06/16 Family First: The Hidden Threats
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5Tony
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:28:49
This guy thinks that he rates as a 7 or 8 as a father? Give me a break!! With what I saw on the tape, and what Phil described, I'd rate him as a 2 or 3! He's verbally abusive, he's emotionally unavailable, he's a lousy role model....I hope he realizes it and allows Phil to help him. At least Tammy seems to be really willing to try to change.
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:28:49
This guy thinks that he rates as a 7 or 8 as a father? Give me a break!! With what I saw on the tape, and what Phil described, I'd rate him as a 2 or 3! He's verbally abusive, he's emotionally unavailable, he's a lousy role model....I hope he realizes it and allows Phil to help him. At least Tammy seems to be really willing to try to change.
Posted by: jettav
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:43:48
I am not able to watch the shows this week because my tv is not working but I also can't get to the transcripts to the shows. I click on the links but they aren't coming up, Is any one else having this problem or is it just me? Thanks
to: jettav
Posted by: pb6936578
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:46:39
We're experiencing some heavy traffic today causing some pages to load a little slow. Our tech team is addressing this issue right now. The links work fine for me but I'm also on a high speed connection. If you're on a dial-up connection, I suggest you try again periodically.
Posted by: pb6936578
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:46:39
We're experiencing some heavy traffic today causing some pages to load a little slow. Our tech team is addressing this issue right now. The links work fine for me but I'm also on a high speed connection. If you're on a dial-up connection, I suggest you try again periodically.
Thanks moderator
Posted by: jettav
Posted on: 2004-09-14 12:00:04
I have actually had this problem for about a week in a half now, so the problem might be on my end. Thanks again.
Posted by: jettav
Posted on: 2004-09-14 12:00:04
I have actually had this problem for about a week in a half now, so the problem might be on my end. Thanks again.
sandra
Posted by: sislobo
Posted on: 2005-02-10 21:42:08
hello .
well'' i had too deal with emotionally
bused and my mom was too a point but i love my mother now and i know sometimes you have too make a stand and tell them you must stop and sit down and talk too him or who is doing this emotionally buesed and i think it help .
thanks ,
sandra
Posted by: sislobo
Posted on: 2005-02-10 21:42:08
hello .
well'' i had too deal with emotionally
bused and my mom was too a point but i love my mother now and i know sometimes you have too make a stand and tell them you must stop and sit down and talk too him or who is doing this emotionally buesed and i think it help .
thanks ,
sandra
Re: Tony
Posted by: impavido
Posted on: 2005-06-17 10:11:42
Agreed. With each of Tony's characteristics that Dr. Phil read, Tony went from a 7 or 8 to a 6, 5, 4, 3 ... Most people don't see themselves as others do until they are forced to do so through the eyes of others.
Posted by: impavido
Posted on: 2005-06-17 10:11:42
Agreed. With each of Tony's characteristics that Dr. Phil read, Tony went from a 7 or 8 to a 6, 5, 4, 3 ... Most people don't see themselves as others do until they are forced to do so through the eyes of others.
My mom overcame her childhood
Posted by: carriebd
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:43:35
Dear Dr. Phil,
I am writing to you about my incredible mother, who overcame a neglectful childhood. My grandmother, who is now deceased, was an alcoholic. My mother has told me stories that make the hair on my arms stand up. My mom was fortunate enough to have an aunt and uncle who gave her love and guidance. She went on to marry my dad and they just celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary. Even though my mom didn't have a constant role model as a child, she has given my brother, sister and I unconditional love and acceptance. When we were teenagers, we put she and my dad through some difficult times. They disciplined us but they also stood by us. There was never any question as to the depth of their love for us. My mom is a giving and nurturing woman, not just to my dad and us kids, but to her grandchildren, friends, students, congregation and former patients. She is my inspiration and role model. My parents didn't have your book to help guide them in raising us, but they did have a strong, solid marriage and a deep faith in God. Your book would have helped, too, during the more trying times!
Thanks for letting me express my gratitude for having been raised by this wonderful woman.
Sincerely,
Carriebd
Posted by: carriebd
Posted on: 2004-09-14 09:43:35
Dear Dr. Phil,
I am writing to you about my incredible mother, who overcame a neglectful childhood. My grandmother, who is now deceased, was an alcoholic. My mother has told me stories that make the hair on my arms stand up. My mom was fortunate enough to have an aunt and uncle who gave her love and guidance. She went on to marry my dad and they just celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary. Even though my mom didn't have a constant role model as a child, she has given my brother, sister and I unconditional love and acceptance. When we were teenagers, we put she and my dad through some difficult times. They disciplined us but they also stood by us. There was never any question as to the depth of their love for us. My mom is a giving and nurturing woman, not just to my dad and us kids, but to her grandchildren, friends, students, congregation and former patients. She is my inspiration and role model. My parents didn't have your book to help guide them in raising us, but they did have a strong, solid marriage and a deep faith in God. Your book would have helped, too, during the more trying times!
Thanks for letting me express my gratitude for having been raised by this wonderful woman.
Sincerely,
Carriebd
love conquers all
Posted by: lderosa
Posted on: 2004-09-14 11:11:36
Tammy, I hope that you read this! I haven't read Dr. Phil's new book and with all of my heart I hope that you follow his advice to the letter, because I beleive in Dr. Phil. However, may I give a little advice coming from a lay person such as myself. Love conquers all. There is no love quite like that of a mother loving her children. I saw today the love you so obviously feel for your children and I know that is the greatest weapon you have in defeating the frustration, confusion, chaos, and temperments of raising 4 young children. Please, Tammy, each day take time (even if it is the briefest of moments) to get on your knees and put your arms around each child (individually). Let your thoughts roam to the day that child was born and all of the wonderful things that child has brought to your life. Hug and kiss him/her and tell the child how very much you love them. Having been raised by a father who yelled and went into rages I can also say with experience that if you make a concerted effort to always keep your voice at an even tone that you will get such a better response from them. At the risk of sounding like Dr. Phil, the yelling is not working for you, but it is working for them because then they sense you are out of control and therefore they can gain it. You have very beautiful children and I know all are sweet and loving, each in their own way. They deserve the very best that you have to give them, so give it!
Posted by: lderosa
Posted on: 2004-09-14 11:11:36
Tammy, I hope that you read this! I haven't read Dr. Phil's new book and with all of my heart I hope that you follow his advice to the letter, because I beleive in Dr. Phil. However, may I give a little advice coming from a lay person such as myself. Love conquers all. There is no love quite like that of a mother loving her children. I saw today the love you so obviously feel for your children and I know that is the greatest weapon you have in defeating the frustration, confusion, chaos, and temperments of raising 4 young children. Please, Tammy, each day take time (even if it is the briefest of moments) to get on your knees and put your arms around each child (individually). Let your thoughts roam to the day that child was born and all of the wonderful things that child has brought to your life. Hug and kiss him/her and tell the child how very much you love them. Having been raised by a father who yelled and went into rages I can also say with experience that if you make a concerted effort to always keep your voice at an even tone that you will get such a better response from them. At the risk of sounding like Dr. Phil, the yelling is not working for you, but it is working for them because then they sense you are out of control and therefore they can gain it. You have very beautiful children and I know all are sweet and loving, each in their own way. They deserve the very best that you have to give them, so give it!
New Book Horrors!!
Posted by: julianne04
Posted on: 2004-09-14 11:21:24
I just went to pick up my copy of Family First. My local book store has closed because they are relocating and won't be open till Friday!! What is a gal to do? I guess patience is a virtue! Julianne
Posted by: julianne04
Posted on: 2004-09-14 11:21:24
I just went to pick up my copy of Family First. My local book store has closed because they are relocating and won't be open till Friday!! What is a gal to do? I guess patience is a virtue! Julianne
I Feel Your Pain!
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-14 11:40:41
Julianne, I'm in something of the same boat...I ordered mine online, and was expecting it to be delivered today, but so far no sign of it. I want my book! LOL
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-14 11:40:41
Julianne, I'm in something of the same boat...I ordered mine online, and was expecting it to be delivered today, but so far no sign of it. I want my book! LOL
anyone got kleenex
Posted by: robswife11
Posted on: 2004-09-14 15:22:07
I was on the computer when the show came on, and dr.phils intro to the show brought tears to my eyes that stung. buy the end of the show i was using my box of kleenex. I had a horrible childhood,which i thought i overcame. but then i look at my own family, my teenage son is a runaway,my husband says the house are mine and since he works a lot I should be in control.Sometimes i feel like such a failure. thanks dr.phil i loved this show and now i am going to go hug my youngest son and pray for my oldest.
Posted by: robswife11
Posted on: 2004-09-14 15:22:07
I was on the computer when the show came on, and dr.phils intro to the show brought tears to my eyes that stung. buy the end of the show i was using my box of kleenex. I had a horrible childhood,which i thought i overcame. but then i look at my own family, my teenage son is a runaway,my husband says the house are mine and since he works a lot I should be in control.Sometimes i feel like such a failure. thanks dr.phil i loved this show and now i am going to go hug my youngest son and pray for my oldest.
family in chaos and crisi
Posted by: tuppermc
Posted on: 2004-09-14 16:03:13
Watching the show yesterday, i was in tears. I lived in an abusive...emotional, financial, and physical...relationship for 16 years. Have 4 children. My oldest daughter hated her father, told me all she wanted for christmas last year was him gone. Now she has moved in with him, and he has filled her with such hatred of me...he has also told kids that he is going to get custody of all of them and take house from me; what he is doing is so wrong.Kids do not need to worry about such things; they do not want to live with him,they have enough worries.I am in so much pain right now...told him to move out so i could try to create a life for my kids that was peaceful...but he continues to control my life and drag me thru court.I am so close to a nervous breakdown. On top of everything else, i am 8 month's pregnant from a new relationship...not planned,this happened while on depo shots. so i win for the crappy life award this week, i would not wish what i am going thru on anyone. Anyone have any advice, i need a support system.thanks for listening.
Posted by: tuppermc
Posted on: 2004-09-14 16:03:13
Watching the show yesterday, i was in tears. I lived in an abusive...emotional, financial, and physical...relationship for 16 years. Have 4 children. My oldest daughter hated her father, told me all she wanted for christmas last year was him gone. Now she has moved in with him, and he has filled her with such hatred of me...he has also told kids that he is going to get custody of all of them and take house from me; what he is doing is so wrong.Kids do not need to worry about such things; they do not want to live with him,they have enough worries.I am in so much pain right now...told him to move out so i could try to create a life for my kids that was peaceful...but he continues to control my life and drag me thru court.I am so close to a nervous breakdown. On top of everything else, i am 8 month's pregnant from a new relationship...not planned,this happened while on depo shots. so i win for the crappy life award this week, i would not wish what i am going thru on anyone. Anyone have any advice, i need a support system.thanks for listening.
Advice for you
Posted by: kelhyder
Posted on: 2004-09-14 17:43:47
I have been through this. From my experience, my thought is almost identical to Dr. Phil's. I suggest that you have a plan (and get the book)- my plan was a little different - my plan was that I DECIDED that I would be happy - really the best revenge is TO BE HAPPY. If he controls you so much that your life is in total chaos even though he is out of the house, it is because you allow him to. This doesn't necessarily mean to fight tooth and nail.It means making a decision that no one's actions or reactions will control your life - period! My plan was to never litigate, never make my kids have to choose (even though he practices pure parental alienation with the kids) but, to always, always defend myself. I expect to go to court every two years and I know that I CANNOT control that. However, I can respond and not react. I have a good attorney and I just pray and hand it over to Him.I try very hard not to get involved emotionally and trust him with everything since he is a good honorable Christian man. What kind of mother can you be to your new child if this is going to keep you in depression? I have pain sure, I hate a lot of things that I have to go through.....but, this I can say: You can never be offended and live a miserable life in the hands of what others do to you - UNLESS you LET THEM. I truly think that my being happy and strong makes them very upset. I have to admit it took several years for me to get here....I hope it doesn't take you that long though:) Your child deserves you wholeheartedly! Know that the best is yet to come because you have decided that - make a plan - how you are going to respond and NOT react to what he does, make a plan how your life will play out - you have the power through our Good Lord!
Posted by: kelhyder
Posted on: 2004-09-14 17:43:47
I have been through this. From my experience, my thought is almost identical to Dr. Phil's. I suggest that you have a plan (and get the book)- my plan was a little different - my plan was that I DECIDED that I would be happy - really the best revenge is TO BE HAPPY. If he controls you so much that your life is in total chaos even though he is out of the house, it is because you allow him to. This doesn't necessarily mean to fight tooth and nail.It means making a decision that no one's actions or reactions will control your life - period! My plan was to never litigate, never make my kids have to choose (even though he practices pure parental alienation with the kids) but, to always, always defend myself. I expect to go to court every two years and I know that I CANNOT control that. However, I can respond and not react. I have a good attorney and I just pray and hand it over to Him.I try very hard not to get involved emotionally and trust him with everything since he is a good honorable Christian man. What kind of mother can you be to your new child if this is going to keep you in depression? I have pain sure, I hate a lot of things that I have to go through.....but, this I can say: You can never be offended and live a miserable life in the hands of what others do to you - UNLESS you LET THEM. I truly think that my being happy and strong makes them very upset. I have to admit it took several years for me to get here....I hope it doesn't take you that long though:) Your child deserves you wholeheartedly! Know that the best is yet to come because you have decided that - make a plan - how you are going to respond and NOT react to what he does, make a plan how your life will play out - you have the power through our Good Lord!
Very Well Said
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-15 08:27:00
I couldn't agree more. We can't control what other people do, but we can control how we react to what they do. We can CHOOSE to be happy, no matter what our circumstances, all the while working to improve the circumstances where we see the need. I have been divorced for 13 yrs now, and my ex still will occasionally try to control things here...if that's the sort of personality someone has, they aren't going to stop, and you may be subjected to it until your youngest is 18, and perhaps even beyond. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life letting him make you miserable, or do you want to feel the happiness you deserve to feel? Make the choice and live it!
And yes, turning it all over to God is another good piece of advice. He can give you the strength to go on when you think you can't face another day.
And enjoy your new baby!! :)
Posted by: poetmom
Posted on: 2004-09-15 08:27:00
I couldn't agree more. We can't control what other people do, but we can control how we react to what they do. We can CHOOSE to be happy, no matter what our circumstances, all the while working to improve the circumstances where we see the need. I have been divorced for 13 yrs now, and my ex still will occasionally try to control things here...if that's the sort of personality someone has, they aren't going to stop, and you may be subjected to it until your youngest is 18, and perhaps even beyond. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life letting him make you miserable, or do you want to feel the happiness you deserve to feel? Make the choice and live it!
And yes, turning it all over to God is another good piece of advice. He can give you the strength to go on when you think you can't face another day.
And enjoy your new baby!! :)
From My Thoughts to your fingers,,,
Posted by: feenaaay
Posted on: 2004-09-16 21:04:49
I couldn't have answered it any better myself!
Posted by: feenaaay
Posted on: 2004-09-16 21:04:49
I couldn't have answered it any better myself!
Crisis Indeed
Posted by: llspohn
Posted on: 2004-09-14 19:45:09
first of all let me congragulate you on your pregnancy, no matter how it came about, a child is still a special gift in anyone's life, no matter how many " gifts" you have already or where they came from! Second, in my opinion you need to change how you react to this situation. Right now, by blaming yourself you are in just the state of mind he wants you to be in, separated or not. He is laughing to himself because even though you have removed yourself from the situation, he still has control over you. It is very immature and childish of him to use your own children against you. You have to remind yourself that for him to take those children away from their mother, he would have to prove you unfit. This means that you HAVE to gain control of your life. You HAVE to tell yourself that you are not going to let him do this to you anymore. You have to do this for you first, only then can you help your children. Make a plan and stick to it, get back control of your children by reassurance. Stop feeling guilty. If you let him drive you crazy, he will have won. You are better than that. No one deserves to let another person control their lives.
Posted by: llspohn
Posted on: 2004-09-14 19:45:09
first of all let me congragulate you on your pregnancy, no matter how it came about, a child is still a special gift in anyone's life, no matter how many " gifts" you have already or where they came from! Second, in my opinion you need to change how you react to this situation. Right now, by blaming yourself you are in just the state of mind he wants you to be in, separated or not. He is laughing to himself because even though you have removed yourself from the situation, he still has control over you. It is very immature and childish of him to use your own children against you. You have to remind yourself that for him to take those children away from their mother, he would have to prove you unfit. This means that you HAVE to gain control of your life. You HAVE to tell yourself that you are not going to let him do this to you anymore. You have to do this for you first, only then can you help your children. Make a plan and stick to it, get back control of your children by reassurance. Stop feeling guilty. If you let him drive you crazy, he will have won. You are better than that. No one deserves to let another person control their lives.
Hang in there
Posted by: sapederson
Posted on: 2004-09-15 17:45:12
I truely understand your pain. I was (am?) in a very similar situation. I left an abusive marriage after only 2 years. My daughter was not quite 2 yet. Then I had an affair with a married man (at the time, I figured if he was married, then he couldn't control me, horrible and stupid, I know). In any case I did get pregnant and then ended that relationship. I then fell for someone else (master manipulator) and got married a second time. He later admitted that he was just putting on a show before we got married so that I would marry him. I found out that he was abusing my children so I divorced him and put him in prison for 16 years to life. It took a year of almost monthly court hearings to get him put away. On the heals of that, my first ex sued me for custody of my daughter, whom he had been using as a pawn for the prev 13-14 years. That was tearing my daughter apart and she was put in the middle of things that she shouldn't have to worry about. I finally let her go because I couln't stand seeing her torn apart like that (she was 14) and her couselor told me that it would be better to let her go only because my daughter would continue to be pulled apart if I didn't and she was saying that she wanted to to there because it wasn't fair to her dad that I had had her all of the years previously. I moved to another state to be closer to her and he told her that he would move her to another so that we couldn't be so close (he hasn't yet, but I'm sure that I'll be fighting that battle in the near future). He has also told me that he will run me into the ground financially (why?) because he can. He sees nothing wrong with badmouthing me or putting her in the middle. He disowned my older son just because my son got mad and hung up the phone on him. My oldest son later turned to drugs/alcohol was expelled and then dropped out of school. He is still angry, but I got him off the drugs/alcohol and he is working on his GED. The bad news, your ex will be a thorn in your side for a very long time. Good news, it really does get better. My oldest son is doing better, my daughter is doing better, although still in the middle and my yougest son is also doing well. I have come out of a long depression and am enjoying life again. It could all change tomorrow, but I'm sure going to enjoy today. If you have a nervous breakdown, he wins. Don't let him win!!!! If you would like to talk via email, let me know.
Posted by: sapederson
Posted on: 2004-09-15 17:45:12
I truely understand your pain. I was (am?) in a very similar situation. I left an abusive marriage after only 2 years. My daughter was not quite 2 yet. Then I had an affair with a married man (at the time, I figured if he was married, then he couldn't control me, horrible and stupid, I know). In any case I did get pregnant and then ended that relationship. I then fell for someone else (master manipulator) and got married a second time. He later admitted that he was just putting on a show before we got married so that I would marry him. I found out that he was abusing my children so I divorced him and put him in prison for 16 years to life. It took a year of almost monthly court hearings to get him put away. On the heals of that, my first ex sued me for custody of my daughter, whom he had been using as a pawn for the prev 13-14 years. That was tearing my daughter apart and she was put in the middle of things that she shouldn't have to worry about. I finally let her go because I couln't stand seeing her torn apart like that (she was 14) and her couselor told me that it would be better to let her go only because my daughter would continue to be pulled apart if I didn't and she was saying that she wanted to to there because it wasn't fair to her dad that I had had her all of the years previously. I moved to another state to be closer to her and he told her that he would move her to another so that we couldn't be so close (he hasn't yet, but I'm sure that I'll be fighting that battle in the near future). He has also told me that he will run me into the ground financially (why?) because he can. He sees nothing wrong with badmouthing me or putting her in the middle. He disowned my older son just because my son got mad and hung up the phone on him. My oldest son later turned to drugs/alcohol was expelled and then dropped out of school. He is still angry, but I got him off the drugs/alcohol and he is working on his GED. The bad news, your ex will be a thorn in your side for a very long time. Good news, it really does get better. My oldest son is doing better, my daughter is doing better, although still in the middle and my yougest son is also doing well. I have come out of a long depression and am enjoying life again. It could all change tomorrow, but I'm sure going to enjoy today. If you have a nervous breakdown, he wins. Don't let him win!!!! If you would like to talk via email, let me know.
hangin in there
Posted by: tuppermc
Posted on: 2004-09-15 17:59:51
Thank you for your reply. Yes, i would like to talk via email. Mine is carey222@hotmail.com.I have good days and bad days...today was a good one, because i had another sonogram, looks like a girl.Next week will be rough, because i have to go to court. I do NOT let him see he can affect me; I am stronger than that...but you know some days and even some moments i don't feel so strong.But deep down i know i am. Thank you once again.
Posted by: tuppermc
Posted on: 2004-09-15 17:59:51
Thank you for your reply. Yes, i would like to talk via email. Mine is carey222@hotmail.com.I have good days and bad days...today was a good one, because i had another sonogram, looks like a girl.Next week will be rough, because i have to go to court. I do NOT let him see he can affect me; I am stronger than that...but you know some days and even some moments i don't feel so strong.But deep down i know i am. Thank you once again.
Posted by: sapederson
Posted on: 2004-09-15 22:45:56
Mine is spederson@cableone.net. Congratulations!!! Babies are sooo precious! I understand the good and bad moments/days. I'm strong as well but there were times that I didn't feel it either.
