06/03 Sex Games
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10Couples
Posted by: memereilc
Posted on: 2003-10-31 10:23:35
I can feel for the woman not wanting sex everynight. Only after my husband had prostrate problems did he admit to me that he did not want sex every night. I think most men are like this, but if they admit it they think it will reduce their manhood. Dr. Phil was right.
Linda's problem is deeper and I hope therapy helps her. I feel for her too, and feel sad for her husband who seems to be a dear. He does need to be a bit more stern with his wife as his daughter's will not respect him and unfortunately, they will find men like their dad who will allow anything.
I found my husband with another woman 4 years ago. We have stayed together and worked out our problems to a degree. The image will never leave me, but I do love my husband and want to continue to grow old with him. Before I had always said I would never forgive and leave. But it isn't that black and white.
Good luck to these couples. I hope Dr. Phil will do some follow ups.
Posted by: memereilc
Posted on: 2003-10-31 10:23:35
I can feel for the woman not wanting sex everynight. Only after my husband had prostrate problems did he admit to me that he did not want sex every night. I think most men are like this, but if they admit it they think it will reduce their manhood. Dr. Phil was right.
Linda's problem is deeper and I hope therapy helps her. I feel for her too, and feel sad for her husband who seems to be a dear. He does need to be a bit more stern with his wife as his daughter's will not respect him and unfortunately, they will find men like their dad who will allow anything.
I found my husband with another woman 4 years ago. We have stayed together and worked out our problems to a degree. The image will never leave me, but I do love my husband and want to continue to grow old with him. Before I had always said I would never forgive and leave. But it isn't that black and white.
Good luck to these couples. I hope Dr. Phil will do some follow ups.
Not every night, but tonight.
Posted by: mikerich10
Posted on: 2003-11-09 00:47:23
I have to say I believe that is one of the greatest misunderstandings of all time. The reason it "appears" we men want it "every night" is because we ask for it tonight and you say no, so we ask for it the next night and you say no, so we ask the next night and you say no, by this time we are desperate, and the next night and the 20 after is still no. I guess that would "appear" like we want it every night, but guess what? It is just many pleas for just that one sexual act, that never "appears" to be granted. Just as it would "appear" that you "always" say no.
Posted by: mikerich10
Posted on: 2003-11-09 00:47:23
I have to say I believe that is one of the greatest misunderstandings of all time. The reason it "appears" we men want it "every night" is because we ask for it tonight and you say no, so we ask for it the next night and you say no, so we ask the next night and you say no, by this time we are desperate, and the next night and the 20 after is still no. I guess that would "appear" like we want it every night, but guess what? It is just many pleas for just that one sexual act, that never "appears" to be granted. Just as it would "appear" that you "always" say no.
to Mikerich10
Posted by: mummaloves
Posted on: 2003-11-09 09:02:05
Hey, I never looked at it that way. That is true when you think about it that way! I must ask you as a man, maybe this is not your situation, but why is it my husband only wants to most of time EARLY in the morning? We have two girls, 7 & 4, and at that time in the morning all I want is my first cup of coffee. I feel the kids will wake and so on. You know, men can reach orgasm very fast, well, most. This might be why you are turned down day after day after day!!!! Just a thought.
Posted by: mummaloves
Posted on: 2003-11-09 09:02:05
Hey, I never looked at it that way. That is true when you think about it that way! I must ask you as a man, maybe this is not your situation, but why is it my husband only wants to most of time EARLY in the morning? We have two girls, 7 & 4, and at that time in the morning all I want is my first cup of coffee. I feel the kids will wake and so on. You know, men can reach orgasm very fast, well, most. This might be why you are turned down day after day after day!!!! Just a thought.
to Mummaloves
Posted by: babs2449
Posted on: 2004-06-03 09:24:13
Sex in the morning >> I was told by a doctor that it's because the testosterone levels are the highest in the early morning.
I guess one person's *too much* seems like a feast to others. I'm one of those who wishes I had the problem of my husband wanting a lot of sex. Since Dec 03 it's been twice. Year of '03 totalled nearly 40 times. Not quite average but OK.
Doctor has checked him out and he's fine medically. Therapist helped while we went, then after we were through, sex dropped to nothing. I'm on meds for depression and my sex drive is zero now, too. My fear is that when I go off the meds next year (according to my Dr)my drive will return, because I love Hubby a lot and find him very sexy.
The one thing that helps me is repeating to myself, "It's not my fault. I've done nothing wrong." Another thing I do is try not to let myself get into the slump of not caring what I look like.
I would never leave as in all other aspects he's an excellent husband. He shows much non-sex affection, is kind and caring.
This is my 2nd marriage (ex was impotent, so I'm used to sexless marriage), but my current hubby was just the opposite when we first met. I thought "Woweee! WooHoo!!" Right after, sex dropped off dramatically. Finally talked him into seeing a therapist with me.
T was very good and zeroed in on several issues from Hubby's previous marriage. We were making terrific progress because Hubby was accountable to T for completing assignments. Benefits ran out, so did Hubby's commitment.
Ah well.
Posted by: babs2449
Posted on: 2004-06-03 09:24:13
Sex in the morning >> I was told by a doctor that it's because the testosterone levels are the highest in the early morning.
I guess one person's *too much* seems like a feast to others. I'm one of those who wishes I had the problem of my husband wanting a lot of sex. Since Dec 03 it's been twice. Year of '03 totalled nearly 40 times. Not quite average but OK.
Doctor has checked him out and he's fine medically. Therapist helped while we went, then after we were through, sex dropped to nothing. I'm on meds for depression and my sex drive is zero now, too. My fear is that when I go off the meds next year (according to my Dr)my drive will return, because I love Hubby a lot and find him very sexy.
The one thing that helps me is repeating to myself, "It's not my fault. I've done nothing wrong." Another thing I do is try not to let myself get into the slump of not caring what I look like.
I would never leave as in all other aspects he's an excellent husband. He shows much non-sex affection, is kind and caring.
This is my 2nd marriage (ex was impotent, so I'm used to sexless marriage), but my current hubby was just the opposite when we first met. I thought "Woweee! WooHoo!!" Right after, sex dropped off dramatically. Finally talked him into seeing a therapist with me.
T was very good and zeroed in on several issues from Hubby's previous marriage. We were making terrific progress because Hubby was accountable to T for completing assignments. Benefits ran out, so did Hubby's commitment.
Ah well.
mummaloves
Posted by: mom2kaykim
Posted on: 2004-06-03 15:45:24
Early morning is the best time! It is when a man's erection is at it's hardest! Try it sometime!
Posted by: mom2kaykim
Posted on: 2004-06-03 15:45:24
Early morning is the best time! It is when a man's erection is at it's hardest! Try it sometime!
Lose/lose situation
Posted by: realgood2u
Posted on: 2004-06-03 23:23:27
If it only "appears" that men ask for sex every night, then logic dictates that women only "appear" to say no every time.
Why is it better to ask 50 times and be rejected 35, when if you only asked 15 and were accepted all 15 it is the same thing?
My husband has played this game for years-and it is a game. If I said yes Monday night, he would ask again Tuesday night. If I complied Tuesday night, he would ask again Wednesday morning.
I had two children, home, and a full-time job. Sometimes I just needed to sleep. I used to tell him that if he would just cut down to a few times a week, I would try to be
more eager to please. It never worked.
Posted by: realgood2u
Posted on: 2004-06-03 23:23:27
If it only "appears" that men ask for sex every night, then logic dictates that women only "appear" to say no every time.
Why is it better to ask 50 times and be rejected 35, when if you only asked 15 and were accepted all 15 it is the same thing?
My husband has played this game for years-and it is a game. If I said yes Monday night, he would ask again Tuesday night. If I complied Tuesday night, he would ask again Wednesday morning.
I had two children, home, and a full-time job. Sometimes I just needed to sleep. I used to tell him that if he would just cut down to a few times a week, I would try to be
more eager to please. It never worked.
Amen!
Posted by: mntngrls
Posted on: 2004-06-04 17:55:11
I can totally relate. The thing that saved my sanity was devising a schedule. Every other night he gets sex (still too frequent for me, but better than no compromise at all).
The down side is that if I say 'no' due to sickness, or just plain worn out exhaustion (work, child, housework), the divorce threats begin. But at least that doesn't happen as frequently as before the agreement.
The up side--if he falls asleep early, I get the night off!
Posted by: mntngrls
Posted on: 2004-06-04 17:55:11
I can totally relate. The thing that saved my sanity was devising a schedule. Every other night he gets sex (still too frequent for me, but better than no compromise at all).
The down side is that if I say 'no' due to sickness, or just plain worn out exhaustion (work, child, housework), the divorce threats begin. But at least that doesn't happen as frequently as before the agreement.
The up side--if he falls asleep early, I get the night off!
Couples
Posted by: darkequus
Posted on: 2004-06-03 09:36:32
The best thing that happened to me was reading Dr. Laura's Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I stopped thinking my husband wanted sex to please himself and realized he wanted to make love to me because he loved me. We now have a better relationship, more loving.
Posted by: darkequus
Posted on: 2004-06-03 09:36:32
The best thing that happened to me was reading Dr. Laura's Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I stopped thinking my husband wanted sex to please himself and realized he wanted to make love to me because he loved me. We now have a better relationship, more loving.
wonderful show
Posted by: ronihills
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:35:04
This was a wonderful show. I can identify with the man on this show who allowed his wife to have sex with other men. I did the same thing with my husband because I thought it would hurt less if I agreed to it. Let me tell you that it is not true. You hurt still. We have since decided to divorce because he doesnt or cant give up all the sex clubs and "swinging" life style he has gotten into to. I even tried to join him but my heart is not in it. Sex is hard enought without all that too.
Posted by: ronihills
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:35:04
This was a wonderful show. I can identify with the man on this show who allowed his wife to have sex with other men. I did the same thing with my husband because I thought it would hurt less if I agreed to it. Let me tell you that it is not true. You hurt still. We have since decided to divorce because he doesnt or cant give up all the sex clubs and "swinging" life style he has gotten into to. I even tried to join him but my heart is not in it. Sex is hard enought without all that too.
Great show.....
Posted by: microbin
Posted on: 2003-11-25 16:43:10
I was relating to Ken's wife .. I was a wife who wasn't being needed by hubby I would find my needs met by other as well this past year ... I had 2 flings but found out the grass is not greener on other side... I had hubby who was forgiving and stable ... Thank you for sharing your tips on not going outside your marriage for all needs....
Posted by: microbin
Posted on: 2003-11-25 16:43:10
I was relating to Ken's wife .. I was a wife who wasn't being needed by hubby I would find my needs met by other as well this past year ... I had 2 flings but found out the grass is not greener on other side... I had hubby who was forgiving and stable ... Thank you for sharing your tips on not going outside your marriage for all needs....
Message to Ken
Posted by: angels_ink
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:38:38
On your wife's sexual addiction: I wrote the following, RE: ANY AND ALL ADDICTIONS.
“LIGHT’S HEALING TOUCH”
(From ‘Torchsong’)
Author: Jana Christian
When you give yourself to a darkness..
And it has you tight in its grip;
And the fear that you hide all alone deep inside,
Has no exit..it’s likely you’ll slip..
If you do, how does the Light shine through?
Only FAITH can deliver you.
If you’re running from pain to survive here,
And your secrets?? You hold fast to you…
And relief that you seek, from a life gone so bleak,
Is MORE hurtful..then what do you do?
If you seek it..the Light will shine through.
And He will be there for you.
CHORUS
For His love is constant; it never will die,
His radiance is ever-nigh.
If you’re dying inside, because of false pride,
Then reach out to the Natural High.
If you’re wishing your life to be whole now..
Then you have to confront all your fears.
Give up all of the doubt; surely faith will win out,
So surrender your pain and your tears.
You can reach it. It’s shining for you.
And only His Light is true.
When all you have have left is your Spirit..
And your Spirit is shaky, at best..
Take your troubles to Him, when your lights have gone dim..
And remember, this is all just a test.
When you find it, it’s blindingly blue.
And FAITH will deliver you.
1995
Posted by: angels_ink
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:38:38
On your wife's sexual addiction: I wrote the following, RE: ANY AND ALL ADDICTIONS.
“LIGHT’S HEALING TOUCH”
(From ‘Torchsong’)
Author: Jana Christian
When you give yourself to a darkness..
And it has you tight in its grip;
And the fear that you hide all alone deep inside,
Has no exit..it’s likely you’ll slip..
If you do, how does the Light shine through?
Only FAITH can deliver you.
If you’re running from pain to survive here,
And your secrets?? You hold fast to you…
And relief that you seek, from a life gone so bleak,
Is MORE hurtful..then what do you do?
If you seek it..the Light will shine through.
And He will be there for you.
CHORUS
For His love is constant; it never will die,
His radiance is ever-nigh.
If you’re dying inside, because of false pride,
Then reach out to the Natural High.
If you’re wishing your life to be whole now..
Then you have to confront all your fears.
Give up all of the doubt; surely faith will win out,
So surrender your pain and your tears.
You can reach it. It’s shining for you.
And only His Light is true.
When all you have have left is your Spirit..
And your Spirit is shaky, at best..
Take your troubles to Him, when your lights have gone dim..
And remember, this is all just a test.
When you find it, it’s blindingly blue.
And FAITH will deliver you.
1995
You nailed it with Michelle, Dr. Phil!
Posted by: cami777
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:44:43
Dr. Phil hit the nail on the head when he told Michelle that she was looking for someone to MAKE her quit doing what she was doing. There is security in boundaries--knowing what your partner's limits are. Until her husband tells her with conviction what he expects in a committed relationship, she will continue in her destructive pattern. She needs to know where her husband truly draws the line...otherwise she will continue to drift around in the gray area, insecure and unsure of her marriage and feelings toward her husband.
Posted by: cami777
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:44:43
Dr. Phil hit the nail on the head when he told Michelle that she was looking for someone to MAKE her quit doing what she was doing. There is security in boundaries--knowing what your partner's limits are. Until her husband tells her with conviction what he expects in a committed relationship, she will continue in her destructive pattern. She needs to know where her husband truly draws the line...otherwise she will continue to drift around in the gray area, insecure and unsure of her marriage and feelings toward her husband.
I'm glad dr. phil called michelle out
Posted by: obill9
Posted on: 2003-10-31 19:21:01
It is the first I actually saw Dr. Phil call someone out on his show, and say what I was thinking, Michelle neede to be called out and told this type of behavior WILL NOT BE TOLERATED, she doesnt care about her kids, her husband or herself, she just wants the cheap quick thrill, it is good to see someone called on the carpet for bad destuctive behavior for a change
Posted by: obill9
Posted on: 2003-10-31 19:21:01
It is the first I actually saw Dr. Phil call someone out on his show, and say what I was thinking, Michelle neede to be called out and told this type of behavior WILL NOT BE TOLERATED, she doesnt care about her kids, her husband or herself, she just wants the cheap quick thrill, it is good to see someone called on the carpet for bad destuctive behavior for a change
Michelle and Ken
Posted by: moriah64
Posted on: 2004-02-27 22:24:45
Wow, I have to admit that I am glad to see someone openly dealing with sexual addiction and open marriage issues. My first marriage ended as a result of my husbands desire for an open marriage and then his acting on that desire. It destroyed our family and has had repercussions on our children. He still continues the behavior with his current wife and my concern is for the effect it has on my children. I certainly hope Michelle continues making the right decisions.
Posted by: moriah64
Posted on: 2004-02-27 22:24:45
Wow, I have to admit that I am glad to see someone openly dealing with sexual addiction and open marriage issues. My first marriage ended as a result of my husbands desire for an open marriage and then his acting on that desire. It destroyed our family and has had repercussions on our children. He still continues the behavior with his current wife and my concern is for the effect it has on my children. I certainly hope Michelle continues making the right decisions.
Make sure you love your mate before you marry them
Posted by: leeannalyn
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:45:56
What happens in the bedroom does reflect the actual relationship. I left my husband two times and both times he talked me into coming back. The second time he asked me to come back until our daughter graduates. That was five years ago. He has probably forgotten about our deal but I haven't. The day my daughter graduates I walk but in the meantime he gets his every night. If you are truly in love with your spouse then you should be able to talk to them and tell them what it would take to make things better and men listen up--it will usually be helping around the house or helping with the kids. Do things like painting her toenails and shampoo her hair. Pick her a flower and give it to her along with a kiss. It is the small romantic things that would keep your love alive. PS Picking up after yourself would be a good start.
Posted by: leeannalyn
Posted on: 2003-10-31 11:45:56
What happens in the bedroom does reflect the actual relationship. I left my husband two times and both times he talked me into coming back. The second time he asked me to come back until our daughter graduates. That was five years ago. He has probably forgotten about our deal but I haven't. The day my daughter graduates I walk but in the meantime he gets his every night. If you are truly in love with your spouse then you should be able to talk to them and tell them what it would take to make things better and men listen up--it will usually be helping around the house or helping with the kids. Do things like painting her toenails and shampoo her hair. Pick her a flower and give it to her along with a kiss. It is the small romantic things that would keep your love alive. PS Picking up after yourself would be a good start.
What actions equal love?
Posted by: juls1003
Posted on: 2003-10-31 12:46:01
I must comment on your message leeannalyn. It is always nice when the people that live with you pick up after themselves and willingly help out around the house with the daily chores, so to speak. The idea that it is something you do to show love is,in my opinion,expecting a cow to chew cud only if she is feeling special emotions toward the other cows nearby. These things that most men seem to never do are women's fault for not teaching their son's that household chores are the responsibility of everyone living there, not just "mommy's". My exhusband was clean and neat around the house and did his share, but it didn't equal love. He was verbally abusive and belittled me constantly. His respect would've meant a lot more to me than his mopping the floor. Although I don't consider household chores to be a romantic thing, you were right on the money as far as the small romantic things. My fiance gave me simple ornaments for Christmas last year, but he told me that one of them represented me, and the others represented each of my children. That thought makes those inexpensive, simple ornaments become magical and priceless to me. That's what I call a gift.
Posted by: juls1003
Posted on: 2003-10-31 12:46:01
I must comment on your message leeannalyn. It is always nice when the people that live with you pick up after themselves and willingly help out around the house with the daily chores, so to speak. The idea that it is something you do to show love is,in my opinion,expecting a cow to chew cud only if she is feeling special emotions toward the other cows nearby. These things that most men seem to never do are women's fault for not teaching their son's that household chores are the responsibility of everyone living there, not just "mommy's". My exhusband was clean and neat around the house and did his share, but it didn't equal love. He was verbally abusive and belittled me constantly. His respect would've meant a lot more to me than his mopping the floor. Although I don't consider household chores to be a romantic thing, you were right on the money as far as the small romantic things. My fiance gave me simple ornaments for Christmas last year, but he told me that one of them represented me, and the others represented each of my children. That thought makes those inexpensive, simple ornaments become magical and priceless to me. That's what I call a gift.
You can learn to love.
Posted by: connie007
Posted on: 2003-11-01 14:22:24
Is this your only child? Your youngest? How old are you? How long have you been married? Is there anything you could do to cause your husband's unwanted behavior to change? Is there anything he could do that would make you feel differently? Have you openly discussed your problems and how to solve them? What was the result? There are reasons why people love each other; can you both cultivate them?
Posted by: connie007
Posted on: 2003-11-01 14:22:24
Is this your only child? Your youngest? How old are you? How long have you been married? Is there anything you could do to cause your husband's unwanted behavior to change? Is there anything he could do that would make you feel differently? Have you openly discussed your problems and how to solve them? What was the result? There are reasons why people love each other; can you both cultivate them?
re:connie007
Posted by: leeannalyn
Posted on: 2003-11-02 17:25:22
My husband and I have one child together and he has two of his own and I have two of my own. Our daughter is twelve and is the only one home now. We have been together for 13 very long years. I am 37 years old. Have you heard the saying once you cross that line there is no turning back. My husband was verbally abusive. Threatened to take my daughter and go to Mexico. He has said he could pay $100 to have someone do away with me. He was very controlling. When I went back to him I told him I wasn't afraid of him anymore and that if he chose to take our daughter that he couldn't run far enough that I would find him. He said he didn't mean those things but how can I believe him. I have seen him be cruel. I just decided that it is best to stay put until she is raised. He doesn't threaten me anymore but that doesn't mean he doesn't still think it.
I don't believe he is capable of love and what I fell in love with was what he let me think was the real him. We don't have anything in common. I try to trust him but don't know how. But as long as there is a breath in me there is still hope.
My advice is to practice courtship, a long engagement and get a background check before making the committment of marriage and having children.
Posted by: leeannalyn
Posted on: 2003-11-02 17:25:22
My husband and I have one child together and he has two of his own and I have two of my own. Our daughter is twelve and is the only one home now. We have been together for 13 very long years. I am 37 years old. Have you heard the saying once you cross that line there is no turning back. My husband was verbally abusive. Threatened to take my daughter and go to Mexico. He has said he could pay $100 to have someone do away with me. He was very controlling. When I went back to him I told him I wasn't afraid of him anymore and that if he chose to take our daughter that he couldn't run far enough that I would find him. He said he didn't mean those things but how can I believe him. I have seen him be cruel. I just decided that it is best to stay put until she is raised. He doesn't threaten me anymore but that doesn't mean he doesn't still think it.
I don't believe he is capable of love and what I fell in love with was what he let me think was the real him. We don't have anything in common. I try to trust him but don't know how. But as long as there is a breath in me there is still hope.
My advice is to practice courtship, a long engagement and get a background check before making the committment of marriage and having children.
leeannalyn: JUST DO IT!
Posted by: connie007
Posted on: 2003-11-04 08:24:20
Have you heard the expression "It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one."? Your daughter is at an age very sensitive to everything, and it will get worse. You don't want her to think this is the way marriage and family is supposed to be. You have nothing to lose at this point: if you and your husband can sit down and honestly talk about how to make the marriage better and DO it, great. It will take a lot of effort and a long time, but it will be moving in a positive direction. Actions speak louder than words, so add up the total at the end of each day to see if you're making progress. If not, decide that your relationship with each other and effects on the daughter will be better if you live apart. If you can't agree on the terms, get a legal separation.
Posted by: connie007
Posted on: 2003-11-04 08:24:20
Have you heard the expression "It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one."? Your daughter is at an age very sensitive to everything, and it will get worse. You don't want her to think this is the way marriage and family is supposed to be. You have nothing to lose at this point: if you and your husband can sit down and honestly talk about how to make the marriage better and DO it, great. It will take a lot of effort and a long time, but it will be moving in a positive direction. Actions speak louder than words, so add up the total at the end of each day to see if you're making progress. If not, decide that your relationship with each other and effects on the daughter will be better if you live apart. If you can't agree on the terms, get a legal separation.
Thank You Connie007
Posted by: leeannalyn
Posted on: 2003-11-05 10:38:46
You are right. I appreciate your helpful advice.
Posted by: leeannalyn
Posted on: 2003-11-05 10:38:46
You are right. I appreciate your helpful advice.
