"I had three sons. After our third son was born, I adopted Victoria when she was 4 years old," says Jodi. "Victoria is 9 years old. Our problems started three months after we adopted her. I thought it was because of the language delay. I made a lot of excuses for her in that first year. The reality was she was full of fear and an enormous amount of rage: hitting, and spitting, and kicking and biting. She really valued nothing. She broke nearly everything that I gave her. We've taken nearly everything out of her room, because she destroys things, and the things that we can't take out of her room, she continues to destroy, such as her walls. She's picked the paint off of the walls just with her fingernails. Hours, and hours and hours of just picking paint.

"I was the target of her aggressive behaviors and still am. Victoria had a kill list, and she would talk about killing me and how she would kill me. There was no more love. I hated everything about her. I would spank her, I would slap her, I would pull her hair. I felt out of control. I beat myself up relentlessly, thinking it must be me because it can't be her. It took three years before we found a therapist who could diagnose her. Victoria's therapist diagnosed her with reactive attachment disorder. I had to learn to not take the rages, the kill list, the stealing, the spitting in my face personally. When we brought her home, I didn't understand what trauma had done to her. Knowing where her behaviors are coming from is the only way that I could help her.

"When I saw the story about the woman who sent her child back to Russia, I immediately identified with her. I thought about sending Victoria somewhere hundreds of times. If it wasn't for my faith and knowing that this was where she was supposed to be, that was her only saving grace that allowed her to stay in this home."

 

Jodi writes about her daughter's childhood trauma in her blog.