06/07 Parenting 101: FAQ’s
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Posted by: amom2all
Posted on: 2003-12-17 09:40:56
I am so understanding of your situation. I am a stay at home mom that cares for children in my home.
I wish you'd concider staying home with your children. The cost of daycare is not condusive to working out of the home. expecially if you have 5 babies. After all you are the one that will give your babies the unconditional love that they need in the first years of their lives.
When they go to kindergarden you could go back to work. Work the hours that they are in school and earn a living and fulfill the side of you that needs to work.
Children are a sacrifice as you probably already know, but the reward of being a parent far out weights the sacrifice. The learning and teaching that you will endure is so rewarding.
I think finding some support for the mental part of being a parents is also a must. I wish you all the best. Your babies are beautiful.
Posted by: amom2all
Posted on: 2003-12-17 09:40:56
I am so understanding of your situation. I am a stay at home mom that cares for children in my home.
I wish you'd concider staying home with your children. The cost of daycare is not condusive to working out of the home. expecially if you have 5 babies. After all you are the one that will give your babies the unconditional love that they need in the first years of their lives.
When they go to kindergarden you could go back to work. Work the hours that they are in school and earn a living and fulfill the side of you that needs to work.
Children are a sacrifice as you probably already know, but the reward of being a parent far out weights the sacrifice. The learning and teaching that you will endure is so rewarding.
I think finding some support for the mental part of being a parents is also a must. I wish you all the best. Your babies are beautiful.
amomtoall is so right
Posted by: jhurryup
Posted on: 2003-12-17 16:04:12
I totally agree with momtoall...Staying at home is not only financially smart it is in the best interest of your babies. remember when you don't have to go to work you don't have to buy breakfast, lunch a snack etc. You wont be at the dry cleaner as often...Don't need a new outfit monthly...Don't have to pay for transportation to work. You'll be in a lower tax bracket so your husband's income will be taxed less...With 7 dependants you get a $21.000 deduction add to that tha standard deduction of $8,000 and a $1,000 per child tax credit your husband could earn approx. $65,000 and pay NO fed income tax. So stay home with your babies no one or child care business will ever take care of them the way a loving parent could. Good Luck
Posted by: jhurryup
Posted on: 2003-12-17 16:04:12
I totally agree with momtoall...Staying at home is not only financially smart it is in the best interest of your babies. remember when you don't have to go to work you don't have to buy breakfast, lunch a snack etc. You wont be at the dry cleaner as often...Don't need a new outfit monthly...Don't have to pay for transportation to work. You'll be in a lower tax bracket so your husband's income will be taxed less...With 7 dependants you get a $21.000 deduction add to that tha standard deduction of $8,000 and a $1,000 per child tax credit your husband could earn approx. $65,000 and pay NO fed income tax. So stay home with your babies no one or child care business will ever take care of them the way a loving parent could. Good Luck
Posted by: geminijane
Posted on: 2003-12-18 06:49:25
After viewing the program regarding the parents with the 5 new babies, it seemed to me that the mother's main concern was going back to work. She stated that her place of employment called and 'needed' her to come back to work the next day. Nothing was ever mentioned about those precious babies 'needing' her the next day. Dr. Phil, do you really think you did them a favor by making it possible that she go back to work??
I agree and disagree
Posted by: hmicaela
Posted on: 2003-12-18 13:29:50
I AM a stay at home mom and think it is the most rewarding thing in the world, but we need to not make generalizations.
This mom has 5 BABIES, NOT 5 kids of varying ages. I get frustrated enough with my 2 year old and 5 month old. Imange 5 crying babies all the same age! It is not rewarding for her to be with them 24/7 without a break. The babies are on bottles, so it's not like going back to work is going end breastfeeding. And keep in mind that not one of those babies would get the one on one attention they need with one mom by herslef as they would at a daycare with a required by law 2/1 infant to caregiver ratio. In this unique situation there is nothing noble or benificial about trying to go it alone. When she gets home at night, she will be so overjoyed to see her babies that the time she spends will be true quality time.
Since daycare is paid for for 6 months, I'd say work for 6 months and save every penny you make. It's not like kids of different ages where you can pass down clothes and other items. For the rest of their lives they will need everything all at once. In 6 months, the babies schedules will be more regular and they'll be able to entertain themselves better. Then she can stay home.
Pehaps at that time she could work at home and hire a mother's helper. Then when they are school age she can work full time agian. Staying at home is wonderful, but let's not just paint with a broad brush and say it is the best in every situation.
Posted by: hmicaela
Posted on: 2003-12-18 13:29:50
I AM a stay at home mom and think it is the most rewarding thing in the world, but we need to not make generalizations.
This mom has 5 BABIES, NOT 5 kids of varying ages. I get frustrated enough with my 2 year old and 5 month old. Imange 5 crying babies all the same age! It is not rewarding for her to be with them 24/7 without a break. The babies are on bottles, so it's not like going back to work is going end breastfeeding. And keep in mind that not one of those babies would get the one on one attention they need with one mom by herslef as they would at a daycare with a required by law 2/1 infant to caregiver ratio. In this unique situation there is nothing noble or benificial about trying to go it alone. When she gets home at night, she will be so overjoyed to see her babies that the time she spends will be true quality time.
Since daycare is paid for for 6 months, I'd say work for 6 months and save every penny you make. It's not like kids of different ages where you can pass down clothes and other items. For the rest of their lives they will need everything all at once. In 6 months, the babies schedules will be more regular and they'll be able to entertain themselves better. Then she can stay home.
Pehaps at that time she could work at home and hire a mother's helper. Then when they are school age she can work full time agian. Staying at home is wonderful, but let's not just paint with a broad brush and say it is the best in every situation.
Excellent point
Posted by: mekagirl
Posted on: 2003-12-18 19:52:37
This family is going to have to get help anyway so why not take advantage of the help that's been given them? Daycare for 5 is FAR too expensive to warrant working outside the home at this point.. I know moms who take home less than $200 after paying for day care, and that's for only TWO kids!
Working at home sounds great if that's an option
Posted by: mekagirl
Posted on: 2003-12-18 19:52:37
This family is going to have to get help anyway so why not take advantage of the help that's been given them? Daycare for 5 is FAR too expensive to warrant working outside the home at this point.. I know moms who take home less than $200 after paying for day care, and that's for only TWO kids!
Working at home sounds great if that's an option
5 babies
Posted by: nanagail
Posted on: 2003-12-19 07:55:59
I believe that babies thrive better and more with their own parents care and not day care. But with 5!!! Help!!! I don't know the answer. But, what I find interesting is that with fertility pills, more and more couples are having multiple births, so having triplets, quads, etc. is more commonplace these days. I find it shameful that the birth of these babies did not warrant a response from the companies furnishing diapers, etc. when they were born. They did not step forward until they could do so and on the "Dr. Phil" show! What an incredible amount of "free" advertising!! The CEO's of these companies could give up a third of their salary and live like kings and help how many couples?!?!?!? Maybe this couple was not on fertility drugs; I didn't see the first few minutes of their story.
They definitely need help and lots of prayers!!!
Posted by: nanagail
Posted on: 2003-12-19 07:55:59
I believe that babies thrive better and more with their own parents care and not day care. But with 5!!! Help!!! I don't know the answer. But, what I find interesting is that with fertility pills, more and more couples are having multiple births, so having triplets, quads, etc. is more commonplace these days. I find it shameful that the birth of these babies did not warrant a response from the companies furnishing diapers, etc. when they were born. They did not step forward until they could do so and on the "Dr. Phil" show! What an incredible amount of "free" advertising!! The CEO's of these companies could give up a third of their salary and live like kings and help how many couples?!?!?!? Maybe this couple was not on fertility drugs; I didn't see the first few minutes of their story.
They definitely need help and lots of prayers!!!
:::
Posted by: nobagels
Posted on: 2003-12-21 15:15:46
*"I find it shameful that the birth of these babies did not warrant a response from the companies furnishing diapers, etc. when they were born. They did not step forward until they could do so and on the "Dr. Phil" show!"
I don't find it shameful.
*"What an incredible amount of "free" advertising!!"
Good for the companies. The couple got free stuff; the companies got free advertising. What are business in business for? To make money!
*"The CEO's of these companies could give up a third of their salary and live like kings."
I'll agree with that..CEOs salaries are extremely large in comparison to the grunts that work at the "low end" in the companies...there is inequality there, IMHO.
*"and help how many couples?!?!?!?"
CEOs probably donate to charitable organizations on issues they deem important.
*"They definitely need help and lots of prayers!!!"
They do need help, five babies at once has to be hard financially, physically and emotionally. This is where personal friends, family, non-profit organizations or the couple's church need to step in. If anyone is "obligated" to help this couple, the aforementioned are. Personally, I'd rather give volunteer help and money to St. Jude's hospital or MS research..having children is a choice; getting leukemia or multiple sclerosis is not.
Posted by: nobagels
Posted on: 2003-12-21 15:15:46
*"I find it shameful that the birth of these babies did not warrant a response from the companies furnishing diapers, etc. when they were born. They did not step forward until they could do so and on the "Dr. Phil" show!"
I don't find it shameful.
*"What an incredible amount of "free" advertising!!"
Good for the companies. The couple got free stuff; the companies got free advertising. What are business in business for? To make money!
*"The CEO's of these companies could give up a third of their salary and live like kings."
I'll agree with that..CEOs salaries are extremely large in comparison to the grunts that work at the "low end" in the companies...there is inequality there, IMHO.
*"and help how many couples?!?!?!?"
CEOs probably donate to charitable organizations on issues they deem important.
*"They definitely need help and lots of prayers!!!"
They do need help, five babies at once has to be hard financially, physically and emotionally. This is where personal friends, family, non-profit organizations or the couple's church need to step in. If anyone is "obligated" to help this couple, the aforementioned are. Personally, I'd rather give volunteer help and money to St. Jude's hospital or MS research..having children is a choice; getting leukemia or multiple sclerosis is not.
I agree with hmicaela
Posted by: puffnstuff
Posted on: 2004-01-06 03:06:35
I too am a stay at home mom, and I love it 100%, but I think hmicaela's comments were balanced and made a lot of sense.
Posted by: puffnstuff
Posted on: 2004-01-06 03:06:35
I too am a stay at home mom, and I love it 100%, but I think hmicaela's comments were balanced and made a lot of sense.
I agree
Posted by: pinkivy98
Posted on: 2004-06-07 16:40:27
I agree with everything you are saying. Those are very good suggestions for the mother and father. Now with Dr. Phil's help they will be able to have more options instead of how everyone else on this board are feeling like "how dare dr. phil not tell them to do what I think they should do with their lives"...as though the parents were abusing their children. Last time I check this was a free country.
Posted by: pinkivy98
Posted on: 2004-06-07 16:40:27
I agree with everything you are saying. Those are very good suggestions for the mother and father. Now with Dr. Phil's help they will be able to have more options instead of how everyone else on this board are feeling like "how dare dr. phil not tell them to do what I think they should do with their lives"...as though the parents were abusing their children. Last time I check this was a free country.
Passing judgement
Posted by: joannawood
Posted on: 2004-06-07 22:43:02
I also am a stay at home mom, and agree that we are all diffrent and therefore do not have the right to pass judgement on anybody elses situation. We have the luxury of looking at another person situation but do not have to live it, so therefore passing judgement is just plain hypocritical. Infancy is extremely hard even with just one, everybody needs a break. I have a 19 month old and a 4 almost 5 year old and have telecommuted since my first child was born. It is not worth it, so what am I doing? We are creating a daycare within our company. This solution welcomed with open arms. We made a deal with each participant with regards to cost, we are a small company with a restricted budget, that it is 100.00 a week and the company picks up the rest. With regards to the mom with 5, best of luck to you, this decision is never easy and there is no right answer. Choose the one that is right for you.
Posted by: joannawood
Posted on: 2004-06-07 22:43:02
I also am a stay at home mom, and agree that we are all diffrent and therefore do not have the right to pass judgement on anybody elses situation. We have the luxury of looking at another person situation but do not have to live it, so therefore passing judgement is just plain hypocritical. Infancy is extremely hard even with just one, everybody needs a break. I have a 19 month old and a 4 almost 5 year old and have telecommuted since my first child was born. It is not worth it, so what am I doing? We are creating a daycare within our company. This solution welcomed with open arms. We made a deal with each participant with regards to cost, we are a small company with a restricted budget, that it is 100.00 a week and the company picks up the rest. With regards to the mom with 5, best of luck to you, this decision is never easy and there is no right answer. Choose the one that is right for you.
Passing judgement
Posted by: joannawood
Posted on: 2004-06-07 22:44:39
I also am a stay at home mom, and agree that we are all diffrent and therefore do not have the right to pass judgement on anybody elses situation. We have the luxury of looking at another person situation but do not have to live it, so therefore passing judgement is just plain hypocritical. Infancy is extremely hard even with just one, everybody needs a break. I have a 19 month old and a 4 almost 5 year old and have telecommuted since my first child was born. It is not worth it, so what am I doing? We are creating a daycare within our company. This solution welcomed with open arms. We made a deal with each participant with regards to cost, we are a small company with a restricted budget, that it is 100.00 a week and the company picks up the rest. With regards to the mom with 5, best of luck to you, this decision is never easy and there is no right answer. Choose the one that is right for you.
Posted by: joannawood
Posted on: 2004-06-07 22:44:39
I also am a stay at home mom, and agree that we are all diffrent and therefore do not have the right to pass judgement on anybody elses situation. We have the luxury of looking at another person situation but do not have to live it, so therefore passing judgement is just plain hypocritical. Infancy is extremely hard even with just one, everybody needs a break. I have a 19 month old and a 4 almost 5 year old and have telecommuted since my first child was born. It is not worth it, so what am I doing? We are creating a daycare within our company. This solution welcomed with open arms. We made a deal with each participant with regards to cost, we are a small company with a restricted budget, that it is 100.00 a week and the company picks up the rest. With regards to the mom with 5, best of luck to you, this decision is never easy and there is no right answer. Choose the one that is right for you.
What was Dr. Phil thinking?
Posted by: tvla147
Posted on: 2003-12-18 21:21:44
I cannot believe how "tell it like it is" Dr. Phil did not respond with more truth to the parents of quads.
First of all, how long have they known they were going to have 5 children? One would think they would have some plans & preparations in place by now!
They had not secured child care yet, for FIVE infants? That is absolutely unthinkable.
I wasn't even sure this couple wanted to be parenting the five babies. It seemed to me like it had already become a burden for them.
Clearly her priority was returning to work. Is it obvious only to everyone else that monetarily it wasn't worth it? Maybe the father needs to work an additional job. Grow up, and be responsible parents to YOUR children. Like many of us, figure out a way to make it work.
I think Dr. Phil really blew this one!
Posted by: tvla147
Posted on: 2003-12-18 21:21:44
I cannot believe how "tell it like it is" Dr. Phil did not respond with more truth to the parents of quads.
First of all, how long have they known they were going to have 5 children? One would think they would have some plans & preparations in place by now!
They had not secured child care yet, for FIVE infants? That is absolutely unthinkable.
I wasn't even sure this couple wanted to be parenting the five babies. It seemed to me like it had already become a burden for them.
Clearly her priority was returning to work. Is it obvious only to everyone else that monetarily it wasn't worth it? Maybe the father needs to work an additional job. Grow up, and be responsible parents to YOUR children. Like many of us, figure out a way to make it work.
I think Dr. Phil really blew this one!
Parenting is a full-time job
Posted by: jazbug56
Posted on: 2003-12-20 23:26:18
I also thought, "What was Dr. Phil thinking?"
He needs to interview Dr. Laura on the virtues of being a full-time mom.It doesn't matter how good a daycare is..their job is not to nurture, love and bond with 5 babies belonging to someone else. Parents help to build character, instill their moral and religious values, set limits, and teach. Educators will tell you that parents are the first and most important teachers in a childs life...not a daycare provider.
More often than not, parents can lower their standard of living and make sacrifices in order to fulfill their role as parents rather than paying strangers to do it for them.
GET REAL DR. PHIL...THAT WAS BAD ADVICE.
Posted by: jazbug56
Posted on: 2003-12-20 23:26:18
I also thought, "What was Dr. Phil thinking?"
He needs to interview Dr. Laura on the virtues of being a full-time mom.It doesn't matter how good a daycare is..their job is not to nurture, love and bond with 5 babies belonging to someone else. Parents help to build character, instill their moral and religious values, set limits, and teach. Educators will tell you that parents are the first and most important teachers in a childs life...not a daycare provider.
More often than not, parents can lower their standard of living and make sacrifices in order to fulfill their role as parents rather than paying strangers to do it for them.
GET REAL DR. PHIL...THAT WAS BAD ADVICE.
Dr. Phil is wrong!
Posted by: delanclos
Posted on: 2003-12-21 12:22:30
I am not disappointed, I guess you are human after all. But trying to navigate childcare for 5 children is ridiculous. It will take her 2 hours to load and unload them, that's time spent at home in many constructive ways, how does the laundry get done, etc? The money is one issue, with all the free stuff that is a huge help, staying home is the only option. Work from there, with help from there. Factor in all the flu, illness exposure to the babies in daycare, and probable hospitalizations, who misses work then? Unfortunately, common sense lost out to the flow of free stuff as an answer. Also did they take fertility drugs? The issues surrounding fertility drugs should be a point of discussion also. Smart stay at home moms have always found the money because of the organization, diligence, and overall control/balance they pursue with children and effectively running a household. Dad needs another job, mom needs to do some type of work from home.
Posted by: delanclos
Posted on: 2003-12-21 12:22:30
I am not disappointed, I guess you are human after all. But trying to navigate childcare for 5 children is ridiculous. It will take her 2 hours to load and unload them, that's time spent at home in many constructive ways, how does the laundry get done, etc? The money is one issue, with all the free stuff that is a huge help, staying home is the only option. Work from there, with help from there. Factor in all the flu, illness exposure to the babies in daycare, and probable hospitalizations, who misses work then? Unfortunately, common sense lost out to the flow of free stuff as an answer. Also did they take fertility drugs? The issues surrounding fertility drugs should be a point of discussion also. Smart stay at home moms have always found the money because of the organization, diligence, and overall control/balance they pursue with children and effectively running a household. Dad needs another job, mom needs to do some type of work from home.
Aren't we a bit self righteous!!
Posted by: serascan
Posted on: 2004-06-08 09:43:23
It's pretty easy to sit in front of your computer and bash this couple isn't it? You have no idea what has been going on in their lives. Their babies have only been home for 2 weeks. The first 3 months of these kids lives have been in the hospital. Maybe the parents priorities during that 3 months were to bring home 5 healthy babies. Do you know what it was like for these parents during those 3 months? I don't. I can't even imagine. What I do know is that I'm sure it was an extremely stressful time and maybe working for the mother is not only a financial neccessity but a mental one as well. I think Dr. Phil did a wonderful job by giving these parents "options". It's just so easy to judge others, isn't it???
Posted by: serascan
Posted on: 2004-06-08 09:43:23
It's pretty easy to sit in front of your computer and bash this couple isn't it? You have no idea what has been going on in their lives. Their babies have only been home for 2 weeks. The first 3 months of these kids lives have been in the hospital. Maybe the parents priorities during that 3 months were to bring home 5 healthy babies. Do you know what it was like for these parents during those 3 months? I don't. I can't even imagine. What I do know is that I'm sure it was an extremely stressful time and maybe working for the mother is not only a financial neccessity but a mental one as well. I think Dr. Phil did a wonderful job by giving these parents "options". It's just so easy to judge others, isn't it???
Thank you...
Posted by: cks013
Posted on: 2004-06-29 21:02:51
Loved your comments. That's what I was trying to say but wasn't nearly as successful. :)
Posted by: cks013
Posted on: 2004-06-29 21:02:51
Loved your comments. That's what I was trying to say but wasn't nearly as successful. :)
What are you thinking...??
Posted by: cks013
Posted on: 2004-06-29 21:02:45
It's funny how you can judge from the sidelines. I am pregnant with triplets and can testify to how stressful and overwhelming the pregnancy alone can be. These parents did not indicate in any way that their babies were a "burden". You might want to try being a bit kinder. Sometimes people need help.
Posted by: cks013
Posted on: 2004-06-29 21:02:45
It's funny how you can judge from the sidelines. I am pregnant with triplets and can testify to how stressful and overwhelming the pregnancy alone can be. These parents did not indicate in any way that their babies were a "burden". You might want to try being a bit kinder. Sometimes people need help.
Posted by: racerock2
Posted on: 2003-12-18 17:25:21
Im sorry but, also being a parent of high order multiples, more specifically 4 year old triplets, i have to say that both myself and my husband both work, him full time, me part time. I chose to work part time for several reasons. One being i need to keep my sanity!! and the 2nd being we needed the money. When u have multiples the all mighty dollar does not stretch very far. We were never able to get any type of assistance from any one. We simply did not qualify. There are tons of great daycares out there. I honestly feel that a child will strive better when they are not with there parent/parents 24/7. Daycare and or child care, being it a good one, does a child tons of good. I love my kids tons but i feel it does everyone some good for me to be at work.
its your chioce
Posted by: hmicaela
Posted on: 2003-12-18 20:04:13
For your family I beilieve that you made the right chioc, but I hopwe you also don't go too far and generalize. I beilive that it is GOOD for my children to be home with me. Both dicisons, when truly made with the child in mind can be right in different circumstances.
Posted by: hmicaela
Posted on: 2003-12-18 20:04:13
For your family I beilieve that you made the right chioc, but I hopwe you also don't go too far and generalize. I beilive that it is GOOD for my children to be home with me. Both dicisons, when truly made with the child in mind can be right in different circumstances.
I agree with racerock2
Posted by: momdaddio
Posted on: 2004-06-08 09:52:03
Stay-at-home mom's generalize all the time by saying it's the best and only way to care for your child. As soon as a working mom states her opinion you're worried about her generalizing - give me a break! I went to college and established my career before meeting my husband and creating our wonderful family. I have 4 children ages 8 and under. I agree with racerock2 that children thrive in a daycare situation. I have had the opportunity to compare my children with those of stay-at-home mom's. I know my opinion is biased, but I have also been told by several people that my children are so well behaved. I was also told by a teacher (of many years) that children of working parents not only behave better, they have more respect for others and thrive academically. Don't get me wrong, staying home with mom is always GOOD, but if the mother of 5 decides to work there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It does not make her an unfit mother in any way. My advice to her is to follow her heart and do what's right for your family.
Posted by: momdaddio
Posted on: 2004-06-08 09:52:03
Stay-at-home mom's generalize all the time by saying it's the best and only way to care for your child. As soon as a working mom states her opinion you're worried about her generalizing - give me a break! I went to college and established my career before meeting my husband and creating our wonderful family. I have 4 children ages 8 and under. I agree with racerock2 that children thrive in a daycare situation. I have had the opportunity to compare my children with those of stay-at-home mom's. I know my opinion is biased, but I have also been told by several people that my children are so well behaved. I was also told by a teacher (of many years) that children of working parents not only behave better, they have more respect for others and thrive academically. Don't get me wrong, staying home with mom is always GOOD, but if the mother of 5 decides to work there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It does not make her an unfit mother in any way. My advice to her is to follow her heart and do what's right for your family.
