-02-08 19:31:05
Tammy you can do better then this. That family,
was laughing at you the entire show!They are a sorry bunch of people. Pack that suite case!
Grab "Your Son,"and never ever look back! You deserve better!This family is the sickest I have seen yet. On Dr. Phil.
well put indeed
Posted by: ruedog
Posted on: 2004-02-10 22:44:21
Tammy's husband and his parents are twisted co-dependent people who deserve each other. Does he realize his parents won't live forever? He will end up alone one day and wonder what happened.
Posted by: ruedog
Posted on: 2004-02-10 22:44:21
Tammy's husband and his parents are twisted co-dependent people who deserve each other. Does he realize his parents won't live forever? He will end up alone one day and wonder what happened.
My heart goes out to you tammy
Posted by: craftilady
Posted on: 2004-02-09 00:26:44
I agree 100%.
I couldn't believe the final shot in the show; with the 3 muskateers sitting there slapping each other on the back, "All for one, one for all" - crap. Tammy looked defeated. I felt so sad for her. Shame on the three of them and shame on you Dr Phil. Hubby should have been the one on the hot seat, not the mother-in-law from hell. He made promises before God not momma and she's a lost cause - the body language on that lady spoke for itself - self righteous witch - "I can't live up to your expectations" my fanny.
Momma is the one with expectations. I wonder how another broken home is going to benefit thoses babies she's so concerned about.
Posted by: craftilady
Posted on: 2004-02-09 00:26:44
I agree 100%.
I couldn't believe the final shot in the show; with the 3 muskateers sitting there slapping each other on the back, "All for one, one for all" - crap. Tammy looked defeated. I felt so sad for her. Shame on the three of them and shame on you Dr Phil. Hubby should have been the one on the hot seat, not the mother-in-law from hell. He made promises before God not momma and she's a lost cause - the body language on that lady spoke for itself - self righteous witch - "I can't live up to your expectations" my fanny.
Momma is the one with expectations. I wonder how another broken home is going to benefit thoses babies she's so concerned about.
Dr. Phil was wrong
Posted by: momdboys
Posted on: 2004-02-09 10:32:26
Dr. Phil should have switched the mother for the husband. You are absolutely right and I didn't realize it until I just read what you wrote. Dr. Phil say's "you teach people how to treat you" and I just read on this site how "If a wife has a problem with her mother-in-law, it's the husband who needs to step in and help fix it. Likewise, if a husband doesn't see eye-to-eye with his in-laws, his wife needs to step in. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) needs to be the messenger." I copied and pasted that from this site.
Posted by: momdboys
Posted on: 2004-02-09 10:32:26
Dr. Phil should have switched the mother for the husband. You are absolutely right and I didn't realize it until I just read what you wrote. Dr. Phil say's "you teach people how to treat you" and I just read on this site how "If a wife has a problem with her mother-in-law, it's the husband who needs to step in and help fix it. Likewise, if a husband doesn't see eye-to-eye with his in-laws, his wife needs to step in. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) needs to be the messenger." I copied and pasted that from this site.
