"You're Not Hot Enough"
April 10, 2014
Jerame says his wife, Jessica, has let herself go — and his attraction toward her has fizzled. Jessica says between being the primary breadwinner and raising two kids, she’s too exhausted to worry about her appearance — and Jerame’s snide comments don’t help. Dr. Phil calls in “the big guns” — his wife, Robin — to help the couple get back on track. She has some stern words for Jeremy, who admits he can be insensitive, and important advice for Jessica about making herself a priority. Then, Robin whisks Jessica backstage for a confidence-boosting makeover, including a pampering facial with products from her new skincare line, Robin McGraw Revelation. How will Jerame react to Jessica's brand new look?
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From Sizzle to FizzleJerame says his wife was "smoking hot" back in high school, but now, a decade later, he says she has let herself go, and his attraction toward her has fizzled. "I definitely miss the way she looked in high school. There were a lot of guys chasing after her," Jerame says. "She was 18, very vibrant, a lot of spirit, athletic." He adds, "I’ve always been attracted to physically fit women. Right now, no, I’m not attracted to her size."
Jessica recalls, "Jerame used to show me off in the early days. I was the young, hot girl. He seemed really proud of me." Jessica says now she's a "frazzled mom," too exhausted from working full-time and caring for two kids to worry about her appearance. She says she used to go to the gym, but claims Jerame would get mad at her for taking time away from the family. "I feel ashamed when Jerame and I are in public," Jessica confides. "If I grab for his hand, I'm wondering if he'll hold my hand. A lot of times, he'll avoid me completely in a social setting."
Jessica and Jerame say they've been sleeping in separate bedrooms for about a year. "The last time we had sex was actually last night," Jerame says. "It was kind of like work — unfulfilling. It’s a lot like a job."
Sarcastic JeremyJessica says Jerame doesn't hold back when sharing his feelings about her appearance — and his comments have deflated her self-esteem. "Out of the 10 years Jerame and I have been together, I’ve been self-conscious about my weight for nine of them," she says. "His comments always keep me wondering whether or not he'll stay." Jessica continues, "Jerame will test me with candy or chips. He’ll ask me if I’d like some, and I’ll say, ‘no.' He’ll laugh and tell me I passed. I hate that he does that to me."
Jerame says he keeps up his appearance, and he expects Jessica to do the same. "Every year, she seems to lose weight and then gain it back," he comments. "After we got married, I told her if you get over 200 pounds, I’ll divorce you. I was joking, but in a way, I was kind of serious." Jerame admits that he's a sarcastic guy and sometimes makes rude comments to Jessica. "I'll say ‘Should I hide this bag of Cheetos?' he says. "I think being overweight is a sign of laziness."
Dr. Phil asks Jerame, "How’s that working for you?"
“Obviously, my approach is not working," he admits.
“It’s not working," Jessica says. "Our marriage is great when I’m small, and then when I start gaining weight or eating more, he’ll comment and put me down and say, ‘Are we going to go through this again?'"
Jessica replies, "I don’t like myself in clothes. I don’t like to look in the mirror. We haven’t had a family picture in years, because I don't want to take a picture. I don't want to know what I look like."
Help from RobinJessica admits she's not a "girly girl" and lacks a personal sense of style. "I wear sweat pants, pajamas, my hair in a ponytail. I never take time for myself," she confesses. "If we run out of shampoo, I'll use the kids' two-in-one shampoo. I borrow make-up from my mom." Jessica says she admires Dr. Phil's wife, Robin, who seems to have it all together. "I think she's strong. She's in charge of what she wants to be," Jessica says.
Onstage, Dr. Phil introduces Robin. "It really breaks my heart to hear what you go through and listen to from your husband," Robin says. "I think he says horrible things, and I don't think a woman should ever have to hear those things from the man who is supposed to love and support and nurture you." She continues, "I think you’re a beautiful woman. I just want to do whatever I can to help you take your power back as a woman."
"I want it back," Jessica says tearfully. "I want to feel strong again.”
Robin tells Jessica, "I hate to say it, but you are a good bad example of women who put themselves at the bottom of the list." She explains that her own mother did the same, and at 58, she passed away suddenly from undiagnosed heart disease. "When I lost my mother, at that very moment, I had a revelation," Robin recalls. "I made a promise that I was going to take the very best care of myself that I could, not only for myself, but for my family." She continues, "Taking care of ourselves on the outside is just as important as taking care of our inner health, so I have devoted the last three years to developing something I'm really proud of — it's my new skincare line, Robin McGraw Revelation."
The Big RevealBack onstage, Dr. Phil says to Jerame, "I don’t think you are an evil guy with an evil agenda, but you have to know that the sarcasm that you use to try to motivate her is very demeaning, and women have a long, long, long, long memory." He insists, "You owe that woman an apology."
"Absolutely," Jerame agrees.
Dr. Phil then announces that it's time to see Jessica's brand new look.
Robin says, "I just want to thank you so much for allowing me to have you with me when I launched this product line. It has really touched my heart, and I will never forget today."
Dr. Phil turns to Jerame and says, "I hope what you will do is crawl into her balcony and cheer her on in everything she does. Become her biggest fan, her biggest ally. We want to keep this momentum going."