09/09 Faultfinders and Flakes
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7Any refernce books on the subject ?
Posted by: luciebret
Posted on: 2004-09-06 09:51:31
I am looking forward to watch the show for this aprticular subject, It seems we live this sad experience all the time, it is time to have a change or quit.
Any book on the subject you can refer me to ?
Posted by: luciebret
Posted on: 2004-09-06 09:51:31
I am looking forward to watch the show for this aprticular subject, It seems we live this sad experience all the time, it is time to have a change or quit.
Any book on the subject you can refer me to ?
Old but good
Posted by: tuffypaint
Posted on: 2004-09-08 13:19:49
Pulling Your Own Strings by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer was published in the late 70's and is a pretty easy read. Also, reading Dr. Phil's Self Matters & Reltionship Rescue have lots of tips for dealing with someone who is being critical. Other recommended reading is: The Power of Now by Eckhardt Tolle, and Mindful Loving by Dr. Henry Grayson. My favorite one-liners for stopping someone who is critizing me: "And you're telling me this because?????" and "I'll let you handle it next time." [then make sure you don't cave...if it gets done at all, it will be by the criticiser.] Good luck.
Posted by: tuffypaint
Posted on: 2004-09-08 13:19:49
Pulling Your Own Strings by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer was published in the late 70's and is a pretty easy read. Also, reading Dr. Phil's Self Matters & Reltionship Rescue have lots of tips for dealing with someone who is being critical. Other recommended reading is: The Power of Now by Eckhardt Tolle, and Mindful Loving by Dr. Henry Grayson. My favorite one-liners for stopping someone who is critizing me: "And you're telling me this because?????" and "I'll let you handle it next time." [then make sure you don't cave...if it gets done at all, it will be by the criticiser.] Good luck.
ONE WAY RELATIONSHIPS
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-09-11 10:59:07
My recently published favorites on the topic of "one way relationships" are:
Why Is It Always About You? by Sandy Hotchkiss and James Masterson Wiehe
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier
Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins
If you want to pursue the topic even further find yourself some recently published books on "Personality Disorders".
Hope it helps!
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2004-09-11 10:59:07
My recently published favorites on the topic of "one way relationships" are:
Why Is It Always About You? by Sandy Hotchkiss and James Masterson Wiehe
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier
Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins
If you want to pursue the topic even further find yourself some recently published books on "Personality Disorders".
Hope it helps!
Should be more than interesting!
Posted by: janetfp
Posted on: 2004-09-09 09:29:39
I recognize the finger-pointing and faultfinding all too well in my family! It's hard to deal with personalities like that, because everything you try to say, try to do to make them understand gets turned against you. It seems like they don't seem to understand that you are trying to make things better instead of worse. I wish these people would just get off of their 'know it all' pedestal and realise that others might have a clue what they are talking about!
Posted by: janetfp
Posted on: 2004-09-09 09:29:39
I recognize the finger-pointing and faultfinding all too well in my family! It's hard to deal with personalities like that, because everything you try to say, try to do to make them understand gets turned against you. It seems like they don't seem to understand that you are trying to make things better instead of worse. I wish these people would just get off of their 'know it all' pedestal and realise that others might have a clue what they are talking about!
flakes
Posted by: estesg
Posted on: 2004-09-09 10:32:53
I have two grown children who are flakes, my son is 20 and my daughter is 26. The young man on TV could be either one of them. I saw him on the computer, I wonder how much that has to do with it. I find for my family the computer can take hugh chunks oftime. Blame is always on other things. I never hear, "Sorry, I spent the afternoon on the computer, accomplishing nothing." In fact my son's favorite statement is "The problem with you and Dad is, you always think you must be accomplishing something."
HELLO! How does he think we got this beautiful home? My daughter thinks nothing of showing up late or wasting an afternoon on the computer playing cards.
Posted by: estesg
Posted on: 2004-09-09 10:32:53
I have two grown children who are flakes, my son is 20 and my daughter is 26. The young man on TV could be either one of them. I saw him on the computer, I wonder how much that has to do with it. I find for my family the computer can take hugh chunks oftime. Blame is always on other things. I never hear, "Sorry, I spent the afternoon on the computer, accomplishing nothing." In fact my son's favorite statement is "The problem with you and Dad is, you always think you must be accomplishing something."
HELLO! How does he think we got this beautiful home? My daughter thinks nothing of showing up late or wasting an afternoon on the computer playing cards.
Ask them to take a self-survey on ADHD....
Posted by: kimhelms
Posted on: 2004-09-10 19:47:56
There is a self-quiz at www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5897774/
It could be very enlightening.
Posted by: kimhelms
Posted on: 2004-09-10 19:47:56
There is a self-quiz at www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5897774/
It could be very enlightening.
helpful books
Posted by: smplentst
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:35:39
There are many books about ADD. Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell,M.D. and John J. Ratey,M.D. might be a good one for the dad on the show to read, if any of it sounds all too familiar, perhaps testing might not be a bad idea. I believe Dr. Phil's last newsletter had information about a new book about ADD from Dr. Frank Lawliss. Dr. Mel Levine in his book, One Mind at a Time, helps one to understand much about how our minds are wired differently. Much luck and help for the young man on the show and his family.
just a mom
Posted by: smplentst
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:35:39
There are many books about ADD. Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell,M.D. and John J. Ratey,M.D. might be a good one for the dad on the show to read, if any of it sounds all too familiar, perhaps testing might not be a bad idea. I believe Dr. Phil's last newsletter had information about a new book about ADD from Dr. Frank Lawliss. Dr. Mel Levine in his book, One Mind at a Time, helps one to understand much about how our minds are wired differently. Much luck and help for the young man on the show and his family.
just a mom
Flakes and ADD
Posted by: _ladyhawk
Posted on: 2004-09-20 08:22:02
I'm glad to see that ADD was brought into the discussion of "flakes". I wonder why it wasn't mentioned on the show? I don't think I've heard Dr. Phil mention ADD more than once on his show, and I think I've seen most of them. I'd love to hear his take on it. Unfortunately, I don't get the newsletter. But, thanks for mentioning the new book that he spoke of in the newsletter by Dr. Lawliss.
Posted by: _ladyhawk
Posted on: 2004-09-20 08:22:02
I'm glad to see that ADD was brought into the discussion of "flakes". I wonder why it wasn't mentioned on the show? I don't think I've heard Dr. Phil mention ADD more than once on his show, and I think I've seen most of them. I'd love to hear his take on it. Unfortunately, I don't get the newsletter. But, thanks for mentioning the new book that he spoke of in the newsletter by Dr. Lawliss.
A classic case of ADD!!!
Posted by: add_er
Posted on: 2004-09-20 20:48:46
What an opportunity that would have been to educate the public about Attention Deficit Disorder. If his lack of focus, hyperfocus, losing track of time, forgetting, losing things, unfinished projects, etc were a matter of immaturity/will power; being threatened with going on the Dr. Phil show would certainly be enough for anyone to change their ways.
I'm so glad others noticed the symptoms of ADD in response to this "flake". I hope he reads these comments; his life can be completely turned around with the right medication/follow up therapy. There is such relief when you no longer feel like you're chasing your tail all the time!!!
Posted by: add_er
Posted on: 2004-09-20 20:48:46
What an opportunity that would have been to educate the public about Attention Deficit Disorder. If his lack of focus, hyperfocus, losing track of time, forgetting, losing things, unfinished projects, etc were a matter of immaturity/will power; being threatened with going on the Dr. Phil show would certainly be enough for anyone to change their ways.
I'm so glad others noticed the symptoms of ADD in response to this "flake". I hope he reads these comments; his life can be completely turned around with the right medication/follow up therapy. There is such relief when you no longer feel like you're chasing your tail all the time!!!
Flakes and ADD
Posted by: bigmama60
Posted on: 2004-09-25 19:16:06
I don't believe Dr. Phil holds much stock in ADD/ADHD. I may be wrong but, from what I have heard in the past he feels it is to often an excuse for poor behaviour.
Posted by: bigmama60
Posted on: 2004-09-25 19:16:06
I don't believe Dr. Phil holds much stock in ADD/ADHD. I may be wrong but, from what I have heard in the past he feels it is to often an excuse for poor behaviour.
fault findings
Posted by: marcia1cof
Posted on: 2004-09-09 10:34:04
Dear Dr Pdil,
Oh boy, I have married for 35 yrs to a man whom is the king of faultfinding or just being negative about everything in general. He walks around most of the time like this is his last day on earth. I or his friends are always telling to smile. There is one actual friend that he enjoys being with whom brings him out of his shell.
He finds faults with everything I do and most of the time I brush it off. He thinks he is right about all that has happened to us or is about to happen. He is looking for a miracle I guess. I can't listen to him anymore. I just give him my view on life. People are human. He says I am just a laid back person and I stick up all persons.
This is much. I will watch your show later to see this one.
Thank you
Marcia
Posted by: marcia1cof
Posted on: 2004-09-09 10:34:04
Dear Dr Pdil,
Oh boy, I have married for 35 yrs to a man whom is the king of faultfinding or just being negative about everything in general. He walks around most of the time like this is his last day on earth. I or his friends are always telling to smile. There is one actual friend that he enjoys being with whom brings him out of his shell.
He finds faults with everything I do and most of the time I brush it off. He thinks he is right about all that has happened to us or is about to happen. He is looking for a miracle I guess. I can't listen to him anymore. I just give him my view on life. People are human. He says I am just a laid back person and I stick up all persons.
This is much. I will watch your show later to see this one.
Thank you
Marcia
flakes
Posted by: highroad49
Posted on: 2004-09-09 10:44:56
The advise was if he acts like a child treat him like a child. NO!! That's the easy way out for him. He doesn't have to be responsible. She already has children, she doesn't want another child, she wants her husband to act like an adult. Does he really want a wife or just someone to look after him? He's obviously operating in a comforable zone and his wife has let him. If you have an event planned and he won't get up from a nap go without him. Unfortunately he is modelling poor behaviour for his children and she will have to find some way to help them understand that although daddy acts like that it isn't acceptable behaviour. Good luck. You're going to need it!
Posted by: highroad49
Posted on: 2004-09-09 10:44:56
The advise was if he acts like a child treat him like a child. NO!! That's the easy way out for him. He doesn't have to be responsible. She already has children, she doesn't want another child, she wants her husband to act like an adult. Does he really want a wife or just someone to look after him? He's obviously operating in a comforable zone and his wife has let him. If you have an event planned and he won't get up from a nap go without him. Unfortunately he is modelling poor behaviour for his children and she will have to find some way to help them understand that although daddy acts like that it isn't acceptable behaviour. Good luck. You're going to need it!
flakes
Posted by: morwen2003
Posted on: 2004-09-09 14:33:05
I don't know about you, but when my two-year-old refuses to get ready for something, I get her up and I put clothing onto her. If this person is going to refuse to act responsibly like an adult (IOW to be ready for any planned event etc) then she should definitely treat him like a child until he is ready to act like an adult. She shouldn't be afraid to talk down to him. She shouldn't be afraid to lay out clothing for him and to poke him if he is still in bed "napping." She should also give herself an extra half hour or so to get ready so that she is less likely to be late. However, he should also be careful how much of this he lets his wife put up with. If it were me, eventually, I'd get tired of it and I'd say so.
Posted by: morwen2003
Posted on: 2004-09-09 14:33:05
I don't know about you, but when my two-year-old refuses to get ready for something, I get her up and I put clothing onto her. If this person is going to refuse to act responsibly like an adult (IOW to be ready for any planned event etc) then she should definitely treat him like a child until he is ready to act like an adult. She shouldn't be afraid to talk down to him. She shouldn't be afraid to lay out clothing for him and to poke him if he is still in bed "napping." She should also give herself an extra half hour or so to get ready so that she is less likely to be late. However, he should also be careful how much of this he lets his wife put up with. If it were me, eventually, I'd get tired of it and I'd say so.
No Way!
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-10 08:15:45
If she does as you suggest, she is teaching him how to treat her, and she will be stuck acting as his mother for the rest of her life. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, with EQUAL partners. He needs to get into counseling and figure out what causes him to act that way, and put a STOP to it!
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-10 08:15:45
If she does as you suggest, she is teaching him how to treat her, and she will be stuck acting as his mother for the rest of her life. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, with EQUAL partners. He needs to get into counseling and figure out what causes him to act that way, and put a STOP to it!
A classic case of ADD!!
Posted by: add_er
Posted on: 2004-09-20 20:51:03
Go to amenclinic.com and take the Adult Attention Deficit Disorder questionaire. Once diagnosed, medication and therapy will turn your life around.
Posted by: add_er
Posted on: 2004-09-20 20:51:03
Go to amenclinic.com and take the Adult Attention Deficit Disorder questionaire. Once diagnosed, medication and therapy will turn your life around.
flakes
Posted by: tweety19
Posted on: 2004-09-09 17:36:26
I totally agree. She didn't get married to have another child she got married to have a partner! No one wants to discipline someone into caring enough to do better. They want to be valued and cherished enough to have the effort made because they are loved, not because they are told to!
Posted by: tweety19
Posted on: 2004-09-09 17:36:26
I totally agree. She didn't get married to have another child she got married to have a partner! No one wants to discipline someone into caring enough to do better. They want to be valued and cherished enough to have the effort made because they are loved, not because they are told to!
Re: flakes
Posted by: chrisb72
Posted on: 2004-09-09 17:38:35
I absolutely agree with you. The first thing I thought when Phil made that suggestion was "I thought the idea was to help fix the situation - not make it even
i harder
for her!"
Posted by: chrisb72
Posted on: 2004-09-09 17:38:35
I absolutely agree with you. The first thing I thought when Phil made that suggestion was "I thought the idea was to help fix the situation - not make it even
i harder
for her!"
Re: Flakes
Posted by: hammerjr
Posted on: 2004-09-09 19:34:03
I was very disappointed in Dr. Phil's responses! I wanted more suggestions with how to handle a flake and not continue to feel like a mother to my husband!!!!
A friend and I were watching together and we both felt like we were left hanging. My hubby has gotten better about some things recently but I really needed more suggestions!
I keep saying if we are late I will just leave him behind but that is so hard because of the questions that will follow. I have no problem saying "well he is just late" I have a problem not elaborating further and saying how pi**ed I am and what a jerk he is. I mean how many times do you leave someone behind before you REALLY have to move on? That is scary to me! Just a thought. Any suggestions out there??!
Posted by: hammerjr
Posted on: 2004-09-09 19:34:03
I was very disappointed in Dr. Phil's responses! I wanted more suggestions with how to handle a flake and not continue to feel like a mother to my husband!!!!
A friend and I were watching together and we both felt like we were left hanging. My hubby has gotten better about some things recently but I really needed more suggestions!
I keep saying if we are late I will just leave him behind but that is so hard because of the questions that will follow. I have no problem saying "well he is just late" I have a problem not elaborating further and saying how pi**ed I am and what a jerk he is. I mean how many times do you leave someone behind before you REALLY have to move on? That is scary to me! Just a thought. Any suggestions out there??!
Check out my other comments...
Posted by: kimhelms
Posted on: 2004-09-10 19:47:56
Your husband may be suffering from ADHD. There is a self-quiz at www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5897774/
Posted by: kimhelms
Posted on: 2004-09-10 19:47:56
Your husband may be suffering from ADHD. There is a self-quiz at www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5897774/
Another online test
Posted by: sjanae76
Posted on: 2004-09-12 14:58:36
This is another online test for ADD/ADHD
www.amenclinic.com/ac/addtests/
Posted by: sjanae76
Posted on: 2004-09-12 14:58:36
This is another online test for ADD/ADHD
www.amenclinic.com/ac/addtests/
