03/25 Kids Ask Dr. Phil

Girls wrestling
Posted by: lowec69
Posted on: 2004-12-07 09:41:13

Hi all. I am a mother of a 13 year old daughter who has been wrestling since she was 7 years old. She loves the sport and we couldnt get her to quit if we paid her too. We have tried the traditional girl sports....horseback riding, gymnastics, cheereleading, and swimming. She does those sports for a season until wrestling comes back around I am so proud of her. She is on the Varsity team in the Junior High and will be the first girl team member on the high school team next year. Yes there has been some sexual harrassment but nothing that we couldnt handle as a family. I do agree that it is unladylike but I have seen a lot of things in todays world that is more unladylike then wrestling and I would much prefer my daughter to wrestle then to do any of those things.
proud femal wrestling mom
Posted by: momfiore3
Posted on: 2004-12-07 10:42:21

Hi I am the mother of a 6 year old girl that has been wrestling since she was four years old. She took second in the state of Ohio last year amongst both male and female wrestlers. She also went to girls national wrestling tournament in Lake Orion Michigan last year she took sixth in the Nation amongst her age and weight bracket. for anyone who has a girl wrestler I strongly recomend getting involved in at least the National tournament which is all girls it is ran by the Uninted States Girls Wrestling Association and takes place in Michigan Every March. It is a very positive experiance and helps these girls to see they are not really all by themselves not to mention the college teams are there and yes there are college girls teams. Last year my daughter met Taccara one of the female Uninted States Wrestling team memebers.
definition of a lady
Posted by: houndmom
Posted on: 2004-12-07 14:20:27

I'm with you. Wrestling may be considered "unladylike." Big deal.

There's more to being a lady than just acting :girly." Some of the "girly" things some teen girls are doing, like running around in public dressed like prostitutes, having oral sex on the school bus, and getting into cliques for the purpose of lording it over other girls are about as far from ladylike as you can get.

If your girl is participating in wrestling with sportsmanship, good humor, and dedication, then she is a lady, at least in my definition.

More power to her!

just one houndmom's opinion
About those girly girls
Posted by: momisme2
Posted on: 2004-12-07 17:39:28

Ok... self admitted girly girl here. Just cant help it. Its how I am and always have been.

Picture this... I give birth to a baby girl. The day I come home from the hospital I run out to the store(the very day! LOL) to go buy her newborn itty bitty dresses with little ruffle butts and hair bows as well. tehe Am so excited to have a little girl to play with and dress up and just have ever so much fun! As she grows, I try getting her to play dollies with me. Uh... NOPE! She doesent want doll babies, she wants science sets. She doesent want china tea parties, she wants a microscope. She doesent want to bake cookies, she wants to catch frogs. HAHA Doesent that just figure?

But you know, the child has taught me a whole lot! Often times I will say something to her about, "Thats not very ladylike..." and she responds, "Well im not very interested, mom. I can do it thats what counts!" Cant tell you the number of times I have told her shes right and im wrong and for her to "Have at it!"

I think the whole wrestling thing(and this coming from a "girly girl") is pretty dang cool! If it was my daughter, I would just love to see her whoop some boys butt on that wrestling mat. Would be cheering her on the whole way!

We may be different then our daughters, mom, but thats ok! Im of the opinion, that they may actually be closer to the truth of it then we are. Support her wishes and route her on. Try not to let who you are interfere with who she is. Always remember(as I have had to do) that even though she is your daughter, it doesent mean she will think and feel the same as you do.

Personaly, im glad my daughter isnt so "girly" and is willing to get down and dirty without any problems. I think thats pretty awesome! (especially when fishing and you need someone to put those squirmy worms on the hook for ya LOL!)
my big fat foofy nightmare
Posted by: houndmom
Posted on: 2004-12-07 19:00:41

Hi, GirlyMom!

Hehe...I was just like your daughter when I was little. When I was born, my mom was the ultimate no-white-shoes-after-Labor-Day girly girl --flouncy skirts, red lipstick, matching sweater sets and nylons with flawlessly straight seams. I know she wanted a little princess to dress up and show off, but alas, it just wasn't in my nature.

I don't think my mother ever forgave me for something I did when I was two or three.

Back in the fifties we had to wear these huge, ridiculously foofy petticoats that made our dresses stand straight out from our sides. As if that wasn't bad enough, they made noise every time we moved and they itched like crazy. Unfortunately, I chose to make my statement of preference on the steps outside our church. Off came the enormous noisy nightmare of a petticoat! Hey, I was on a roll -- off came the pinchy patent-leather Mary Janes with their evil accomplices, the itchy lace-topped socks. I wasn''t too cracked up about the little white gloves either, and they had to go as well. I was working on getting rid of the dress when my father grabbed me and put an end to my statement. My mother just stood there, her flawlessly made-up face frozen in horror as my dad and I (along with half the congregation) laughed like crazy.

Your family sounds great! I would love to be a kid in your house.

:-D

Just one Houndmom who still hasn't stopped marching to a non-foofy drummer
cracking up
Posted by: momisme2
Posted on: 2004-12-08 09:43:04

That is the funniest story! :D You little non conformist! *gigling*

Im a bit flustered to know that you didnt like those lovely petticoats, pretty gloves, lacy white socks, and Mary Janes.

Thats just not right, Houndmom. Im all upset those arent back in style. HAHA
ladylike?
Posted by: jlcrawfo
Posted on: 2004-12-07 15:33:30

Ok-here goes. Why would you put a label on behavior? "ladylike" is not anything real-it's made up. It is terrible that we have categories of "girl behavior" and "boy behavior". Poeple thinkthat boys are born liking football and the color blue(ha!). The catogory of "natural" is a social construct. Parents need to remember this. I would never encourage my daughter to be traditionally "ladylike".It's wrong for far too many reasons and causes too many problems to mention here. Please-focus on raising good people. Away with typical behavior, please!!!!!
ladylike?
Posted by: jlcrawfo
Posted on: 2004-12-07 15:55:08

Ok-here goes. Why would you put a label on behavior? "ladylike" is not anything real-it's made up. It is terrible that we have categories of "girl behavior" and "boy behavior". Poeple thinkthat boys are born liking football and the color blue(ha!). The catogory of "natural" is a social construct. Parents need to remember this. I would never encourage my daughter to be traditionally "ladylike".It's wrong for far too many reasons and causes too many problems to mention here. Please-focus on raising good people. Away with typical behavior, please!!!!!
Dr. Phil
Posted by: gloirify
Posted on: 2004-12-07 10:28:46

Hi my name is Michelle. I live in Broadway, NC and we have two beautiful little boys. I just want to tell you that out of all the people that email you, I hope there are more great ones about you than those who complain. I just watched today's show and you are truly a blessing to all of us who watch you. With the girl who Lost two of her siblings and then mother and father to prison, you could not have been more compassionate and giving with all you have. You have so many resources at your hand and you are not one bit stingy with helping others. Thank you for all that you do and thank you for blessing us every weekday.
Luz
Posted by: pernat
Posted on: 2004-12-07 11:13:23

I just watched the show involving Luz and her siblings. What happened to that family is truly tragic. I supervise Children's Protective Services in Michigan and I wish a call had been made to the local department or the police to intervene on the children's behalf. The father would have been taken out of the home and perhaps Luz could be celebrating her entrance into college with her mother and siblings. She is a remarkable young lady and clearly one of the true survivors that I have seen over the years.
One of the disappointments I have is not getting the message out to young people to tell a teacher or trusted adult about child abuse and don't stop telling until something happens to make it stop. I talk to many groups including teachers about reporting these situations to us and since I have supervised CPS over 15 years we have never had a child die or get injured that we have investigated or provided services to.
abuse
Posted by: bebennett
Posted on: 2004-12-07 19:35:39

I applaud you for the career path you have taken (CPS). It seems that the "system" is working better where you are than it is/has here in Washington State. When I was 12 (24 years ago) I was molested by my stepdad and raped by him. One day, he tied me to my four-poster bed and nearly choked me to death for refusing to allow him to have sex with me. I was 12. That was the last time he ever touched me, but the damage had been done psychologically. Physically, I was not harmed permanently. I did what you say to do; I told an adult. She called CPS. Somehow, my mom knew they were coming and told me to lie about what happened because she said I would never see my younger brother and sister again if I told the truth. I lied and they left and never came back. Now, this is only the sexual abuse, this doesn't address the beatings and being abandoned and malnourished since I was six. I never got counseling and was never allowed to talk about it (as an adult, I do, though).

By the grace of God, I managed to graduate high school and went to college in my mid-twenties. I'm in college again now, too. After hearing Luz's story today, I feel like a whiner for not dealing with my struggles better than I have. My main goal has been to provide as normal of a life as I can for my girls and not subject them to the kind of life I had to lead.

I'm not sure why I've told you all of this; I guess I just wanted you to know that there is so much more going on out there than people realize or can imagine. Those of us that have been abused are really good at hiding it. The signs are there if people look, though. I think many times, people are afraid to see it.

Barb

Keep up the good work and do what you can.
For Barb
Posted by: heartbolts
Posted on: 2004-12-07 20:27:19

I am as touched by our Doctor Phil & Robins show as are many of the viewers,Just like you I to was severely abused,it began at 3,yes 3,years old. I am not going to go threw all of my "FAMILY ABUSERS" but the worst was an Uncle.As soon as I could run I did I ran as far away from the home abuse as I could,unfortunetly,I ran straight into all those bad men awaiting a 14,year old girl on the many streets and towns and places a girl shouldnt of ended up, I also feel just like you all the politics,all those peaole with good intensions and lip services never heard the screams of me and my sisters,those peoples in our system who "Claims to protect"Who always had deaf ears,no matter what letters,or photos,or solid proof of abuse! Cared at all about kids like us,like me and you,and all those still being abused at this very minute,Who this "SYSTEM IS PROTECTING". They are the scarey ones,who claim,to DO A GOOD JOB!For all these political,governmental,state and local agencies,for them its all about fear,either this or they are "just as sick as all those evil pedifiles! our system build prisons to house,hospitals and homes to protect them.O- yeah, they useually build these places in residential neighborhoods, and always near schools,Then work together to "HIDE IT FROM those peoples liveing nextdoor or in the same area.whose the real evil. I could point the finger in so many of the political,govermeental,states,city's and towns"CHILD PROTECTIVE AGENCIES; who seem to just >AID< These "EVIL MONSTERS". But I am Not going there. I just want you to know, Doctor Phils shows effected me in a very similuar manner as it did you,Him and his wife are two of the MOST POSITIVE PEOPLES I have ever come to hear,to know. I only fear for my self,I wont be able to accomplish,learning to be happy,to trust,to function as "NORMAL" as I can, these days I feel all the walls closeing in, I just commend you for continueing onward and upward in your life,You too have come a long ways from those shadows of hells gates,and become a great lady,you will do well in life,I encourage you to continue with your "Personal recovery",I was a kid like you,just quite a few more monsters is all.Its great to see I am not the only one who NEVER GOT HELP< But still WE ARE MAKEING A LIFE For OURSELFS AND OUR FAMILYS,Sincerly Cheyenne of Olympia,Washington.
Irony
Posted by: bebennett
Posted on: 2004-12-07 21:31:45

Cheyenne, the great irony with you and I is that I grew up in Olympia!! I graduated from North Thurston High School in '86. I didn't go into detail about the tragedies in my life, there are many more than I addressed here. I don't blame the governement agencies for what happened to me, that was the responsibility of the people who were supposed to love and protect me. To be honest, I'm not sure my life would have been better had the agencies intervened. I've seen kids who have gone through the foster care system and to be honest, many of them are worse off than I was. The bottom line is that my life was rough, to say the least. On the positive side, it's made me the person that I am and I believe that I'm stronger for it. I survived and I WON! I didn't let them beat me down; they would have won. I have a good life; great daughters (14.5 years and 20 months), a wonderful husband and ex-husband. My ex-husband's family is closer to me than my own, for that, I thank the Lord every day. I know that God never gives us more than we can handle and that everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason in my case is to be able to help others; I don't know, time will tell. The greatest help I've found along the way is just talking about my childhood and my experiences, it makes me feel better and I hope that it lets others know that they aren't alone. I have days that are REALLY tough, but, I take it one day at a time.

Good luck to you and congratulations for making it this far and not letting them win.

God be with you.
Re:Irony
Posted by: heartbolts
Posted on: 2004-12-07 22:11:32

Hello again bebennett,I am "VERY NEW" at this chat room business,I was always afraid to let myself be drawn in for i felt it was too desperate.I know now"ITS A SIGN OF THE TIMES" so I am doing what i feel I must to stay with our times. I was trying "With tons of fears and apprehensions" to send you as much encouragement as one can,for what you have accomplished for yourself in your life;For it is what i to hope to accomplish some day.As well as this girl ( Luz), on the show today; She too is such an inspireation! Thanks.Only for me is getting threw all those "STUPID FEARS WHICH SEEM to FREEZE ME UP".Again I am just sending some encouragements and ,Thanking you too for being so brave,for makeing it and for being here. Have happy holidays,Sincerly new to chat rooms Cheyenne.
Heartbolts
Posted by: bebennett
Posted on: 2004-12-07 23:50:57

Cheyenne, I am new here, too. I've only posted a few messages. I guess I come here to find encouragement, too. We're all human and have weaknesses and need guidance. It helps to know that there are others out there like me (not that it's a good thing, though!). It also helps to know that maybe what I've been through might help someone else. I strive each day to be a better person, to make something of myself and my life. I've found that when you want to make changes or have a goal in mind, you surround yourself with people who are where you want to go and learn from them. I think that's what's gotten me through so far; seeing people who I perceived as role models, something very different than what I knew but was closer to who and what I wanted to be. I think you can use your tragedy to your advantage because there's not much else the world can throw at you that is much harder than what you've been through. As fire hardens steel and makes it stronger, your life will make you stronger, if you let it. Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from making positive changes in your life. YOU can do ANYTHING if you put your mind to it. If you succeed in life, those who tried to put you down will fail. Don't let them win!
Dear Barb
Posted by: janecool
Posted on: 2004-12-07 21:44:47

Im not sure why you posted what you did either but can i just say, thank you. I was physically abused by my younger brother, sexually abused by my older brother. Emotionally abused by my mom and my dad, well, he was passive and just went along with mom. Back in those days, 70's, where i grew up, you did not dare take family business outside of the home no matter what it was. Wouldnt have matter, i was too scared to tell anyway. The fear of telling and ending up still in that home scared me into being silent. But it left me scared in everyway. I internalized what happened and came to the conclusion I just was not worth protecting or loving. I just wasnt worth anything. I dreamed of the day i turned 18 so i could leave that home and never look back. My vision of the real world outside my home was a safe place. I quickly found out i was wrong. For me there is no safe place. If I had only a fraction of the strength Luz had maybe i could have gotten my life back on track.Being sexually abused is horrible and even the physical beatings i took but nothing hurts or has damaged me as much as my own mom not loving me or protecting me. She sure did a good job with my brothers. So, i just wanted to say i could relate to your story and wish you all the best. Oh by the way, i have 2 sons and i broke the cycle the second i saw their sweet innocent little face.
Re;janecool
Posted by: heartbolts
Posted on: 2004-12-07 22:21:31

Hello,Janecool, as I said to this other nice lady befor you I am very new at chat rooms and I don't mean "any harm too any one. I AM ONLY WORKING THREW MY LIFE ON LIFES TERMS, I can also"really relate to so very many topics" AT DOCTOR Phil's shows on his web-sites. Which have compelled me to actually join onto chat rooms;to work threw,to be a part of these solutions instead of the problems. With all of that being said, Thanks to for shareing, I can say this little bit,My father,my great grandfather( Who was a cop)my granfather,my uncle and my brother ALL On my FATHERS SIDE,along with countless others who followed into abuseing me & my sisters,With RAPES
Janecool
Posted by: bebennett
Posted on: 2004-12-07 23:40:08

I can so relate to your situation, having also grown up in the 70's (I'm 36). My family was similar in that you "don't air your dirty laundry in public". The difference is that my parents were divorced, which carries with it a whole different set of baggage and traumas. I too thought the outside world would be better than it was at home, and in some ways it was. In some ways, it was just as bad, but, the difference was that I was doing the abusing to myself by getting in relationships for the wrong reason and looking for the security and love that I never got at home. I have lived a life of self-destructive behavior because I have never learned how to love myself (just my theory). I still have a highly dysfunctional relationship with my parents, who just blame each other for the dysfunction when we were growing up and have never taken responsibility for their own actions. I am not able to have a relationship with them because they treat me the same as they did then and I know I deserve better than that. I have let them know what I need from them and they're not willing to make those changes; it's their loss. I have two wonderful daughters and my parents are missing out on seeing them grow up, but, I feel that my kids are better off not being exposed to the dysfunction that my parents live. It's up to us to break that cycle and I am trying every day to make sure that happens. You are so worth having a wonderful life and being loved. I have learned that it doesn't matter how much someone else tells me they love me if I don't believe it myself. There is a safe place for you, just keep looking; whether it's a friend, boyfriend, husband, or church. Don't give up. You ARE worth loving and protecting; you have to believe that, then it will happen.
Re;bebennett/janecool
Posted by: heartbolts
Posted on: 2004-12-08 01:18:56

I can't agree more,about searching out new ways to find (Unknowingly at that time)to find other means of filling up all these holes in me hart,I to went down so-very mant wrong paths includeing but not limited to self destruction,,only to find some of these roads lead straoight back to those monsters I was trying to ut run. I can only thank "MY GOD" for those first AA,then later on those NA, meetings which I found "lots of warmth from the cold,food for free,and even some help and support from some of there many programs". Wow !as I sit here writeing to you my heart is terrifyed,I cant say truely why,But feeling that ther really is some one wanting to share with me too; for the first time in my life "IS SCAREY" Let me get back on track then I will feel more confident; I can really realate to (your therory) on self love,I feel for myself to its one of the "BIGGEST challenges I have ever had to conqure! No I am still working on the conquering it part,Hey! here is something I was told once;(Maybe this would help you as it has me;) Look into a mirror at least two or three time a day for like 30 daystelling yourself you "Love"youself;then only once or twice a day for another 30 days,untill you can at least "BELIEVE YOU NOW LIKE YOUR SELF". I know it sound a bit off the wall,an silly. To do this should help in the acknowledging you are worth this self love.I always laugh, I can only do it like once every two years then I laugh or cry or both.I hope it works for you,You have gotten a LOT FURTHER then I have >I still awake most nights to those "MONSTERS WHO STILL HAUNT ME IN MY DREAMS I too have done my part to let my only parent,my mother know what I need and exspect from her,However after learning about her child hood,I can see & Know she is to damaged to come back,or chooses not to?? I just know I can only be a example for her in my working threw lifes set backs,and moveing forward,But so far she just keeps sinking deeper,at times she feels so far away,I long so to pull her back.I just call her more,and more; and pray harder for her these days too. I have two daughters too.But they have already been exsposed.I feel so out numberedby all these scar's and set backs too.,Also by my brothers; and sisters. I am only one,I do want you to know I am still to this day breaking those disfunctional patterns as best I can,I am only capeable of so much! and these days I am so "TIRED" SO DRAWN OUT from trying to play 'GOD" And save my family,my daughters,myself.It just gets so exhausting! We have all suffered an somehow gotten threw though?I have suffered tremendouseely too.As they have.My daughters are growing up so fast,I have good relations with them to,just long distance now,which is lonely at times.I am "PROUD TO KNOW YOU" That you like me are succesfully breaking those cycles as I am.Thanks for shareing with me,I think I really need to learn how to shorten these messages."Keep believeing in your self,This gives me HOPE & Strength to ,who knows maybe some day I to will learn to love myself.I am still a work in progress,LOL.Its so nice to know I am not alone,I will take your advice I will find as much love and protection as I can in, my new fiance,which by the way is a saint,from heaven above,he seems to be just what the soul doctor ordered for this crazy lil red head! He is 6-4,with blonde hair &blue eyes,that melted my heart the first time I met him.I am 5,feet green/blue eyes,He is german, I am Irish/Cherokee Indian.He is mentally,spiritually,and "WOW" Physically fit to.He has been my rock for the pst year and a half.Thanks for all the great advice,For your sweet encouragements too,For being a warm,friendly kind careing person,that you are.You and your two daughters have a warm,Happy Christmas full of new memories and presents,full of love,protection,and true serinity. It was nice to talk to you,sincelry a work in progress,Cheyenne
Re;pernat of CPS,in Michigan
Posted by: heartbolts
Posted on: 2004-12-08 00:24:54

I doubt you would tell anyone about the "TRUTHS of CPS&Welfare's"in every state!Doctor Phil is WHO HELPED This Girl Luz,NOT CPS, They had already turned there "deaf ears and blind eyes! as they ALWAYS HAVE DONE!" Or this girl Luz wouldnt be on the doctor Phil show.I was Unfortunetly, along with my 5,brothers and sisters awarded to your a CPS "PROTECTIVE"custody services!They just took us from my mother. Who was the good parent,They took us (Because some one had spread a rumour)The very first thingthey did is seperate all of us too!We couldnt bare the added abuse from CPS and Welfar system,THAT HAS NEVER WORKED.We beat out all there lame stradgities for keeping us locked away in there lies,In the grip your system had on us.We all ran back to Our mother.We all grew up to be good kids.You say right here in your words(since I have been supervisor of CPS for 15 years,that you have NEVER had a child die or get injured!that you have investigated.) I KNOW CPS & Welfare,ARE NOT BEING TRUTHFUL.We all know you are a big part of the PROBLEM NOT THE SOLUTION!The TRUTH is all the CPS'S NEED REFORM DESPERATLEY!This is the TRUTH.It's NOT CPS or WELFARE WHO HELP women & children,in tragic,situations,its the ones who swing into action,those who have been there,not those who pay lip services,who turn deaf ears & eyes to the abuse.Its saints like Doctor Phil & Robin, and all those others who STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND >>>DO<.Thanks Doctor Phil and all those REAL HEROS WORKING OUT THERE FOR US< GOD BLESS YOU AND HAVE HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS> Sincelry active in all lifes challenges Cheyenne