03/17 Families on Fire: Managing Crisis
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5Is this mom nuts?
Posted by: jgarfield7
Posted on: 2004-11-02 10:19:31
If my daughter was out doing these things, (caught with her boyfriend NAKED in her bedroom???) I would lock her in her room and sit at the door if I had to. Actually I would take the door off her room and give her NO privacy. What are your thoughts, please? Am I being harsh? These parents need to get tough, even though the kids have illnesses.
Posted by: jgarfield7
Posted on: 2004-11-02 10:19:31
If my daughter was out doing these things, (caught with her boyfriend NAKED in her bedroom???) I would lock her in her room and sit at the door if I had to. Actually I would take the door off her room and give her NO privacy. What are your thoughts, please? Am I being harsh? These parents need to get tough, even though the kids have illnesses.
get real mom and dad
Posted by: tiredmomwv
Posted on: 2004-11-02 15:35:00
ok i have 3 young daughters and if i got a call from one of their boyfriends parents and said that she found them naked in bed they sure as hell wouldn't be going back or he wouldn't be coming to my house she wouldn't have any privacy at all i would be with her everywhere she went
Posted by: tiredmomwv
Posted on: 2004-11-02 15:35:00
ok i have 3 young daughters and if i got a call from one of their boyfriends parents and said that she found them naked in bed they sure as hell wouldn't be going back or he wouldn't be coming to my house she wouldn't have any privacy at all i would be with her everywhere she went
reply
Posted by: mistywest
Posted on: 2004-11-02 17:32:22
I totally agree with you even though they do hve illnesses that is no reason for them to run over their parents like they have been.
Posted by: mistywest
Posted on: 2004-11-02 17:32:22
I totally agree with you even though they do hve illnesses that is no reason for them to run over their parents like they have been.
You tell em...
Posted by: lazyike
Posted on: 2005-03-17 20:21:46
Ok so you do that... the problem is she will learn that she CAN NOT count on you OR trust you. When she has a problem she will NOT come to you about it... Worse case She gets fed up & leaves... Now living on the street she has to resort to Prostitution then Drugs & Alcohaol to cope.. Yep you really showed her...
But if you want to drive away your kid thats on you ... you will have to live with it.
Ike
Posted by: lazyike
Posted on: 2005-03-17 20:21:46
Ok so you do that... the problem is she will learn that she CAN NOT count on you OR trust you. When she has a problem she will NOT come to you about it... Worse case She gets fed up & leaves... Now living on the street she has to resort to Prostitution then Drugs & Alcohaol to cope.. Yep you really showed her...
But if you want to drive away your kid thats on you ... you will have to live with it.
Ike
Definately!
Posted by: noutopia
Posted on: 2005-03-18 00:55:06
I completely agree with you and more! I have a 6 y/o daughter...who first of all already knows that I am in contact w/ anyone she is as well...(I do understand that w/ age this will decrease quite a bit) I can say that if that (hypothetically) were to happen..there would be no way for her to sneak out w/o a key or an alarm system going off. It is absolutely asinine to think that it is ok that she is running wild. I have taken the door off the hinges in the past for slamming it. My viewpoint is that if you cant take care of it or respect it...it is gone! Please...my poor child...she would have no idea what was coming her way if she were to have been found naked in a bed w/ a boy at 14. By then 'The Talk' would have already happened, and those issues would not be questionable!
Posted by: noutopia
Posted on: 2005-03-18 00:55:06
I completely agree with you and more! I have a 6 y/o daughter...who first of all already knows that I am in contact w/ anyone she is as well...(I do understand that w/ age this will decrease quite a bit) I can say that if that (hypothetically) were to happen..there would be no way for her to sneak out w/o a key or an alarm system going off. It is absolutely asinine to think that it is ok that she is running wild. I have taken the door off the hinges in the past for slamming it. My viewpoint is that if you cant take care of it or respect it...it is gone! Please...my poor child...she would have no idea what was coming her way if she were to have been found naked in a bed w/ a boy at 14. By then 'The Talk' would have already happened, and those issues would not be questionable!
I agree
Posted by: marfaz
Posted on: 2005-03-18 10:09:21
Both of these kids shouldn't be having sex. they are both too young.
Plus a 15 year old shouldn't be dancing solo to the song "Fever." So what if she's on the Drill Team!
Posted by: marfaz
Posted on: 2005-03-18 10:09:21
Both of these kids shouldn't be having sex. they are both too young.
Plus a 15 year old shouldn't be dancing solo to the song "Fever." So what if she's on the Drill Team!
Haven't seen it yet, but WHAT???
Posted by: gr8fullmom
Posted on: 2004-11-02 12:38:19
Why did the girl have a boy in her bedroom in the first place? Jeeze. I understand the illness thing, but illness isn't an excuse. They still know right from wrong and if they don't, they haven't been shown. I guess that I should really wait to see the show and then comment, but I agree with you. Kids don't learn what they aren't taught. If I would have ever had a boy in my bedroom, I guarantee my rear would have been in so much trouble.
Posted by: gr8fullmom
Posted on: 2004-11-02 12:38:19
Why did the girl have a boy in her bedroom in the first place? Jeeze. I understand the illness thing, but illness isn't an excuse. They still know right from wrong and if they don't, they haven't been shown. I guess that I should really wait to see the show and then comment, but I agree with you. Kids don't learn what they aren't taught. If I would have ever had a boy in my bedroom, I guarantee my rear would have been in so much trouble.
gr8fullmom
Posted by: mom2kaykim
Posted on: 2004-11-03 00:27:46
Actually, she was in the boy's bedroom, his parents called her parents to inform them that they had been caught NAKED in his bed.
Posted by: mom2kaykim
Posted on: 2004-11-03 00:27:46
Actually, she was in the boy's bedroom, his parents called her parents to inform them that they had been caught NAKED in his bed.
Boyfriend's in bed
Posted by: sushi1062
Posted on: 2004-11-27 10:22:55
When I was a teenager, not one parent I ever knew of my friend's as well as my own, would ever consider allowing a boyfriend into their daughter's bedroom. That's what parents do. They are supposed to be the "party killers." They are supposed to be the big bad old people who make all these "strict" rules. Of course, if two teenagers really want to have sex, they find a way, but any parent in their mind wouldn't consider letting a boyfriend past their daughter's bedroom door. My gawd!
What gives anyway? Who's in charge? Sure as heck isn't mom and dad in that scenario.
Posted by: sushi1062
Posted on: 2004-11-27 10:22:55
When I was a teenager, not one parent I ever knew of my friend's as well as my own, would ever consider allowing a boyfriend into their daughter's bedroom. That's what parents do. They are supposed to be the "party killers." They are supposed to be the big bad old people who make all these "strict" rules. Of course, if two teenagers really want to have sex, they find a way, but any parent in their mind wouldn't consider letting a boyfriend past their daughter's bedroom door. My gawd!
What gives anyway? Who's in charge? Sure as heck isn't mom and dad in that scenario.
wait a minute...
Posted by: sushi1062
Posted on: 2004-11-27 10:22:55
....old memories are trickling back into my brain. Thinking back, back in "my day" (I'm 42), nobody's parents even allowed a boy to be in the house, UNLESS ONE PARENT WAS HOME. If both parents were not home (after school and before they came from work 3:30-5:30) boyfriends or any boy were forbidden from coming in the house at all. Not until mom and/or dad came home.
Why are some parents so stupid these days? Bunch of boneheads. Hate to name call, but for crying out loud.
Posted by: sushi1062
Posted on: 2004-11-27 10:22:55
....old memories are trickling back into my brain. Thinking back, back in "my day" (I'm 42), nobody's parents even allowed a boy to be in the house, UNLESS ONE PARENT WAS HOME. If both parents were not home (after school and before they came from work 3:30-5:30) boyfriends or any boy were forbidden from coming in the house at all. Not until mom and/or dad came home.
Why are some parents so stupid these days? Bunch of boneheads. Hate to name call, but for crying out loud.
Think back and then forward
Posted by: noutopia
Posted on: 2005-03-18 01:47:11
I completely agree with you, I want to say that first and foremost! What seems to be a huge problem these days with kids (I have a 6 y/o daughter and 12 and 8 y/o stepsons) is that when left alone, they do not abide. They forget (especially males) the rules, or they dont care. I remember back (I am only 28) to high school. I had to be at home, and my working parents would call at their whim, and I better pick up the phone. Did that mean that I did not have people over? No..I just got smarter about it...when the phone rang...'EVERYONE QUIET' I had boys over, yes - we drank alcohol, yes - I did so much that did not abide by the rules, I just got smart enough not to get caught. This is part of the problem...This is where parents need to be extra careful in their observations...what was out...how much food is gone..it the place immaculate in comparison to when they left (cleaning up sometimes overcompensates) It requires extreme attention to detail..which for many working parents is hard at the end of the day...YOU HAVE TO DO IT!!! I used to take my parents packs of cigarrettes...I know this...and remembered this...I caught my 12 y/o stepson trying smoking because I knew exactly how many packs I had left...every morning...You have to check EVERYTHING!!! It is your duty!!
Posted by: noutopia
Posted on: 2005-03-18 01:47:11
I completely agree with you, I want to say that first and foremost! What seems to be a huge problem these days with kids (I have a 6 y/o daughter and 12 and 8 y/o stepsons) is that when left alone, they do not abide. They forget (especially males) the rules, or they dont care. I remember back (I am only 28) to high school. I had to be at home, and my working parents would call at their whim, and I better pick up the phone. Did that mean that I did not have people over? No..I just got smarter about it...when the phone rang...'EVERYONE QUIET' I had boys over, yes - we drank alcohol, yes - I did so much that did not abide by the rules, I just got smart enough not to get caught. This is part of the problem...This is where parents need to be extra careful in their observations...what was out...how much food is gone..it the place immaculate in comparison to when they left (cleaning up sometimes overcompensates) It requires extreme attention to detail..which for many working parents is hard at the end of the day...YOU HAVE TO DO IT!!! I used to take my parents packs of cigarrettes...I know this...and remembered this...I caught my 12 y/o stepson trying smoking because I knew exactly how many packs I had left...every morning...You have to check EVERYTHING!!! It is your duty!!
Yes
Posted by: marfaz
Posted on: 2005-03-18 10:09:21
I am so glad to think that someone agrees that a teenage girl who is doing Adult things, needs to take her lumps as an Adult, and be paddled. She should then be told, that like an Adult, she would be in jail, and everyone would know what a horrible person she was.
Adults don't do this.
Posted by: marfaz
Posted on: 2005-03-18 10:09:21
I am so glad to think that someone agrees that a teenage girl who is doing Adult things, needs to take her lumps as an Adult, and be paddled. She should then be told, that like an Adult, she would be in jail, and everyone would know what a horrible person she was.
Adults don't do this.
Pity is insulting
Posted by: shrimpety
Posted on: 2004-11-02 14:06:44
For Naomi, who wants her smaller children to feel sorry for the older kids because they have illnesses, consider for a moment how insulting that is to the older kids. It is one thing to have empathy, understanding and to be compassionate. Pity is a self-serving emotion that only makes you feel better. Instead of expecting your kids to behave properly, you make excuses for them. Do you not think they are capable of making the right choices? Do you think that somehow the rules of life don't apply to them because they have illnesses? I would venture to say quite the opposite, that their illnesses are an opporutnity to teach valuable lessons about overcoming challenges and about how "what does not kill you, makes you stronger".
I think that it would be a gift to these kids to expect them to act properly, like the rest of the kids their age. it wouldn't stigmatize them as broken or different. Whatever emotional pain you as a parent have, you need to deal with that without imposing it on the kids.
your daughter is having sex...perhaps this boy treats her as if she is a normal person, not a heart transplant patient that needs to be coddled. this young girl needs her dad to teach her how to respect her body, to teach her about men, and she needs her mom to put her foot down and not budge.
as for the six year old with the cell phone. who on earth does he need to call?
Posted by: shrimpety
Posted on: 2004-11-02 14:06:44
For Naomi, who wants her smaller children to feel sorry for the older kids because they have illnesses, consider for a moment how insulting that is to the older kids. It is one thing to have empathy, understanding and to be compassionate. Pity is a self-serving emotion that only makes you feel better. Instead of expecting your kids to behave properly, you make excuses for them. Do you not think they are capable of making the right choices? Do you think that somehow the rules of life don't apply to them because they have illnesses? I would venture to say quite the opposite, that their illnesses are an opporutnity to teach valuable lessons about overcoming challenges and about how "what does not kill you, makes you stronger".
I think that it would be a gift to these kids to expect them to act properly, like the rest of the kids their age. it wouldn't stigmatize them as broken or different. Whatever emotional pain you as a parent have, you need to deal with that without imposing it on the kids.
your daughter is having sex...perhaps this boy treats her as if she is a normal person, not a heart transplant patient that needs to be coddled. this young girl needs her dad to teach her how to respect her body, to teach her about men, and she needs her mom to put her foot down and not budge.
as for the six year old with the cell phone. who on earth does he need to call?
feeling sorry for others
Posted by: catiemc
Posted on: 2004-11-02 19:04:16
I am 41 years old and have a congenital heart defect I have had 5 open heart surgies the last one was Feb. 20, 2003 and the worse thing in the world to me is others feeling sorry for me.
I grew up with two other sisters, one felt it necessary to protect me from other kids in the neiborhood, and the other chooses to stay away from me even to this day. She told me she stays away from me because she doesn't want to upset me or stress me in any way. This just kills me not sometimes but everyday of my life. In the past I have had problems developing relationships with others because everyone around me felt it was necessary to protect me, fell sorry for me, do a lot of simple things for me, etc.
Please for your daughters own personal growth let her experience what life has to bring "she will not break, she might even appreciate you for it as an adult.
Posted by: catiemc
Posted on: 2004-11-02 19:04:16
I am 41 years old and have a congenital heart defect I have had 5 open heart surgies the last one was Feb. 20, 2003 and the worse thing in the world to me is others feeling sorry for me.
I grew up with two other sisters, one felt it necessary to protect me from other kids in the neiborhood, and the other chooses to stay away from me even to this day. She told me she stays away from me because she doesn't want to upset me or stress me in any way. This just kills me not sometimes but everyday of my life. In the past I have had problems developing relationships with others because everyone around me felt it was necessary to protect me, fell sorry for me, do a lot of simple things for me, etc.
Please for your daughters own personal growth let her experience what life has to bring "she will not break, she might even appreciate you for it as an adult.
feeling sorry
Posted by: harleymoma
Posted on: 2004-11-04 09:28:09
I am a 41 year old mother and my son was diagnosed with Obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy in his 6th grade year of school. He had dreamed of being a football player and was angry because his dream had been crushed. I didn't feel sorry for my son until his doctor told us that he could collapse with no warning. He could collapse while sitting. He ended up quitting school because of his physical symptoms he was having from his condition. He has been angry inside at life because of the cards he was dealt. He had open heart surgery at the age of 17 and will need surgery again in the future. As for me feeling sorry and guilty for his condition, it just crippled him more. He is 19 now and smokes even though he knows it could make things worse for him physically. I am having a hard time convincing him to go back to school and make a life for himself. He is very smart and has the ability to be successful at anything he wants.
Posted by: harleymoma
Posted on: 2004-11-04 09:28:09
I am a 41 year old mother and my son was diagnosed with Obstructive Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy in his 6th grade year of school. He had dreamed of being a football player and was angry because his dream had been crushed. I didn't feel sorry for my son until his doctor told us that he could collapse with no warning. He could collapse while sitting. He ended up quitting school because of his physical symptoms he was having from his condition. He has been angry inside at life because of the cards he was dealt. He had open heart surgery at the age of 17 and will need surgery again in the future. As for me feeling sorry and guilty for his condition, it just crippled him more. He is 19 now and smokes even though he knows it could make things worse for him physically. I am having a hard time convincing him to go back to school and make a life for himself. He is very smart and has the ability to be successful at anything he wants.
Feeling sorry
Posted by: kbdude
Posted on: 2005-03-17 10:02:02
I would like to give Dr. Phil a big THANK YOU. When you told the parents they shouldn't feel sorry for the little boy with the disability but they need to give him inpowerment. I totally agree, I'm a 38 year old with C.P. and that is exactly what my step-mom did while I was growing up. She didn't let anyone feel sorry for me and made me do things for myself, even tho at the time I thought she was just being mean. I can now look back and thank her for pushing me and making me do things for my self. I live on my own, work and have a college degree.
Posted by: kbdude
Posted on: 2005-03-17 10:02:02
I would like to give Dr. Phil a big THANK YOU. When you told the parents they shouldn't feel sorry for the little boy with the disability but they need to give him inpowerment. I totally agree, I'm a 38 year old with C.P. and that is exactly what my step-mom did while I was growing up. She didn't let anyone feel sorry for me and made me do things for myself, even tho at the time I thought she was just being mean. I can now look back and thank her for pushing me and making me do things for my self. I live on my own, work and have a college degree.
confused
Posted by: marfaz
Posted on: 2005-03-18 10:09:21
If she had a heart transplant, or heart surgery, why is she having Sex?
Shouldn't people with heart problems not be having rough sex, which is the only sex teenagers know?
or, Am I missing something?
Posted by: marfaz
Posted on: 2005-03-18 10:09:21
If she had a heart transplant, or heart surgery, why is she having Sex?
Shouldn't people with heart problems not be having rough sex, which is the only sex teenagers know?
or, Am I missing something?
Who's the Grownup?
Posted by: nancyp609
Posted on: 2004-11-02 14:52:08
I know this post will sound harsh, but what is it with these parents? Why are they so clueless? The main reason for most of these crises is the LACK OF PARENTING. So many of these parents take the easy way out (no discipline, being a friend instead of a parent, giving in to all requests to avoid fights, etc) instead of being a parent. And then they're shocked when the kids have problems.
I am not saying that parenting is easy, but these parents MAKE IT HARDER than it has to be! As Dr Phil said, figure out your strategy, and live by it. If you can't figure it out, then go get help - there is alot of support available to teach you how to be a parent.
Kids need structure, rules, consistency - they will test their boundaries everyday but if they know the rules, they don't go off on not getting their way. They will be healthier and happier and BETTER PREPARED FOR THE WORLD out there.
Why aren't these parents being REAL parents? Grow up and be the parent. Your kids will thank you as will the rest of society.
Posted by: nancyp609
Posted on: 2004-11-02 14:52:08
I know this post will sound harsh, but what is it with these parents? Why are they so clueless? The main reason for most of these crises is the LACK OF PARENTING. So many of these parents take the easy way out (no discipline, being a friend instead of a parent, giving in to all requests to avoid fights, etc) instead of being a parent. And then they're shocked when the kids have problems.
I am not saying that parenting is easy, but these parents MAKE IT HARDER than it has to be! As Dr Phil said, figure out your strategy, and live by it. If you can't figure it out, then go get help - there is alot of support available to teach you how to be a parent.
Kids need structure, rules, consistency - they will test their boundaries everyday but if they know the rules, they don't go off on not getting their way. They will be healthier and happier and BETTER PREPARED FOR THE WORLD out there.
Why aren't these parents being REAL parents? Grow up and be the parent. Your kids will thank you as will the rest of society.
I Agree 100%
Posted by: christy60
Posted on: 2004-11-03 09:17:25
I agree with you totally. I have a 12 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter and they may try my patience everyday but I do not give in. You have to be a parent, not the friend and I have told my kids that if they are not angry with me now and again, then I am not doing my job. They will have many friends in their lifetime so what they need from us as their "parents" is like you said, structure, boundaries and they need to know who the parent is. As far as the "sexual experimentation", teenagers will do this whether you find out about it or not so I believe that the best we can do in this situation is give them knowledge (ie. how their bodies work, std's etc ) and make sure they are protected (ie. condoms, pill etc.) I mean who are we kidding? I would rather my children knew what was going on with their bodies, be open and honest with them and perhaps that will be what saves one from having a baby dumped in their lap. Am I crazy for thinking this way?
Posted by: christy60
Posted on: 2004-11-03 09:17:25
I agree with you totally. I have a 12 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter and they may try my patience everyday but I do not give in. You have to be a parent, not the friend and I have told my kids that if they are not angry with me now and again, then I am not doing my job. They will have many friends in their lifetime so what they need from us as their "parents" is like you said, structure, boundaries and they need to know who the parent is. As far as the "sexual experimentation", teenagers will do this whether you find out about it or not so I believe that the best we can do in this situation is give them knowledge (ie. how their bodies work, std's etc ) and make sure they are protected (ie. condoms, pill etc.) I mean who are we kidding? I would rather my children knew what was going on with their bodies, be open and honest with them and perhaps that will be what saves one from having a baby dumped in their lap. Am I crazy for thinking this way?
What????????
Posted by: miah10
Posted on: 2004-11-02 15:34:32
I cannot believe what I am hearing. What is wrong with this mom and her 16 year old daughter. Boyfriend in the room??????? I don't think so. The father was right in doing what he did take the doors off the hindges or better yet no boy company in the bedroom. That just spells disaster. I am sorry that she had to go through such a major surgery at a young age and thank God she survived it. But did this mom stop to think that she is using her illness to get what she wants. She needs to wake up and get a clue. I think her daughter is only doing what she is doing because she knows her mother feels sorry for her. I am not saying that she shouldn't every parent does when their child goes through some type of crisis. But this mom needs to get tough.
Posted by: miah10
Posted on: 2004-11-02 15:34:32
I cannot believe what I am hearing. What is wrong with this mom and her 16 year old daughter. Boyfriend in the room??????? I don't think so. The father was right in doing what he did take the doors off the hindges or better yet no boy company in the bedroom. That just spells disaster. I am sorry that she had to go through such a major surgery at a young age and thank God she survived it. But did this mom stop to think that she is using her illness to get what she wants. She needs to wake up and get a clue. I think her daughter is only doing what she is doing because she knows her mother feels sorry for her. I am not saying that she shouldn't every parent does when their child goes through some type of crisis. But this mom needs to get tough.
