03/09 Parenting 101: Biggest Nightmares
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Posted by: snlavoie
Posted on: 2003-11-24 10:34:44
We have tried everything with our 16 year old son. He lies about everything and I mean everything. We have taken everything away from him (so that he needs to earn his privileges back) But he doesn't even try to do that. He has never even tried to earn stuff back. He also steals everything. We have even had to put locks on our bedroom and the basement door. You would think that he would want to have time out with his friends but NO!!!! I really think he enjoys being grounded. We have even sent him to a boot camp in Georgia and that didn't work out. Counseling hasn't even worked.. I can't wait until he is 18 so that he moves out. We can't leave him alone for 1 second. We have grounded him with something that he hates (reading) and he has to get up early in the morning to do that. It is now to a point where he just pretends to read 5 pages in a 6 hour period. Its almost like he is saying (without saying it) that he won't be controlled and told what to do. We just don't know what to do anymore.
We are at our wits end!!!!
Posted by: snlavoie
Posted on: 2003-11-24 10:34:44
We have tried everything with our 16 year old son. He lies about everything and I mean everything. We have taken everything away from him (so that he needs to earn his privileges back) But he doesn't even try to do that. He has never even tried to earn stuff back. He also steals everything. We have even had to put locks on our bedroom and the basement door. You would think that he would want to have time out with his friends but NO!!!! I really think he enjoys being grounded. We have even sent him to a boot camp in Georgia and that didn't work out. Counseling hasn't even worked.. I can't wait until he is 18 so that he moves out. We can't leave him alone for 1 second. We have grounded him with something that he hates (reading) and he has to get up early in the morning to do that. It is now to a point where he just pretends to read 5 pages in a 6 hour period. Its almost like he is saying (without saying it) that he won't be controlled and told what to do. We just don't know what to do anymore.
We are at our wits end!!!!
unconditional love
Posted by: smileymill
Posted on: 2003-11-24 11:22:14
I am not an expert parent by any means, but it seems to me that your choice of punishment with reading, is setting yourself up for failure. First off, reading is so much fun! I hate to think of your son hating reading. The only way that you could have proof of his reading would be to require a book report of some kind. It sounds to me like this child is crying out for attention. And will take it any way he can get it, including negative attention. I guess I would hope to see some unlimited loving coming from you towards your son. No matter what you do, son, I will continue to love you and not give up on you!!
Posted by: smileymill
Posted on: 2003-11-24 11:22:14
I am not an expert parent by any means, but it seems to me that your choice of punishment with reading, is setting yourself up for failure. First off, reading is so much fun! I hate to think of your son hating reading. The only way that you could have proof of his reading would be to require a book report of some kind. It sounds to me like this child is crying out for attention. And will take it any way he can get it, including negative attention. I guess I would hope to see some unlimited loving coming from you towards your son. No matter what you do, son, I will continue to love you and not give up on you!!
Out of Control?
Posted by: blacksheps
Posted on: 2003-11-24 12:45:08
OOH! I cannot stand to hear that "my kid is out of control". I have a 16 year old son and I do not practice bragging on any kid because kids will be kids; however, I wish I would cry about my son being "Out of Control". I wouldn't be so weak. And, to tell you and the whole world the truth, my son gets almost any thing money can buy. Just like yours.
Be a damn parent. You are probably one of the ones who thinks that you can't put a belt to your kid(s). You think that the time out method is successful. I popped my son in his mouth when he sucked his teeth at me about 7 years ago. When he wanted his way and thought that his tantrums were going to soften me, they didn't. I love my son just as anyone loves their kid(s); but, kids are kids and of course they deserve respect too. I give my son the utmost respect and that's what he gives me. We have a very close relationship. When an adult speaks to him, he replies: yes sir, no sir, yes ma'm, no ma'm, thank you, you're welcome. Manners, teach your unruly, loud, whiney kids some manners.
I am not a statistician, but I don't see too much of this "out of control" in my culture as I see it in the caucasian race. Trust me, your kid is not cute.
If I am around a kid smart talking their parent(s), I politely tell her to get their child away from me because he needs some control. Whip his/her ass. My grandmother and grandfather raised 8 kids and none of them are disrespectful. Full of mannerisms. Want to know
Posted by: blacksheps
Posted on: 2003-11-24 12:45:08
OOH! I cannot stand to hear that "my kid is out of control". I have a 16 year old son and I do not practice bragging on any kid because kids will be kids; however, I wish I would cry about my son being "Out of Control". I wouldn't be so weak. And, to tell you and the whole world the truth, my son gets almost any thing money can buy. Just like yours.
Be a damn parent. You are probably one of the ones who thinks that you can't put a belt to your kid(s). You think that the time out method is successful. I popped my son in his mouth when he sucked his teeth at me about 7 years ago. When he wanted his way and thought that his tantrums were going to soften me, they didn't. I love my son just as anyone loves their kid(s); but, kids are kids and of course they deserve respect too. I give my son the utmost respect and that's what he gives me. We have a very close relationship. When an adult speaks to him, he replies: yes sir, no sir, yes ma'm, no ma'm, thank you, you're welcome. Manners, teach your unruly, loud, whiney kids some manners.
I am not a statistician, but I don't see too much of this "out of control" in my culture as I see it in the caucasian race. Trust me, your kid is not cute.
If I am around a kid smart talking their parent(s), I politely tell her to get their child away from me because he needs some control. Whip his/her ass. My grandmother and grandfather raised 8 kids and none of them are disrespectful. Full of mannerisms. Want to know
A Resounding..AMEN!!!
Posted by: sparerod
Posted on: 2003-11-24 15:15:32
It amazes me that so many people's children are "out of control" these days. I can't imagine why. We let MTV and Bart Simpson babysit, while Brittany Spears (now THERE is a role model!) sings them lullabies at night. We pawn them off on dance teachers, coaches and any other activity we can think of and does anyone bother to check out these people before we drop off our kids? Then there are the examples we set. We don't listen, we don't give our kids anything of ourselves, we are afraid to set rules and actually live by them....Folks, Dr. Phil will have a HISSY FIT, but the Bible clearly tells us what to do: "The rod of correction will train our children up in the way that they should go". I have used that "rod of correction" on all three of my children's behinds in the 17 years that I have been a mom and I PROMISE YOU none of my kids are psychologically damaged, violent, social devients. Quite the contrary. I have respectful, obedient, helpful, loving children who are truly a joy to be around. Are they perfect? Heavens no, but none of us are. Start reading your Bibles. The answers are all inside and it doesn't cost you anything except something we are least willing to give: our time.
Posted by: sparerod
Posted on: 2003-11-24 15:15:32
It amazes me that so many people's children are "out of control" these days. I can't imagine why. We let MTV and Bart Simpson babysit, while Brittany Spears (now THERE is a role model!) sings them lullabies at night. We pawn them off on dance teachers, coaches and any other activity we can think of and does anyone bother to check out these people before we drop off our kids? Then there are the examples we set. We don't listen, we don't give our kids anything of ourselves, we are afraid to set rules and actually live by them....Folks, Dr. Phil will have a HISSY FIT, but the Bible clearly tells us what to do: "The rod of correction will train our children up in the way that they should go". I have used that "rod of correction" on all three of my children's behinds in the 17 years that I have been a mom and I PROMISE YOU none of my kids are psychologically damaged, violent, social devients. Quite the contrary. I have respectful, obedient, helpful, loving children who are truly a joy to be around. Are they perfect? Heavens no, but none of us are. Start reading your Bibles. The answers are all inside and it doesn't cost you anything except something we are least willing to give: our time.
"rod"
Posted by: sahm01
Posted on: 2003-11-24 16:59:16
The "rod" as used in the Bible, and by shepherders, is an intstrument for leading, not hitting or beating. And, yes, you will get results from hitting a child. They will stop doing what you don't want them to do out of fear, not because they have learned why it is worng to do it. I get results from my son without hitting.
Posted by: sahm01
Posted on: 2003-11-24 16:59:16
The "rod" as used in the Bible, and by shepherders, is an intstrument for leading, not hitting or beating. And, yes, you will get results from hitting a child. They will stop doing what you don't want them to do out of fear, not because they have learned why it is worng to do it. I get results from my son without hitting.
empath
Posted by: catalyst2
Posted on: 2003-11-25 01:08:03
Yes, and violence begets violence etc. etc.
What on earth became of the idea of LIMIT SETTING? Often, I feel as though we are raising a generation of terrorists.
Parenting 101 should be taught in School. These parents on today's show are in deep trouble. They have not grown emotionally mature enough to tackle this alone. They really scare me.
Posted by: catalyst2
Posted on: 2003-11-25 01:08:03
Yes, and violence begets violence etc. etc.
What on earth became of the idea of LIMIT SETTING? Often, I feel as though we are raising a generation of terrorists.
Parenting 101 should be taught in School. These parents on today's show are in deep trouble. They have not grown emotionally mature enough to tackle this alone. They really scare me.
terrorist children
Posted by: deigolady
Posted on: 2003-11-25 08:48:11
Well, I'll tell you this much. When kids got a spanking occassionally, you had fewer psychopaths. I don't advocate a belt or anything much more than a hand, and if it has to be used very often there is more that needs to be done. However, parents at home to teach these kids and limits and letting them know who's boss all work. I noticed that everyone of these parents were just a nod away from crying. Suck it up and lay the law down. THAT's the kind of parental attitude that tells the kids they won. That kid sho punched his 18 month old son would have been put in a stripped down room for the next week. When he kills the kid the parents will wonder what went wrong.
Posted by: deigolady
Posted on: 2003-11-25 08:48:11
Well, I'll tell you this much. When kids got a spanking occassionally, you had fewer psychopaths. I don't advocate a belt or anything much more than a hand, and if it has to be used very often there is more that needs to be done. However, parents at home to teach these kids and limits and letting them know who's boss all work. I noticed that everyone of these parents were just a nod away from crying. Suck it up and lay the law down. THAT's the kind of parental attitude that tells the kids they won. That kid sho punched his 18 month old son would have been put in a stripped down room for the next week. When he kills the kid the parents will wonder what went wrong.
spare the rod spoil the child
Posted by: nunnchell
Posted on: 2004-03-09 12:08:48
dr phil i am thankfull for my 5 year old little girl kimmie she and her older sister lauren (18)well she would have been but we lost her when she was 10, my husband and i could have chosen to shower kimmie with everything just because the hell we went thru when we lost lauren but we know our god can not lie. he tell us to honor our parents. he also tells us as parents you spare the rod you spoil the child.im sorry to say this but they (parents)need to get there heads out of the sand.also i would like to ask if they attend church?i fill in todays times its hard enough to raise children or just survive in everyday life without having a personal relationship with god. he's a way maker. thank you for letting me share my opinion. thanks and have a blessed day.
Posted by: nunnchell
Posted on: 2004-03-09 12:08:48
dr phil i am thankfull for my 5 year old little girl kimmie she and her older sister lauren (18)well she would have been but we lost her when she was 10, my husband and i could have chosen to shower kimmie with everything just because the hell we went thru when we lost lauren but we know our god can not lie. he tell us to honor our parents. he also tells us as parents you spare the rod you spoil the child.im sorry to say this but they (parents)need to get there heads out of the sand.also i would like to ask if they attend church?i fill in todays times its hard enough to raise children or just survive in everyday life without having a personal relationship with god. he's a way maker. thank you for letting me share my opinion. thanks and have a blessed day.
annoying mother
Posted by: mnbliss
Posted on: 2004-03-09 16:41:19
when i saw this show the first time, i wanted to barf. the mother of the sixteen year old girl appeared to me that she was most concerned about how adorable and sweet she appeared, and not about her daughter. the way she laughed and giggled about how her daughter lied to her time after time was sickening. she is the poster child for parents who want to be best friends instead of parents.
Posted by: mnbliss
Posted on: 2004-03-09 16:41:19
when i saw this show the first time, i wanted to barf. the mother of the sixteen year old girl appeared to me that she was most concerned about how adorable and sweet she appeared, and not about her daughter. the way she laughed and giggled about how her daughter lied to her time after time was sickening. she is the poster child for parents who want to be best friends instead of parents.
Annoying Mother
Posted by: marychris6
Posted on: 2004-03-09 17:55:51
I TOTALLY AGREE! She really bugged me. Does she even take her daughter's life seriously? She was being cutesy and maybe it was because she was nervous but it annoyed me too.
Posted by: marychris6
Posted on: 2004-03-09 17:55:51
I TOTALLY AGREE! She really bugged me. Does she even take her daughter's life seriously? She was being cutesy and maybe it was because she was nervous but it annoyed me too.
EXACTLY!
Posted by: mamagc
Posted on: 2003-11-26 07:53:46
Exactly! Thanks for expressing the truth about Biblical discipline so well.
Posted by: mamagc
Posted on: 2003-11-26 07:53:46
Exactly! Thanks for expressing the truth about Biblical discipline so well.
GET A BACKBONE
Posted by: solomommy
Posted on: 2003-11-26 22:52:29
First, my child has a mental disability. She gets disciplined. She understands when I say NO and gets punishment when she disobeys me. The punishment may vary according to what she is doing, but it is punishment. 1-2-3 works wonderful for us. There is no way my child would be hitting on another child without getting her butt spanked! What happened to 'that look'? You know what one I am talking about. All our parents and/or grandparents have it. If you got that look while at someone elses home or at the store, you knew you were in big trouble when you got home. If you made it all the way home! How dare us let our children grow up to be monsters!
I do question myself sometimes. But, I question myself, never letting her know that.
Does she understand why she is in trouble? Does she 'get it'? YES
I am appalled at these parents who have 'normal' children and cannot be the adult. We all need to set limits and expect appropriate behavior. Mental disability or not, my child will not be a monster.
Most of all, I know how to play with my child. I know she needs more than just no's all the time. We read, play tag in the house, get muddy, whatever it is that we enjoy. And not just on special occasions, EVERY DAY-we laugh together!
Posted by: solomommy
Posted on: 2003-11-26 22:52:29
First, my child has a mental disability. She gets disciplined. She understands when I say NO and gets punishment when she disobeys me. The punishment may vary according to what she is doing, but it is punishment. 1-2-3 works wonderful for us. There is no way my child would be hitting on another child without getting her butt spanked! What happened to 'that look'? You know what one I am talking about. All our parents and/or grandparents have it. If you got that look while at someone elses home or at the store, you knew you were in big trouble when you got home. If you made it all the way home! How dare us let our children grow up to be monsters!
I do question myself sometimes. But, I question myself, never letting her know that.
Does she understand why she is in trouble? Does she 'get it'? YES
I am appalled at these parents who have 'normal' children and cannot be the adult. We all need to set limits and expect appropriate behavior. Mental disability or not, my child will not be a monster.
Most of all, I know how to play with my child. I know she needs more than just no's all the time. We read, play tag in the house, get muddy, whatever it is that we enjoy. And not just on special occasions, EVERY DAY-we laugh together!
"THE ROD"
Posted by: tesspof3
Posted on: 2003-11-30 17:57:40
The good Bible also says, SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD. MY Great Grandmother AnnaBell, full blood Cherokee, Bless her soul. Use to say this to us all the time, At that age, I never knew exactly what she meant by that. Now that she is no longer here on earth with us, and I've had my journey raising my children, I fully understand what she meant. And how true it is. Funny thing, Just how much knowledge there was in this old woman.
And I never spared the Rod with MY two children as they were growing up. I even had my daughter, who is now 23 years old, Called me one night from the Marines Boot camp, and Thanked me for being a Parent, and not sparing the Rod. No, I wasn't an abusive parent, I just didn't let my kids tell me how high to jump. Yes, I came from an abusive home. my father, was verbal and phyiscally abusive, Thank goodness I didn't pass it on.
Posted by: tesspof3
Posted on: 2003-11-30 17:57:40
The good Bible also says, SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD. MY Great Grandmother AnnaBell, full blood Cherokee, Bless her soul. Use to say this to us all the time, At that age, I never knew exactly what she meant by that. Now that she is no longer here on earth with us, and I've had my journey raising my children, I fully understand what she meant. And how true it is. Funny thing, Just how much knowledge there was in this old woman.
And I never spared the Rod with MY two children as they were growing up. I even had my daughter, who is now 23 years old, Called me one night from the Marines Boot camp, and Thanked me for being a Parent, and not sparing the Rod. No, I wasn't an abusive parent, I just didn't let my kids tell me how high to jump. Yes, I came from an abusive home. my father, was verbal and phyiscally abusive, Thank goodness I didn't pass it on.
Are you Kidding!?
Posted by: kharizmah
Posted on: 2004-03-09 18:35:45
Wrong, wrong, wrong. You did pass it on and you will see when your children become parents how they will perpetuate your violence against them. You have not taught your children anything other than to strike or smack or hit in order to resolve conflict. Using this type of violence indicates someone is out of control - and yes,its the parent! Fear is not a motivator. And, unfortunately you parents who decide to strike your children when they will not comply with your desires will produce children who continue this behavior against their classmates, their spouses, their neighbors etc. Get control of yourself and find another way to discipline your children. This is not love, this is a sad excuse for unleashing your frustration!
Posted by: kharizmah
Posted on: 2004-03-09 18:35:45
Wrong, wrong, wrong. You did pass it on and you will see when your children become parents how they will perpetuate your violence against them. You have not taught your children anything other than to strike or smack or hit in order to resolve conflict. Using this type of violence indicates someone is out of control - and yes,its the parent! Fear is not a motivator. And, unfortunately you parents who decide to strike your children when they will not comply with your desires will produce children who continue this behavior against their classmates, their spouses, their neighbors etc. Get control of yourself and find another way to discipline your children. This is not love, this is a sad excuse for unleashing your frustration!
Right
Posted by: serena07
Posted on: 2004-03-09 17:40:26
Yes, the bible dose mean that. I totally agree.It's people like you that peolple like me have a safe place to sleep now and don't have to worry about being abused by their father.
Posted by: serena07
Posted on: 2004-03-09 17:40:26
Yes, the bible dose mean that. I totally agree.It's people like you that peolple like me have a safe place to sleep now and don't have to worry about being abused by their father.
"Rod"
Posted by: kartmanmom
Posted on: 2004-03-09 19:27:32
I agree with you that hitting gets results but we need to get at the "heart" of the matter. Kids these days are extrememly selfish. Why shouldn't they be when parents are selfish with their time? Spending time with your kids does not necessarily mean taking them to every activity as someone else has stated. It is getting to know your child by asking questions and being involved in their lives. KNOW who their friends are, KNOW who their teachers and coaches are, KNOW what they like and dislike, KNOW what they are doing as much as you can without being a total control freak.
Posted by: kartmanmom
Posted on: 2004-03-09 19:27:32
I agree with you that hitting gets results but we need to get at the "heart" of the matter. Kids these days are extrememly selfish. Why shouldn't they be when parents are selfish with their time? Spending time with your kids does not necessarily mean taking them to every activity as someone else has stated. It is getting to know your child by asking questions and being involved in their lives. KNOW who their friends are, KNOW who their teachers and coaches are, KNOW what they like and dislike, KNOW what they are doing as much as you can without being a total control freak.
WOW
Posted by: dawn1384
Posted on: 2004-03-10 14:42:22
A heated debate...to spank or not to spank...look if you truly think hitting works then mabe I was a diffrent child than you. I remember my mother hitting me, with whatever she had in her hand, did it stop me? Maybe for that second, but I would always act up again...look it didn't teach me anything in the long run. I have 3 boys, now my children are very diffrent they have abuse, ADD, PTSD, and Asperger's in their lives so how I raise them must meet their needs...BUT even if they didn't have all that, I don't think I'd hit them...it doesn't teach anything except that the person who is supposed to love you also causes you pain....I honestly think that because of the way I was raised I have a hard time with relationships now...I mean what does that do to a person if the first thing they remember is that someone they love hurts them? Think about it...
Posted by: dawn1384
Posted on: 2004-03-10 14:42:22
A heated debate...to spank or not to spank...look if you truly think hitting works then mabe I was a diffrent child than you. I remember my mother hitting me, with whatever she had in her hand, did it stop me? Maybe for that second, but I would always act up again...look it didn't teach me anything in the long run. I have 3 boys, now my children are very diffrent they have abuse, ADD, PTSD, and Asperger's in their lives so how I raise them must meet their needs...BUT even if they didn't have all that, I don't think I'd hit them...it doesn't teach anything except that the person who is supposed to love you also causes you pain....I honestly think that because of the way I was raised I have a hard time with relationships now...I mean what does that do to a person if the first thing they remember is that someone they love hurts them? Think about it...
Clarifying the "rod"
Posted by: xsw21qaz
Posted on: 2004-03-09 20:43:49
"Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14 (KJV) These two verses in the Bible show that the rod WAS for beating. The shepherd usually used a STAFF, not a rod, for rescuing, leading, guiding, and creating a boundary for the sheep. The shepherd used the rod for beating (if not always sheep, then enemies of the sheep). Both are necessary in the life of sheep and both are necessary in our lives. Just like Psalm 23:4 says, "your rod AND your staff, they comfort me." Proper chastisement (or spanking) of a child does not equate to "hitting a child". It's fine that YOU get results from your son without "hitting", but I'm raising three respectful and morally responsive children by using the proper approach to Biblical discipline -- which is NOT "hitting" or "child abuse" as society often asserts.
Posted by: xsw21qaz
Posted on: 2004-03-09 20:43:49
"Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14 (KJV) These two verses in the Bible show that the rod WAS for beating. The shepherd usually used a STAFF, not a rod, for rescuing, leading, guiding, and creating a boundary for the sheep. The shepherd used the rod for beating (if not always sheep, then enemies of the sheep). Both are necessary in the life of sheep and both are necessary in our lives. Just like Psalm 23:4 says, "your rod AND your staff, they comfort me." Proper chastisement (or spanking) of a child does not equate to "hitting a child". It's fine that YOU get results from your son without "hitting", but I'm raising three respectful and morally responsive children by using the proper approach to Biblical discipline -- which is NOT "hitting" or "child abuse" as society often asserts.
Fear?
Posted by: pwoodw6715
Posted on: 2004-03-18 17:35:25
I think a little fear is good. The reason so many children are out of control today is because the govt and their fancy smanchy new way methods are NOT working. Period!!! They've taken the control away from the parents.
Posted by: pwoodw6715
Posted on: 2004-03-18 17:35:25
I think a little fear is good. The reason so many children are out of control today is because the govt and their fancy smanchy new way methods are NOT working. Period!!! They've taken the control away from the parents.
to you, Sahm01
Posted by: froggin76
Posted on: 2004-03-21 10:44:42
I understand that some children can be brought up without being spanked. Why are parents being judged when they are doing what is best for the child? If a non-spanking home works for you, that's great, but as parents, are we not considered "shepards" of our children. We are their protectors and guides. I feel that time is the best investment you can give your children. Just any verse, a rod can be just as powerful if it is made out of words, too. Just ask a child who has been verbally insulted by an angry parent,or avoided while in "time out" how many times do those "bruises" get noticed? Think about the whole picture.
Posted by: froggin76
Posted on: 2004-03-21 10:44:42
I understand that some children can be brought up without being spanked. Why are parents being judged when they are doing what is best for the child? If a non-spanking home works for you, that's great, but as parents, are we not considered "shepards" of our children. We are their protectors and guides. I feel that time is the best investment you can give your children. Just any verse, a rod can be just as powerful if it is made out of words, too. Just ask a child who has been verbally insulted by an angry parent,or avoided while in "time out" how many times do those "bruises" get noticed? Think about the whole picture.
