05/18 'Get Off My Back!'
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Posted by: camachobnb
Posted on: 2005-05-18 08:43:38
Even looking at your face, we can tell the big difference. Congratulations you are a very courageous man, not only for facing your problem and willing to work on it, but also because you realized you have a great woman by your side and a great kid!!!Keep the good job.
Posted by: camachobnb
Posted on: 2005-05-18 08:43:38
Even looking at your face, we can tell the big difference. Congratulations you are a very courageous man, not only for facing your problem and willing to work on it, but also because you realized you have a great woman by your side and a great kid!!!Keep the good job.
I'am with you
Posted by: blondie880
Posted on: 2005-05-18 10:11:32
I think Mike has come a long way. I was in a situation similar to theirs, but not as extreme. My husband never admitted that he was that way. Now we are divorced. He left me for another woman after 30 yrs of marriage. I guess I never did meet his way of life. Don't let this happen to you. Mike you have come a long way, but please keep it going.
Posted by: blondie880
Posted on: 2005-05-18 10:11:32
I think Mike has come a long way. I was in a situation similar to theirs, but not as extreme. My husband never admitted that he was that way. Now we are divorced. He left me for another woman after 30 yrs of marriage. I guess I never did meet his way of life. Don't let this happen to you. Mike you have come a long way, but please keep it going.
Progress
Posted by: k9sedona
Posted on: 2005-05-18 16:35:01
Saw the show today and I applaud the progress you have both made
I just want to comment that it takes two to tango and while Mike has at the very least, seen some light (you go boy), I hope Deanne also steps up to the plate assertively - not over board, but like you said - in a place where you can agree to disagree.
Partnerships are about each other - offering and supporting strength and passion and COMPASSION. Involve that dear son of yours so he will offer the right slant to his mate in life. You guys stand a chance - go there with enthusiasm!
Jan - Canada
Posted by: k9sedona
Posted on: 2005-05-18 16:35:01
Saw the show today and I applaud the progress you have both made
I just want to comment that it takes two to tango and while Mike has at the very least, seen some light (you go boy), I hope Deanne also steps up to the plate assertively - not over board, but like you said - in a place where you can agree to disagree.
Partnerships are about each other - offering and supporting strength and passion and COMPASSION. Involve that dear son of yours so he will offer the right slant to his mate in life. You guys stand a chance - go there with enthusiasm!
Jan - Canada
Mike... you made my week!!
Posted by: cinemaven
Posted on: 2005-05-18 15:16:28
I remember how horrified I was watching the first show. Deanna seemed like such a good person so I assumed there had to be a reason why she chose you but it looked like something had gone very wrong. To me, you appeared to be someone who acted like a spoiled child.
Now I really understand what she saw in you. Your willingness to change sends the best possible message to your children.
You look... younger, happier, more content. I don't think how life was before was doing much for you and now, you have the look of someone whos life is good. It's very gratifying to see.
I hope you're as proud as you should be of yourself. It took the courage of a real man to go on the show and even more courage to look so deeply inside yourself and decide to change.
Posted by: cinemaven
Posted on: 2005-05-18 15:16:28
I remember how horrified I was watching the first show. Deanna seemed like such a good person so I assumed there had to be a reason why she chose you but it looked like something had gone very wrong. To me, you appeared to be someone who acted like a spoiled child.
Now I really understand what she saw in you. Your willingness to change sends the best possible message to your children.
You look... younger, happier, more content. I don't think how life was before was doing much for you and now, you have the look of someone whos life is good. It's very gratifying to see.
I hope you're as proud as you should be of yourself. It took the courage of a real man to go on the show and even more courage to look so deeply inside yourself and decide to change.
Oh Happy Day
Posted by: teriwitte
Posted on: 2005-05-18 16:24:32
Congratulations Mike! I didn't see the first show, but wow, you impressed me. I am happy for you and your family. I wish you both God's Blessings.
Posted by: teriwitte
Posted on: 2005-05-18 16:24:32
Congratulations Mike! I didn't see the first show, but wow, you impressed me. I am happy for you and your family. I wish you both God's Blessings.
wow..................
Posted by: starling37
Posted on: 2005-05-18 17:17:02
What a turn around. I'm happy for you both and especially your children. I also think Dr. Phil is a Hero for putting topics like this on television, maybe it will help another family. Susie, Mi.
Posted by: starling37
Posted on: 2005-05-18 17:17:02
What a turn around. I'm happy for you both and especially your children. I also think Dr. Phil is a Hero for putting topics like this on television, maybe it will help another family. Susie, Mi.
It definitely is helping others
Posted by: watts91463
Posted on: 2005-05-18 19:23:41
My sister-in-law is going through a very difficult time with my brother. She and I saw the show when it first aired and were blown away by the uncanny similarities b/w Mike and my brother. But my brother is FAR more toxic - and he's LOUD and mean. She has 4 kids under age 8 (youngest is 2). She is called names, criticized, hen-pecked, yelled at, and has developed a skin picking habit from his constant badgering and stress. She showed him the tape about Mike, and he made a few jokes that "it did remind him a bit of himself" - but of course, dismissed it quickly and has continued the behavior. Because of Dr. Phil's shows (and similar topics on Oprah)...my sister-in-law is finally getting them into counseling next week - but there is a very long road ahead and we have no evidence that he will even stick with it. She is of the mindset that pulling herself and kids out of the home would do a disservice to them. I disagree, but can't change her - so at the very least I have been sharing these programs with her in hopes she'd get them to counseling. Frankly - Mike amazed me - he has come a long way in a short time!! I'm happy for he and his family. He is to be commended because changing lifelong attitudes and behaviors IS "work." Keep it up Mike. I hope my brother will watch the follow-up show and seek help before he does more damage to his kids. They are awesome little kids but the damage is already becoming visible.
Posted by: watts91463
Posted on: 2005-05-18 19:23:41
My sister-in-law is going through a very difficult time with my brother. She and I saw the show when it first aired and were blown away by the uncanny similarities b/w Mike and my brother. But my brother is FAR more toxic - and he's LOUD and mean. She has 4 kids under age 8 (youngest is 2). She is called names, criticized, hen-pecked, yelled at, and has developed a skin picking habit from his constant badgering and stress. She showed him the tape about Mike, and he made a few jokes that "it did remind him a bit of himself" - but of course, dismissed it quickly and has continued the behavior. Because of Dr. Phil's shows (and similar topics on Oprah)...my sister-in-law is finally getting them into counseling next week - but there is a very long road ahead and we have no evidence that he will even stick with it. She is of the mindset that pulling herself and kids out of the home would do a disservice to them. I disagree, but can't change her - so at the very least I have been sharing these programs with her in hopes she'd get them to counseling. Frankly - Mike amazed me - he has come a long way in a short time!! I'm happy for he and his family. He is to be commended because changing lifelong attitudes and behaviors IS "work." Keep it up Mike. I hope my brother will watch the follow-up show and seek help before he does more damage to his kids. They are awesome little kids but the damage is already becoming visible.
YOU ROCK MIKE
Posted by: sjw_0821
Posted on: 2005-05-18 17:51:49
Hey Mike,
It sounds like you read these messages so I wanted to say sorry of the hurtful things that people have said to you. Sometimes emotions run high and then out of a moment and feelings people say things they didn't really mean. Anyway congratulations to you!!
Posted by: sjw_0821
Posted on: 2005-05-18 17:51:49
Hey Mike,
It sounds like you read these messages so I wanted to say sorry of the hurtful things that people have said to you. Sometimes emotions run high and then out of a moment and feelings people say things they didn't really mean. Anyway congratulations to you!!
YOU ROCK MIKE
Posted by: susancains
Posted on: 2005-05-18 18:37:40
Congratulations to you Mike for being willing to "step up to the plate" and taking ownership of your issues (which were planted in you without your knowledge). Keep up the good work and both you AND your wife keep communicating. The most beautiful result of your changes is YOUR WONDERFUL SON'S feeling and seeing your love. Thank you Mike. Now YOU are able to benefit from his love.
Posted by: susancains
Posted on: 2005-05-18 18:37:40
Congratulations to you Mike for being willing to "step up to the plate" and taking ownership of your issues (which were planted in you without your knowledge). Keep up the good work and both you AND your wife keep communicating. The most beautiful result of your changes is YOUR WONDERFUL SON'S feeling and seeing your love. Thank you Mike. Now YOU are able to benefit from his love.
Great going, Mike!!
Posted by: deanva1234
Posted on: 2005-05-18 19:26:40
Mike, Having seen the first show I was convinced there was no hope that you'd take a hard look at yourself, but boy was I ever wrong. You've made amazing progress and should be extremely proud of yourself. You look so much happier and content. I had a similar wake-up call years ago thanks to my wife. It's painful and shameful to face those entrenched behaviors inherited from our parents but good for you for being brave enough and caring enough of yourself and your family to head down a new and better road!
Posted by: deanva1234
Posted on: 2005-05-18 19:26:40
Mike, Having seen the first show I was convinced there was no hope that you'd take a hard look at yourself, but boy was I ever wrong. You've made amazing progress and should be extremely proud of yourself. You look so much happier and content. I had a similar wake-up call years ago thanks to my wife. It's painful and shameful to face those entrenched behaviors inherited from our parents but good for you for being brave enough and caring enough of yourself and your family to head down a new and better road!
Amazed =)
Posted by: emily_ca
Posted on: 2005-05-18 19:53:54
I am absolutely amazed at Mike's transformation. I totally agree, you can see that his face and eyes have softened to reveal the REAL man beneath the "tough guy" facade.
Mike, what an awesome thing you have done, not just for your wife and children but also for yourself! I don't know you, but when I saw your story I just felt so proud of you and I am truly in awe of your change. Mike you are the definition of a REAL man, one who loves his wife and wants to stay in his marriage and be a great dad to his children. I think that there will be a lot of men who will be inspired by your story, and who will see that they and their family will be SO much happier if they let go of their controlling ways.
Congratulations to you and your wife for staying together. You made the right decision. I hope and pray your love for each other grows more every day, and your bond grows even closer.
What a beautiful couple, inside and out. =)
Posted by: emily_ca
Posted on: 2005-05-18 19:53:54
I am absolutely amazed at Mike's transformation. I totally agree, you can see that his face and eyes have softened to reveal the REAL man beneath the "tough guy" facade.
Mike, what an awesome thing you have done, not just for your wife and children but also for yourself! I don't know you, but when I saw your story I just felt so proud of you and I am truly in awe of your change. Mike you are the definition of a REAL man, one who loves his wife and wants to stay in his marriage and be a great dad to his children. I think that there will be a lot of men who will be inspired by your story, and who will see that they and their family will be SO much happier if they let go of their controlling ways.
Congratulations to you and your wife for staying together. You made the right decision. I hope and pray your love for each other grows more every day, and your bond grows even closer.
What a beautiful couple, inside and out. =)
Keep Up the Faith
Posted by: mystic8
Posted on: 2005-05-19 09:08:26
Mike and Deanna, I could see yesterday that you do love each other; it's all over your faces. And Mike your face was so much more relaxed and pleasant looking than the first time I saw you as the "I'm the man in the Family" attitude. Wow what a difference. You must see that your attitude change has made you more relaxed and at peace with yourself. Therefore, more safe at home for everyone!
I pray that you both will continue to appreciate one another and respect each other. It's OK to be the man of the family but there is a "partnership" between a man and a woman that is much more important to make a marriage work. Keep up with your communication and go to church. Believe me it definitly puts some closeness in to our familys. You'll both become stronger with God in your lives. Have Faith and Faith will become you.
Deanna, when that firt disagreement comes and it will; don't back down. Say what you feel. Nothing will get resolved if you don't tell the truth. That's one thing that makes us strong in my own marriage. He may not like what I have to say but he listens, and vice versa. Afterall that's what a partnership is all about.
Hey we work together too. We have our own business. Try working and living together. It's twice as hard. Because you see each other all of the time! We have a Syrup Farm and we are 30 mins from the nearest town where there are stores and people, ha, ha. Believe me it's trying. But I have found that our belief in God, going to church together and talking openly and honestly keeps us going.
And yes, most importantly, set some time aside for just the two of you to share some intimate, quality time together. It's that closeness and love that outshines anything else. And that's what you son needs to see is that closeness.
We sometimes get too busy here and guess what we get cranky like Dr. Phil says and then we ask ourselves "when was the last time we made love and spent some intimate time together" Hello?? He's right on the money, I had to laugh at that one.
Well, I've said enough. But Mike I am so... Proud of you! Please keep it up because you have a very attrative, smart, loving woman at your side. Believe me you want to keep her because the grass is not greener without her. Cherish each other and love that little, healthy, normal boy you have. You have much to be grateful for.
God Bless,
Susan - U. P. Michigan
Posted by: mystic8
Posted on: 2005-05-19 09:08:26
Mike and Deanna, I could see yesterday that you do love each other; it's all over your faces. And Mike your face was so much more relaxed and pleasant looking than the first time I saw you as the "I'm the man in the Family" attitude. Wow what a difference. You must see that your attitude change has made you more relaxed and at peace with yourself. Therefore, more safe at home for everyone!
I pray that you both will continue to appreciate one another and respect each other. It's OK to be the man of the family but there is a "partnership" between a man and a woman that is much more important to make a marriage work. Keep up with your communication and go to church. Believe me it definitly puts some closeness in to our familys. You'll both become stronger with God in your lives. Have Faith and Faith will become you.
Deanna, when that firt disagreement comes and it will; don't back down. Say what you feel. Nothing will get resolved if you don't tell the truth. That's one thing that makes us strong in my own marriage. He may not like what I have to say but he listens, and vice versa. Afterall that's what a partnership is all about.
Hey we work together too. We have our own business. Try working and living together. It's twice as hard. Because you see each other all of the time! We have a Syrup Farm and we are 30 mins from the nearest town where there are stores and people, ha, ha. Believe me it's trying. But I have found that our belief in God, going to church together and talking openly and honestly keeps us going.
And yes, most importantly, set some time aside for just the two of you to share some intimate, quality time together. It's that closeness and love that outshines anything else. And that's what you son needs to see is that closeness.
We sometimes get too busy here and guess what we get cranky like Dr. Phil says and then we ask ourselves "when was the last time we made love and spent some intimate time together" Hello?? He's right on the money, I had to laugh at that one.
Well, I've said enough. But Mike I am so... Proud of you! Please keep it up because you have a very attrative, smart, loving woman at your side. Believe me you want to keep her because the grass is not greener without her. Cherish each other and love that little, healthy, normal boy you have. You have much to be grateful for.
God Bless,
Susan - U. P. Michigan
Posted by: stacey209
Posted on: 2005-05-20 08:29:43
What was the name of the first show about this? I would like to read them message boards. I missed the first show. Thank you.
Mike's done great
Posted by: ukcatfan82
Posted on: 2005-05-19 14:21:02
I'm so happy to see that Mike has changed so much for the better. He's a different man and, thanks to him, his family has a bright future. Great job, Mike, great job.
Posted by: ukcatfan82
Posted on: 2005-05-19 14:21:02
I'm so happy to see that Mike has changed so much for the better. He's a different man and, thanks to him, his family has a bright future. Great job, Mike, great job.
hooray!
Posted by: dogboci
Posted on: 2005-05-21 11:52:41
What a turn-around!! Proud of you!!!!! I hope you have a deep understanding of how hard this is , but now you will be viewed and loved by your family the way you should......The old person that you were could only be viewed with resentment and in time everyone would have abandoned you. It's great to see a man admit he has shortcomings and deal with them before it's too late.
Posted by: dogboci
Posted on: 2005-05-21 11:52:41
What a turn-around!! Proud of you!!!!! I hope you have a deep understanding of how hard this is , but now you will be viewed and loved by your family the way you should......The old person that you were could only be viewed with resentment and in time everyone would have abandoned you. It's great to see a man admit he has shortcomings and deal with them before it's too late.
congratulations mike!
Posted by: mamadeann
Posted on: 2005-05-21 15:11:41
mike..wow! what a turn around! I'm so glad for you and deanna.
keep up the great work. I'm so happy for you!
that's great for you and your family, I hope you two continue to grow and do great as a couple and as a family
Posted by: mamadeann
Posted on: 2005-05-21 15:11:41
mike..wow! what a turn around! I'm so glad for you and deanna.
keep up the great work. I'm so happy for you!
that's great for you and your family, I hope you two continue to grow and do great as a couple and as a family
Mike, I apologize to you!
Posted by: landersen
Posted on: 2005-05-21 23:02:41
I am guilty of judging you as a "big jerk" based on the 1st show. When I saw that you were going to be on the show again, there was no doubt in my mind that your wife came to her senses & was in the processing of moving on with her life without you. Congratulations on "owning" the problem and making a positive change to improve the quality of the family relationship. You will still face challenges in the future, but you have taken a quantum leap in the right direction! I know now that you will be successful in breaking the negative cycle of behavior that you were brought up with!
Posted by: landersen
Posted on: 2005-05-21 23:02:41
I am guilty of judging you as a "big jerk" based on the 1st show. When I saw that you were going to be on the show again, there was no doubt in my mind that your wife came to her senses & was in the processing of moving on with her life without you. Congratulations on "owning" the problem and making a positive change to improve the quality of the family relationship. You will still face challenges in the future, but you have taken a quantum leap in the right direction! I know now that you will be successful in breaking the negative cycle of behavior that you were brought up with!
Let them make their own mistakes
Posted by: merganthe
Posted on: 2005-05-18 08:56:42
Dear Tia,
When I saw today's episode, I just couldn't believe it. You are a middle school teacher who wants her children to be perfectly scheduled little adults. Kids don't work that way. I'm suprised you didn't realize that long ago from your years with other people's kids.
I really hope that you took Dr Phil's advice and chose to lighten things up. This could have been taped months ago, so I don't know how long this has been.
I thought Dr Phil made some wonderful points, especially referring to Inner & Outer locus of control. The other item he didn't mention is that if they don't make mistakes and learn from them while they are young... situations that arise after they are grown and don't have your authority telling them how they should act, could implode on them.
Perfection is impossible to attain in basically anything. The time to learn that is from childhood. Not adulthood when it's harder to roll with the punches. I know too many easily discouraged individuals who had things smoothed over by parents when they were young.
As far as scheduling your children's careers, marriages, & future... let them do that. Be supportive of what each one decides. You're their mother, not their life planner. If your daughter decides to become a doctor and a son becomes a teacher, don't discourage it. It's not your life, it's your child's life.
My mother was also a teacher. Because of my brother's disabilities, she became his teacher after he came home from school each day for speech, reading, and life skills. Her goal was for him to be able to support himself independently and not be institutionalized.
She was successful, but at a price. He doesn't see her as a loving parent, but a bossy authoritarian figure to constantly rebel against. It doesn't matter that he's almost 50, he still holds lots of resentment that she wasn't a 'normal' mother. They barely have a relationship, but she's proud that he is an independent adult with his own goals and dreams.
Be a mother to your children....Don't be a teacher at home (and I"m not saying that parents don't teach-- just leave the job behind at the bell). Both of my parents were professional teachers. Have some sympathy for your kids. Being a FacBrat is not the easiest thing in the world.
good luck,
M
Posted by: merganthe
Posted on: 2005-05-18 08:56:42
Dear Tia,
When I saw today's episode, I just couldn't believe it. You are a middle school teacher who wants her children to be perfectly scheduled little adults. Kids don't work that way. I'm suprised you didn't realize that long ago from your years with other people's kids.
I really hope that you took Dr Phil's advice and chose to lighten things up. This could have been taped months ago, so I don't know how long this has been.
I thought Dr Phil made some wonderful points, especially referring to Inner & Outer locus of control. The other item he didn't mention is that if they don't make mistakes and learn from them while they are young... situations that arise after they are grown and don't have your authority telling them how they should act, could implode on them.
Perfection is impossible to attain in basically anything. The time to learn that is from childhood. Not adulthood when it's harder to roll with the punches. I know too many easily discouraged individuals who had things smoothed over by parents when they were young.
As far as scheduling your children's careers, marriages, & future... let them do that. Be supportive of what each one decides. You're their mother, not their life planner. If your daughter decides to become a doctor and a son becomes a teacher, don't discourage it. It's not your life, it's your child's life.
My mother was also a teacher. Because of my brother's disabilities, she became his teacher after he came home from school each day for speech, reading, and life skills. Her goal was for him to be able to support himself independently and not be institutionalized.
She was successful, but at a price. He doesn't see her as a loving parent, but a bossy authoritarian figure to constantly rebel against. It doesn't matter that he's almost 50, he still holds lots of resentment that she wasn't a 'normal' mother. They barely have a relationship, but she's proud that he is an independent adult with his own goals and dreams.
Be a mother to your children....Don't be a teacher at home (and I"m not saying that parents don't teach-- just leave the job behind at the bell). Both of my parents were professional teachers. Have some sympathy for your kids. Being a FacBrat is not the easiest thing in the world.
good luck,
M
You Are So Right
Posted by: kheldman
Posted on: 2005-05-18 14:54:29
I just don't understand how Tia can be like this!! These kids need to be able to grow up and have fun along the way. If I would tell any one of my boys "What about the other two shots you missed", I would feel terrible not to mentioned how they would feel,it would tear them up inside. Nobody is perfect, be proud of children and don't push them to be better. Tia, you even said that when you were in school your grades were between 80-100% and yet you say that's not good enough for your children, that they have to do better. I'm with your husband when he said that you were crazy. Let them grow up and enjoy themselves,let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. Let them have a chance to be their own person and have their own identity.And another thing another bad mistake that you can do Tia is to pick a wife for them. We live in the US not a foreign country. That's just not normal these days.
Posted by: kheldman
Posted on: 2005-05-18 14:54:29
I just don't understand how Tia can be like this!! These kids need to be able to grow up and have fun along the way. If I would tell any one of my boys "What about the other two shots you missed", I would feel terrible not to mentioned how they would feel,it would tear them up inside. Nobody is perfect, be proud of children and don't push them to be better. Tia, you even said that when you were in school your grades were between 80-100% and yet you say that's not good enough for your children, that they have to do better. I'm with your husband when he said that you were crazy. Let them grow up and enjoy themselves,let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. Let them have a chance to be their own person and have their own identity.And another thing another bad mistake that you can do Tia is to pick a wife for them. We live in the US not a foreign country. That's just not normal these days.
Oh Tia Tia
Posted by: amy1918
Posted on: 2005-05-18 15:28:55
Sweetie! I know that your intentions are
good and I laud you for being interested
and concerned about your children. MORE
people need to be. But..my Dad is like
you. If I got 97% on a test,he would ask
"What happened to the other 3%?" He is still
critical. I am still feeling like I am not
good enough. I am not a victim,I take full
responsibility for my feelings,etc..but DAMN
do I have a hard time getting past all the
negative junk that was heaped on me. It was
negative in the same way that you are doing
it. Perfection he demanded and we always
failed. ALWAYS. No one is perfect. No one.
My siblings are also struggling with this.
LADY! Give your kids a break! If you want
any kind of relationship with them when they
are grown,STOP the MADNESS!! They are not
going to willingly come for Sunday dinner
in 10 years if you keep it up. I do think
that you mean well..just...WOW are you tough
on your sweet husband Scott and those
precious kids!!!
Posted by: amy1918
Posted on: 2005-05-18 15:28:55
Sweetie! I know that your intentions are
good and I laud you for being interested
and concerned about your children. MORE
people need to be. But..my Dad is like
you. If I got 97% on a test,he would ask
"What happened to the other 3%?" He is still
critical. I am still feeling like I am not
good enough. I am not a victim,I take full
responsibility for my feelings,etc..but DAMN
do I have a hard time getting past all the
negative junk that was heaped on me. It was
negative in the same way that you are doing
it. Perfection he demanded and we always
failed. ALWAYS. No one is perfect. No one.
My siblings are also struggling with this.
LADY! Give your kids a break! If you want
any kind of relationship with them when they
are grown,STOP the MADNESS!! They are not
going to willingly come for Sunday dinner
in 10 years if you keep it up. I do think
that you mean well..just...WOW are you tough
on your sweet husband Scott and those
precious kids!!!
