09/01 Dads and Daughters
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Posted by: cancerstic
Posted on: 2004-08-31 12:14:34
Haven't seen the show yet but I can relate. I've never had a good relationship with my Dad. He was abusive to me, my sister and my mother. He has Narcissisitc Personality Disorder and it is very difficult to like him.
In fact, watching this show may be too difficult for me.
Posted by: cancerstic
Posted on: 2004-08-31 12:14:34
Haven't seen the show yet but I can relate. I've never had a good relationship with my Dad. He was abusive to me, my sister and my mother. He has Narcissisitc Personality Disorder and it is very difficult to like him.
In fact, watching this show may be too difficult for me.
Do watch!
Posted by: kburton3
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:02:55
I think you should watch the show-you may hear something that helps or has the potential to help you heal. Maybe a friend can watch with you? Have a big box of Kleenex (the kind with lotion!) nearby and really indulge in a good wallow if the mood strikes you. We all have painful childhood memories and scars; believe me. God Bless you and Good Luck!
Posted by: kburton3
Posted on: 2004-08-31 17:02:55
I think you should watch the show-you may hear something that helps or has the potential to help you heal. Maybe a friend can watch with you? Have a big box of Kleenex (the kind with lotion!) nearby and really indulge in a good wallow if the mood strikes you. We all have painful childhood memories and scars; believe me. God Bless you and Good Luck!
my dad
Posted by: soapgril30
Posted on: 2004-09-02 23:26:16
Dr.Phil my name is cindy i am 30 years old i watched your show about dads and daughters and it hit home ok i never seen my dad untill i was 6 years old and i love him very much but i dont thank he feels the same you see he lives 10mins from me and he want come and see me and my son and i have ask and sak he says he will but we never see him the only time we do see him is at the store and it hurts me so much and i did write him but not seened it yet and dont know if i sould because when i do see him he is so could to me.dr phil can u tell me how to get over this hurt.thank you cindy
Posted by: soapgril30
Posted on: 2004-09-02 23:26:16
Dr.Phil my name is cindy i am 30 years old i watched your show about dads and daughters and it hit home ok i never seen my dad untill i was 6 years old and i love him very much but i dont thank he feels the same you see he lives 10mins from me and he want come and see me and my son and i have ask and sak he says he will but we never see him the only time we do see him is at the store and it hurts me so much and i did write him but not seened it yet and dont know if i sould because when i do see him he is so could to me.dr phil can u tell me how to get over this hurt.thank you cindy
I did Watch and I'm Not Impressed
Posted by: cancerstic
Posted on: 2004-09-01 15:38:22
I usually really like this show but I thought the advice he gave to these women was condescending. They do not represent the majority of people that don't get along with their dads. Obviously Dr Phil has no idea where they were coming from.
I can't believe he called that second woman arrogant. She is in so much pain. I would've cussed him out right there on national television.
Posted by: cancerstic
Posted on: 2004-09-01 15:38:22
I usually really like this show but I thought the advice he gave to these women was condescending. They do not represent the majority of people that don't get along with their dads. Obviously Dr Phil has no idea where they were coming from.
I can't believe he called that second woman arrogant. She is in so much pain. I would've cussed him out right there on national television.
Posted by: elle474
Posted on: 2004-09-02 08:15:17
I also watched the show, and disagree with you - I have a Father who was and still is - emotionally closed off. It carries over to every relationship you have in your life. But, like Dr. Phil said, you have to get past it at some point in your life, or it controls you. This person was in a lot of pain, but Dr. Phil was right, you can get to a point where you let the pain control you, or you control it. She needs to deal with it, and DECIDE to move on, let it go, so she can give her little daughter all the love she deserves. Some people need a swift kick in the rear end sometimes to jump start them out of the misery.
Dr. Phil was right on the money.
cancerstic
Posted by: momisme2
Posted on: 2004-09-02 08:15:17
That surprised me as well. Seems that is the most natural reaction a child has to any turmoil. The child always blames themselves. I was surprised he didnt speak about how children take on the blame. How that was a completley normal reaction as a child, but now as an adult, she needs to understand she did nothing wrong.
Calling her arrogant about that didnt make much sense to me. Felt he needed to explain WHY she had those feelings so she could then toss them and start telling herself every day that it wasnt her fault. Isnt that pretty much rote with pyschologists?
Youre not alone in not understanding that. I didnt either.
Posted by: momisme2
Posted on: 2004-09-02 08:15:17
That surprised me as well. Seems that is the most natural reaction a child has to any turmoil. The child always blames themselves. I was surprised he didnt speak about how children take on the blame. How that was a completley normal reaction as a child, but now as an adult, she needs to understand she did nothing wrong.
Calling her arrogant about that didnt make much sense to me. Felt he needed to explain WHY she had those feelings so she could then toss them and start telling herself every day that it wasnt her fault. Isnt that pretty much rote with pyschologists?
Youre not alone in not understanding that. I didnt either.
GET OVER IT
Posted by: trysta01
Posted on: 2004-09-02 09:49:38
DR. PHIL IS THE ONE WITH THE SHOW AND THE DEGREES SO I WOULD TRUST WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. THAT WOMAN WAS IN PAIN THAT SHE CAUSED TO HERSELF. SURE SHE HAD REASON TO BE IN PAIN AT ONE TIME, BUT THERE HAS TO BE A POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU DECIDE IS IT REALLY WORTH LOSING _______ OVER?
I THINK EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS ACCURATE AND HELPED ME IN DEALING WITH THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MYSELF AND MY FATHER (WHICH ALSO ISN'T GOOD). SO BOO HOO. SHE SHOULD'VE STARTED DEALING WITH THIS A LONG TIME AGO. GOOD THING SHE DID GO TO DR PHIL OTHERWISE SHE WOULD BE IN DIVORCE COURT.
Posted by: trysta01
Posted on: 2004-09-02 09:49:38
DR. PHIL IS THE ONE WITH THE SHOW AND THE DEGREES SO I WOULD TRUST WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. THAT WOMAN WAS IN PAIN THAT SHE CAUSED TO HERSELF. SURE SHE HAD REASON TO BE IN PAIN AT ONE TIME, BUT THERE HAS TO BE A POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU DECIDE IS IT REALLY WORTH LOSING _______ OVER?
I THINK EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS ACCURATE AND HELPED ME IN DEALING WITH THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MYSELF AND MY FATHER (WHICH ALSO ISN'T GOOD). SO BOO HOO. SHE SHOULD'VE STARTED DEALING WITH THIS A LONG TIME AGO. GOOD THING SHE DID GO TO DR PHIL OTHERWISE SHE WOULD BE IN DIVORCE COURT.
We're not all cold hearted you know
Posted by: jennalma
Posted on: 2004-09-02 13:36:33
WHOA. You know, we're not all as strong as you seem to appear. Some of us have feelings. She just wasn't strong enough to handle them. She should've been put into therapy when it happened and her husband should've never married her until she had dealt with it.
Posted by: jennalma
Posted on: 2004-09-02 13:36:33
WHOA. You know, we're not all as strong as you seem to appear. Some of us have feelings. She just wasn't strong enough to handle them. She should've been put into therapy when it happened and her husband should've never married her until she had dealt with it.
I do agree with that
Posted by: trysta01
Posted on: 2004-09-03 16:56:49
I do agree that the husband should have seen signs and should've helped her seek therapy before the marriage. The reason I said what I said was because I did not have a good relationship with my father and in turn drove away a few men in my life due to my paranoia. Until I found a therapist who said to me "No more pity party. Wake up and deal with this before you waste your life away." Those were the best words ever spoken to me. I took them to heart and now have a beautiful daughter of my own and the love of my life. Maybe if more people were so honest and took off the kiddie gloves, then more people would be helped. I wasn't always strong, I was forced to be and that was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Posted by: trysta01
Posted on: 2004-09-03 16:56:49
I do agree that the husband should have seen signs and should've helped her seek therapy before the marriage. The reason I said what I said was because I did not have a good relationship with my father and in turn drove away a few men in my life due to my paranoia. Until I found a therapist who said to me "No more pity party. Wake up and deal with this before you waste your life away." Those were the best words ever spoken to me. I took them to heart and now have a beautiful daughter of my own and the love of my life. Maybe if more people were so honest and took off the kiddie gloves, then more people would be helped. I wasn't always strong, I was forced to be and that was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Everyone concept is different
Posted by: mzcain
Posted on: 2004-09-06 23:46:37
Just because one relationship is good that doesn't mean that all are the same. I have differences with my father but that doesn't make me any less of a person. It is all based on your conception of things and every body perceives things differntly. My father wasn't the best that he could be, but I made up in my mind that regardless what my father is, was, and has done in his life can not be a reflection of me. He was not abusive and he didn't spend time with his children like a father should but this is what I do. I call him on a regular basis and every time that I go home to visit I make it my number one priority to go see my father to let him know that his daughter loves him. So the time that we didn't spend together while I was growing up. He tells me all the time I am glad that you don't treat me like I treated you growing up. So my thing is turn all of your negative energy and turn it into something positive and something good will come from all of that.
Posted by: mzcain
Posted on: 2004-09-06 23:46:37
Just because one relationship is good that doesn't mean that all are the same. I have differences with my father but that doesn't make me any less of a person. It is all based on your conception of things and every body perceives things differntly. My father wasn't the best that he could be, but I made up in my mind that regardless what my father is, was, and has done in his life can not be a reflection of me. He was not abusive and he didn't spend time with his children like a father should but this is what I do. I call him on a regular basis and every time that I go home to visit I make it my number one priority to go see my father to let him know that his daughter loves him. So the time that we didn't spend together while I was growing up. He tells me all the time I am glad that you don't treat me like I treated you growing up. So my thing is turn all of your negative energy and turn it into something positive and something good will come from all of that.
AMEN
Posted by: lawlady04
Posted on: 2004-09-03 23:22:55
WOW, finally some common sense..Yes some things hurt more than others, but being strong involves that you take the first step to better yourself and love yourself.....
To the ones who need a word of advice, Give me one year and I will be a pschologist, then you come see me and we can have a discussion about your self love...
Posted by: lawlady04
Posted on: 2004-09-03 23:22:55
WOW, finally some common sense..Yes some things hurt more than others, but being strong involves that you take the first step to better yourself and love yourself.....
To the ones who need a word of advice, Give me one year and I will be a pschologist, then you come see me and we can have a discussion about your self love...
agreed-with qualifiers
Posted by: susanleann
Posted on: 2004-09-04 18:18:49
I agree 100% that what happens to us as children is definately an explanation for adult problems...but not an excuse. As adults, we need to be able to recognize that our weaknesses as a result of childhood issues cause adverse behaviors, and that's where good therapy can help immensely. Good therapy, however, can be so difficult to find. I have a completely nonexistant relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was a year old, in 1966, when divorce was almost unheard of and courts had no understanding of the importance of two parents. Society as a whole had no concept, really. I saw my father one or twice a year until I was twelve, and then he called once or twice a year until I was fifteen. After that, nothing. I'm 38 yr-old and have no idea where my father is, havent for 23 years. Even when I DID know, he was a stranger, too much to go into, here. I am trying desperately to work through all the stuff left inside me from this, but it's a climb I sometimes feel is like Mount Everest. And my brother...crippled in ways I can't get into, here. How we try, sigh. Adults, pay heed to the messages you send your children. If you disappear from their lives, you are telling them they aren't worth the trouble. Fun stuff to deal with.
Posted by: susanleann
Posted on: 2004-09-04 18:18:49
I agree 100% that what happens to us as children is definately an explanation for adult problems...but not an excuse. As adults, we need to be able to recognize that our weaknesses as a result of childhood issues cause adverse behaviors, and that's where good therapy can help immensely. Good therapy, however, can be so difficult to find. I have a completely nonexistant relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was a year old, in 1966, when divorce was almost unheard of and courts had no understanding of the importance of two parents. Society as a whole had no concept, really. I saw my father one or twice a year until I was twelve, and then he called once or twice a year until I was fifteen. After that, nothing. I'm 38 yr-old and have no idea where my father is, havent for 23 years. Even when I DID know, he was a stranger, too much to go into, here. I am trying desperately to work through all the stuff left inside me from this, but it's a climb I sometimes feel is like Mount Everest. And my brother...crippled in ways I can't get into, here. How we try, sigh. Adults, pay heed to the messages you send your children. If you disappear from their lives, you are telling them they aren't worth the trouble. Fun stuff to deal with.
who do you think you are
Posted by: lawlady04
Posted on: 2004-09-03 23:09:41
Dr. Phil is doing his best. How self rightous do you have to be to jsut understand that he is a person looking at these women and these stories from a therapist's point of view. I am sorry but are you a psychiatrist or psychologist? Until you are or you get paid, dont try to give Dr. Phil advice.. I was an abused daughter, I know how alone it feels and painful it is, but after time I have come to terms with it and I respect my father and who he is and who he has become, my bestfriend..
Posted by: lawlady04
Posted on: 2004-09-03 23:09:41
Dr. Phil is doing his best. How self rightous do you have to be to jsut understand that he is a person looking at these women and these stories from a therapist's point of view. I am sorry but are you a psychiatrist or psychologist? Until you are or you get paid, dont try to give Dr. Phil advice.. I was an abused daughter, I know how alone it feels and painful it is, but after time I have come to terms with it and I respect my father and who he is and who he has become, my bestfriend..
I agree
Posted by: kangaruse
Posted on: 2004-09-04 14:47:40
I didn't think either woman walked away with much that can help. I'm not even sure this time that he reached the issue with either of them. The concepts that he usually applies didn't work in these cases.
Posted by: kangaruse
Posted on: 2004-09-04 14:47:40
I didn't think either woman walked away with much that can help. I'm not even sure this time that he reached the issue with either of them. The concepts that he usually applies didn't work in these cases.
Not so helpful this time
Posted by: kangaruse
Posted on: 2004-09-04 15:01:29
I didn't think either woman walked away with much that can help. I'm not even sure this time that he reached the issue with either of them. The concepts that he usually applies didn't really fit these cases.
I agree that Chayna needs to deal w/ the father issue and that it is greatly affecting family life. I'm just not sure she had much to take away with her after the show, other than what she already knew.
As for the first woman, I believe her father probably is willing to make changes. But the fact that he was willing to come on the Dr. Phil show is not proof of that.
I feel it is very unfair to say that all the other dads who wouldn't come on the show are thereby indicating that they aren't willing to improve their relationships. I'll do many things to improve the relationships in my life if I am asked, but I would not come on the Dr. Phil show if someone asked me to. That does not mean I am unwilling to work on my relationships. It just means I am unwilling to go on the Dr. Phil show!
Posted by: kangaruse
Posted on: 2004-09-04 15:01:29
I didn't think either woman walked away with much that can help. I'm not even sure this time that he reached the issue with either of them. The concepts that he usually applies didn't really fit these cases.
I agree that Chayna needs to deal w/ the father issue and that it is greatly affecting family life. I'm just not sure she had much to take away with her after the show, other than what she already knew.
As for the first woman, I believe her father probably is willing to make changes. But the fact that he was willing to come on the Dr. Phil show is not proof of that.
I feel it is very unfair to say that all the other dads who wouldn't come on the show are thereby indicating that they aren't willing to improve their relationships. I'll do many things to improve the relationships in my life if I am asked, but I would not come on the Dr. Phil show if someone asked me to. That does not mean I am unwilling to work on my relationships. It just means I am unwilling to go on the Dr. Phil show!
Willing To Forgive?
Posted by: donnybaby
Posted on: 2004-09-01 16:43:31
There are three keys to improving our relationships with either parent.
First, consider them as people and not as YOUR PARENT. JUST CONSIDER IT! In your imagination refer to them by their first name. That can be a huge eye-opener!
Second, be willing to forgive them and yourself. Just be willing!
Third, ask yourself what you're being right about and if you'd rather be RIGHT or have a loving relationship?
All the above suggestions aren't easy but they are simple. AND THEY WORK! Good luck. Peace & love, Donny
Posted by: donnybaby
Posted on: 2004-09-01 16:43:31
There are three keys to improving our relationships with either parent.
First, consider them as people and not as YOUR PARENT. JUST CONSIDER IT! In your imagination refer to them by their first name. That can be a huge eye-opener!
Second, be willing to forgive them and yourself. Just be willing!
Third, ask yourself what you're being right about and if you'd rather be RIGHT or have a loving relationship?
All the above suggestions aren't easy but they are simple. AND THEY WORK! Good luck. Peace & love, Donny
Bad Father
Posted by: sandralm33
Posted on: 2004-09-01 16:45:00
My father was very abusive as well. His bottle was more important then me. He was such a pessimist and I couldn't do anything right in his eyes. Needless to say I never saw him much at all when I was growing up. No wonder I moved out when I was only 16. Its pretty sad if you ask me when a father tells his daughter that she was an accident that wasn't wanted, which he had told me. No wonder I never saw him much. By the way my mother was much worse then him. I heard they have since died. Needless to say I didn't attend their funerals, just didn't feel the need to as I didn't feel like I was part of this so called family.
Sandralm33
Posted by: sandralm33
Posted on: 2004-09-01 16:45:00
My father was very abusive as well. His bottle was more important then me. He was such a pessimist and I couldn't do anything right in his eyes. Needless to say I never saw him much at all when I was growing up. No wonder I moved out when I was only 16. Its pretty sad if you ask me when a father tells his daughter that she was an accident that wasn't wanted, which he had told me. No wonder I never saw him much. By the way my mother was much worse then him. I heard they have since died. Needless to say I didn't attend their funerals, just didn't feel the need to as I didn't feel like I was part of this so called family.
Sandralm33
Love is in your heart
Posted by: lawlady04
Posted on: 2004-09-03 23:09:41
My dad was abusive too but I have forgiven him. He was diagnosed as manic bipolar, but my dad did a 180 after he got treatment. He was there when my son was born, they share the same bday, and he will be part of me for the rest of my life..I understand what you went through and there is hope and love in all you have indured. Smile and keep your spirits up....
Posted by: lawlady04
Posted on: 2004-09-03 23:09:41
My dad was abusive too but I have forgiven him. He was diagnosed as manic bipolar, but my dad did a 180 after he got treatment. He was there when my son was born, they share the same bday, and he will be part of me for the rest of my life..I understand what you went through and there is hope and love in all you have indured. Smile and keep your spirits up....
Posted by: cheyenne22
Posted on: 2004-09-07 21:44:49
My father has Narcisstic Personality Disorder also and I too have a hard time liking him. He is like an emotional torturer who lies, manipulates & plays games with me but will tell me he loves me. It is hard to hear those words and I want to believe them, but I know that they truely are empty.
Father does not equal Dad
Posted by: ssryanusa
Posted on: 2004-10-05 17:26:02
I too have not had a healthy relationship with my father as an adult. As a child my father was abusive also to me, my sister and my mom. He was down right mean. He his Narcissitic and suffers from depression. He also is very hard to like as a person. He is very selfish, borish and ignorant. My mother due to deep religous beliefs has stuck with him even though he does not deserve her.
My advice to any woman that is not happy with the relationship with her father is to look to if he is an emotionally well person. If he is not then there is nothing you can do to make him what you would like in a father. If he is then you have a foundation to work with.
My father growing up was a child just like his own. My poor mother had to raise three children. But my father never grew up. He is still stubborn and immature at 73. He is better about his anger and bitterness but is emotionally recluse. (Always has been)
I grew up taking on his traits of not liking anything, not being grateful to others for anything and looking at the world through a dark cloud. When I was in my 20's I was always unhappy. One day I sat myself down and asked what is it that makes you so unhappy. I realized it was nothing. I then resolved myself to always look to the positive and to be grateful to others. I have been a happier person since. But I could not change who my father was I just have to accept that. Period.
On the flip side. My husband's father was the best dad ever. So I have known a man that was a good father. We lost him last year suddenly and it has been a huge loss for us. My father in law was so loving and gracious to everyone. He raised 5 wonderful children, my husband being one of them. I know good men when I see them. Unfortunetly my father did not make the grade. I feel for him because he is not a happy person. But as I found out happiness comes from within. So to all of the women that this show is about. Do not look to your father for your happiness you have to do it yourself.
Posted by: ssryanusa
Posted on: 2004-10-05 17:26:02
I too have not had a healthy relationship with my father as an adult. As a child my father was abusive also to me, my sister and my mom. He was down right mean. He his Narcissitic and suffers from depression. He also is very hard to like as a person. He is very selfish, borish and ignorant. My mother due to deep religous beliefs has stuck with him even though he does not deserve her.
My advice to any woman that is not happy with the relationship with her father is to look to if he is an emotionally well person. If he is not then there is nothing you can do to make him what you would like in a father. If he is then you have a foundation to work with.
My father growing up was a child just like his own. My poor mother had to raise three children. But my father never grew up. He is still stubborn and immature at 73. He is better about his anger and bitterness but is emotionally recluse. (Always has been)
I grew up taking on his traits of not liking anything, not being grateful to others for anything and looking at the world through a dark cloud. When I was in my 20's I was always unhappy. One day I sat myself down and asked what is it that makes you so unhappy. I realized it was nothing. I then resolved myself to always look to the positive and to be grateful to others. I have been a happier person since. But I could not change who my father was I just have to accept that. Period.
On the flip side. My husband's father was the best dad ever. So I have known a man that was a good father. We lost him last year suddenly and it has been a huge loss for us. My father in law was so loving and gracious to everyone. He raised 5 wonderful children, my husband being one of them. I know good men when I see them. Unfortunetly my father did not make the grade. I feel for him because he is not a happy person. But as I found out happiness comes from within. So to all of the women that this show is about. Do not look to your father for your happiness you have to do it yourself.
